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Ikar

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Posts posted by Ikar

  1. 10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    What are you going to think about in particular to these events today? Is it something you're going to change in your life or are you just interested in general?

    Teaching went alright. I think I made the point that my students are more than welcome to work on their English at home and to bring forth ideas for topics they'd like to discuss, but I also made clear the fact that failing that, I will strive to make the class the most enjoyable for myself at least. I think sharing the responsibility for the class to be effective and enjoyable lies not only on me as the teacher, but also on the students.

    The discussion/seminar made me think about a few things:

    It made me think about my childhood, examining the roots of my addiction and how much of a role the education system played in that. It seems to be the case that education is largely predicated on obedience rather than voluntarism and that this kind of goes against the notion of a responsible individual.

    The world is fucked up and will always be and that's kind of the beauty of it, because you can always work to make it a little bit better. I thought of that and it gave me a strange sense of satisfaction after the seminar. I also thought of this article: https://markmanson.net/wrong-about-everything

    • Like 2
  2. Day 165:

    I taught, visited my grandma and attended a discussion/seminar about education and kids. The day was pretty great, I think I definitely got a lot to think about based on the events of today.

    NF - 5 days

    • Like 1
  3. Day 164:

    I got about 80% of the things I wanted to get done today, so that was good. I checked out something regarding my business, went through some bookmarks and read, on top of the more common activities I do every day.

    I'm planning a big update summing up my half a year without games. I was on Twitch on Day 145 for a bit after I finished my stream, but I never thought of visiting it since then. I think to make the update good (and perhaps something I can be proud of), I'll need to devote some time towards it daily (as I did with the letter for my ex a few months back - that actually turned into a well-written document about my current values) for at least a week.

    Writing primarily for the purposes of my own self-evaluation is quite demanding (I did not touch Self-Authoring since I got home and I did not do it on Iceland either), so I'll need to get into the habit. My agenda is already filled up with activities for the next three days, but I'll try to get after it.

    NF - 4 days

    So far, so good. I wonder how masturbation impacts the body chemistry.

  4. 19 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    Writing is interesting in the way it helps you process your mentality. Some nights I want to write and there are stretches I only write on Saturdays to update my weekly count up. Healing is important and hopefully the headache left.

    Writing is indeed interesting, that's why I like to engage in stretched-out conversations with others. I don't think I am great at asking questions and pondering about them myself, so I try to look for cues in my environment to stir up my train of thought. It's generally why I keep the entries short.

    The headache is gone already. I rarely ever get it, so I know that I can give myself the "luxury" of taking it seriously and just take the rest of the day off.

  5. I was thinking how smart and developed I would be, when I got into a relationship quite late (I was 20 and nicely addicted to games at that point), but it ended in the stellar fashion of teenage relationships. There was intimacy and passion, but no real trust. I think sex nails the first two nicely, but I think it clouds the third element very well as well. Sex is emotional.

    Trust, on the other hand, seems like more of a "cold" virtue. You can reliably trust a friend who comes 9 times out of 10 to meet up in a bar to come the 11th time. I think once you are on the "casual sex" train, it gets pretty easy to just quit on anyone once things get uncomfortable, because you know there's that another woman who you do not have an issue with.

    I think the point the teenage relationships mostly fail is that nobody has an agenda of what they want and why they want it. Both just decide that they look good and get together. Now that's a pretty broad selection, if I can say that some 20-30% of females (-+5 years of my age) seem physically attractive to me.

    The choice is yours, but I think fucking around is gonna fuck you up.

    On the hobby list, I second what @Phoenixking wrote. You have a ton of ideas, you just have to take action on them. Do not try to take on all of them at the same time in a single day. Rather, try to think of how much time do you want to put into them. Do you want to rock climb every day? If so, does that make the gym redundant? Maybe you'll end up tossing half the ideas and you'll come up with new ones.

    • Like 2
  6. Day 163:

    I got about half the things done I wanted to get done today. That's not bad, considering I spent about 3 hours just laying in my bed because of a headache.

    NF - 3 days

    Regarding this, it helps I write it before going to bed. The thoughts come and I just let them go.

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  7. A lot of people really do not want to do anything after they come back home from work/school. I've realized that after 2 years of full-time studying or full-time working, basically since I got through high school. I've thought before of waking up way before going to work/school to counter that. I've had the opportunity to work afternoon shifts (1400-2200) at one point, while still waking up at 0700 as a normal person. It was an interesting experience, to use my willpower on my free time first and then use it on work. If your goals have the ability to motivate you enough to shift your waking times, then definitely shift your schedule accordingly.

    Related to that, I think you might be putting too much emphasis on the end product and that helps to get you overwhelmed as well. You need to see some growth; life would be fairly boring too, if you were able to get everything done in one go in a few hours.

    Myself, back in May/June, I complained to a friend that making a website for my business would take too much time. He happened to know of txti, so I picked it up, created a single page in two hours and wrote what is my business about in a basic form. It's been the same ever since I wrote it three months ago, but I at least I have something to go on when I'll be creating my own real website eventually.

    Another example of that would be me taking on the Gulag Archipelago. I am about 70 pages in. The total number of pages in the book is 2100 (that is why it comes in three volumes). If I read 10 pages a day, it will still take me over half a year to read it, yet again, I'm too curious about the book to just dismiss it just because I can't read it in a day.

    I also think my long-term projects are more loosely defined, if they are defined at all, so that helps me with freeing up my hands and establishing some basic habits, without worrying too much about the end goals. I get a bit scared just looking at your list of goals, as I know it would overwhelm me as well. I think the only goal I currently have that is neatly defined is that I want to get my university degree in two years and that time-span is not something I get to manipulate with (in a way that I could shorten it anyway). Every other goal is up to me and my ability to set it up so that it satisfies me.

