NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Ikar
-
Posts
1,680 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by Ikar
-
-
9 hours ago, D_Cozy said:
But I'd also be wary of fully trusting that blog post you linked. While they make a lot of valid points - they are right that it's not the best way to learn a language, the leaderboards and exp it gives doesn't mean anything either for learning it, nor that it will teach you 4 sememsters in half the time or whatever - that website also clearly has their own goal in promoting their own products and lessons. They are in competition with Duolingo basically, and I can't help but be at least a bit skeptical reading their conclusion that "it's a waste of time" due to that.
(That said, I will bookmark the site and give one of their free speaking sessions a try)
Haha, yeah, I also thought that was funny. I think I could just as easily find a blog post that supports Duolingo. But to get back to the merit, I think the tools we use to learn the language are secondary to the desire to learn it. For me, it's too bad I've only ever been curious about English 😄
-
1
-
1
-
-
2 hours ago, GrainSiloEnthusiast said:
I take back the positive things I said about Duolingo.
Over the past several days of studying I have felt like it isn't really teaching me anything that's going to stick in my head long-term. Especially because upon returning I remembered a lot of words from before and that kinda rubbed me the wrong way. If I could remember them in this context, why not outside of it?
So I decided to investigate this...
and yeah it's pretty much useless.
So I'm going to quit it and try to find something else. Thankfully I didn't give them any of my money this time around.
So basically I just wasted good chunks of my time the last few days GAMING. Infuriating! But I'm not really going to hold that against myself because it's not like I really meant to, I was trying to study a language ffs.
I've been teaching English for about four years now. I normally recommend Duolingo as one of the ways to keep in touch with English, however not too many of my students use it. I agree that it's mostly a waste of time for intermediate learners.
It relates to my experience with Duolingo from around 2016 and 2019-2020 when I learnt Russian and revised my half-forgotten Spanish from high school. It can be a good supplement, but saying it's "the best way to learn a language" it's akin to saying that you can learn a language just by watching TV or reading a book.
To learn a language successfully, the person needs to be intellectually curious about the language, otherwise the effort is half-hearted and futile.
I agree there's no point to beat yourself up over it though. Just find other sources that suit you better 🙂
-
1
-
1
-
-
I'm using the template I used the last time. 11/07/23 - 11/08/23
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
--- set smart/stretch goals - read book again
Books/Reading articles:
L: I got into "Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress" by Steven Pinker and I've been enjoying it. Still reading the book, although I am nearly finished. It's been encouraging and well grounded in data. Haven't been active on the newsletters in the past ten days or so, because I've been busy otherwise.
T: I finished the book. I also finished Smarter Faster Better by Duhigg. I set up a SMART goal for my university thesis. I wanted to borrow a new book two or three weeks ago, but the uni library is closed for the summer. Caught up with my newsletters.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue getting through the newsletters.
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: We got the furniture to my grandma's flat with my brother three weeks ago. I met with him for sushi as well.
T: The kitchen plan ran into (another) problem. The working desk is a few centimeters shorter than needed, due to the fact there are unmovable drain pipes near the wall. The best solution, according to my father (and I share it), is to get a wider working desk, rather than to cut the cupboards to let the pipes through them.
Another piece of family business that I'm dealing with is my mom. Overall, she's too wishy-washy and disorganized for me to deal with. I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow and try to find out how we're gonna approach our relationship.
SpoilerSince October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:
Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.
Weeks 11 and 12:
Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.
Weeks 13 and 14:
Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.
Weeks 14 and 15:
Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
University:
L: I'm going to start work on the thesis this week after I finish the UI for my finance blog.
T: I started daily work on the thesis two weeks ago. I have some four thousand words on the paper, with a few ideas for future chapters and the direction of my research. My plan is to send the draft to my professor in three weeks before I go for a two week holiday with my girlfriend.
NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.
Possible direction/goals:
Do the main part of my diploma in summer/autumn 2023 and do the defense and finals in January/February 2024.
Work on the assignments in a timely manner.
Business/English:
L: I got some final inputs from questionnaire. Fixed logos on my website for better visuals. Got minor pay raises from language schools. Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required. Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar. Introduced "phone call" classes.
I have two meetings planned in the second part of July.
