NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
BooksandTrees
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Posts posted by BooksandTrees
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I agree with @LordFederickRamsay. not many people read these posts unfortunately and it is frustrating. I wrote about it dozens of times with @Ikarabout how there isn't a community feel and it can be depressing. We tried our best to create monthly shoutouts in celebrate section a few years back.
It's just tough because sometimes the community leaders relapse and leave. The other issue is it's hard to help others when you can't help yourself. These feelings can lead you into making templates to follow to give you some sort of structure to recovery. He's right about templates. They feel like work. Don't do them. Most people who do them burnout and quit.
I go through phases of long summary posts and then short posts about emotions or what I'm specifically dealing with. Try to make your posts so they help you most. If you want to vent, vent. If you are stuck on one thing, write one thing.
You guys got this.
And this is unrelated, but I used to feel obligated to read every diary and post to help and it's exhausting. I feel bad that I don't write on everyone's page anymore but it's so important to have others help you during recovery. I ended up taking a long break from here because it burned me out.
Take your time with it and let it go in waves. You both are doing great and it's big just being on the right path.
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3 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
Sorry for the wall of text, I tried to get it out of me and make an opinion but ended up just making an incomprehensible message, I guess that the summary would be as follows:
1-When I'm bored
2-And most importantly when I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed, which right now is a lot of the time
3-When I'm in a rout/defeatist mood
4-Feeling of lack of progress
5-Having notions of having lots of things that I want to do but having to constrain myself
I guess that's more or less it, it mostly comes from not being able to properly cope with the amount of tasks responsibilities and feeling of little progress in regards to getting them done, specially when I start comparing myself with how I think other people that don't have these extra curricular activities (competitions) are doing.
Thanks for sharing. It's very common for all people, not just people in recovery, to feel overwhelmed with stress. Stress is that number one trigger for flight or fight response.
Most people in recovery have to learn how to cope with boredom. It's important to try and equate it to something positive like your mind getting well deserved rest. Gaming is like taking a test in college. Very simulating and taxing. That's why a lot of people do soft brain activity here like exercise, meditation, or reading or coloring but not drawing because that can be difficult too for people.
A lot of your list stems from feeling lost. Why are you lost? Is it career or school related? Life and love related? Diet or lifestyle related? Living situation or family related?
If we can narrow down these feelings of confusion then we can begin to find direction by working on one thing at a time and not overwhelming yourself with solving tons of things at once.
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3 hours ago, Zoe said:
Hi there. I’m very new to this journey and am trying to keep up with a few other journals. I skimmed your journal but plan to read in more detail. Just wanted to let you know that your progress is inspiring
Thank you! If you have any questions let me know and I'll try to help. Be patient and be your own friend as you start this journey. It's very important to learn and practice self love and forgive yourself.
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I think I'm in that familiar mindset when depressed where I can feel depression urging me to give in and just feel empty and sleep all day. That's a tough thing about depression. Sometimes you don't feel it for days and sometimes you feel it a few times a day. Just that urge to not do anything and sink.
I'd feel comfortable sinking because it gives the feeling of escaping any daily responsibilities I have and I'd feel safe. On the other hand I want to make progress on my project at work and then write a few paragraphs for my book later.
I think I'd feel better doing the productive part. But I'm still not ready to jump into my day yet.
What I'll do is slowly open every program and file I need and just start doing little things here and there until I catch some momentum and not think about how tired I am.
Anyways, this is an example of how my day starts most days and even though I've quit gaming and stuff, I still have this depression from time to time.
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12 hours ago, Faroe Islander said:
I need the time that I would gain from quitting videos but also find the lack of entertainment and the little interactions with "o just one more" absolutely excruciating.
I haven't had time to read your diary but what are you getting from videos and games that life isn't providing? I'm sensing a mix of boredom and lack of accomplishment that's feeding the need to do 1 more or get entertained. Is that true at all?