    I know you're aware of it, but having sex as a part of something bigger is a good idea. Sex is no joke and you want to do it with someone you can trust, on the off-chance you might have kids with them. You don't want to be like the woman trying to kiss you on the first date. That's a difference between a position of power and a position of desperation.

  8. Day 162:

    I played Scrabble, watched Peterson for a bit, sent a few emails, read the Gulag Archipelago, exercised and updated my ads online, which I should have done way earlier after coming back from Iceland, but I feel like it was an honest mistake that I managed to forget this part of my entrepreneurship.

    NF - 2 days

    • Like 1
  9. It's interesting how even after almost a year one can still see their past in a slightly different angle, interpret it differently and try to figure out what to do in the future based on that.

    I understand your frustration when you parted with your friends for the night after having fun. If I socialize nicely one day, then I'm sometimes bummed I do not have the same opportunity the next day too.

    • Like 1
  10. Good job on kicking both smoking and gaming at the same time.

    Getting the agenda up is a great idea. I'm mostly still at the level of just writing things down I want to do on particular days (sometimes I plan a day ahead, sometimes I plan a few days ahead), rather than pinpointing the exact times when I want to do these things.

    I use Excel for planning my days .When I do a certain activity, I highlight it in green. If I do a little bit of it, or it's some continual project with multiple steps, I highlight it in yellow. If I did not do it at all, I highlight it in red. I can also use the past days for evaluating what went good and what went wrong and adjust for that in the future, as long as I am honest with myself and keep track of it truthfully.

    The good thing about getting a job is that it automatically nails some time for you (so you do not have to plan your free time), gives you money and might have some other benefits like socializing, doing what you like etc. The bad thing is that it also drains your willpower and it's definitely harder to be working on "your own stuff" after it, compared to if you had the day for yourself.

    Another thing to consider is that it also shapes you and you really want to be aware of what's shaping you. In a sense, you have to make sure the job also works for you. For example, if you are regularly angry in it and hate going there, then that is really a horrible way to exist for half your life, no matter to which extent is the job is genuinely unpleasant to do and how much of that is "your fault".

  11. Day 161:

    I switched to learning Spanish in Russian on Duolingo and dropped German for now, as I think it's too much to be going for three languages at the same time.

    I played Scrabble, did a bit of homework, watched Peterson, went outside to exercise a bit and watched a bit of Mitchell and Webb. Other than that, it's been a lazy day.

    Also, to make this a bit harder on myself:

    NoFap - 1 day

  12. 17 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    What did you study and how is the socializing impacting you?

    I study geography. The lectures on themselves were not very interesting, but I went there after four months, so the situation itself was interesting.

    It's been cool to hang outside for a bit with people I know. I could definitely do that more often.

  13. Day 157:

    I talked with mom, played Scrabble and prepared for my English teaching class tomorrow. I also exercised, checked out Bioenergetics I've seen on @LordArjuna 's diary, did Duolingo and watched Peterson on existentialism. I've also seen a bit of sketch shows.

  14. Day 156:

    I did Duolingo, watched another Peterson lecture and cleaned my room a bit in the morning. I watched some Mitchell and Webb, wrote for about two hours in the afternoon. I also exercised outside with my basketball. I met some small kids on the playground and they immediately wanted to play with me. It was fun!

  15. Moaning and facial expression (if genuine) are still rewards for the work you put in and I would hazard a guess that it should stay that way. Myself, I do not watch porn per se, but to be honest with myself, there are some similar elements to what I sometimes do and watch compared to porn. My thinking what do I want to do about (P)MO is still somewhat hazy, though it might be that it's just a more insidious addiction than gaming, even if it takes far less time compared to gaming in my case. I have done some short no-faps in the past, so I know I could have sex once a week (preferably as a part of a relationship that's not based solely on sex), I'd most likely be able to toss it completely.

    As for porn setting the example, it really only sets the primordial motivations in place. You can have a great body and be good at sex, but if you do not exercise or have sex for a year, you are gonna get worse. That's why a (reasonable) woman should be interested rather in the man's constant stream of effort (regular exercise over time), rather than the end product (perfect body). If you do that across the board of life (work, exercise, reading, hobbies, etc.), maybe then you can convince a woman that you are reliable enough to raise a child with you. It works the other way as well, but the ratio of childless women is lower than the ratio of childless men.

    As for the hobbies, I discovered I like psychology. I also like to write with people a lot. Exercising and reading are sort of half and half for me; I mostly enjoy them when I do them, but it generally takes some effort to get me going on them. I did not really start on any of the hobbies I had planned on starting after Iceland yet.

    Learning to enjoy the process is difficult, especially if the thing naturally does not grip you. I'm still horrible at enjoying planning my days - not that I would do nothing useful the whole day if I did not do it, but it would help me to put things into perspective and prioritize them better.

    • Like 1
  16. Day 155:

    I played Scrabble with mom, did my daily Duolingo and went outside for a walk and to read Gulag Archipelago a little bit. I also finished That Mitchell and Webb Look, it was a great sketch show! For the rest of the day, I wrote to people and thought.

    I thought about my parents, about my relationships, my past. I think I am asking better questions nowadays and that I am also getting better answers. I am intently drawing corollaries where there have been none before. Only time will tell to what extent I was correct in my assumptions.

    • Like 1
  17. Day 154:

    I watched a short Peterson lecture (2017 Personality videos) and demolished tiles in the bathroom, so the reconstruction can progress. After lunch, we visited the grandma for her name-day. That was pretty much it for today.

    It's gonna be time for a monthly report soon and perhaps even for a half-year report.

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