T: One of the business meetings was great, the other one more of a revision of what I already know from other meetings and from the web. I did some minor promo/advertising on my social networks. I read some articles from an interesting pricing blog. I worked out the personalized price increase from September and I'm gonna start telling my students the next week. Quiet month overall.
-
Classes are at a stable 25-30 hours a week, plus a few hours for admin work.
Note: July and August and maybe September are going to be abnormal, as some courses don't run during summer and people are often on vacations.
An example for 19 hours this week: Category A 67% (55); B 0% (0); C 6% (11); D 14% (18); E 13% (16). Brackets are % values from previous month.
-
I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:
a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging
b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)
c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)
d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality
e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality
-
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 25-30 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.
Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them:
Networking and business events.
Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).
Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan.
Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".
Past projects:
Questionnaire.
Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.
Got minor pay raises from language schools.
Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.
Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.
Introduced "phone call" classes.
Exercise/Movement:
L: Swimming, walking, hiking, cycling, mostly with my girlfriend.
T: Going for walks almost daily and cycled perhaps 100 km the last month in total.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
Blogging:
L: Updated and posted a few articles. Going to work on the UI this week.
T: I got the blog online at the end of July! There are some minor things to improve, but I put it out there and posted it on social media to get the word out. There are about five articles thus far. I even wrote a brand new article this week.
Possible direction/goals:
Find a suitable UI/web template.
Set up emailing for subs.
Post two articles a month.
Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.
Finish articles in concepts.
---
What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, uni work, blogging, diploma thesis
---
Additional thoughts/activities:
My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: going to the shooting range with my friends to celebrate my birthday, publishing my blog, cycling trips with my girlfriend, business events, meeting my old friends and new people.
---
Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2023:
Pass all the exams at the uni, finish the thesis and finish all university duties successfully in January/February 2024. - WIP, progress = yes
Improve my business, so that I don't need to teach for language schools anymore, by getting more private contacts, opportunities and students. - WIP, progress = yes
Go to Georgia to visit my friend. - Unfortunately, the plan didn't work out. I plan to go there later this year, either in late summer or autumn.
Stop watching porn (again). - I am not porn-free, it comes in waves. I'll try to be more aware when the urges come and what makes me more likely to have them. This month (March) I had a good run without porn and too much news 🙂
Start getting up when my alarm rings. - I got better, not 100%, but better.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, studying for uni, dating, work on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
---
-
2
-
-
3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:
When you had started becoming more responsible, did you feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar at first acting with initiative and power?
I was getting incrementally more responsible even as I was approaching quitting gaming, although you probably mean the period after I quit. I have to say I am naturally quite assertive, self-reliant and normally convinced of the validity and righteousness of my actions. I felt very curious most of all, I remember the feeling "Wow, I have some much time. How do I fill it?"
3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:If we take a scale from very shy to over confident, where is the right point? I hear that when it counts, exert maximum pressure on your counterpart.
I'm very confident in things I have good knowledge of. I'm shy in things where I feel I have weaknesses. By default, I'm somewhere in the middle.
I hate when people manipulate one another emotionally and I don't spend time with these people. Though I normally have a good time when having some intellectual or logical argument to find out what is true/false, which solution is better etc.
3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:Similarly, the social, economic and political catastrophes cannot be averted because actors are too stuck in their short term personal interests to be of any value to their organizations and communities. Nice guys don't like to plan and hate acknowledging they have responsibilities.
So when you do act with initiative and power and say things that you have to say, it feels very odd. People can’t take you seriously because making decisions is out of the current trend. Being the victim of a layoff, unhealthy environment, dysfunctional organization is IN the current trend.
People look at you with disbelief when you start showing responsibility for your own welfare.
This has a lot to do with the culture. If you are in a country when making decisions gradually gets you in a worse place, you will stop making decisions. I believe that socialism in my country fostered the "can-not-do" culture antithetical to the US "can do" attitude. No wonder; if you wanted to study at the university, your parents had to be members of the communist party. Even if you had that and you graduated, you had to "pay back" your studies by staying and working 3-5 years in a place where the state sent you. Back in that environment, many things were just "given". Now we can do many more things and do them in our own way.
This forum has many long-timers with a "can do" attitude. For example @BooksandTrees used to write walls of text full of anger and rage and now he doesn't! @GrainSiloEnthusiast decided to make her situation better by improving her financial literacy. There are many other people and stories around the website, but I picked them out as examples to prove that the "can do" attitude works.
