Ikar

Got it, good luck 🙂 Things are becoming a bit tougher for me now with exams coming up and implementing some study-time into my schedule, but I don't think it's anything insurmountable. Business as usual.

I didn't read a book "for fun" in a long time. I think the last book I read that way was one of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books and that is surely over two years at this point. I like to keep reading into my "learning/intellectual stimulation" box of activities. I also read only one book at a time. I find the more demanding the book is, the more stimulating I find it on its own and the more rigorous I have to be in going to the park 😄 I agree. It's a non-book. I mentioned somewhere in my diary Eckhart Tolle writes these too. They are polar opposites though. One style is accepting, soothing and the other one is argumentative and aggressive. I actually prefer the latter during the most of my time. I love it. It could be because I am reading something like this for the first time or it could be because it's not catering to this day and age. At one point, I thought about how it's possible this masterstroke is not banned 😄 I pause often while reading it and that's why I read "only" some 14 pages in some 50 minutes and ponder for more 20 while walking back to the dorm. I figured as much, although one can't be amazed by everything all the time anyway. I have my quarrels with the education system as it is though, because what it mostly does is to just flood students with (currently valid) random facts. The only difference between that and clicking "Random article" on Wikipedia is that it keeps students in a controlled environment, for better or for worse, depending on the person and circumstances. I'd puke myself blue if I had to endure that again. My plan is to buy all the books I read till the end, then to read them for the second time and take notes. I already got Gulag Archipelago in my library, as a gift for myself for the 1-year game-free anniversary!

I thought about this today. People like other people who are similar/familiar to them, because that allows us to relate. Nobody is looking for the "best" person in absolute terms. It's about the duality of warm/cold compassion. There is a stronger pull towards familiar people to support them emotionally and accept them as they are, BUT also a stronger pull to ensure they stay on the path that is desirable. I mostly relate to myself in cold compassion. If I feel I didn't do very well during the day, I think something in the lines of: "Fine, you had a bad day today, but I want you to perform tomorrow." and it works for me. I think overall my environment is trying to sway me to be more warm though, for better or for worse. This is why I drive with the radio off, because I get them as well. I get them when I go for a walk too.

I always remind myself of the past days back when I was whenever I feel I didn't perform that day. I think that push when I realize the difference is still there. I think the solution to that could simply be to not talk to the same people every day. They're not your roommates nor your SO. If you think they are not receptive enough to your advice (which is actually the correct default), accept it for the time being and check back with them later if you want to. My good friends are also in part my good friends because I do not talk to them every day 😄 I do not like "wasting" time either, but if I watch 3 hours of series on a day I have only for myself while I combine it with eating and relaxation, I think it's good enough. It's indeed interesting, because there's no sure way to tell how my gut will feel at the end of the day, regardless of how much/how little I actually did.

It's just not an easy book to get into, so I prefer to go out to avoid any distractions. I generally take 20 minutes to walk into the park to read it there. I don't read books before sleep, because I hardly ever read something that would be considered resting/relaxing/soothing and I like to be high-focus when reading.

Day 395: I wrote here, did Duolingo, read an article on the Internet, sorted through mails, hopped around with basketball, cooked, did a bit of Forex, went for a walk, read and worked on my GIS project, as I got it back to make some adjustments. --- Even though I am reading "Beyond Good and Evil" for almost a month and I have to get out of my room to read it, I'm astonished every time I get to it. I don't understand all of the book, but it speaks volumes to some parts of me (and I believe every human) that have been downplayed and/or considered vile in today's age. I don't want to be considered good or bad; I rather want to be whole.

Do you have contingency plans to get through this? If you no longer need/want to quarantine in 1 month? In 3 months? In 1 year? I was thinking about making some as well, but my habits and things I wanted to do were mostly already set before all this began and I started doing a few other things, such as Forex, writing or getting uni work done in advance to replace social gatherings. It might help you internalize that it's not going to be like this forever. I think a month and a half ago, when the restrictions were at their peak around here, I met with my friend and coined going to a demonstration if the government pushed them further. My rationale was that even if I got locked up, I'd have the same amount of freedom and that I want to actually live rather than survive. They've been loosening them up ever since (nowadays restaurants can serve in their outdoor premises), so that contingency remains unexplored as of yet. In a way, this is a prime time to get to know oneself and others. There are as many opinions about this situation as there are people and nobody really knows what to do. I think I feel with Books on this one. I'm also somewhat obsessive about finding out how much/how little people do in their lives and what do they do in general. It could be that I hold myself to high standards, that my ego that commands me to be better than everyone else or that I give my full trust to a select few. I acknowledge that all of these are my issues though and that it doesn't make sense to blame anyone else for my inability to accept reality as it is. @Alexanderle I'm looking forward to that blog of yours 😄

