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Ikar

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Everything posted by Ikar

  1. My comments on what @AssellusPrimus wrote: Accessibility - Agreed 100%. I was quite minimalist with this, I think all I did was to uninstall Steam, block Twitch, unsub from YT gaming channels and Discord servers, basically used as alerts for Twitch. That was it for me. Identify why are you playing - I used a bunch of Tony Robbins' stuff before I quit games, actually "Awaken the Giant Within" was probably the first self-help book I read when I was 18/19. It wasn't very helpful for me back then though, as I had never imagined I'd be on GQ one day. I was dealing with a crisis of meaning, something WAY deeper than pain/pleasure associations. Back then, I assumed things would come to me "on their own" over time, that someone could "teach" me to be better, tougher, smarter and what not. That all I would do was to "invest" a few years into that and I'd be OK. Now that's a nice line of thinking, but it was pathetically irresponsible. "Something/someone" will take care of me. Yeah... no. Responsibility was an empty word for me for a lot of years. I don't think anyone ever explained to me and even if they did, it would probably sound something like "It means you basically agree to tie yourself to a certain thing and make sure it goes well." Now that sounds kind of horrible. Well, what's the trade-off then? You have some purpose, you're not a nihilist and you're not a leech on your society and loved ones, because you play games 16 hours a day. Video of Cam on the topic in the spoiler: Schedule - As much as I have troubles practicing it, concentrated and sustained effort yields fruit. You also can't do everything every single day and you also want some time to rest. Plan ahead. Maybe you want to nail that thesis a week before the deadline, instead of several hours before it. Perhaps you failed in that and still rushed 50% of it a few hours before the deadline. That's still better than doing a 100% on the last few hours. Good for you! It's OK to start something new badly, but persevere. Role models - I have a few of them personally. They need to be a) human and b) above in you in the mastery you try to attain. Try to have a few of them within your reach, so you know they are real and are able to give you some advice directly if you ask them. I've one for English teaching, psychology and game quitting. Now some of my thoughts: It hurts/Opportunity - Acknowledging that about I spent about 90% of my time in a very sub-optimal way was quite shocking. I take it as my second chance though, not everybody is allowed that during their life to do a full reboot as I have. Small change - Associated with that, the change I made in my head wasn't that big, it just had a big impact. I write more, I go out more, I study more, I'm more outgoing, adventurous... just because I have to shift these needs elsewhere from gaming/Twitch. Be clear on who/what you want - I got into a doomed (hindsight) relationship and my irresponsibility backfired, though there were some nice things I've never experienced before and I very much deserved all of that and so did she. Be vigilant. If you are responsible, pick responsible friends and partners. You can't forcefully pull someone out of a lurch, they need to crawl out of it themselves. Find something you are good at or enjoy and pursue it. There has to be something good you can give to the world.
  2. Hurting people - I'm not sure if you meant it as a hypothetical scenario or if you really like it, but the underlying aggression can be used for good as well, perhaps in martial arts, law enforcement or military. I don't think you want to manifest it in the wrong way as you are thinking of it though and you are correct about that. However, it has its place inside of you and you need to accept it and control it. The greatest tyrants of the 20th century were human too, after all. Gaming - It's a tough call. You kinda have to trust yourself that if you want to play an hour according to your schedule, you'll play an hour, save and quit or finish the current match and then move onto something else. Maybe you'll fail sometimes and play hour and a half. I can imagine if you relatively "master" that (let's say you play an hour a day for a month with 85% success rate), I think it makes you stronger and more vigilant in life in general. You need some good countermeasures for support though, if other things in your life go south, so you don't fall back into full-fledged addiction, because gaming will be THE first thing to binge on, possibly for the rest of your life.
  3. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 40: I watched ep. 3 of MoM and had lunch afterwards. I cleaned my car only halfway through, as it just started raining when I was in the middle of it! I didn't take any pictures, as my father got home from work early. I watched the Paul Bernardo police interview, it's definitely interesting how psychopaths try to work their way out of bad situations. I wrote the exam, did some groceries, watched some Simpsons and now I'm here, thinking what to do tomorrow. I'll see how much of the self-authoring can I do. 8-12: YT tab reduction, email send papers 12-13: lunch 13-14: photo taking 14-15: finish car cleaning 15-16: exam 16-17: work out 17-18: dog whisperer ep. SP/free 18-20: SEO investigation dog whisperer ep. SP ideas for future: check your tabs
  4. Sounds good! I'm also sometimes impulsive about less important things or some random super interesting research I want to do, but I'm making a schedule for every single day from now on. It's somewhat loose and so it might happen one day I get all my errands done in the morning if I get hyper-motivated, but mostly I need something to go on to avoid feeling guilty about messing around the whole day, doing nothing about the real scarecrows.