Even if it didn't, what else is there? It's pathetic to just blame the politicians, the family or the past, even if all of these factors can be negative. The natural world wants us dead by default; we starve, age, catch diseases, get eaten by snakes and whatnot. If you make your own decisions and they don't work out, at least at the end of the day, you can say you tried. If you didn't make any decision, you just suffer pointlessly.
-
1
-
1
-
-
1st August - 5th August:
I've worked on the thesis every day. Now my draft has a bit over 3000 words. I had a good stretch of writing for a few days, as I came across a good and reliable source. Now it's more difficult, as I have to combine multiple sources and the information about the recent past is not that easy to find and extract compared to more distant past.
Spent time with my girlfriend, going for a cycling trip, walking and watching films together. Came across a nice blog about pricing and I got some useful information for my business. Had my birthday yesterday too 🙂
-
4
-
-
26th July - 31st July:
Started work on my master's thesis. I've already planned it out, got the outline down and got the first draft of the introduction. I also officially published my financial blog.
I also celebrated my birthday at the shooting range with my friends. It was a group of about 12 people, so I had time to talk to everybody and it was nice to get together with them, granted that meeting during summer holidays is somewhat complicated.
I'm still going strong on no porn. A week ago, I decided to start leaving my phone on the desk across the room before going to bed. The effect has been twofold: I can't watch porn on my phone before bed as I used to. I also get up when my alarm rings at 7, as I have to drag myself across the room to turn it off and get my day started!
-
1
-
-
19th July - 25th July:
I went for an afternoon cycling trip with my girlfriend, got the tickets for our holiday in Georgia, continued planning and organizing my birthday party at the shooting range and had a very nice business meeting. I had a family celebration and I worked on my blog, as well as my business by re-thinking the pricing scheme for September. I'm also looking for a new book to read.
I've been two nights without porn. It doesn't sound like much, but I hope to get the momentum started after months of back-and-forth.
-
1
-
-
17 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I've been very stressed lately. Work has been pretty exhausting and I'm at a point where I'm afraid to log in sometimes and work on this one specific project that is very hard. I'm stressed because I'm designing 3 things that I've never done before and it's tough making sure you've covered your bases and have all the correct information. So I'm just kind of making sure I have everything I need. The math itself isn't stressful. It's just the process. I also can't seem to make a lot of progress because I have people always asking me questions. I'm going to set up fake meetings I think for an hour or two just to get a good block of time on these.
I'm tired in general and haven't been sleeping great. I switched my pillow because I noticed my neck was hurting when I woke up. I've gotten much better sleep ever since the switch.
I wrote another chapter of my book and I did some exercise outside on Saturday. It felt nice.
I've found my sex drive to be very low. I'm not interested in it that much and I am extremely tired/bored of porn and my usage of it has dwindled considerably. I sometimes wonder if I have lowered testosterone levels or something recently. I have a doctor appointment next week for a physical so I'll ask about it then.
@Amphibian220 makes a good point about some healthy level of stress. It can definitely affect your sleep and sex drive. Definitely a good idea to check in with a doctor if it goes on for too long as @Cam Adair mentioned.
To that I'd add that I, too, have a naturally beautiful, empathetic and smart girlfriend to whom I'm very attracted to. All of my friends say we click really well. However I think that sex drive is different at the first stages of the relationship and the later stages. If you are committed for the (healthy) long-term, sex just becomes something you do regularly and it's hard to be regularly super excited about something you do regularly 😄
-
2
-
-
11th July - 18th July:
Started reading Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg, worked on my blog, set up my holiday event at the shooting range, met with friends and spent time with my girlfriend. I did more physical activity than usual. I even got around to look onto my diploma thesis concept, although at this point it's best if I just start writing and improve it or search for more sources as I go.
-
I'm using the template I used the last time. 17/06/23 - 11/07/23
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
--- set smart/stretch goals - read book again
Books/Reading articles:
L: I got into "Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress" by Steven Pinker and I've been enjoying it. I got through my newsletters and now I am dealing with them as they come, rather than to wait for a huge backlog to accumulate.
T: Still reading the book, although I am nearly finished. It's been encouraging and well grounded in data. Haven't been active on the newsletters in the past ten days or so, because I've been busy otherwise.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue getting through the newsletters.
