Ikar

Thanks! They are all obviously great bands, though the guys already had some concepts/incomplete songs even before I came and they were curious how'd they sound with drums. The real issues are whether I am musically curious enough (to research and come up with something, which would require actively listening to songs) and how seriously do I want to take this (I'm up for playing at concerts and improving my style, but I do not plan to become a music star) and whether that meets their expectations or not. It's strange that even sometimes doing nothing is the right choice and better than doing something. It turns out creative boredom is a thing. I read somewhere (maybe even here on the forum) that real "forces of nature" such as sex are appealing for us to have control over them completely, but I believe they are meant to be partly uncontrollable. Dealing with the animal inside us is always difficult, but we'd be gods otherwise. I'm happy about the fact that I am progressing. I remember telling my X I'd quit masturbating completely, because I'd have sex with her, although I don't think we met often enough/regularly enough to make that work. I did 13 days "clean" before. I suppose I could push it to two weeks nowadays, especially if I set up some mechanisms with my future GF that I'd call her/contact her/do something nice for her every time I feel horny and then enjoy the fact I managed to hold out. I think it'd be rewarding for both of us. I'll check out the app, thanks for that 🙂

7 X 7 X 7 - differences It's been over 21 months since I quit the army, over 14 months since I quit gaming and nearly 7 months since I started living at the dormitory. It's time for another big update. I went through my previous monthly reports and picked out the areas of my life I focus/focused on. --- Exercise/movement: I started going to the dormitory gym on 31st December. I started out small, doing 15 grip "over" and 15 grip "under" pull-ups and 100 sit-ups. For comparison, nowadays I regularly do 35 pull-ups of both kind, 150 crunches/sit-ups, 150 Russian twists and 50 push-ups. I cycle more often (approximately 20km a week now), sometimes hop around with the basketball and take walks to the park when I read. I am happy with my current physique, I think it's actually the best it's ever been. I know there are ways to be more efficient, so I'll look into diet and exercises with someone more competent, as well as some exercises for my legs. I want to pick up a martial art as well. Reading: I read 8 books during this time of various topics - dating, psychology, philosophy or finance. I think reading is the habit that goes out of the window first whenever I feel I need to prioritize something else. Regardless, I want to start taking notes when I read. Family: I get to see all of my family (mom, dad, brother, grandma) every week. I think mom and dad handled the transition caused by my departure well. They argue sometimes, but it seems to be that healthy kind of arguing that keeps the relationship alive and that solves problems rather than causing them. My brother seems happy with his girlfriend and my grandma is happy the family sticks together and that she sees us regularly. I think my family respects me more overall and understands when/how I need to assert myself. University: This semester, I passed all but one exam during the exam term, so now there's just that and one nearly-finished project to be completed. I did a good job catching up onto home-works during the semester. I think the preparation during the exam term could've been better, however it was challenging to set the priorities straight to satisfy all the areas of my life. I'm happy with how I did overall. I want to keep the habit of spending one morning a week during the semester on uni stuff. Drumming: Last month, I went drumming a couple of times with my two band-members. I feel as if I already got better at playing the drums than I was before couple of years ago. The only issue here might be the genre, as I think we sometimes play too many doomy-gloomy, melancholic and unhappy songs. I want to push for something more positive and/or more energetic. Forex: I started three months ago, half of the time I spent on demo and now I am on real. On real, I was anywhere between 90%-130% of my initial investment the past 6 weeks and right now I'm sitting at 100%. Honestly, Forex is a great emotional health check. I'm employing a longer-term strategy, where I check the charts each hour (though I obviously sleep for 7-8 hours and I don't have mobile Internet) and if the conditions are met, I enter a trade that might potentially last a few days. Sometimes I lose even though I am disciplined, but it's a better loss than if I was stressing out the whole time and broke the rules I want to play by. I think it actually fits my life philosophy nicely, so I think I have a good shot at being good at it. It's not the money I make, it's the money I keep. At a job, I also waited for a paycheck for a month, so the same logic applies here. English teaching: I had a lot of classes in November/December. I couldn't find anything that fit my criteria afterwards, so I got the trade license, got the website up and CV struck afterwards. I am currently running one class for volunteers charitably and I have another one I get paid for well. I like teaching English, though I feel I have accepted it can't be a great focus of mine currently, because I can't control how many classes I get (or not) and because I can't control how much an employer is willing to pay me. I already handed out quite a few business cards to interesting people I met at the class. I accept that I have to keep it small scale for the time being. Writing/GQ forum: I write here (reports like these), I started writing a blog on 31st December (5 articles thus far), wrote my business website and I wrote a bit of Self-authoring. I didn't write anything in the past two months besides a report or two. To clarify, I mean this in the context of writing just for writing itself or "active" writing. I mostly do "reactive" writing - I react on somebody else's post/topic/message. I am going to shift the balance, meaning I will post less and not sub to any more new threads, but I'll keep checking/posting in the ones I already posted in and post more on my blog. I think "active" writing is more rewarding, as it forces me to think actively, whereas "reactive" writing means merely stating my current opinion and there's no novelty involved. If I discuss something with someone, it's better to do it in person anyway. I'll be more than happy to exchange PMs though, especially if they'll be as eloquent as the ones @gargamel sent me recently, so you know what to do if you want to provoke me 😄 Being social: I talk to people more nowadays and I often face the choice of forgoing one event for another. Before that, everyone I could realistically get in contact more often than once a week were my parents. I knew I had to start my social life from the scratch when I quit games. It took me a while, but I got the vibe I couldn't do that without moving from my parents in the suburbs, as all there is is just one pub. Another small shift I noticed recently was that I actively started to get invited to events, although I am aware it's still necessary to break the ice sometimes and try something new. Minor areas (currently): Gun license: I'm setting this up. Got the papers in and I should start in two weeks. I want to get back into it because I loved the activity when I was in the army and I kept on talking about doing it after I left it. The time has come. Spending a day on the shooting range a month sounds great. Russian: I am on Duolingo with a streak of 280, but while I enjoy the randomness of doing it just because I can, I'm also unsure what exactly am I going to do with it and I've been like that for a while. I'm going to quit it on 5th August, unless I find a purpose for it. Business idea Mk 2: This has the potential to make great money (read: give me a lot of time to do whatever I like in the more distant future, because money rules in democracy) just like Forex. I want to start working on this again once I can make this a priority again. --- Related thoughts: Men and women: I don't write about my friendships with men a lot, but I think it'll do them some justice if I spend a paragraph regarding these here. Part of the reason why is because they are stable and I can count on them if needed, even if I see guy X "only" once a month or so. They have this stabilization effect for me, even if they bring in something novel every now and then. I can reach this state even with women I am not interested in romantically, though it's generally too much hassle to reach that state because of the sex difference and blurry lines. I have a whole different system of relating to women I am interested in romantically. The most interesting thing is that if a man and a woman would objectively behave the same way/did the same thing, what I would consider a weakness in a man could be a a desirable trait for me in a woman and vice versa. Masturbation: It's been a strugglebus, but I think I made some progress in at least cutting the number of times I masturbate. I'm holding strong on ejaculation though. I think it'll be like with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste. Meditation: I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm. Gratitude: I noticed I became more grateful in some areas, though I get cocky at times, but mostly when I am alone. I plan to mark down a thing or two in each entry that I am grateful for, preferably something original and non-repetitive. --- Closing thoughts: The overall analysis I gather from the bold text (goals/action plans) is that I need to be comfortable spending more time on my own without any distractions. I'd rather be bored than to do something I don't find useful and have no real justification for doing it. Another interesting point is that I notice more things are naturally coming to me rather than me having to chase them all the time (hunter X fisher mentality).

