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Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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Day 199:
I had a strange day. The first half of it went like yesterday. Then I got a call, finding out my English teaching Wednesdays are getting canceled. I tried to shake it off immediately, but I couldn't find anything I would be interested in doing, while at the same time it being important to me. So, I take my productive half of the day, where I did all of my baseline stuff, let the night take care of the "problem" and turn it into an "opportunity". For one, it makes my potential plan for moving easier.
A few days ago, I decided, after about half a year, to write a guy I know online since 2013, whom through the wonders of Internet, managed to find and write with my ex independently of me. He wrote me she had another relationship that ended and that she thinks she's incapable of loving anyone.
I'm grateful to say I have the opposite opinion about myself. I think I have love to give and an appropriate toolkit to create sustainable relationships.
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Day 198:
I had an extremely productive day. I read, wrote, worked out, rode my bicycle, taught English and ran multiple other errands too. Naturally, I feel fairly tired after all this. I think that overall, I need to write more and read more. Today would be the perfect example of where I pulled that off majestically.
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4 hours ago, ConstantlyLost said:
I thought of myself as selfish and arrogant to think I could change myself around and be exceptional.
It's an interesting thing to realize that while quitting games is a huge step on its own, you also have to appreciate all the work that lead you to that point of quitting. I think it's the same as with appreciating the work that you do afterwards. 1% gradual change every day, forever.
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Day 197:
In the morning, I watched Joe Rogan's interview with Edward Snowden. It was almost a three hour interview, it felt like bit of a shame that I couldn't really discuss the matters they mentioned during the show. We went to a hockey match in the afternoon. I spent the evening reading about the "flow" state and writing with friends. I ran a few errands during the day.
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Day 196:
I had a good day today. I watched the rugby finals in the morning, got a little bit of work done on a uni homework and did a couple of smaller things during the day. In the evening, me and my mom went to another of the series of local plays.
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1 hour ago, Icandothis said:
Hi!
Glad to hear about your job offer! Are you excited? Is this something you have been studying for?
Have a beautiful day my friend.
It's basically more hours for teaching English, so I am curious about how that works out.
Have a nice day as well! ?
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Day 195:
I was at school today, I also got a job offer and was outside a little bit too. It was a nice day and now I am thoroughly tired.
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20 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Don't worry about it. That longing for socialization you feel is important. Don't be let down by the "let down". Sounds silly, but it should fuel you to socialize more and let you know that sometimes it can make you feel better.
I think you are correct. I need to explore what my uppermost limits for socialization/extroversion are. It does sound obvious, but if I feel like I am alone, I should find some company. Preferably even before I actually start to feel too down about being alone.
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On 10/29/2019 at 1:25 PM, Phoenixking said:
I had a good conversation with my girl about living together and stress. We've built a schedule and hung it on the front of the fridge. I hope it will guide us a bit more. But we've both already mentioned we should think of ways to improve it. For now, we try to use a moment on Sunday to plan our chores and meals a week ahead. I'm always open to good suggestions!
Good for you! I'd love to have some kind of a system, when I move in with my future girlfriend. Not something overly demanding, but at to get the basic/survival chores done reliably. I believe that's one of the ways of how trust is built.
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There's a long but great article I read three months ago about growing up. I like it, because it's honest and I think it nails the "partying situation" on its head. Have a good read!
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I'm currently working on taking stock of myself of how I was before gaming and how I am roughly 6 months later. I think it helps me put things into perspective. Do you watch gaming content as much as you played yourself before?
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Day 194:
I had some feelings of let-down after being social yesterday. I wanted to socialize more, but I was fairly hungry, so I decided to call it a night then.
I feel like I should spend more time writing and thinking about the planned big report. I can't expect myself to do everything at once.
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Day 193:
Just for the counter, I went out for a hockey match!
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Day 192:
I got my bike into a bike shop for a checkup, visited my grandma, did my languages, played Scrabble, wrote and got another part of my uni homework done.
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Day 191:
I read quite a bit today, took a walk outside, wrote with friends and also worked on my uni homework. It was a nice day!