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: I visited a concert with my grandma. The furniture was supposed to be at her place already, however the last week my car battery died and I'm currently working on replacing it. Meeting my family as usual.
T: We got the furniture to my grandma's flat with my brother three weeks ago. I met with him for sushi as well.
SpoilerSince October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:
Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.
Weeks 11 and 12:
Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.
Weeks 13 and 14:
Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.
Weeks 14 and 15:
Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
University:
L: The exam was successful, so now I have to get working on the thesis and after that the finals.
T: I'm going to start work on the thesis this week after I finish the UI for my finance blog.
NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.
Possible direction/goals:
Do the main part of my diploma in summer/autumn 2023 and do the defense and finals in January/February 2024.
Work on the assignments in a timely manner.
Business/English:
L: The mentoring program is over, however it provided great insight into my business, some connections and ideas for the future.
I sent out a questionnaire to my students and the response was positive with no surprises, just a few minor clarifications, so I am happy that my feedback system works well.
As it's the end of the school year, I wrote an email to one of the language schools and they promised me an increase in pay. I'm gonna write an email to the second one if they are going to give me something as well.
T: I got some final inputs from questionnaire. Fixed logos on my website for better visuals. Got minor pay raises from language schools. Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required. Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar. Introduced "phone call" classes.
I have two meetings planned in the second part of July.
-
Classes are at a stable 25-30 hours a week, plus a few hours for admin work.
Note: July and August and maybe September are going to be abnormal, as some courses don't run during summer and people are often on vacations.
An example for 19 hours this week: Category A 55% (48); B 0% (9); C 11% (13); D 18% (13); E 16% (17). Brackets are % values from previous month.
-
I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:
a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging
b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)
c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)
d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality
e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality
-
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 25-30 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.
Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them:
Networking and business events.
Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).
Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan.
Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".
Past projects:
Questionnaire.
Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.
Got minor pay raises from language schools.
Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.
Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.
Introduced "phone call" classes.
Exercise/Movement:
L: Went for a bike trip to my family the last week. Went swimming a couple of times too.
T: Swimming, walking, hiking, mostly with my girlfriend.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
Blogging:
L: I got my financial blog up at the end of March and I posted a few introductory articles in May. Suffice to say, I think it's ready to be published, but I need to find a suitable UI template to go with it and set up some basic emailing for subscribers. I have some backlog of written articles that just need a few finishing touches.
T: Updated and posted a few articles. Going to work on the UI this week.
Possible direction/goals:
Find a suitable UI/web template.
Set up emailing for subs.
Post two articles a month.
Women/Dating:
Removed. I think the category became obsolete. Maybe I could replace it with "Relationship", but I honestly don't know what would I write about.
---
What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, uni work, blogging
---
Additional thoughts/activities:
My hobbies are: personal finance, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: business events, spending time with friends and my girlfriend, kitchen transport my grandma, car trip with my girlfriend, going to sushi with my brother, blogging.
---
Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2023:
Pass all the exams at the uni, finish the thesis and finish all university duties successfully in January/February 2024. - WIP, progress = yes
Improve my business, so that I don't need to teach for language schools anymore, by getting more private contacts, opportunities and students. - WIP, progress = yes
Go to Georgia to visit my friend. - Unfortunately, the plan didn't work out. I plan to go there later this year, either in late summer or autumn.
Stop watching porn (again). - I am not porn-free, it comes in waves. I'll try to be more aware when the urges come and what makes me more likely to have them. This month (March) I had a good run without porn and too much news 🙂
Start getting up when my alarm rings. - I got better, not 100%, but better.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, studying for uni, dating, work on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
-
30th June - 10th July:
I've been doing the usual. Reading, meeting with friends, planning, fixing my car and bike, teaching...
I also went for one smaller and one bigger car trip with my girlfriend. We had a good time and we solved all unexpected problems without an issue. We both agreed that next time we'll do something that involves less traveling/driving around, as there are better ways to spend our time.
Right now, I'm catching up on things that piled up during my five day absence. I have a lot of "free" time as I have less classes during summer, but I still have a lot of tasks to do and plans to make.
-
@GrainSiloEnthusiast I think this is why any worthwhile advice about financial literacy begins with just writing down expenses and incomes. Only then you can begin to evaluate the numbers and try to move them up or down. The alternative for many people is only to work harder on their career and/or to do more of something they don't like so that they can afford a lifestyle they don't care about.
