Ikar

Good luck on Monday! I understand the fact that if your only social outlet is your job/school, then it gets old fast. Even if it doesn't and you manage to be passionate about all of it, then you are extremely vulnerable if it for whatever reason goes sideways. The other thing is that they are voluntarily compulsory - either you want the degree or the money and you can't get either if you don't perform anything in that particular direction. Social hobbies do not have that compulsory element. You go and do something you want with people who want to do the same. I have a couple of social hobbies and it's great.

It's a nice video. I do not think I am conscious of rewarding myself on a regular basis, although when I feel like it, I have no issue just sitting or lying on my bed, relaxing, thinking and recharging. It's okay to sometimes do nothing without the feeling of guilt.

Day 266: I read, visited my parents and wrote a lot, both in my blog and on another forum. I decided to skip the workout today.

Day 265: I studied, took a nap, took the exam, read, wrote a big of my next article for the blog and worked out in the evening.

I guess it could be described as such, since there is a lot of modern history as context for understanding today's situation. I like the overlap between geography and history.

I'm currently an undergraduate in economic geography.

Day 264: I read, worked out, got through mails and studied. I have several job interviews lined up the next week and (if I end up passing the test tomorrow) no tests, so that works out well. I also went outside to an English conversation class, because I feel out of whack both English-wise and socially. It recharged me and it felt great.

Interesting solution! How do you deal with getting up on weekends/days off? Do you do the same?

@BooksandTrees I actually had a morning with clear vision today. It was pretty great! Day 263: I feel I need to give myself credit for how diverse and well-rounded my days have become. I read for an hour here, work out for another hour there, give my blog a thought for half an hour... honestly, it's great. The downside is I am unable to cram in enough hours of studying for exams during the day, because I have all these other useful activities I don't want to give up. Considering I got myself from 0 to 3 hours of studying for exams a day within a week is impressive. I just need to strike the right balance and feel good about it.

Great! I'd have never thought of this approach. I am 22 but I am not as anxious as I thought I was when I was gaming. As long as the event I am attending has some agenda I'm into, I don't have troubles socializing. It can be a gym, a punk concert, an English evening, whatever. Demographics are important when it comes to dating. Walking into a course of Japanese language without any interest in it would make me feel like an idiot and rightly so. I understand one needs a good friend to do this with, because he literally represents a part of you and what you value. Personally, I found out that improving my relationship with men and improving my relationship with women go hand in hand.

@seriousjay From what you wrote, it does seem you have anxiety well entrenched in your life and it just happened to manifest in this scenario. I don't know what you've been through in life, but it seems like you indeed have severe anxiety. Spiraling from "a girl didn't write me back" -> "I won't have a partner in my life" is pretty brutal. Your feelings might not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. If you think you need a psychologist/dating coach to help you out in these areas, then by all means do it. @Amphibian220 What a quirky way to meet women! How did that work out for you?

Day 262: I did my Duolingo, worked on the weekly/monthly reports, cleared my email, scanned for local events, visited my grandma, read and worked out. It'd all be perfect, only if I didn't I get up about 2 hours later than I set my alarm for. I did all these tasks above and decided I'd rather get caught up in them than to study for the exam on Friday. The mornings are the roughest part of the day.

Haha, I got this idea 2,5 years ago and decided to stick with it, but I am at the point where I would just blurt out some basic sentences. I got to read Solzhenitsyn way later. I like Slavic women though, it just so happened all the Slavic nations got a taste of socialism and the mentality of it for long years after. It's difficult.