  5. There's still probably a lot of stuff to do, if you stop and think about it for a while. I always used to get enthusiastic about something, left a tab open and I'd have well over a hundred tabs open at a time before, so I recently got rid of them by putting them into bookmarks. I still want to visit those pages one day, so they are waiting for me there once I feel the most immediate stuff is dealt with and when I plan some time for them. Keep the detox up!
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Regarding yesterday, I did everything I was supposed to do, though I watched some Simpsons mainly though my exam studying time, but planning "free" fun time seems like a sound idea too. I decided to make a schedule for every single day from now on, as I hate the feeling of being a guilty headless chicken, because I need not only the what, but also when, otherwise some things will never get touched and that's wrong. Day 39: I got up way late, I'd guess mainly because my sleep was interrupted. I watched ep. 2 of Maps of Meaning (put the playlist into the spoiler) and I took some notes during it. I wrote to my friend on the topic as well and wrote a few posts here too. After that I went English teaching, watched some Simpsons and now I'm studying for the exam tomorrow. 8-12: MoM, email send papers 12-13: lunch 13-14: photo 14-15: clean 15-18: exam 18-20: self-authoring Plain and simple.
  7. I'll start planning my days too. Right now, I have a daily to-do list, but I am kinda lost in time and get caught up in doing something else without structuring a proper time-frame. I've been back-and-forth on this for a few years, but I have to do it! I'll think about something more cohesive for this topic later.
  8. Kids - I think people have kids when they both decide that life is worth living and they'd like to extend that over another human. It's also quite a glorious project to basically take care of another human for about 20 years. Love - I've been recommended recently that love is truth and I'll see how that works in my next romantic relationship! Both to yourself (and the other person) and that's a pretty huge deal. If you are truthful, you can solve problems that will occur, because they WILL occur.. There are people that treat their dog better than they treat themselves and I think that's wrong. Happiness - I imagine happiness is something like going along the journey of life and seeing that things are actually looking pretty good. You can never fix ALL problems or do EVERYTHING. I've been at home for half a year playing games/watching streams and I don't think I've been in a happy place, quite the contrary. It was like one of those retirement "visions" that contained "drinking margaritas on a beach". For a week, sure. For next 10-15 years? You're probably gonna be an alcoholic by that point! Truth - This one is tricky. You really need to be responsible and in charge of yourself to tell the truth. That means you can't be addicted, as the addiction's personality is basically in control of you. Then you are only truthful to the extent of your addiction, but you can't be 100% truthful if you have it.
  9. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 38: Watching MoM in the morning turned out pretty nice, I didn't take any notes though. I prepared for the English teaching class and headed out to my grandma's. I hopped on my bike despite the fact it was pouring and took a bit of an intentional detour to explore the nearby area, so that'd be my bike trip! Vising the grandma was nice and the class went well too. I studied a bit for the exam today, but I'm so heavily biased towards audio/visual stimulation it's difficult for me to focus on text, even in a presentation. There's still tomorrow, so it's not too bad. I watched the Crumb documentary and it nicely depicted how the artist came to be. Made me feel happy about my family and also that my outlook on women isn't as skewed as his, though by a stroke of luck he's pretty well off. Straightening yourself out is no joke. @Ikar: exam, flight ticket, clean car
  10. Ha, here I went I'd read a "normal" daily report and look at that. It's the real and unexpected stories that keep someone interested, very much like Jordan Peterson described to me this morning in his lecture. Some days are more interesting than others and deserve to be written about more than others. It really is staggering how vulnerable people are. I've been heading towards hell slowly, but steadily with my addiction. Yet, I can't even begin to fathom what would have to happen to bring me towards having suicidal thoughts or actually attempting suicide. I hope that woman find a way to straighten herself out and crawls out of the ditch she's in. You have one go on your life, so you might as well enjoy it, rather than just die prematurely. Happy to hear your girlfriend has her act together and that she was able to do to avert the tragedy that'd meet her classmate's friends and family.