I guess in your situation, you don't even have this alternative, if you are on SSI, so you have to make do with a fixed income and you can only plan expenses. Situations like these are why I want to write the blog about money. I hope my blog will be useful to people, even if it won't be in English 😄
You have a good goal to attain. It's selfless and noble, so I hope it goes well!
Good food can also be cheap. I've been buying various nuts (great for any/all nutrients, granted you're not allergic!) in bulk for the past three or four years. They are normally 30-40% cheaper than in the supermarket. The prices of nuts have actually gone down nominally over the time period in my country.
More people in the world are nowadays obese than hungry. Meaning there are more people who are spending money on being unhealthy from eating too much food than people who can barely afford food at all. I wish more people would think about their food expenses as you did. Good luck with budgeting! 🙂
-
1
-
-
25th June - 29th June:
I did some cleaning, read about finance, worked on my blog and went to the swimming pool with my girlfriend on Sunday.
I did laundry, had a few lessons and went for sushi with my brother on Monday. I've been reading almost every day too.
---
Still kind of on and off with porn, which is slightly annoying, though I've been working on it. I'm gonna use the below to help me, adapted from one article by Mark Manson:
QuoteFirst, I made a resolution: if my addiction makes me lie to myself to keep smoking, my conscious mind can lie to myself to stop smoking (watching porn). So I started lying to myself to absolutely abhor cigarettes. Irrespective of rationality, I began blaming everything wrong in my life on smoking. Tired today? It’s because I smoke. Feeling depressed? It’s because I smoke. Getting sick again? It’s because I smoke. Unproductive? It’s because I smoke. Moody and angry with friends? It’s because I smoke. Stock market crash? It’s because I smoke. I anchored everything negative in my life to cigarettes.
Second, I built a rational case against smoking by writing down what smoking cost me in real terms and looked at it every day when I had a craving.
At least 30 minutes a day lost.
Lesser sex drive with my girlfriend.
The smell of semen/need to wash immediately after.
Lethargy.
-
1
-
-
5 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
Got the relationship done with some 1 day ago, didn't work out but that is fine, we ended up as friends which although it is not the ideal outcome I was hopping for it is still really positive.
I get to keep the friendship, and have the possibility to strengthen it by being more honest and having more things to talk about and not be bothered by being attracted to the person. And what is also important I get to learn what to do, how to act and what skills I need to improve for other possible friendships or relationships.
I'm still a bit sad because I though that this would be the one but I can live with it and be proud of at least trying failing asking for help from friends to get back up and evaluate and learn, I'll just have to wait a bit for my feelings to calm down and for my expectations to adjust to the new reality at hand.
Sounds good! If you keep on asking life for a date, it will eventually give you one 😄
-
1
-
-
18th June - 24th June:
I've been busy improving and researching my business. I attended two meetings during the week - one for networking and one for marketing. I need to get used to networking meetings a little. The marketing meeting was a good reminder of what I already somewhat know.
I also did evaluation for my language school students. I can see many things I could do to improve the evaluation process, because the language schools don't really have an effective system to gauge progress.
I fixed logos on my website, so they look cleaner now. I introduced short-form telephone calls as another service I offer, got one student onboard already. One language school gave me a 14% raise, the other one 10%. It's not very much considering the double-digit inflation around here, but it's just one more reason to keep working on my business, so I can do what I want.
Submitted my air ticket claim (again) and the waiting period via this public institution is around 1,5 years. I guess now I know why the period eligible for the compensation is 6 years 😄
Otherwise normal stuff: reading, meeting, girlfriend and English lessons.
-
3
-
-
Since I quit gaming four years ago, I got curious a few times and logged into Twitchtracker to see which of the people I used to follow/watch still stream and which don't. Most smaller/medium streamers don't. The bigger streamers that streamed for a living continue to stream.
I don't have any nostalgia about the time. I'm just wondering: Would I be better off if I had "made it" as a streamer? I think not. I'd still be a sorry-ass baby, giving way to my bad character, fueled by the money people would send me. In some way, if I wanted to become a streamer, I'd have better chances now than back then. Quitting gaming made me a better person.
-
2
-
-
I'm using the template I used the last time. 13/05/23 - 17/06/23
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
First off, I've been looking forward to writing this and having the time to do so. I like this habit of mine 🙂
---
Books/Reading articles:
L: Currently reading Idiot by Dostoevsky, although not very regularly. No, I'm just not interested in that book, will need to pick up something else. I read a few newsletters.