Day 392: I slept over at my friend's and we headed out to the English outdoor event. I knew all the people there and we chatted and ate. Day 393: My friend, one colleague and I went to the bobsled and it was great. We could control how fast would it go, so it felt like riding a car at great speeds! We met with a couple of his friends afterwards too, so I got to know some new people as well. I got home in the evening and managed to hit the gym. Day 394: I planned my week, spend some time on Forex, visited my parents, started fixing up my drums, scanned through some old books and exercise books and went to a philosophy course. --- I felt a bit guilty after the English outdoor event, because it didn't turn out to be as English as I expected and it was more casual. My friend, who was basically the leader-teacher of the event, told me not to worry about it and that I did what I could do. He told me he also expected others to be more proactive than they were, but ultimately you can't shove something down someone's throat and call that a voluntary decision. It was still good to have such an experience anyway, because if I once get to lead organize such events myself, I have to remember and know they are not just about me and not get worked up about that. I connected a few dots in my mind today at the philosophy course. I realized the way to go about one's life is to create an excess of good habits, treating one well etc., much like if we were building a relationship with someone else. The nature of such behavior is not therefore transactional. I'm going live with Forex tomorrow. I have my goals set up. I believe I am disciplined enough to make it work. I can do this.

Day 389: I did Forex, did a chart of my expenses for the past 5 months, went to the gym, visited my grandma, had an English class with one student and had the philosophy class in the evening. Day 390: I sorted out my laundry, chatted with a friend, finalized my expenses chart, went to the gym, did Forex, sorted out mails and went to an English meeting in the evening. Day 391 afternoon: I taught in an English class, did Duolingo, cooked and worked on Forex. --- These days are quite demanding, as they are the foreshadow the ones that are going to come. I feel mangled after all this. I've been stepping up my workouts, so I feel them more. I'm also getting back into actually speaking in English. I had two cold beers outside yesterday, so that probably had some effect too. So I am taking today "off", keeping it minimal and just relaxing for the most part. I'm also going to an English outdoor event with my friend during the weekend.

Haha, I agree gym is not a place to have deep conversations. Going for a walk or having a beer or two makes more sense. I try to create consistency because I know in due time I will get to know that person (and even myself). I just need to be more patient and try to not be too forceful about it.

Since all of us here are/were gaming addicts, I do not find his behavior odd. I find it normal. The issue with that addicts just latch onto one thing. A well-developed personality makes its life dependent on more things, because when any single thing goes out of the window, they can carry on with their life. It's a rough lesson, but sometimes one needs to let go of something they love to get what they need.

Day 386: I scheduled my next week (been some time since I needed to do that), watched a few Forex videos, worked on Self-Authoring, visited my parents, got a haircut and took a walk. Day 387: I watched a Forex video, worked on Self-Authoring, went to the gym, did the laundry, read outside and chatted with a friend over Internet. Day 388: I watched a Forex stream, went to the gym, cooked, went for a walk, read and sunbathed like a lizard while sitting on the bench. --- I wrote my friend, because I tried to square away my emotions the past two days. I get peeved when I perceive someone (ranging from them asking me to me having a hunch) wants help. The issue is that I afterwards think they just made a buffoon out of me, when they likely never intended to do that. I think I need to learn to detach from the situation and watch what they do instead of what they say or how they come across. I need to learn to offer help (and not to shove it down their throat) and let them come to me when THEY decide to come. I figure as much that people want to talk about their problems most of the time and solve them in due time on their own. I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum, because I learnt to sweep my problems under the rug as a child, so I hardly ever just talk about my problems and I usually tackle them on my own ASAP. Another thing is that I think I expect too much from people and I try to build deep friendships quickly. The only time I built a deep friendship with someone quickly was with my ex, although I had no idea what and why made us close to each other. I'm grateful both the emotions of anger that propels me forward to do something and acceptance that soothes and validates me as I am.