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On 4/12/2023 at 10:59 AM, Loloro said:
My son is an addicted gamer. He is 19 and has no motivation or ambition. He doesn't even get dressed in the morning and has no interest in hygiene. He has no plans for the future or to increase the quality of his life he doesn't drive or even leave the house aside from his part time job. A job that if I didn't keep track for him I think he would get fired. He doesn't have motivation to even make a change he says he doesn't know why but he just doesn't care about anything. How do I get him to want to make a change in his life?
I'd come at him with only empathetic and patient support for right now. He knows you're disappointed and frustrated.
If you show vulnerability to him and tell him why you care, without raising your voice, cornering him, or manipulating him, he will talk.
Right now, he feels at rock bottom on one side where he's just a mess socially and developmentally. But on the other side, he's very confident in gaming and might actually have a level of success on there involving fame, notoriety, and community favor. Those feelings with give him purpose and he'll put all of his effort in life into that game because of it.
That has some benefits. He'll be successful at future jobs etc. But right now it's about you or a therapist uncovering why he's afraid of life, afraid to develop into an adult, afraid to change, etc. He's hiding from real life for a reason. For all we know, his parents and family could have neglected him for years and he was lonely and found belonging online.
Some of his reasons will be your fault or significant other's fault. You have to listen to him and not be offended if he says this. If he's going to change, you might need to change also. Kids are fortunately and unfortunately a result of their environment. If you're in that environment, you've potentially impacted him in a way that steered him to gaming.
I'm not trying to be rude to you, but I've been involved with helping people recover from addictions, gaming and more, and a high percentage have family issues that have not been resolved.
Good luck, be his friend, but be his mother. Get on his level and invest that time in helping him. It will take years.
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3 hours ago, Ikar said:
There are always a few things to improve, but overall I've been feeling great. I'm quite excited about what the future holds, but I am also happy with what I already have, just glancing through my recent monthly reports. I hope you've been experiencing the same!
Most definitely. I think my balance had been big moments of good and big moments of bad at first, but now it's turning into average moments of each with more big moments of good at the moment.
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3 hours ago, Cam Adair said:
Over 200,000 views on your journal - how cool is that!
My back hurt today also, hope you feel better soon.
Thanks! It's pretty special. I've been helped by a lot of people who have come and gone over the years. I'm pretty amazed by the success I've found and the people I've met.
I hope your back feels better soon, too!
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I'm feeling a little down today because my back hurts from an injury I sustained over the weekend. One of my managers also keeps requesting me for his project and not giving me anything to work on and it's pissing me off.
But I don't want that to distract me from how good of a weekend I had. I wrote over 4,000 words for my new book, I finished a book I was reading, I planted apple trees in my yard, I cleaned my house, I got ice cream, and had a really powerful, positive conversation with my wife that really put a smile on my face.
It's easy to look at these negatives but I'm gonna practice looking on the positive side.
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I also wanted to add that I've been cleaning things around my house more often. A lot of environmental changes happen when you aren't dedicating hours to apps or games or porn etc.
You start looking for things to do and they can have subtle, yet enjoyable impacts on your life.
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This has been my most productive week at work in months. I got so much done and was motivated a good amount of time. I also finished writing the second chapter of my book. I'm up to almost 5500 words written.
I'm still a little more tired in general but that's OK. I've also eaten healthier and has much better hygiene.
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I think the brain fog effect of the apps and videos is similar to gaming brain fog. Typically go through withdrawal for the first 2 days then each day is better after that.
It's been a lot easier to start work now. I can do a few hours without needing a walk or something now.
I also started reading my book again and I rode my bike for...2 miles lol. But it's better than nothing.
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I feel a lot better today. I've been extremely productive at work and enjoying it. I think I just needed a few days to clear my mind and get back in a better spot.
I have almost no brain fog or anxiety now. It's a relief.
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Also, sorry if I'm spamming anyone's notifications when I post now. I'm gonna get back to posting more than once a month again. The summary was exhausting to write and I'd rather get back to discussing current feelings and problems rather than summarizing.
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3 hours ago, Ikar said:
23rd April - 2nd May:
I finished some schoolwork and passed the first uni exam. This weekend I picnicked with my friends, visited my family and went cycling with my girlfriend. Watched some good movies as well and met up with a guy I haven't seen in six months 🙂
Good job. It sounds like you've found great life balance during this time period.