T: I got into "Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress" by Steven Pinker and I've been enjoying it. I got through my newsletters and now I am dealing with them as they come, rather than to wait for a huge backlog to accumulate.
Possible direction/goals:
Continue getting through the newsletters.
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Family:
L: Oops. I'm still somehow puzzled how it's week 19 and I'm 6 weeks behind the plan below. Anyhow, my father advised me to not go alone, as there'll be a lot of furniture to pack and I will need his trailer. I'm gonna set it up tomorrow, so the furniture is at my grandma's place by the end of May.
T: I visited a concert with my grandma. The furniture was supposed to be at her place already, however the last week my car battery died and I'm currently working on replacing it. Meeting my family as usual.
SpoilerSince October, the project of my grandma's kitchen has been my responsibility. Some progress has been made, however I know that half a year is just too big of a time-frame to justify. I'm gonna lay out the plan:
Weekend of 11th/12th March: Ask my grandma to give me a "free hand" in the reconstruction of the kitchen. She was hesitant regarding the scope of the reconstruction, which made me hesitant in turn, because I didn't know what to do. I want to convince her that she has nothing to worry about and that the whole operation will be fast.
Weeks 11 and 12:
Consult my father and brother as to the design of the kitchen and use the IKEA kitchen planner to help me out. Show my grandma the plan for the kitchen at the end of week 12 and get a green light.
Weeks 13 and 14:
Go to IKEA to get the furniture and other shops for linoleum and other smaller stuff. There's no need for new electronic appliances, so there's no need to get involved with electrical thingies. Transport the furniture to my grandma's flat.
Weeks 14 and 15:
Plan a weekend with my father/brother to help out with the reconstruction. Removing old furniture, a bit of demolition, painting, laying the new linoleum, putting in the new furniture. Get it done well and ASAP.
---
And with this plan, my grandma should have a new kitchen at the end of April 🙂
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.
University:
L: I have one more exam to go and then it's just the thesis and finals. As planned.
T: The exam was successful, so now I have to get working on the thesis and after that the finals.
NOT: I don't want to drop out of the university.
Possible direction/goals:
Do the main part of my diploma in summer/autumn 2023 and do the defense and finals in January/February 2024.
Work on the assignments in a timely manner.
Job/English:
L: Unfortunately, my mentor had some time troubles, so I've only met him twice so far, although we are meeting on Monday. I've been on the tasks and exercises he gave me at least.
T: The mentoring program is over, however it provided great insight into my business, some connections and ideas for the future.
I sent out a questionnaire to my students and the response was positive with no surprises, just a few minor clarifications, so I am happy that my feedback system works well.
As it's the end of the school year, I wrote an email to one of the language schools and they promised me an increase in pay. I'm gonna write an email to the second one if they are going to give me something as well.
-
Classes are at a stable 25-30 hours a week, plus a few hours for admin work.
Note: July and August and maybe September are going to be abnormal, as some courses don't run during summer. The drop in A is due to one of my students quitting and another cutting back on lessons.
An example for 27 hours this week: Category A 48% (59); B 9% (9); C 13% (5); D 13% (12); E 17% (16). Brackets are % values from previous month.
-
I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses:
a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging
b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group)
c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day)
d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality
e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality
-
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Possible direction/goals:
With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.
Keep classes at a stable 25-30 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
Write down specific areas and what I want to do in them:
Networking events.
Variable pricing.
Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between.
Get a system to mark down the progress of my students, together with their learning plan.
Past projects:
Work on the new mentoring project.
Update my website to reflect the new ideas and inspiration from the web.
Get a customized redesign and SEO for the website.
Networking events. = Attended the networking event on 5th April.
Exercise/Movement:
L: Went for a bike trip with my girlfriend again. Bike and walks.
T: Went for a bike trip to my family the last week. Went swimming a couple of times too.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.
Keep in shape.
Blogging:
L: I got my financial blog up at the end of March and I posted a few introductory articles in May. Suffice to say, I think it's ready to be published, but I need to find a suitable UI template to go with it and set up some basic emailing for subscribers. I have some backlog of written articles that just need a few finishing touches.
T: -
Possible direction/goals:
Find a suitable UI/web template.
