BooksandTrees

Had a really good meeting with my writing coach. My book is coming along well. I'm very burnt out otherwise but I've been trying my best to do at least one or two cleaning chores a day and getting at least half a strong work day in instead of losing the whole day to ruminating. It's tough when I'm in a depressed episode like this, but I think staying neutral and not forcing positive thoughts is helping. I'm just doing one little thing here or there until something starts rolling and I notice I'm productive for longer than 10 minutes. I've started declining a lot of needless family and friend events. I think people need to understand as we get older, our social circle changes. People with families branch off and going to random friends 1 year old kid birthdays Isn't achievable by most, nor is it worth their time. The older we get, the more commitments and responsibilities we have and is important that we set time aside for mental and physical restoration to counteract the stress from these added commitments. If not, we may find ourselves finding quick fixes to cope with added stress... gaming, porn, drugs, alcohol, sleep, social media and YouTube apps, TV, etc. Disconnect is healthy and important. You don't have to go camping in the woods, but you do have to take a few minutes here and there to do nothing, accept boredom, and process your day, every day.

I didn't get to write this weekend but it was very restorative. I meal prepped, slept a ton, did house projects and cleaned. It just felt very therapeutic. I also played the drums for the first time in a year and was terrible, but I just listened to music and hit the drums however I wanted and had fun. I think I'm finally losing my fear of not being perfect.

The level of growth you've attained is truly remarkable. Wonderful job and I'm proud of you.

Been an extremely busy few weeks. Tons of travel, some family emergencies, covid, tons of deadlines at work, etc. I've been trying to stay balanced by maintaining a good sleep schedule, patience with my thoughts, and spreaking about things that are bothering me in a constructive way. My writing coach has loved my book so far. I haven't been able to write in a while but I'd like to try this weekend. I'm still bummed about my weight but I've done better by not overeating the past few weeks.

I'm not putting enough effort into preventing my snack cravings. I'm eating when I'm not hungry and I'm gaining weight. I want to pause and train myself to not eat out of boredom or stress. I think the first few days will be hardest but I know if I train myself to listen to music or move around or draw etc when I'm stressed I can succeed. Meditation too.

Labels people who use phones in a bad light so I can't do that lol. I don't like slogans because everyone and everything is different. Sorry lol.

Today ended up going very well at work. I'm really proud of myself for leading meetings and improving a project. It made me feel better after struggling earlier.

I found a new book to read and my back is almost healed. So I'll be exercising again. I noticed I struggle a decent amount at work when I hit a stopping point and need an urgent answer. That's when my cravings become strongest. It makes sense because I need instant relief from something I'm struggling with. I think I can do a better job of finding something to do around the house.

I can't begin to list how many posts I've lost over the years from that lol.

I made a lot of progress at work today and spent a lot of rejuvenating time with my wife and family the past few nights after work. It's nice. I've just felt tired and wanted some cozy time. I started reading a new book yesterday and hated it after 50 pages so I stopped. I found a new one that I'll try this weekend. My garden is coming along nicely with a good mix of fruits and vegetables. I'm seeing friends tomorrow and excited for that. And I might try to write tonight.

I've become a lot more productive at work these past few weeks and I'm getting busier. Lot of interesting projects coming my way. I'm a little tired in general because it's a lot of learning but it's enjoyable. I'm eager to hear back from my writing coach to see if she read my chapter yet. I also noticed I'm starting to yearn for writing. Kind of like a craving in a good way. I wrote another idea for a story down and I'm looking to write again soon.

Enjoy it and good luck. That sounds fun!

Hi Everyone, I get asked about how I deal with cravings a lot. Below is how I typically deal with them. Cravings are something that many recovery and focus programs revolve around. You can basically only focus from periods of 30 to 60 minutes without having a lapse. In recovery, you might sway from one end to the other because of random willpower levels. Cravings are best described as the acronym HALTED. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, environment, and dehydration. Next time you have a craving, take a few moments, like 10 to 30 seconds and close your eyes and scan yourself like you'd scan a homework problem. If any of those emotions are prevalent then deal with them. Those emotions are causing you to crave a solution to cure them and because our brains are wired to gaming, you'll naturally crave gaming. This is how you train yourself. The toughest one to decipher is environment. That's 3 parts: social environment, mental environment, and physical environment. You might hate the room you're in, then people you're with, or the way you're feeling from something you're doing. Changing your environment is key to solving all of this. You could be bored with a group and crave a multi-player game for example. Or you could be making no progress on homework and want some fast progress from a game etc. Learn about yourself and you'll learn about these cravings. My current biggest craving is tired. At my old job, it was environment.

I think this is something that many recovery and focus programs revolve around. You can basically only focus from periods of 30 to 60 minutes without having a lapse. In recovery, you might sway from one end to the other because of random willpower levels. Cravings are best described as the acronym HALTED. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired, environment, and dehydration. Next time you have a craving, take a few moments, like 10 to 30 seconds and close your eyes and scan yourself like you'd scan a homework problem. If any of those emotions are prevalent then deal with them. Those emotions are causing you to crave a solution to cure them and because our brains are wired to gaming, you'll naturally crave gaming. This is how you train yourself. The toughest one to decipher is environment. That's 3 parts: social environment, mental environment, and physical environment. You might hate the room you're in, then people you're with, or the way you're feeling from something you're doing. Changing your environment is key to solving all of this. You could be bored with a group and crave a multi-player game for example. Or you could be making no progress on homework and want some fast progress from a game etc. Learn about yourself and you'll learn about these cravings. My current biggest craving is tired. At my old job, it was environment.