31/12/2019 - 06/12/2019 Daily habits: read - 7/7 journal - 6/7 brush teeth twice a day (morning + evening) - 3/7 Duolingo Russian - 7/7 record data into excel (more diligently) - 5/7 schoolwork/studying at home - 5/7 - might want to increase the duration, so I study for a longer period of time waking up early and going to bed early - 3/7 - this one is quite a struggle so far, but I need to realize I really need all the time I can get during the day Semi-daily habits: work out 4 times a week - 6/4 - I really enjoy it, so I could just work out daily meditate 2 times a week - 1/2 - this is going to be tough hot meal prepping for multiple days - done Weekly habits: write a blog article - I have a feeling like all my concepts are not interesting enough, but that's a lie, I just have to get down to it plan the week - I don't have troubles planning daily ad hoc, but I know this would probably be more efficient, so I just have to get down to it visit either grandma/brother/family - done go out socially/see a friend IRL - I oddly enough did not manage this to the extent I wanted since New Year, I do already have an event lined up for the next 7 days though clean my room (sounds sound - perhaps I could organize the room more?) - done

I'm using the template I used the last time for the big summary. It's been about 6-7 weeks since then. "L" will stand for the plan last term for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term. Books: L: Keep on the habit of spending at least an hour a day with a book. Re-read some bits of “Models” and finish “Gulag Archipelago”. T: I read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover and a few days ago, I finished "Gulag Archipelago" volume II. I already got the last volume III. I think I read a bit less than an hour daily, but the habit is ingrained at this point. N: Finish “Gulag Archipelago”. I got my hands on a printed copy of "The Game" by Neil Strauss, so I will probably get after that and then glance over "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "Models" by Mark Manson, to make sure my philosophy/psychology/dating game is up to speed. English - Personal: L: --- T: Teaching 10 hours/week. N: I plan to study the materials my mentor gave me a couple of days ago, as I feel I need some of the academic knowledge of English, as the next logical step in my effort to further improve my English. English - Teaching: L: I’m up to some 10 hours a week, split into two days. It’s paid well enough, so I can live off that without going into negative numbers, while having accommodation, food and some fun. T: I'm currently networking and seeing what's available for this year. It might take a few weeks to get this sorted out properly. I am an official entity on the market since this January too, so that might help out. N: I want to get my 10-15 hours a week, with a higher pay than before. Dating: L: I think I am more receptive of the signs women are giving me. I also think I know what behaviors in women I am after and if/how they differ from mine. The action plans/goals described in “Models” seem very solid. I’ll stick to that, as I don’t find anything impossible there. T: Even though I did not pursue the goals/plans by the "Models" book explicitly, moving to the uni dorms made some of them very easy for me to accomplish automatically. On New Year's Eve university party, I got chatting with one girl, found some common ground and then we touched and kissed. It felt nice to give and receive some sexual energy after several months. N: We've arranged to talk on Monday. I want to see whether we were just emotionally charged and tipsy or whether there is some rationality and compatibility. The sex has to wait. 6/1 - Got flaked on, but that's not a problem for me. She has the last chance. Family: L: I’m sad about the mom/dad dynamic. I’m not sad about how that affected me though. I’m sad about the fact that it seems to me as if they were together only so they are not alone. There’s a walloping difference between that and WANTING to be together. I will maintain the relationships as they are, but assert myself, as I am currently doing by moving. I plan to visit my parents for lunches on weekends. T: I think I see my parents on average more than once a week. I also see my brother and grandma a few times a month. N: Maintain the relationships as they are, I'm happy with them as they are! University: L: I think the difficulty ramped up a little, but I also got better at managing my time, so I can spread out studying/assignments better over longer spans of time. Finish the degree in about a year and a half. Join the university's social life. I feel like the university plays a staple, but secondary role in my life. I don’t love it, but I also don’t hate it. It’s alright. It will get more important once I am at the dorms, as I'll be more connected in the network. T: I don't think I am quite there yet with investing time on point into preparing for exams and papers, but I feel more connected with university via living on the dorms (there's a lot of independence I enjoy through that) and I attended a several local events already. N: Nail the exams and papers the the next couple of weeks. I have to put more time in now the exam term is here. Uni provides me with many benefits and freedom and I don't think I am there yet emotionally/mentally to appreciate it to the full extent. Being social: L: I had the intention to move not too long ago after I got back from Iceland. T: I think by moving, I made it so I go out to an event at least once a week, instead of once a month when I was living with my parents. I don't count teaching here. The proximity really makes a difference. N: I think I would be okay going out socially every other day, let's say for the whole evening, depending on my current work/study load, as by default I am at mine reading, writing, working out etc. It's work-in-progress to balance this. Exercise/movement: L: I’m back on my army weight. I cycle short/medium distances. I am not too inclined to exercise when the weather outside is bad, since I don’t have a strict routine. I know weight is not all there’s to it, but I never set up any other measures to objectively evaluate my fitness. I’m skinny/fit. There is a gym on the dorms, so I will be using that for the winter. I’m also planning on joining some sports team. T: I managed to hit the gym almost every day the past week and I am enjoying it, simply by riding the bike, doing situps, pullups and pushups. Before that it was (compounded) legs workout about twice a week, but nothing regular. P: I think I can work out every day. It's about an hour of daily activity that never gets lost. I keep track of my workouts too. Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (some 120 days streak), but it feels to be an end in itself, unless I decide to make it social. Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude: I will get a weekly report with the state of my habits done today as well.