Set up emailing for subs.
Post two articles a month.
Women/Dating:
L: My girlfriend moved to a location closer to me two months ago and we've been seeing more regularly.
T: I'm happy and grateful for having such a loving girlfriend.
Possible direction/goals:
Set up at least two dates a month (with my girlfriend).
-----
What to do if I am bored?
Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters
Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, uni work, blogging
-----
Additional thoughts/activities:
My hobbies are: personal finance, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.
This month, I did these cool activities: business mentoring, spending time with friends and my girlfriend, kitchen planning for my grandma, moving to a new flat (!), cycling, going to a concert with my grandma.
---
Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2023:
Pass all the exams at the uni, finish the thesis and finish all university duties successfully in January/February 2024. - WIP, progress = yes
Improve my business, so that I don't need to teach for language schools anymore, by getting more private contacts, opportunities and students. - WIP, progress = yes
Go to Georgia to visit my friend. - Unfortunately, the plan didn't work out. I plan to go there later this year, either in late summer or autumn.
Stop watching porn (again). - I am not porn-free, it comes in waves. I'll try to be more aware when the urges come and what makes me more likely to have them. This month (March) I had a good run without porn and too much news 🙂
Start getting up when my alarm rings. - I got better, not 100%, but better.
Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, studying for uni, dating, work on good life/work balance.
It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
---
Add-ons:
I enjoy writing articles, however I am not enjoying the process of how to actually set up the blog, whether I should try and make some money off of it. I think I will, but I won't go on writing e-books, providing courses and whatnot. Just a few affiliate links for the services I like. This allows me to focus on writing and not fret over something I don't even know I want to do.
I found out I quite like to give presentations, if I really believe and enjoy the topic. This goes for both my school and business presentations. Better keep that in mind.
-
1
-
-
3 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
Shoot my shot at relationships, failed?, she already had warned me that she was busy this weekend again either that or she doesn't catch anything, I don't want to be bothersome, hate those kind of people the ones that force something.
Idk what I'm going to do I want to be clear about what I feel but don't want to force things, I'm going to go down to one of my best mentors ever and ask him, maybe he can tell me something, anyways I'm glad I didn't relapse due to this, I was very close, but at least I guess this is progress
The stereotypical "bro" advice would be to say she isn't supposed to "catch" anything, but that you are supposed to catch her by the hand and kiss her. Jokes aside, there is some merit to it 🙂
1 hour ago, wheatbiscuit said:I dunno if this is called for, but I wouldn't say not catching a potential love interest at any time equates to relationship failure. I am however finding it is easier (and so tougher business) holding on to real-life attachments alone without gaming ones to fall back on. There was something in a Jordan Peterson speech somewhere saying that we should try and keep what makes a person attractive in our eyes alive, no matter who else finds the same thing desirable as well. I dunno. ❤️🩹
100% on this not being a "relationship failure".
@Faroe Islander If your meetings stop, then it was a relationship that was not meant to be. You don't have a relationship until both you and she know each other's true expectations and until you balance them to a roughly similar level.
1 hour ago, Faroe Islander said:Thank you for the advice, I don't know for sure if this will work out but after talking and thinking about it it more or less feels like the quote you miss 100% of the shots you don't take is true, I don't yet know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to do it but I guess the best course of action is to take the hit, ask it in a more direct and honest way and if it doesn't work out that's fine, I've already had the same situation before and just remained as very good friends with the person I asked out.
Still sucks but if it is the best possible option to at least not end up with any regrets then I'll take it
As for setting up the environment, it's best to be alone with her, ideally somewhere where you can move freely and get close (e.g. park/bench). Don't speculate what she knows or "doesn't catch" or anything else. She might have her reasons for not dating you. Don't try to control the outcome either. It's her life too after all.
I hope this was useful. Good luck! 🙂
-
2
-
-
21 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Had a really good meeting with my writing coach. My book is coming along well. I'm very burnt out otherwise but I've been trying my best to do at least one or two cleaning chores a day and getting at least half a strong work day in instead of losing the whole day to ruminating.
It's tough when I'm in a depressed episode like this, but I think staying neutral and not forcing positive thoughts is helping. I'm just doing one little thing here or there until something starts rolling and I notice I'm productive for longer than 10 minutes.
