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Ikar

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  1. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 48: Everything turned out alright/as planned today, except that I am studying as I write this, but it's a minor hiccup. I got a few "kicks" today that everything is going actually pretty good. I've called a friend and we're gonna meet during tomorrow or on Sunday. Been writing with another friend a ton too about psychology, exes and all that stuff. 8-9: exam studying 9-12: MoM ep. 9 12-13: lunch 13-14: clean room 14-15: exam studying 15-16: Duolingo 16-??: friend meetup ideas for future: check your tabs/bookmarks
  2. 12 Rules are great, #3 hit me quite hard yesterday. I think I want to read it again actually. I guess the baseline for feeling good is less obvious the further up you go the ladder. I think everyone here can agree on the fact that reducing game-time from 10 hours to 0 in a day (and sometimes forever) is a huge step. In the least, you make yourself uncomfortable enough to find another vice to spent 10 hours on. That said, I think if you actually fill in those 10 hours with 5 hours of something more useful, it's a big step. Others don't have to actively praise you for every little thing you did (compared to quitting gaming, if you let them know that), but they will notice the shift in your being. A year ago, I was that hunched thin guy who rather talked than acted. Now, I'm actually noticing I stand up straight when I'm walking, I'm working out (thanks to my own volition) and I act more, simply because the big gaming bubble bursted. To say the least, I think I am less miserable and flawed than I was before and I'm sure that's the case for you as well! That said, it's fine to feel bad at times. I wonder if gratitude practice might counteract those times?
  3. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 47: The first part of the day got nailed by helping my mom with hoovering the whole apartment. I got Russian and 12 Rules done, but I didn't really bring myself down to search for the tent and studying for the exam. Regardless of that, I am fond of my Iceland trip, some steady progress on it and I think it's more important for me than I think. I'll consider journaling earlier in the day, just because I think I might have more to write when I'm in sharper mode. 7-9: MoM ep. 8 9-15: mom, grandma, hoovering, shop, lunch 15-16: Duolingo 16-17: exam studying 17-18: 12 Rules 18-19: free 19-20: work out ideas for future: check your tabs
  4. Seeing a therapist is a good idea, especially if you manage to find a good one. I think too many people resort to that option when it's very or even too late to get their life back on track, because they already lost everything they could go on. I'll consider that option myself.
  5. This. You need to forgive yourself and you do that by understanding what led you to that point. Only if you are truthful to yourself, you can bridge that self-disgust and self-hatred that's pursuing you and you can't sell yourself short on that, because your self-trust and integrity is in question.
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 46: In the morning, I drove mom and visited grandma. I read, did Russian on Duolingo, worked out and bought the flight ticket, so I'm in for the summer. I hope to have a blast an escape the emerging scorching summer that's starting here! 7-9: MoM ep. 8 9-13: drive mom, hoovering, shop 13-14: lunch 14-16: exam studying, Duolingo 16-18: tent search 18-19: 12 Rules ideas for future: check your tabs
  7. Ikar

    ctrl + z

    Enjoy that feeling while it lasts! You'll find something useful to fill in the time with soon enough :)
  8. I agree with that 100%. Once you go ONS-mode, you make sex casual. You should take the possibility of having kids with that person seriously and therefore you should have serious intentions with them too.
  9. Hey! Good luck with the detox and the date!
  10. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 45: I watched Maps of Meaning ep. 7 in the morning and took some notes. After that I studied a bit, got Russian Duolingo done and had lunch. After lunch, I contemplated what I need to do to prepare for my Iceland trip as best as I can. I have three weeks and I think I can handle all of that, so I can make it easy on myself. I read a bit of 12 Rules and went English teaching. I've been reading a bit more in the evening, chatting with a friend and searching for some events in the city to attend in the next few weeks ahead. 7-9: video 9-11: drive mom 11-13: grandma 13-14: 12 Rules 14-16: exam studying, Duolingo 16-17: work out 17-18: flight ticket 18-19: 12 Rules ideas for future: check your tabs
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I agree, I am just making the case when these two clash together in some occasion to determine which one should take precedence. I didn't mean it in the way I'd go around people on the street, telling them they are fat or something. It was definitely the case I was nicer to my ex than myself though. If anything, I think the "lack of niceness" stems from the lack of truthful interaction inside individuals. To put it simply, someone has problems they can't solve and take it out on you, because they are angry of their own inadequacy or whatever bad thing they happened to encounter. That's dismal.