Dating anxiety is like any other anxiety and anxiety is too much attachment what others think if you fail at something. If you just started skiing and you are a beginner, you have to face the fact you're gonna suck at it for a while. You'll be afraid that you ram into a tree, that people will make fun of you, because you fall too often/have bad technique etc. But in reality, those things happen far less often than you think they will and simply because you'll get better at anything over time. @BooksandTrees put it well. You have to realize there are so many stages to a relationship between "girl didn't reply to my message on an app" and "truly functional relationship" that the rejection rate is truly 99%. It's not about you. It's a statistic. Don't be anxious just because you wanted to take it one step further and she didn't respond to that. I recently read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover and "Models: Attract Women through Honesty" and both are great books on the topic.

Day 261: I read, cleaned the rest of my room, did the groceries, took the exam, worked out and then wrote. No Ejaculation: 0 days (anywhere between 9-12 days sounds probable, but I didn't write it down anywhere since the last time)

Day 260: I studied, read, worked out and cleaned my room and I'll finish the rest of it tomorrow. I have an exam tomorrow afternoon and I'm gonna talk to the girl in the evening. I felt more at ease, especially the second part of the day. I feel my ability to create/think of things and ideas is bouncing back.

Day 259: I tried meditating today, because I still feel somewhat restless. I also feel like my creativity took a hit, but at least I get less distracted while doing some more of the "boring" tasks. I visited my parents, cooked, worked out and studied.

Day 258: I feel like today's been a bit slower and off focus. I have exams coming up on uni and I have to clear up a situation with one girl (I think that's a good issue to have though), so at least I know the causes of being somewhat nervous. I did Russian, worked through mail, read a lot of GA, worked out, worked on my monthly report, went to the shop, to uni and also went for a lunch with my brother.

I recently found out I have so many outlets I do irregularly I am genuinely excited to do. My plan now is to do them in a more disciplined matter and oust more of the not-as-productive ones. I am also still struggling with making university a part of my identity, but I am to realizing it's not only about passing exams. If it was, then analogically gaming would be about literally clicking and using the keyboard in given sequences. It wouldn't be very fun. Remember the things/people you admire or are grateful for on the university and let that motivate you!

Cheers! Welcome back to the forum ?

Day 257: I read, did some paperwork, borrowed new books, wrote emails, studied a bit for the upcoming exam, worked on my monthly report and worked out in the gym. I also posted an article on my blog a couple of days ago and worked on another post today already.

Day 255: Good day. I got most of my assignments done in the morning, even though it was a bit of a struggle. I visited my parents and afterwards went to the New Year's Eve party. Day 256: I took today off, because the party dragged on till morning, so I just read a little, did my languages and slept. Getting back after it tomorrow.

@Amphibian220 Musk's work hours are his personal life. He's all out on that and that's why we know him - he's the extreme, not the norm. As for a good job, Manson put it here nicely.