I guess the bosses don't know themselves yet. I think it's good she was proactive and at contacted them at the very least. Good luck! I wouldn't worry about it. New things wouldn't get old if some attrition didn't happen to them. My car is low-sitting and I sometimes manage to skirt pavements when I am parking, but at least my mechanic has something to do when I visit him every couple of months 🙂

Day 438: I finalized moving to the new room, watched a Forex stream, worked out, wrote my friends and went to an English speaking event. I joined a group of 16-18 years olds playing board-games and they were all quite energetic and curious, so we had a good time. Day 439: I worked on Duolingo, figured out how to do reverse tethering from PC cable internet to my phone, watched a Forex stream, chatted with "Girl A" about the event during the weekend, took a nap (it's scorching here and my body doesn't take that well, so I assume I got sick from too much sun), visited my grandma, taught an English class and worked out.

Day 437: I worked on Duolingo, then on my big report, spent some time on Forex, wrote my friends, worked out, went for a walk and read. In the evening, I moved most of my things from my current room to another, as there's some reorganization going on, but I should spend the next year in the same (currently new) room.

Thanks! I have actually another one coming in the next few days 🙂 I wrote all those statements a couple of months ago and I keep re-posting them each time in the monthly report, as I found out they are good to remember. Though it sounds paradoxical, I need to keep working on just being in the present moment. I think just a few years ago, I'd scoff at anything that would be written in the same ethereal undertone you use on a regular basis (or that I used in those few sentences), but nowadays I can't help but feel they are damn wonderful and delicate. Thank you for being here.