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2 hours ago, Ikar said:
I feel you. I remember the immediate fallout of games even after quitting. About a week after quitting, I got fired from my post office job. It was just unavoidable and even though I didn't care about it much, it wasn't encouraging. Some stuff will just drag on regardless of what you do now.
As for porn, I feel better the last few weeks or months as well, basically since I got my girlfriend. I watch it a few times a month too. I'd say I am curious about it rather than addicted to it at this point.
I hear you. I think this afternoon I made good progress and feel more engaged with my job than I did the past few weeks. I think not deferring to distractions is helping. My mind feels clearer already and I want to make more progress tomorrow.
Yeah I think we were right about porn. It's more of something I use for research on something I want to try. I find porn so unrealistic to real life and only a few things are true. That was a huge boost to my self confidence.
I was just using it when I was lonely as a single person as a fake source of intimacy and I'd become disinterested immediately after.
Now I'm deeply happy with love, affection, and companionship.
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I tried listening to a podcast about something I was interested in and it derailed my work flow. This caused major anxiety and cravings for apps and former issues. I played an instrumental remix and feel myself calming down. I feel my body temperature lowering. I almost watched porn but realized I'm not into that and it was just my mind freaking out. I feel my thoughts slowing down. I feel more grounded.
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On 4/28/2023 at 4:17 AM, Amphibian220 said:
Start online business - Financial Plan to be devised
What's the business? That's exciting.
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2 hours ago, LostRiver said:
Hi Matt,
Hope things are managable. Multi-tasking for a long time may do damage in the form of burnout. Have you considered listening to just white noise instead of shows if it tires you to watch actual shows/ movies during work?
Anyway, wanna drop in to thank you for an advice you gave a while back. You told me to let Goodreads or librarians pick books that I would like since I was trying to pick up reading as a hobby. I have succeeded. It only took more than 9 months but now reading for fun is almost a daily activity for me.
I read AA Grapevine and listen to their podcast. Basically it's a bunch of addicts interviewing and sharing sorta light-hearted stories about recovery and fellowship. It is genuinely relatable and entertaining. They even have jokes!
Here are the links to podcast and bookstore if you wanna check them out. Stay strong, keep carrying the strength and hope to others!
Thanks for this advice. I'll try it today and drop in with how it goes.
I'm really glad the reading has become a daily thing and that you were also able to find a podcast. Great job sticking with it for those 9 months also. Like anything, all of this change takes time and patience. I'll try to remind myself of that on this journey.
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another thing that's been bothering me is I've been constantly watching videos or TV during work on the side. It's been really relaxing to have background noise when I work from home, but I feel guilty and zoned out. Like if I'm stressed I look forward to that quiet time watching tv.
It doesn't impact my productivity at all. I think it calms me down, like listening to a podcast or music.
At that old job where I was being harassed, tv and apps made me feel safe and I was on them all day to avoid anything to do with my old boss. This time around I'm enjoying the job and feeling like the apps and TV are becoming work themselves.
Finishing a TV show is becoming a job since they're so long and I want to know what's next. It's stressing me out.
I'm afraid to just work because I get stressed and feel panic. I also feel like I'm wasting time not multitasking and doing a hobby while working.
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I feel very burnt out after all the huge life events in the past few years. I don't think I've been coping with the stress well. I'm exhausted.
They're good life events and bad from the 2 old jobs as well. Lots of Rollercoaster riding. I think I'm going to take the next week or two to detox from junk food and tv and apps etc. I haven't really been watching porn at all which is good. Maybe like twice a month which is a huge improvement over the 3 time a day years ago.
I feel like I'm just zoning all day long and I'm afraid to just face the day because I'm tired and don't want more stuff to deal with.
Something that worked for me in the past is adding some exercise and creative outlets as well as reading. I haven't read much in 6 months.
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I've got a lot of updates!
I made some major progress with my book. I decided to transform my idea of creating a cartoon to writing a fantasy novel because, as you may have read my complain over the past few years, I fucking hate animation lol.