  12. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 44: I watched Maps of Meaning ep. 6 in the morning and took some notes. After that I had lunch and finally sent the papers over email I had to send that I postponed for no reason. I wrote the exam in the afternoon and decided I'd go to a swimming pool, where I had bought some credit a year ago, but never got there since. That was my workout for the day, it was also interesting watching different people when I was resting. I checked the results of the exam afterwards and found out I failed it, but I have a week to prepare for it the next time and once I've done it, the semester will be done as well. I'll study daily to prepare for it this time. I did Russian, commented here on other topics and watched some Simpsons. I'll read a bit after this. I also fully realized my breakup made my rule of thumb towards women to "be responsible" rather than "be nice". "Niceness over everything" basically nailed the last relationship I had. Responsibility is also easier to act out and clearer cut. 7-11: MoM ep. 7 11-12: exam studying 12-13: lunch 13-15: now-to-Iceland planning (ideas), Duolingo 15-18: English teaching 18-19: 12 Rules ideas for future: check your tabs
  13. That's a long list! I think I was on a daily masturbation habit when I joined GQ for a good while. I even did a week long no-fap as a challenge to myself and it went fine, I didn't have uncontrollable urges. Indefinite no-fap seems strange to me though. It still fluctuates for me, but I do it about thrice a week, I think daily is too much. I think there's a merit in "practicing" and considering how does it make you feel though. I'm not a ONS guy either. If you do it in two minutes, while watching porn (that you already feel nervous about, because you were finding the "perfect" scene for an hour already) and then feel despicable for the rest of the day, that's not good. I shifted myself towards "practicing". No visual, imagination only, constant stimulation, self-control, +10 minutes. I really don't want to be the guy with ED or PE. I think my woman in the future will be more satisfied too! There's an interesting guide on this in the spoiler, hope that helps!
  14. It's all good, well done! I wonder if gradual exposure works with gaming, I think it might. It's used for various illnesses or conditions, like claustrophobia or agoraphobia. It also makes you courageous in a sense, since you act despite fear. I might try that one day myself.
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I'll take off some time today or tomorrow to figure something more long-term out, as I'm leaving in about three weeks. I don't think I stayed on top of my university duties as much as I would've liked the past week and that might make me study for a week longer, though it shouldn't be too much of an issue.
  16. Damn, your post made me a bit scared, so I wrote down some actionable points I have to solve in order for my summer trip to be successful and some future ideas regarding my work involvement. I'm also living with my parents right now, but I've been on my own for about year and a half before. Now, I am at home for the past year (where the possibility of living with my ex in the future existed and was a viable thing to work for, so my landscape shifted in that regard three months ago), but I pay them a healthy amount of money as a rent, so I get treated as an associate in a way. I'm also slowly figuring out my next steps regarding teaching English, because I don't want to be stuck with them forever, once I start earning some reasonable amount of money again. Regarding women, I think you have it nailed down. You want to have something to offer (even if it's in the making) and you want stability (so you save yourself the trouble of future breakup/divorce). Keep climbing the competence hierarchy!