Day 436: I finished my monthly report, did some paperwork regarding the gun license, wrote to my friends, worked on the big report, cooked and attended the philosophy seminar. I cycled about 20 kilometers today as well.

Have you thought of doing plain old push-ups? I'm not a fan of lifting weights, as long as I can exercise well enough with my own body.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 6/6/20 - 28/6/20 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. "N" will stand for the plan next term. --- Books: L: Finish reading "Rich Dad Poor Dad" and start reading "On the Genealogy of Morality". T: I finished "Rich Dad Poor Dad". Another great book that explains how money works in a simple yet effective manner. I started reading "On the Genealogy of Morality". N: Finish reading "On the Genealogy of Morality". Start a notebook where I write the main points from the books I read. English - Personal + Business: L: The classes should run up until June. I'll see what I can come up with my friend. T: I am still teaching the two classes. They should be running through the summer as well. I also went went to the English outdoor. N: My volunteer class is growing. I don't expect to get/create any more classes during the summer. I am going to be sending out CVs in the beginning/mid August to check what's available in the city, as most courses start in September/October. Family: L: - T: I can't notice anything out of the ordinary. Meeting up with everyone once a week. N: - University: L: Nail those exams. That includes the GIS project, though it's the last thing to do. T: I have to retake one exam in late July, but it's all good! The GIS project is likely the next thing to be done in the next 2 weeks. N: Win. Being social: L: - T: There's very few restrictions still in place, most of them got canceled. That said, I seldom go out just to go out. I like when meetings have an agenda, like speaking in English or philosophy, rather than a random get-together of people. N: - Exercise/movement: L: I want to bench 50 kg the next month, I am currently on 30 kg. Getting to do pull-ups in series of 7 or 8 would be nice as well. T: I get to the gym at least three times a week and sometimes I take the basketball for a spin instead. I started doing push-ups instead of lifting weights at the bench. I did 7 or 8 pull-up series a couple of times too. N: I want to become more consistent with push-ups. I didn't like the exercise historically. I also want to come up with a good leg workout, as the only exercises I know are lunges and squats. Russian: I am still on track on Duolingo (278 days streak). Forex: L: I stick with the same FX streamer/educator for over a month now and I actually made a couple of % on my real account. I've been quite aggressive employing the strategy this week, as I grew more confident. Keep doing what I'm doing. If I keep making these small % over a couple of months or even a year (and keep getting better), it's the way to go. T: The raw data is that in these 6 weeks I've been anywhere between 90% and 130% of my investment, while I am currently sitting a bit over 100% (breaking even). I think I can make this work for me. N: The most important thing is to keep it together and not get stressed by other events in my life, keep on being disciplined and let emotions get into the equation as least as possible. Business idea: L: I got involved in one business idea outside of Forex. I'll see how this goes. T: I decided to stop this endeavor for the time being, at least until I've dealt with exams and became a bit better at handling Forex, both mentally and time-wise. N: I'm still interested in this, although more for the skill-set involved rather than the financial side of things. Women/dating: L: The paragraphs below are about "Girl A": The story is in fact pretty simple. I got talking to her about a month ago, she liked my blog and we went for a walk a few times. We share some of our past, hobbies, opinions etc. I became increasingly attracted to her thanks to that. We also share some general guidelines on how to behave in the future. The "issue" here is that she dates one Erasmus guy and it's something I've known since I met her. I have a lot of thoughts, speculations and hypotheses, but regardless I think the best idea for me is to detach and become comfortable with the situation I've never been in. Relax. Do everything I normally do. It is what brought my attention to her and her attention to mine after all. Experience is what counts. I'm in control and everything is fine 🙂 I am still writing with "Girl A" every now and then, even though we didn't manage to meet for a few weeks. I think she's apprehensive towards meeting me alone or attending events where I would be the only one she knows initially, because she has a boyfriend after all. I understand the behavior and I wouldn't want any of us to do anything stupid, as long as everybody involved is relatively happy. She invited me to a few events herself, but I wasn't able to attend as they were fairly last-minute and I had plans already. I also started writing with "Girl T" the past week. I remember meeting her back on one of the English-speaking sessions back in January/February/March and we chatted for a while, although I would assume she was not interested in me from the interaction. So when her friend requested landed the last week, I initially didn't know who she was, so I asked her that and I had to reminisce for half an hour before I figured it out. We got chatting afterwards. Life's strange. T: "Girl A" and I met up once and she returned me the book about relationships I lent her. She is very introspective about her relationship patterns and keeps the conversation logical and impersonal. She doesn't whine. I'm arriving to some conclusions myself now that I know her, some of her thoughts and my relationship with my X. It's intriguing and terrifying at the same time. "Girl T" didn't reply for three weeks now, so that thread is dead. N: I want to talk to "Girl A" again to share my conclusions. I'm going to do that this weekend. --- Additional projects/misc/cool stuff finished last month: none Additional projects/misc/cool stuff upcoming this month: gun license --- Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:

Day 434: I planned the next week, wrote the exam, hopped around with basketball, took a nap (I didn't feel well after spending some time outside in the heat), I started writing my longer report and I played with the band in the evening. Day 435: I worked on my longer report, visited my family, did some shopping and worked out.

This made me think. I'm sure I'd have sex to strengthen the existing bond between me and the woman and to officially "kick off" the monogamous relationship. As for masturbating + ejaculating on my own, I think I need the discipline to not go overboard with it, but not to completely lock it out either. It's the same with any biological need like eating or drinking. I think I am doing very well as far as masturbation goes for the past three weeks and I can't think of an instance where I ejaculated more than three times a week.

Day 433: I had an English class in the morning, I worked out, studied, took a nap, wrote to my friends and went out for a dinner with one of them. --- It was a bit bumpy with masturbation the past few days, but I got through this night without issues. I suppose it would be easier if I quit completely, but if I am to have a regular sex life, I don't think it would make sense to have sex less than once a week.

I like your line of thinking that her X is not an evil being. I think there is always something crucial to be understood about the person through one's Xs, both in what they love and what they hate. Are those people the only friends your SO has? It seems they chose him over her at one point, so I don't see the logic why any of them would want to meet again. Her comment to not provoke her X seems desperate (in the way that she wants the evening not to go poorly, rather than to go amazing) and misplaced given the attitude in your post.

Day 432: I studied extensively, watched a Forex stream, hopped around with basketball, went for a walk, did the groceries and went to an English speaking event in the evening. --- I ejaculated after 5 days yesterday, although I did "dry" masturbation a few times the days before. Now I want to be masturbation-free until next Monday, so that's at least 10 days. I think I also felt a bit tired during the day because I masturbated the night before.

When talking to women, the thing I am most interested in is their story, which is completely independent of their looks. I remember getting somewhat intimidated if I was to approach a truly beautiful woman, even though I got myself into situations to talk to her afterwards. I think I wrote about this before, but the stigma with beautiful women is that they know they can have any other guy if they at least remotely try, so it's hard for them to settle until they find a guy who meets their all of their expectations, so they are more promiscuous on average. Us, ex-gamers, with non-existent/bad relationship experience, rather sympathize with women who want to be loyal, never had much experience with men either (because of their looks), but found out they want to do something about their situation (lose weight, quit SM dramas, watching soap operas for hours etc.) and generally do it once and do it right.

Day 430: I wrote some mails, thought about and planned my course of action regarding relationship with "Girl A", watched the FX stream, hopped around with basketball, went for a walk, read, met with a friend from the military I haven't seen in 2 years and had a philosophy seminar in the evening. Day 431: I studied, watched the FX stream, worked out, visited my grandma, taught an English class and wrote my friends. --- My volunteer English class is growing. I had three ladies join today, with two of them being pensioners but having decent English. They're very talkative and the class is easygoing because of that. Even though "Girl A" didn't reply to my message for a few days, she did invite me to her cottage party the next weekend, along with 30 or so people (I'd expect probably half will show up), of which I know just a few. It effectively made my contingency plans futile, however it might be a better plan than the one I had in mind. Besides, I get to meet new people and that's always helpful. I'm happy with how this is turning out.

It is! The weird thing about this all is that here in central Europe, the quarantine is basically gone at this point. I hope the trend continues, where people get infected slowly enough to not overcrowd the hospitals, if they have severe complications. I think the virus eventually finds us all and that it's just a dice roll whether our bodies have good defense against it or not.