So I've hired a writing coach and we've been working together each month to progress my book outline and start writing the rough draft. So far, I have a 25 chapter outline completed, the first chapter written, and mostly written chapter 2. I'm really enjoying this process so far. I haven't been as productive as I'd like to be, but with perspective regarding my past, I've been very productive.
Regarding animation, I found a really stupid software called Animation Desk for the tablet. All you do is onion skin drawing, which is the traditional method of drawing over the previous drawing and creating motion through repetitive sequences. I enjoy this more than the new software for a few reasons: 1. I hate learning new software after work. I'm tired and learn too much on a daily basis. 2. This is easy and repetitive. I enjoyed repetitive gaming like runescape in the past because it allowed my brain to turn off and I could listen to music or something. This acts just like that for me. I can zone out and just keep going and not have to intuitively plan the animation in a software. I'm drawing my first little animation which I'll post at some point.
I'm getting married this month! I've been so busy the past few months and haven't been on here. It's a dream come true. I have met the most wonderful woman and I'm very grateful to be with her. She has taught me so much about life, love, and myself and I'll forever be indebted to her for that. I'm excited for our future together. We make a great team and I've never been so happy.
Work is going well at the new company. They treat me well and I get more PTO. The projects are interesting and my coworkers have been great. I'm starting to really recover from the abusive situation at my last job.
Something I've been struggling with is eating too much food. I went from gaming addiction to porn addiction and now I'm dealing with food addiction. I stopped watching porn because I felt so guilty doing it, even once a month. I just felt like I was not being fair to my fiance and just stopped watching it almost entirely. I probably watch it once a month or once every other month now and still feel bad afterwards. I think having companionship and love has really helped heal my heart and made me non-reliant on porn.
The issue is I crave food a lot because of my last two jobs. For some reason, it is super satisfying to just stuff my face with tasty food and have a moment of bliss. I also get very bored exercising and just don't want to work out or do anything. I'd like to play a sport maybe. That might help me get motivation to train, so i can be better at the sport. I just think training for the sake of training is really boring. I know it's good for you. I just can't get into it. I'd rather sleep.
I'm hoping that this year I start to calm down and relax a bit with life. I'm probably stress eating from poor sleep and rest from all the major life events recently. So I'm gonna be patient and try to catch myself snacking. I also want to be more active with the nice weather and enjoy sunlight.
I hope you're all doing well. Sorry for not being around. I just have too much on my plate at the moment to really be effective on this website and help others at the moment. One thing I learned is it's important to put yourself first regarding recovery because if you don't, nobody else will.
Happy holidays to everyone celebrating stuff in April.
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On 1/17/2023 at 1:28 PM, Pochatok said:
Something that I've recently heard that helped me a lot with this thought: "what feels like walking back in circles, or going in peaks and valleys rather than steadily upwards... all of that is a part of healing. I am not failing or making little progress. Rather, this is all an inherent part of change"
I'm so happy you've been able to act on and embrace such a significant change in your life @Books! I'm very thankful for all the journeys you've shared here. You continue to look up and not take what is in your life for granted. You remind me that I deserve a better life 🙂 Hope that this new environment will continue to empower you!
I'm glad my stories have helped! You definitely deserve a better life. I appreciate the support as well.
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On 1/10/2023 at 11:58 AM, ChristopherWSmith said:
Hey everyone,
I'm on Day 2 of this journey of not gaming. One of the difficulties I've had in past attempts to quit gaming is, "what do I do with my short bits of time (3, 5, 10 min)?" Work is stressful and in between calls I would open up a game on my phone and take a short break to relieve the stress. I'd like to use this time more productively, but I don't want to spend it on my work, or my side business - or mindlessly on social media. Any suggestions on what I can do with these short bits?
If this is in the course, please let me know - I'm only just starting Module 2.
I usually get up and stretch my arms, legs, neck, and back and then go for a quick walk. Something unrelated to calling, computers, and social media will be refreshing. Maybe fill your water.
Dear Diary...
in Daily Journals
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No, don't feel bad lol. It was an unrelated to your suggestion. It was about the hockey team I follow and I was frustrated they lost so I got distracted. I appreciate your suggestion and the white noise helped.