Ikar

Haha, me and my brother used to play a lot of NBA2k games back when I was around 15. I even got a basketball that I have with me now and the shoes, as I went for basketball trainings for a while, but it was too competitive and try-hard environment for me back then. Hopped around with the basketball in the past week a bit too 😄 I find that the enjoyable ritual to do with eating is... watching something 😄 I tried doing this, but I felt like I was rushing the food if I "did nothing" during it. Food + an episode of series anywhere from 20-40 minutes is not only a way to get myself fed, enjoy the flavor (if it's not oats 😄 ), but also a way to relax. If I downed the food in 15 minutes, I felt as if I was working all the time. Is there a specific goal for you to achieve or is it just "time efficiency"? Could just stare the hell out of them. That'll teach them!

Hope all is well with you @seriousjay 🙂

I remember having these all-too-real dreams at times too. The intensity when I'm in them is great and in the moment I believe everything that happens, but minutes after waking up count as years.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 6/4/20 - 4/5/20 "L" will stand for the (last) plan for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term. Books: L: Finish "Tactic and Strategy in Love" and start reading "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Kiyosaki. T: I finished "Tactic and Strategy in Love" by Plzák, "Love's Hidden Symmetry" by Hellinger and started reading "Beyond Good and Evil" by Nietzsche. The first book was mainly about a possible approach about how to conduct in a relationship, the second one was about important partnerships overall and the last one is packed full with ideas that sometimes flow over my head. N: Finish "Beyond Good and Evil" start reading "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Kiyosaki. Got swayed by the psychology of love rather than the psychology of money. English - Personal + Business: L: - T: Just me and the computer for the most part. N: I have an interview coming up and a plan to cooperate with one of my friends in the business during the summer. I should have some classes beginning mid-May. Hard to say, given the current circumstances. Family: L: I think it's true to say that I find my family members more dear when I am more detached from them by living on the dorms. I get to see them just enough to be caught up on what are they up to. I think it works that way for most relationships, except for when people live together. T: Business as usual. I don't think anyone is freaking out. N: Maintain the relationships as they are, I'm happy with them as they are. University: L: So far there is just one big assignment due in a month. I'll try not to be stupid and get it done in a week or two, so I won't have to worry about it. T: I got it done almost completely, but I couldn't wrap my head around some technicalities, so I requested support. I sometimes attend the webinars, but it's nearly not as engaging as if we had the real classes. N: Hard to say, given the current circumstances. Being social: L: - T: I meet people at the dorms in smaller groups and play desktops about once a week. N: Hard to say, given the current circumstances. Exercise/movement: L: I exercise in my room now, though for lesser periods of time than before, but I also take walks into the nature more. I try to get both in during the day. T: The past month was fairly irregular; sometimes I took a walk, sometimes I exercised and I played football about once a week. N: Go to the dorm gym daily, since it opened up. Getting back after it. There's still enough time during the day to take the walk after too. Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (231 days streak). Forex: L: I wrote my friend that I am willing to put some 10 hours a week into educating myself on the topic and I'm confident I can manage that. T: It's been going rough. I'm on where I started on the demo account and I wasn't putting in the time I wanted to either. N: I was able to catch a second wind in the past few days and I'm gonna try a different approach. I wanted to give this three months and right now I am half-way through these. If I won't have the results I wanted, I'll quit. No regrets. I don't desperately need this to work for me. It's like with gaming. It might work for others, but it doesn't work for me and it doesn't even need to. Women/dating: L: I am on the dating apps, but I'd prefer just normally going out to meet women. I will probably keep them around after the quarantine is over as passive scanners. I think I have this game and trends figured out. T: I quit the apps two weeks ago, because I wasn't getting the results I wanted for the time I invested. I also met the girl and I wrote about that above. N: Be cool with whatever the outcome is and take it easy. Life's enigmatic. Sleep: I started getting up earlier, so I get up at 600-700 instead of 700-900. I tend to go to bed super early though; sometimes I spend in bed as much as 9 hours, instead of 7-8 before.I think I might be sleeping too much and I paradoxically get more tired and lethargic because of that. I'll see how having gym back influences that. Projects/misc finished last month: GIS - university (90%) money investment Projects/misc upcoming this month: gun license - on hold, quarantine Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:

I find cardio to be boring nowadays as well. I was able to get 3000 meters in 12 minutes 3 years ago and I could likely do 2700 nowadays. If I absolutely had to run for an hour, I'd rather go outside into nature or a park, rather than to sit on the bike in a gym. I'll look into that. I do not really have any metrics or research yet, all I did was to just hit the gym every day for a few months. I think it's more about the notion that one DOES exercise than the definite results that might come over time. There are millions of ways how to exercise though.