100%. Guys just make for more stable friends, just because there's no sexual tension. Getting to know people to know who to care about is crucial and if you know next to none, then you'll do with whomever is at hand. This "village/closed community" mindset is not necessarily bad by default, but I think one misses out on a lot of life if they just decide to stay where they've been since they were born. 100%. Happened to me and I do not want to go back. Women don't want men who are useless without them. It's only 1 year and 2 months, but you are right on the money. I had my gaming addiction and no income (but savings to get me through for a year or two). I just managed to get through the first semester at the university. I spent three months sorting myself out. I didn't see a lot of people during this period either, but I was thinking about the habits and values I wanted to get into my life. I started small, just by doing household chores while parents were out, teaching a few hours of English, marking down what I did during the day in Excel, reading, taking walks etc. Afterwards, I went to Iceland to find a job, because I wanted to go somewhere during the summer. I think it was a promise I made to my X and I decided to honor it. Another two and a half months gone by and I made good money. I returned home and another three months have gone by. I started feeling too isolated being in the suburbs with my parents and not knowing anyone outside university and English classes, both of which were held once a week. So six months ago, I moved to the university dorms, started talking to people (both guys and girls alike) and going to events that interested me. I know the good things are coming my way now, because I keep putting in the effort to work on myself. Thanks for reminding me of that @BooksandTrees . You're doing a stellar job as well; searching for a girlfriend, exploring hobbies, getting even with your family and other things 🙂

Day 429: I went to get my bike fixed and bought gear to fix it myself the next time. I got my hair cut, worked out, drummed with the band, shopped with my mom for some summer clothes, organized an event on FB for late July and wrote to friends.

I think I've been living that life ever since I broke up with my ex. I rather do things in advance and smoothly, rather than waiting for something to hit me with pain like a truck and it seems to be working for me so far, since I didn't have such a strong traumatic experience since. Becoming aware of the unaware before it deals too much damage is vital in life.

If you think you can't handle dating apps with all their pros and cons, then quit them. One of the cons is being hyper-aroused, because the girls want to look hot, hence your sexual dreams. I had that too. I agree 100% with @BooksandTrees (again). It's nonsensical to think that being bad at dating apps means you die alone. That's horse shit. Quite the contrary, I think if you have an active and balanced enough lifestyle, you will meet interesting women through it, so a dating app would be redundant (I'm aware of CV, but we're not gonna be quarantined/restricted forever, no matter where we are at.) I remember @BooksandTrees also wrote a guide to a good dating profile that gets hits, so it's up to you if you decide to follow the recipe and use it. An example: My brother lived with parents up until 28, as far as I know, his only dating experience was one teenage mingle. He moved into his own apartment, found a girlfriend through playing Pokémon Go a few months later. He'll be 30 soon and they are still together. As a side thought, I urge you to examine the relationship you have with your mom (who you seem to adore) and with your dad (who you seem to detest). It's speculative, but I think your relationship with your mom might be too close to even let a girlfriend into your life. You will need to let her go in a way to make room for another woman in your life. Just talk to girls, observe and try to make some sense of the way they react to you, ideally via hobbies. We're no experts here (it's in our diaries) who would date hundreds of women and had sex with tens of them.

Day 427: I did Duolingo, did the laundry, a few other chores, planned my next week, wrote a bit, had a long session with the band and went to bed early. Day 428: I wrote here, went for a walk in the rain, read, visited my family, worked out, wrote a bit and wrote my friends.

Thanks! Good luck on your detox as well 🙂

I dislike just writing over Internet/phone. I am generally able to reply the same day, although there's nothing else to do than to respect the speed they are writing at or just quit writing them completely. Writing is the minimum level of interaction required to stay relevant and hence only good to set up times/location, perhaps convey some basic facts that happened recently and images + videos. I hope you'll be able to move over to phone/meet in person soon. Be proactive, lead and charge rather than hold back, but don't be desperate. I'm currently sitting in the same spot. If she writes, she writes. If she doesn't, then she doesn't. There's plenty of women out there 🙂

24 hours a day. I think I had that feeling my days are shortening about a month into quitting. There's always something to do. Got two hours? Hit the gym. Got half an hour? Clean the room. Even then, I sometimes like to be "creatively bored" when I think of new ideas and activities. I started getting up at 6 consistently at the beginning of quarantine. I notice I am hardcore about it even now, because whenever I am out, I make an effort to hit the sack around midnight, so I get up before 8. People sometimes almost reflexively ask me/poke fun at me as to why I get up so early and don't drink much and I tell them every time: "Because that's how I want it." I am not a fan of making schedules in advance for myself, but I write what I do every day every 30 minutes. Sometimes there are weeks where my ideally "daily" habits turn into "1-2x a week" habits (e.g. no time to take a walk in the park + read), so its a good reminder as to whether I am doing what am I supposed to do. I don't think anything can be seriously considered as a habit if it's done less than once a week. I got rid of YT from my phone about 9 months ago and effectively ended my "sex video coupled with masturbation" habit. Using the browser was too much hassle for me 😄