  11. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 37: I'll make this one a bit longer, as I watched JP's lecture in the spoiler. It clicked a few more things in my (pathological, but no regrets) relationship with my ex and females in general. I think I'll actually use his long lectures as a replacement for the WWII documentary. I'm taking notes too for further use! I woke up after my alarm and got up only after my father called me on the phone. Reason being a horrible dream where the reality was that my mom was dead. That'd be a pretty appalling reality to live in indeed, especially after I confided to her with my gaming addiction. I also noticed a craving for a sense of belonging yesterday with someone else than my family. I've been struggling with how my real life was recently fractured and sought a unifying force. Mostly it's been gaming (history) and my ex (recently), that'd be there for me basically when I needed them. I still have the Internet (daily GQ, Youtube, various IRCs), but I am thinking along the lines of real-life connection. All the other factions seem sort of distant: high school friends - scattered throughout the country on universities, 1x month if I am lucky army friends - I meet with just one of them, thanks to the fact we decided to study the same university, others are scattered university - we go there 1x week on the combined form, it's more like a hobby English teaching - 1x week I teach the same people All that taken into consideration, I have to be mindful of the fact that I am leaving to Iceland in a month, so that's gonna be a huge test of my independence. I'm also very vigilant about who's gonna be my next romantic partner and I'll make bloody sure I know what I'll be getting into. I got some photos in the morning, I checked a bit on the flight ticket, did Russian and sent the letters. I worked out in the evening and helped my father with a TV. I felt a bit bummed out that I am placing too much responsibility on myself, but I still got a decent chunk done regardless. Plan for tomorrow: prep English: 8-9 Maps of Meaning: 9-12 bike trip: 12-14 grandma: 14-16 English teaching: 16-18 Exam prep: 18-20 Crumb: 20-22 We'll see how that goes! (clean car, flight ticket later)
  12. 100% agreed with @James Good ! It doesn't matter how much time you "wasted", as long as you come back (and it doesn't necessarily even have to be here) and have the honest intention of becoming better than you were. Some days you feel amazing and truly live up by that creed, whereas other days you are in self-inflicted despicable agony, where your integrity depends solely in keeping yourself away from downloading Steam.
  13. I'd have a very different opinion on this a year ago, but today I try to understand what makes people do what they do. Chances are, if they are human and you are human too, you can be a horrible monster just like anyone else. That's quite a shift from the binary "I'll take a revenge while I am angry" X "I'll just get pooped on and never make a stand for myself". It's pretty rough if you have that at home on a daily basis and there's no way to have a reasonable talk with the other person though. Whatever decision you make, be mindful of yourself and be responsible!
  14. Good approach. I feel it's kinda like trying to reconcile your ex; you are kinda afraid of it, but if you can communicate genuinely, I think it'd be pretty instructive. Good news is, you don't even have to deal with another human, just yourself! :D
  15. Agreed! I'd also work on developing my career/work first if it's already your focus, rather than to get tangled up in a new relationship and try to work out an extra thing. Taking care of yourself first is the top priority. Speaking of which, the end of my past relationship was the impulse that got me here on this forum after facing some harsh truth! It depends on who your parents are. My parents also got shaken when I quit my day job. What they wanted me to be was to be safe and you are fairly safe in a day job. It's what they do too, so I can't blame them for that. I want some adventure in my life first though!
  16. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I forgot to mention I voted yesterday in the EU elections, so that took me an hour as well. Day 36: I got up pretty late, as a result of yesterday's meetup. I got some files together for the exam and did Russian. Brother came for lunch and after that I drove my family by car to a nearby village for a walk. I returned home with the car, watched some JP on addiction, did a bit of self-authoring and discussed women yet again with a Romanian friend of mine. I played some Scrabble and worked out in the evening and played a bit of basketball with some random guys that joined me. I know I slacked this weekend on whatever I wanted to do, so I'll pick up on that tomorrow. I'll go on a short bike trip and get my errands done tomorrow. @Ikar: clean car, photo, flight ticket, duo, read 1 page, send letter x 2, exam, bike trip, groceries
  17. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 35: I don't have too much of an idea about the order of the day, but I know I mowed the lawn, cleaned my desktop, did Russian and mycat (website where I write what I did as a teacher in English classes), played Scrabble with mom, had a bit of a headache during the day, so I laid down for a while too and I think that was it until the evening. We had a small meetup from high-school, where we watched hockey. I think I didn't meet them for about three months, so I told them I broke up with my ex, but that I understood why she did it, so I can't hate her for that and that I am looking forward to my next relationship. We shared some insights on women afterwards. We also got to talk about Iceland a bit. It was a nice evening! @Ikar: : clean car, photo, flight ticket, duo, work out, read 1 page, send letter, exam