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I agree with @BooksandTrees. I'd suggest having a talk with your partner about his behavior of just leaving when things get tough around kids. He's compromising both the relationship with you, as well as setting a bad example for the kids, by running away from problems. I can't think of anything else that could possibly be above in importance than these two things.
Stay strong and good luck!
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Day 190:
I think I found out I am quite expert at dodging the most important stuff. Since Day 183, I think I put three hours total into those three things I want to get out of the way. What I do instead are less important things, like my languages, playing Scrabble or reading. I feel like I want to get the momentum going with these "easier" activities during the day, but I never get to the "tougher" ones.
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I remember Peterson saying something along the lines of this: Every school/university limits your current potential, however it gives you more options later on once you're done with your studies and have your diploma. I think it works universally though, even though university is a nice clear cut example.
Good luck, whatever your decisions are!
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Welcome back, good effort at staying away from games! Be easy on yourself, so you don't have to give in to the things you've defined.
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If I remember correctly, you were a proponent of not dating women at work, so I guess you want to meet dates outside of work. If that's still your strategy, you can use your experience with women from work as training and not feel bad about it.
I also get up slower than I used to back when I was gaming. I always got up on the first alarm, no matter if I went to school, to work or even during the weekend. It doesn't get to ridiculous proportions, like sleeping in till lunchtime these days, but it's still difficult for me to create a compelling mix of fun/work to make me jump out of bed on a day off. It's true that my "basic maintenance" sometimes gets me spiraling towards something greater.
On the ideal morning, I get up a few minutes after the alarm, get oat flakes with milk for breakfast + almonds and fruit and get rolling in about half an hour.
Keep up the good work!
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9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
That's awesome. It's really nice participating in a community with someone who can influence you like that. Which language is your native language btw?
It really is, it's also great fun, if people cooperate at least a bit. All he uses for that is several small bouncy balls, a DVD player and movement. The rest is your knowledge of vocabulary and his knowledge to create a safe atmosphere within groups and mixing various exercises to make it work. My native language is Czech.
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Day 189:
Today was a good day.
I was invited to some classes by a friend of mine who teaches English for about 20 years. He's using the method of flow to teach English, so I went to help him out a little and participate myself. I enjoy any lessons that are led by him. I'm in the business of teaching English for about a year. It's simply mind-boggling how can a trained professional tap into your energy being and make it so that you are leaving recharged and actually able to do something in the rest of your day, if you are willing to give it a chance and participate voluntarily. I think in some instances, you can even do it on your own, but I don't know much about it yet.
I also watched an interesting one-man show locally, did my languages and watched a lecture by Sapolsky.
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Day 188:
I went to bed super early yesterday, as I had a persistent headache, so I've even forewent journaling. I didn't feel the best today either. I might've slacked on eating/drinking properly or it's just something random. All I got done was some basic self-maintenance.
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A few years back, I did the MBTI twice and came out as INTP. I think I did it at the beginning of the detox too, but by that point, two of the letters changed (though I don't remember which), maybe because I wasn't such a shut-in anymore! I came across Big 5 at that time and it seems to have a better statement value than MBTI, though perhaps the more different assessment tests you take, the more reliable your results will be, if they actually correlate?
Ikar's Diary
in Daily Journals
Posted
Most offers for English teaching I had to turn down, simply because it too often put me into a situation where I had to drive from my suburbs into the city center. It usually turned out to be an hour long drive by car and teaching for an hour and a half. The same goes for cultural, school, sport and other events. I want to be more around and with people. If I am not, it makes me miss my ex and streaming. I really had no issues streaming 50 hours a week for example.
I think I can nail my increasing demand for both work and socialization/affiliation by moving to the dorms in the city center. The dorms on their own are fairly inexpensive, and although I would expect to spend more money on various events, I think it would balance out with increased income from teaching.
I'm happy I can point my finger on my issues at this point. I'm visiting a uni psychologist the next week, mainly to see if I am something in my behavior completely unaware of, rather than having any urgent issues that would be driving me crazy. I think I got myself together pretty well. I read, I write, I study on a regular basis and my depressive bouts disappeared completely since I quit gaming/Twitch.
Thanks for the support ?