Already on it 🙂

I think that's true; we don't start building a wall, we start by laying a brick and another one tomorrow. The last couple of big projects I had took me a few dozens of hours to complete, but I'd hate my being if I decided I want to finish them in a few days. I wouldn't be surprised if all those big ambitions and plans to be recognized were fully interchangeable with something more ordinary such as being around people you enjoy. That kind of personal recognition is difficult to come by.

I don't think those are six-pack activities anyway. From January to mid-March, I did a few thousand sit-ups and I can now see shades of it. There is a lot of other exercises though.

Day 377: I sorted out my emails, did Duolingo, went outside, read in the park, worked through some my old messages, watched an interview with Ray Dalio about the current economic situation, cleaned my room, went to the gym, cooked, listened to music to relax and went to bed early. Day 378: I did Duolingo, ran around with the basketball outside, went to the gym, wrote here, went for a walk, worked through some my old messages and watched Sapolsky's lecture on hereditary non-genetic traits. --- I'm happy and grateful that I can work out at the gym again, even if I have to spray the disinfection everywhere afterwards! I'm currently at about 70% of what I did at the gym before, as I tried to mitigate losses due to the no-gym period.

I am going to spill my proverbial beans here and try to sort out my thoughts regarding the girl I sometimes write about the past month. I've been in contact with my friend about this in more detail, but I'll try to state just the facts/actions here. The story is in fact pretty simple. I got talking to her about a month ago, she liked my blog and we went for a walk a few times. We share some of our past, hobbies, opinions etc. I became increasingly attracted to her thanks to that. We also share some general guidelines on how to behave in the future. The "issue" here is that she dates one Erasmus guy and it's something I've known since I met her. I have a lot of thoughts, speculations and hypotheses, but regardless I think the best idea for me is to detach and become comfortable with the situation I've never been in. Relax. Do everything I normally do. It is what brought my attention to her and her attention to mine after all. Experience is what counts. I'm in control and everything is fine 🙂

I agree. The idea is that we have to be independent to then take care of our parents later on. It's an irony, but our parents really should take care of us to make sure we won't need them in the future. It's a story from "No More Mr Nice Guy" as well that a man eventually has to "let go" a bit of his relationship with his mother to "make room" for a new woman who is going to enter his life. Otherwise something alike what happened in the movie Crumb will occur. Anyhow, moving or not moving is totally up to you. My story is that I left to another city to study and started living on the dorms when I turned 19 (with a roommate). I moved back home after 18 months, lived with my parents for another 14 months (quit gaming at month 11), lived in Iceland for 2 months, came back to my parents for 3 months and now I have my own room on the dorms for 5 months. The last 3 months I lived with my parents I felt very strongly that there was no space for me. I had nowhere to go and nothing to do in the area. I was getting mad at them for treating me like a child or an associate, depending on which one was more convenient for them. Even though my move caught them by surprise, I think today everyone benefits from the decision. I still see them weekly; we have family lunches, do favors for each other, they give me food or household goods etc. I think a good idea could be that if you find a comfortable place to live in on your own, she can use the money she gets from renting room(s) to support you or some other similar plan. It might cost her more now, but there is a greater chance you will be able to support her in her later years.

Day 375: I did Duolingo and worked through some old messages. I got new tires for my car and had them get changed. Then I visited my grandma, went for a walk, read, attended a philosophic webinar and played board games in the evening. Day 376: I wrote here, did some Forex, went for a walk, worked through some old messages and went outside to mess around with the basketball. Later on the girl decided to randomly join me. I also went to the dorm gym, as they opened it in a limited mode, so I did a few pull-ups and sit-ups after a long time. I'm vigilant.

I guess I have had a lot of practice with that about a year ago when I quit gaming and had 10+ hours to invest somewhere else. Moreover, delaying anything doesn't make much sense in my case, if every day goes as I planned it!

Great post @BooksandTrees , definitely hit a lot of the things I was thinking about in regard to this diary. I skimmed through your extensive background again to give me better perspective. @Erik2.0 I couldn't understand it very well at first, but I think that in my case gaming (and my ex likely too, but she left on her own prior to me quitting games) was "the" dependency to get rid of. I felt as if I wasn't limited by anything that would consistently hamper me for longer spans of time. I sense that in your case gaming only masked other stringent dependencies that perhaps I would personally face a few years down the road had I continued gaming. Meds for your condition objectively limit you, but they keep you in acceptable moods. How does living together with your mom limit you? Do you have a good alternative? Be honest answering the questions above, even if you decide not to share them. Maybe you'll find out that you don't like your parents/family at all; that you hate them, like @BooksandTrees found out. Maybe you'll find out that they have their ups and downs, but acknowledge that they already played their biggest parts in your life, so it's fine to come for a family lunch every week, like I found out. Good luck and be strong. And read @BooksandTrees 's reply again, as I think he put it wonderfully 🙂