  17. I think I had that figured out, but it turns out that the double-digit hours gamer addictive personality couldn't really cut it for me in the relationship either, it's just too shallow for that. It's better to find that out after 9 months, rather than 9 years and 2 kids. That's why I am here, to start anew. I also struggle keeping up with the bold part of the text, but I don't think there's any other way to go around it, if I don't want my life to be a quagmire. I'm happy my message resonated with you :)
  18. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 43: I watched Maps of Meaning ep. 5 in the morning and took some notes. My brother came for lunch, so we spent some time together as the family. I kind of bombarded by schedule that way though. I was here forum, did Duolingo Russian, watched a bit of a documentary about Bhutan and read almost the whole first chapter of 12 Rules for Life. I chatted with a friend a bit about mental illnesses (and how difficult is to raise a child), I watched Simpsons, started studying for the exam tomorrow and also writing here. I felt down again roughly in the afternoon/evening, but I got into reading the 12 Rules and that kept me holding steady. I think I am going a good job with contending whatever produces this "down" time of mine and how to counteract that in the most efficient manner. It's still probably one of the roughest times I am having during the detox. 8-12: MoM ep. 6 12-13: lunch 13-14: clean room 14-15: read 12 Rules 15-17: exam 17-18: work out 18-20: Simpsons ideas for future: check your tabs I think I can make this schedule work 100%! :)
  19. I agree with @Ambassador, social media is a great pitfall if you use it to judge yourself with others. Comparing yourself to who you were yesterday is a much healthier choice. On a related note, I think you should deal with that past relationship of yours in a way, so that you're comfortable dealing with a random stimuli thrown at you by social media, so that doesn't throw you out the window emotionally for the rest of the day. I've been fairly liberal about posting my past relationship experience, because: 1) I'm naturally blunt, I have a hard time hiding my emotions if I encounter something I'm uncomfortable with 2) I keep my progress about my thought process 3) someone might be willing to share their experience, despite the very limited range I can describe it with just text 4) writing is thinking and even if I think I've already written it a hundred times, I still might come up with some new reference or explanation I think often people give simplistic advice in the form of "get over it" or "let it go" and I don't think that's very helpful. I've come to a point in life where I believe anything short of a paragraph of text can be so woefully misrepresented. Regardless of that, only you can make peace with you and your past, not your friend, not your family and not Santa Claus. To do this, you have to be true to yourself to the maximum extent you can possibly be. I know that sounds very obvious, but I think there's a mixed bag of sadness/resentment. If you fully resent someone, you believe there's no good in them. That's very rarely true, just based on the fact you are both human and you'd behave in horrible ways if you thought there's nothing good about humanity. It's a fair initial coping mechanism, but you need to get over it eventually to draw some reasonable conclusions from the relationship. Judging from your response, I think sadness might be more relevant to you. I think it gives people the lens viewing the relationship and the other person too as something ideal, perfect and also everlasting. This doesn't exclude you can't get back together, but you want to know the other person changed in the way you did, so the relationship can hopefully last this time. You attract what you are. If you are responsible, hard-working and determined, you'll naturally attract responsible, hard-working and determined partners. I intentionally use "responsible", as it strikes me as a better word than "honest" or "loyal", perhaps it's not abused as much. It's nicely described here: To conclude, go deal with your snakes in the past, so they don't reflect into the future. It'll be worth it. After all, one day, you probably want to be with someone you'll feel comfortable with telling your whole past and not regretting it.
  20. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 42: I watched Maps of Meaning ep. 4 in the morning and took some notes again. It's fascinating how much thought was put into the making of Pinocchio animated film. After lunch, I read the Carl Panzram biography, I put it into the spoiler. It explains how you can turn into an incarnation of revenge upon humanity, if all you get from humanity is misery, resentment and walloping. I hope I never end up there. I played some Scrabble afterwards and setup Upwork account thanks to recommendation from @James Good, where my job would be psychology/self-help writing and translation. I worked out after that, watched Simpsons, 1995 Casino and now I'm here. I feel like I'm in sort of a slump in the past few days. I sometimes feel hollow during the evening, but I've done a good job avoiding it up until now. I'm inclined to believe it'll pass, I'm nearing half of the detox and I'm doing remarkably well compared to how I did three months ago. 8-12: MoM ep. 5 12-13: lunch 13-14: exam 14-16: flight ticket 16-17: email send papers 17-19: exam 19-20: work out ideas for future: check your tabs 