  18. Good choice you are here, welcome!
  19. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 35: Will write tomorrow, tied and tipsy to do it properly now.
  20. I feel you on that, that's why I write down stuff I want to get done that might haunt/already haunt me for a few days to do them in my diary. Good shout, I'll backup my files too right now after I tidy my desktop. At least it was just a scratch! It's about half a year I managed to damage my mudguard, as the car in front of me didn't turn as fast as I expected, he was probably letting a pedestrian through. He probably didn't even notice, as he drove away and I didn't see any damage to his car either. Luckily, the mudguards were to be changed soon anyway, because they were already somewhat rusty, so no-one from the family even got to know!
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 34: I got up, watched the rest of the conversation between Milo & JP, then I commented a bit here and went for the exam. After that me and my friend from the army went for a lunch, he told me the army is in a somewhat dismal state (or at least the part he is in which is quite similar to where I used to be) and that he's having some thoughts of leaving and going abroad or doing something else. I told him that my half a year without employment, basically being a leech while streaming, was quite horrible, but that the past two months have been pretty great, as I have some direction and vision now. I kinda goofed around in the evening a bit, watched Simpsons, took some pictures for dating rating and I'm working on getting my PC desktop in order, as it's still a mess. I worked out outside with my basketball, as it's been raining a ton these past two weeks and I didn't get to work out this way otherwise in that time. I feel comfortably tired, I hope the exam results won't ruin it! @Ikar: clean car, photo, flight ticket, mycat, duo, work out, read 1 page, letter, duo
  22. Good advice. If she's insecure about something, she needs to deal with it on her own. You and I both came here, because we were insecure about our outlook on gaming. It's OK to ask for help and support, but she has to do the lifting regardless of whatever her trouble is. I'm speaking from experience, but you probably already know that!
  23. What a list. I might steal the part above! Not sure about the competitiveness, just make sure you don't snuff your fire with it, as some people thrive in a cut-throat environment. I feel like former gamer myself, shifting the competitive attitude from gaming to somewhere else is a huge deal! I used to be very hard-line black/white person, especially on morals. I think all it gave me was elitist, arrogant, slightly resentful and contemptuous outlook on most people I couldn't put into my little box. Now I know that if I ever get resentful and contemptuous, there's just something I don't understand. If I demonize that other guy for something he has done to me, I demonize myself too, because I am human and he's human as well. Then it's right to think, what made him do it and what could make me do it? I try to be in his shoes. That's how I dealt with my breakup, but I was only able to do that responsibly after quitting gaming. I think the same applies to gaming. Sure, hate and anger towards it might be the first reaction, but you don't want to be stuck there forever. 98% people who play games aren't game addicts, so if you go on a crusade against gaming, most people around you will feel uncomfortable. Corresponds well with Cam's video too: Keep searching for that middle ground!
  24. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    @Ambassador: The site turned out to be pretty good and scientific, getting precise feedback from my target group will be helpful. I know I have to be genuine, responsible and take photos in settings I can actually reasonably occur, not do it for the sake of a photo, keep working on myself and expanding my knowledge. Nice to see that those things are better aligned in my head! I wish I had a photo shot while I was still in the army. Figuratively, I'm a better warrior than I was back then though! Day 33: I set it off by responding to GQ comments. I did Russian, a bit of work on Iceland, watched some JP, did some research on online dating (gonna even get a book from uni library on a related topic), filled in a questionnaire for uni and took a walk in the evening. I studied for the test today as well, I have to develop some better work ethic for that though. @Ikar: clean car, photo, exam, groceries
  25. Good luck! Straightening yourself out is a noble cause, by no means easy, but definitely worthwhile.
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