It's just my experience, but being sore the next day doesn't necessarily require me going "super-destroyer 10/10 100%" mode. I wouldn't enjoy doing all the exercises to the maximum either, let alone I could do that only twice or thrice per session. It's difficult to determine, but there's a cool middle-ground one can find 🙂

I had the same workout routine for 6 weeks I did every day at the gym to get me started on the daily habit. Later on, I started doing more diverse exercises at the gym and I had to skip some after, otherwise I'd spend three hours every day working out! I take every good opportunity I can get to "skip" my workout and to ride my bike or play football for a change, though I am sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of exercises for all the various muscles, if you want to work out every day. The main scare I had was that I would get injured by working out daily, but it seems I can do it in reasonable limits. Also, being sore for three days is not being injured 😄

I wonder if I had an edge going into this whole pandemic situation over most other people. I did face (even if voluntarily) a job loss some 20 months ago, quit games 12 months ago and since then I worked on my individual projects/hobbies/jobs. I know you quit your job and went back into it, but I don't think you ever actually enjoyed the liberty of having an undefined number of "free" days ahead of you while taking care of yourself well. I don't think people normally get to get out of this "8-hours a day" rat-race mindset. It has been a great experience for me so far - it's been very liberating and redefined my outlook on what I "have to" do.

Day 374: I worked on my GIS project and requested some help on it from our teacher. I went for a walk outside and read as well, as the weather is great. I also did spinal exercise and Duolingo. I watched a WWII documentary about the liberation of my city and the area I live in. I started going through my old messages here on GQ, to help me out with concepts for future blog posts and to remind myself of how it all started. I think it's a good idea to start chewing onto some ancient stuff that I could remind myself of, including bookmarks and other notes, physical or digital. --- I think I caught up on my "normal stuff" entirely at this point by nearly completing the GIS project. That means I sometimes get bored, but I get creative afterwards and start doing something new/something I haven't done in a long time. It's refresting.

Don't give up and don't shoot the messenger, if he does a good job for you. If that woman has nothing better to do than to harass people online, it's her issue, not yours. I remember I got a match several months ago and since I was exhilarated by studying psychology, Peterson, Sapolsky and other people and things, I tended to apply it everywhere. She mentioned MBTI and later on I got called sexist for writing there are differences between men and women on average, as the Big 5 shows. It was quite surreal 😄

Day 372: I worked on my GIS project, read, visited my parents and did some pullups and situps. Day 373: I worked on my GIS project. It's almost done, however I am struggling finalizing it, because I do not know the software. I also started watching "Yes, Prime Minister" after I've finished "Yes, Minister". I went for a walk, dribbled around a bit with a basketball on the playground, chatted with friends and played desktops in the evening.

I mean that kind of "motivation" required for doing something intellectual. I get a "motivational" high once a month to write my blog, but I write several times a month regardless. I get "motivated" to eat several times a day, but I don't think that's worth mentioning. Discipline > inspiration.

I honestly believe one can rarely get a burst of motivation/inspiration for a short time, independently of whether they work on something long-term or not, though it must not be relied upon. The girl I go on walks with told me that she wrote down a part of what I wrote in my blog into her diary. I got a burst of inspiration afterwards and wrote about a part of the next article the next day. Sometimes it's nice when somebody strokes my ego 😄

Yeah, the book is difficult to read and think about. There is a lot of "novel" ideas, but here and there I see something I can understand outright. I think the issue with "leaderlessness" drags at least for several decades now, but I guess humanity always ping-pongs between order and chaos. The video I saw yesterday was also about whether governments are nowadays raising "citizens" or "consumers".

Day 370: I worked on my GIS project, went for a walk with the girl and played football. Day 371: I worked on my GIS project, started "Beyond Good and Evil" by Nietzsche, went for a walk and watched discussion between McChrystal and Peterson. --- I have a good feeling about those walks. I'm in no rush and I take it easy; I wouldn't mind having this sort of interaction for the several upcoming weeks. It's hard to gauge, but I think she took a similar experience from her past relationship that I did; to try and work on herself.

I think it was also him who pointed out that as a male gets more "successful in life", the increase of women that are willing to date him is linear. Starting near zero (fat neckbeard gamer covered in cheeto dust and living in his mom's basement) and ending in "infinity" (successful athletes or entrepreneurs). With females it'd seem as there is more of a bell curve as to the males that are interested in them. Starting near zero (obese chicks), maxing near the middle (an average looking chick with an average job) and going down to zero towards the end (the number of highly successful males they are seeking for is small and the amount of males that would play the "woman" in the relationship is small as well). Text is unrelated, but I wanted to find a Bell curve with a linear function together 😄