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 41: I watched some interesting JP-related videos and did groceries. After that, I had lunch and I watched the South Park episode. I finished cleaning my car as well. I went a bit off, schedule, but I got a bit to studying, working out and some SEO research, though I probably didn't do it in the extent I'd like to. Little by little, I'll eventually get somewhere, so that's good. I got a vibe that I feel lonesome again. I want to fill it with some meaningful meetup/social hobby/relationship, otherwise I'll throw in something pathological instead and that's not gonna be good. 8-12: MoM ep. 4, email send papers 12-13: lunch 13-14: free 14--16: exam 16-17: Scrabble 17-19: SEO investigation 19-20: work out ideas for future: check your tabs 
  22. My comments on what @AssellusPrimus wrote: Accessibility - Agreed 100%. I was quite minimalist with this, I think all I did was to uninstall Steam, block Twitch, unsub from YT gaming channels and Discord servers, basically used as alerts for Twitch. That was it for me. Identify why are you playing - I used a bunch of Tony Robbins' stuff before I quit games, actually "Awaken the Giant Within" was probably the first self-help book I read when I was 18/19. It wasn't very helpful for me back then though, as I had never imagined I'd be on GQ one day. I was dealing with a crisis of meaning, something WAY deeper than pain/pleasure associations. Back then, I assumed things would come to me "on their own" over time, that someone could "teach" me to be better, tougher, smarter and what not. That all I would do was to "invest" a few years into that and I'd be OK. Now that's a nice line of thinking, but it was pathetically irresponsible. "Something/someone" will take care of me. Yeah... no. Responsibility was an empty word for me for a lot of years. I don't think anyone ever explained to me and even if they did, it would probably sound something like "It means you basically agree to tie yourself to a certain thing and make sure it goes well." Now that sounds kind of horrible. Well, what's the trade-off then? You have some purpose, you're not a nihilist and you're not a leech on your society and loved ones, because you play games 16 hours a day. Video of Cam on the topic in the spoiler: Schedule - As much as I have troubles practicing it, concentrated and sustained effort yields fruit. You also can't do everything every single day and you also want some time to rest. Plan ahead. Maybe you want to nail that thesis a week before the deadline, instead of several hours before it. Perhaps you failed in that and still rushed 50% of it a few hours before the deadline. That's still better than doing a 100% on the last few hours. Good for you! It's OK to start something new badly, but persevere. Role models - I have a few of them personally. They need to be a) human and b) above in you in the mastery you try to attain. Try to have a few of them within your reach, so you know they are real and are able to give you some advice directly if you ask them. I've one for English teaching, psychology and game quitting. Now some of my thoughts: It hurts/Opportunity - Acknowledging that about I spent about 90% of my time in a very sub-optimal way was quite shocking. I take it as my second chance though, not everybody is allowed that during their life to do a full reboot as I have. Small change - Associated with that, the change I made in my head wasn't that big, it just had a big impact. I write more, I go out more, I study more, I'm more outgoing, adventurous... just because I have to shift these needs elsewhere from gaming/Twitch. Be clear on who/what you want - I got into a doomed (hindsight) relationship and my irresponsibility backfired, though there were some nice things I've never experienced before and I very much deserved all of that and so did she. Be vigilant. If you are responsible, pick responsible friends and partners. You can't forcefully pull someone out of a lurch, they need to crawl out of it themselves. Find something you are good at or enjoy and pursue it. There has to be something good you can give to the world.
  23. Hurting people - I'm not sure if you meant it as a hypothetical scenario or if you really like it, but the underlying aggression can be used for good as well, perhaps in martial arts, law enforcement or military. I don't think you want to manifest it in the wrong way as you are thinking of it though and you are correct about that. However, it has its place inside of you and you need to accept it and control it. The greatest tyrants of the 20th century were human too, after all. Gaming - It's a tough call. You kinda have to trust yourself that if you want to play an hour according to your schedule, you'll play an hour, save and quit or finish the current match and then move onto something else. Maybe you'll fail sometimes and play hour and a half. I can imagine if you relatively "master" that (let's say you play an hour a day for a month with 85% success rate), I think it makes you stronger and more vigilant in life in general. You need some good countermeasures for support though, if other things in your life go south, so you don't fall back into full-fledged addiction, because gaming will be THE first thing to binge on, possibly for the rest of your life.
  24. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 40: I watched ep. 3 of MoM and had lunch afterwards. I cleaned my car only halfway through, as it just started raining when I was in the middle of it! I didn't take any pictures, as my father got home from work early. I watched the Paul Bernardo police interview, it's definitely interesting how psychopaths try to work their way out of bad situations. I wrote the exam, did some groceries, watched some Simpsons and now I'm here, thinking what to do tomorrow. I'll see how much of the self-authoring can I do. 8-12: YT tab reduction, email send papers 12-13: lunch 13-14: photo taking 14-15: finish car cleaning 15-16: exam 16-17: work out 17-18: dog whisperer ep. SP/free 18-20: SEO investigation dog whisperer ep. SP ideas for future: check your tabs
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