Long, but consistent and satisfactory. Life's been good and I'm happy to be here 🙂

Welcome to the forum! I'm happy you find my journey inspiring. Thanks and good luck indeed 😄

Hey Lea, it seems you stopped journaling around the time I came here. Welcome back! You got this 🙂

I also generally put in the episode of a series in the mornings nowadays. There's no rush. Even though I do not like the fact that I started watching Billions and each episode is an hour long and it feels to me to be a bit long to just grab breakfast/lunch/dinner with it. I might be currently single, but I empathize with you and see why you do what you do, because I would do the same for my girl. You putting in the effort to help her counts, though her having the therapist to help out is vital as well. Just know it might take years, as it took us all with gaming. Keep on keeping on, you're doing great 🙂

Hey! I've seen you've been posting on other threads the past couple of days, just shortly after I went through my posts and reactions in your diary, thinking "Damn, where did this guy go and how is he doing now?" If all goes well with Forex and I hit my first milestone, I will remember all the good influences that were there for me (and still are) and support them financially, at least once, so they can be there for others when they need them in the future too. Mark my words, as I mark them into my Excel sheet 🙂 Thanks for dropping by. I'm looking forward to seeing a diary entry of your own!

Yeah, I got it about a year ago, then worked on it for a while and then sort of shelved it. It costs 30 bucks, but I think there are discount codes somewhere and you get a second copy to give away to whomever you like.

Great work! Just make sure you don't shoot yourself in the foot by over-committing to the animation 🙂

Good call! We all get them from time to time. It's okay, unless you daydream about gaming for hours during the day. Depending on how much you have in common, you can still remain friends even without gaming, if he's willing to accept that. I once saw Peterson's video where he described addiction as a sub-personality of the whole personality. Depending on how severe your addiction was, the bigger that sub-personality was/is and it has only one objective: to game. It will do anything to game the maximum amount of time. I found myself being less agreeable afterwards I quit gaming too.

Day 383: I worked on Forex, got done checking the messages I have in other threads except for my diary here in GQ, went to the gym and attender a uni webinar. I also started watching Billions. Day 384: I watched the video @Alexanderle linked in another thread, worked on Self-Authoring (writing my biography at the moment - wanted to get back into it for a while), went to the gym, took a walk and read. Day 385: I worked on Self-Authoring, checked out a Forex video, took a walk, read and played basketball with others.

Most people get paid for 8 hours a day, but nobody really works 8 hours a day. For a while, I worked in the warehouse where all I was supposed to do was to take books and boxes back and forth from shelves. I still chatted with other people (I liked to call us drones), skimmed through interesting books that I got in my hands, took piss breaks, got lost in an interesting thought... people in the office have even more distractions than these. I can't put my finger on it exactly, but I am seeing my life in a more complex, united way than before. I don't have a job I'd need to resist with the rest of my lifestyle or get burnt out from it. But everything I do now seems to make sense in one way or another.

Good question. It's a mixture of everything, truth to be told. I get a feeling of deep-seated satisfaction when everything works out as planned and make (so far imaginary) money. This week I also made some mistakes and and I got punished for being impulsive and not being disciplined. The thing I am the most satisfied this week as Forex is starting to make sense for me, that it's not all random. I think I am a bit of a statistics nerd, so I like looking at the graphs at times and recognizing patterns. It takes a bit of time here and there, but as long as a partial lock-down is enforced, I'm okay spending an hour or two on learning it. I did get overwhelmed once though and got burned out for the next two weeks. The psyche is a beast sometimes.

Yeah, I used to be quite puzzled when parking too, but it got better over time. I guess I am still not the best at longitudinal parking, but I didn't skirt anything so far 😄 I like driving on the edge/agressively, especially when I am on my own. I love the feeling of immersion when driving, so I don't even listen to the radio while driving. It's not that I'd be speeding 90 kph in the city or otherwise breaking the law, but the overall expression of my ride and perhaps the extension of my personality. I usually tone it down a bit when I am driving with someone though. I've seen it before, but it's timeless 🙂

It could be that you need to take a few days off after working a lot before. I had that happen to me before. You could first start out "working" again by setting the house in order, so you have good environment, a clean kitchen and less ants 😄