I have a story to share regarding forcing positive thoughts/toxic positivity:
Almost three years ago, I met a guy who was on his way to becoming a financial advisor. He got me to join his gig with him and I was a part of his team for a while. I eventually quit, because the job required me to do too many things I didn't like or cared about.
I believe a part of me quitting was his toxic positivity. This guy was just always happy to start a new project, excited to do phone calls, attend another team-building etc. During one of the longer travels we had together, I told him he's like the Terminator.
I don't think he asked me to elaborate or maybe he even took it as a compliment. The reason why I said that was because he never had a problem. He never complained. Because of that, I never really believed him. He just seemed too perfect to be real and that's why I never connected with him as a person. I spent quite some time with him, but I never got to know him because of his facade.
I believe he is successful now and quite well off. He's also a very potent meme in my closest circle of friends, because they know him too, as he makes effort to make himself visible in the region.
My decision to stop working with him also saved me thousands or even millions down the road that'd have gone into his pockets or banks offering inefficient financial services. The awareness of cheap and effective investment vehicles is miserable in Czechia, even though they are available. I wish we had an IRA or 401(k) like you do in the US, although thankfully at least some domestic competition to big banks has sprung up recently. That's why I am working on setting up my financial blog, although I'm struggling with allocating time to this project 😞
21 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:I've started declining a lot of needless family and friend events. I think people need to understand as we get older, our social circle changes. People with families branch off and going to random friends 1 year old kid birthdays Isn't achievable by most, nor is it worth their time. The older we get, the more commitments and responsibilities we have and is important that we set time aside for mental and physical restoration to counteract the stress from these added commitments.
If not, we may find ourselves finding quick fixes to cope with added stress... gaming, porn, drugs, alcohol, sleep, social media and YouTube apps, TV, etc.
Disconnect is healthy and important. You don't have to go camping in the woods, but you do have to take a few minutes here and there to do nothing, accept boredom, and process your day, every day.
100% on having more responsibility as we get older. It's crucial to be able to say "yes" to yourself and "no" to others, and to mean it, if need be.
-
1
-
-
20 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Hygiene is so important, especially in recovery.
It is. Quitting heavy gaming, brushing your teeth, sometimes going out with friends or cleaning your room (as you mentioned in your diary) is a practical equivalent to taking care of yourself.
-
11th June - 15th June:
I did some minor financial optimization, worked on a computer upgrade, went to the swimming pool with my girlfriend and met another friend on Sunday.
During the week, I had classes as usual. On top of that, I went outside, read (Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress by Steven Pinker - been enjoying it so far) and started solving the issue of my car battery. I used the inter-dental toothbrush for the first time after a long time yesterday, so that's also something 😄
-
2
-
-
3rd June - 10th June:
It's been a good week. I changed my address online, as it can influence my business. I went swimming with my girlfriend and created a plan of actions for my business. My girlfriend and I had a small misunderstanding during the week. We later clarified the situation and our expectations. I'm proud of us and I'm happy to have such a great girlfriend 🙂
I also finished my questionnaire for students last weekend, sent it out to students and I've already got about half of the people to respond and get the other to respond the next week. Some of them expressed interest in a few auxiliary services related to English lessons, so I might get a few extra € right there.
Today was a bit weird. I was supposed to get furniture for my grandma with my brother, however the battery in my car died. We'll have to do it some other day. Regardless, I made a good use of my time. I visited my family on my bike and therefore had a good workout. In the evening, I wrote an email for a pay-raise to one of the language schools, yet again. It's worth a try! 😄
-
3
-
-
26th May - 2nd June:
I actually did have time to watch the rest of the hockey championship and the results were quite surprising!
Regardless, many hours of this week were spent preparing for and moving to my new room/flat. I'm happy to say that even though there are still a few things lying about on the floor, most of the work has been already done.
I've been meeting my girlfriend and two best friends frequently, if not every day. I also spent some time with other people as well and I can say I've been enjoying it. I met my father today for lunch too.
The last thing to mention is the last round of my business mentoring. I got a lot of ideas for my English business. My plan for the weekend is to handle the invoices and finish work on my questionnaire for students.
-
2
-
1
-
-
What a great post. Congratulations!
-
1
-
1
-
How do I get a girlfriend?
in Ask the Community
Posted
I'd argue the best way is to meet people (and girlfriends) through common interests. It doesn't matter if it's your school, gym or blogging forum.