You didn't disappoint me. We're in recovery together. Everyone relapses. The only person you probably disappointed was yourself and maybe someone in your household. Most of us are focusing on ourselves and immediate others. Not trying to be selfish, but don't view it as that sort of group. The less of a deal you make about relapse the more successful you'll be. The more you think about something the worse it is. Just focus on your next steps and move on. You got this.

The week ended well. I have worked very hard with my wife the past few days on some house projects. We've made a lot of progress after being burned out a bit. It feels nice. We'll pay attention to avoiding more burnout. I wrote another 2000 words for my book. My coach is reading and editing the first chapter now. I'll be wrapping up chapter 3 tonight most likely. I've eaten better this week but still let down by my weight. I think I'm on the right track. My back is feeling better now too and I've been more active in general. I finished reading my second book of the year and am starting my third now.

decent ted talk for you.

Yesterday was more difficult than I anticipated. I tried my approach but ultimately, I took the day off and slept for several hours. I think I was overwhelmed with life and work and my mind was spiraling. I didn't want to waste time at work and I was starting to get overwhelmed with deadlines looming. Something I learned recently is my depression is considered a disability and I can get additional support. I don't have to suffer in silence and force myself to get over it if I can't. So I took the day off. I feel better today. More focused and ready to do my work.

My therapist was instrumental in changing my life. I'm very glad you're seeing one as well. These forums are good for voicing things on our minds but the professionals are so important.

Thanks for this. You're in a very common situation and I say that to try and help you realize you're not alone. College is a weird place where professors are trying to give you responsibility and prepare you for the real world. Then you'll realize the real world is still completely different than college and that college is all about problem solving and dealing with different people's personalities and learning how to cope. It's also tough because each college major has a very tight, 4 year regiment to follow in order to graduate. This adds a lot of pressure to the student to accept this program for their forever job. Realistically everyone changes jobs. I'm now 10 years out of college and most of the people I graduated with from my engineering school are no longer engineers at all. So just realize you have options and can just see this through and don't have to fully commit. If you want to do well in college you're not gonna have time to game. I recommend joining clubs and groups related to your major and doing homework and studying with them etc. A lot of my job opportunities outside of college stemmed from me being a member of those clubs back in college. They'll fill your time and you won't have the need to game anymore. After college is when you randomly get 8 hours a day back and filling that time sucks.

No, don't feel bad lol. It was an unrelated to your suggestion. It was about the hockey team I follow and I was frustrated they lost so I got distracted. I appreciate your suggestion and the white noise helped.

I agree with @LordFederickRamsay. not many people read these posts unfortunately and it is frustrating. I wrote about it dozens of times with @Ikarabout how there isn't a community feel and it can be depressing. We tried our best to create monthly shoutouts in celebrate section a few years back. It's just tough because sometimes the community leaders relapse and leave. The other issue is it's hard to help others when you can't help yourself. These feelings can lead you into making templates to follow to give you some sort of structure to recovery. He's right about templates. They feel like work. Don't do them. Most people who do them burnout and quit. I go through phases of long summary posts and then short posts about emotions or what I'm specifically dealing with. Try to make your posts so they help you most. If you want to vent, vent. If you are stuck on one thing, write one thing. You guys got this. And this is unrelated, but I used to feel obligated to read every diary and post to help and it's exhausting. I feel bad that I don't write on everyone's page anymore but it's so important to have others help you during recovery. I ended up taking a long break from here because it burned me out. Take your time with it and let it go in waves. You both are doing great and it's big just being on the right path.

Thanks for sharing. It's very common for all people, not just people in recovery, to feel overwhelmed with stress. Stress is that number one trigger for flight or fight response. Most people in recovery have to learn how to cope with boredom. It's important to try and equate it to something positive like your mind getting well deserved rest. Gaming is like taking a test in college. Very simulating and taxing. That's why a lot of people do soft brain activity here like exercise, meditation, or reading or coloring but not drawing because that can be difficult too for people. A lot of your list stems from feeling lost. Why are you lost? Is it career or school related? Life and love related? Diet or lifestyle related? Living situation or family related? If we can narrow down these feelings of confusion then we can begin to find direction by working on one thing at a time and not overwhelming yourself with solving tons of things at once.

Thank you! If you have any questions let me know and I'll try to help. Be patient and be your own friend as you start this journey. It's very important to learn and practice self love and forgive yourself.

I think I'm in that familiar mindset when depressed where I can feel depression urging me to give in and just feel empty and sleep all day. That's a tough thing about depression. Sometimes you don't feel it for days and sometimes you feel it a few times a day. Just that urge to not do anything and sink. I'd feel comfortable sinking because it gives the feeling of escaping any daily responsibilities I have and I'd feel safe. On the other hand I want to make progress on my project at work and then write a few paragraphs for my book later. I think I'd feel better doing the productive part. But I'm still not ready to jump into my day yet. What I'll do is slowly open every program and file I need and just start doing little things here and there until I catch some momentum and not think about how tired I am. Anyways, this is an example of how my day starts most days and even though I've quit gaming and stuff, I still have this depression from time to time.