BooksandTrees

Medication has helped as well as communicating with people at work and outside of work my issues.

Today was nice. I woke up and got a lot accomplished at work. I then went grocery shopping and got 3 months worth of food so I'm good again. I got back to work and got more stuff done. I then went to play tennis with my friends and we went out to eat after. It was a really great time. I talked to my dad on the way home and now I feel pretty content. I'll probably take a shower and relax a bit before sleeping. I don't feel lonely today. It is nice. I also played my hand drum. The drum I got is the same as the one in this video and it's nice to make these noises when I'm relaxing.

Thanks. I appreciate it. I've been trying to rewrite my habit and reward behaviors so that's been an interesting process.

You only have one brother and it's important to socialize and connect with others. I don't think this is a waste of time. If you were shooting heroin I'd say that's a waste of time.

I have a weekly update on Saturdays, daily updates, and then random outbursts that I feel I need to discuss. Try creating some formats that work for you. I started off in 2018 making it look like a blog post but then felt corny so I just write essay form now.

Welcome to the forums. Good luck on this journey. Don't worry too much about the procrastination issue. A lot of new members here try to jump directly from games to being productive with other hobbies because that initial frustration of feeling unproductive was the impitous to sign up in the first place. Just remember you'll feel exhausted at times after you've quit because your mind is going to be balancing out an imbalanced dopamine and serotonin system. Take your time, rest when needed, and attempt these hobbies slowly.

I had a very productive work day. I also talked to my friends for a few hours after work. I didn't feel like studying today. I don't know why. My relaxation drum came today and I played it for some time while relaxing. It made me feel good. I've found that I enjoy listening to a music style called Chillwave or Synthwave. It's relaxing as well. I take it from my frame of mind that I'm exhausted. All I've wanted to do is relax and enjoy myself. I clearly burned myself out with stress. Tomorrow I plan on grocery shopping, working, playing tennis, cooking, and hopefully studying. I haven't felt the need to watch porn since Sunday or so. I have this weird sensation in my gut and mind saying I need to do it but I just haven't wanted to watch it. I feel cheated by porn. I find the plots incredibly annoying now. It's always the same stupid scenarios and the same positions with the same dialogue and stars who look similar. It's irritating. I was doing normal masturbation on Monday and felt a stronger emotion thinking about the woman who was telling me she didn't want to stop talking to me because I make her happy and she enjoys my company. Now, I stopped talking to her because I found out she had a family, but that was more passionate and real than this garbage online. I'm tired of that. It got me angry. I want real love. I want authentic, sultry,passionate romance with words and actions from the heart. I want love to transform into lust and transform back to love again. I also haven't felt the need to masturbate since Monday either. I believe I'll find love one day.

You should read my story. Your friends are like alcoholics at a bar telling their friends to drink with them. They just want friends to do the bad activity with them. They're not your real friends.

Use it as motivation to change. I had to stop speaking to my father for 8 years to find myself and it worked. I talk to him now after I've established myself as who I want to be and he can't change it now.

Today was better than yesterday. I got work done and had a few doctor appointments. I didn't get to study, but I am going to relax and enjoy tonight. I'm going to begin my studying tomorrow and stay on pace for 1-2 videos per day instead of trying to do several longer days. I feel a lot better with anxiety now. I ordered a steel tongue drum that yoga practitioners use for meditation. That should get here this week. I want to be able to relax and make noises in peace. I miss yoga class.

https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/

I rebounded really well today. I really struggled to get work done all day today and wasted the first 4-6 hours of the day. I then just decided to get dinner and reset. I then worked for 6 hours and got my project done that I was stressed about and actually enjoyed the project. The funny thing is the material is the same as the test material I was going to study so I ended up technically studying for that time as well. I feel a lot better about myself. My anxiety is completely gone and I feel proud of myself. I had such a rough morning and night and I just am so proud of myself for being strong and staying through it.

I ordered dinner from a restaurant today and went to pick it up. The waitresses there were so beautiful that I was frozen. This is how bad the pandemic has been lol. I haven't seen more than like 2 women in 6 months and then I see like 15 at this restaurant. Ohhhhhhhh baby I need to get this exam over with and just start trying to meet these girls. I'm not going to use a dating app because I'm not gonna attract the 8s through 10s there. I can do it in person. I sound crazy talking about this but I think many men and women have been depraved of sexual attraction and flirting with the virus and it's magnified when you meet someone. GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURL HOW YOU DOINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN?????????????????????????

I had multiple panic attacks last night and I feel like I'm in recovery now this morning as I calm down. Very poor sleep. My body felt light as a feather and I kept having hot flashes followed by cold flashes. I awoke multiple times in a cold sweat with this feeling of mental wear and depletion. My chest and back feel like they're moving in slow motion now as I recover. The calmness of my bedroom just has me in awe and I can't help but stare blankly at the walls to soak up the feeling of stillness. My window is open and the cool autumn breeze scented with fallen leaves and decay calms me. Bugs are still chirping and it's all I hear. I'm going to be ok.

Thanks for relating. It's nice knowing my feelings are not uncommon. It brings me comfort so I'll keep it going.

I'm a little lonely tonight and would love a hug or something. I talked to my family on the phone for a few hours and some friends which was good. I just sometimes want a hug at night and to know I'm loved. I know I'm loved in general, but just a hug in the moment is special. You can laugh at me for this but because of the quarantine I actually keep a stuffed animal with me and give it hugs sometimes. It's such a lonely time in history. It gives me warmth and I smile with it. It's a German shepherd.

Use the emotion of failure to propel you, but don't set ultimatums with yourself. Just be committed and do what works. Sometimes ultimatums can really cripple us. Ultimately, your path to success with quitting games will be different than mine. You have the rest of your life to accomplish things. Something I disliked about graduate school is how much work you put in and how little the reward is. Life gets better after college ends, trust me. Stick with it.

I think you need to analyze why you're relapsing. Create 3 bullet lists: Why you want to quit games: reason reason reason... Why you are addicted to games: reason reason reason... What are your gaming triggers: reason reason reason... Start to understand your triggers and cues. You will start to see what is causing you to relapse. Then you must find new ways to deal with those problems. It might be loneliness, anxiety, sadness, anger, boredom, hunger, thirst, being tired, depression, etc.

I'm a little annoyed today because I didn't study at all this weekend. I was feeling really burnt out from studying so much last week that I just wanted to relax. I also relapsed with porn a bunch yesterday. Today I had no relapses. Something I'm learning is that whenever I want to avoid something that I need to do I do anything possible to escape it. So I previously would play video games, but now I watch porn, take naps, watch TV, eat junk food, and watch YouTube or something. I think we all do this when we're stressed. The correlation I wanted to highlight was the fact that I was doing this so much over the spring and summer months when I was forcing myself to work on that cartoon and animation. I don't think I want to do that stuff full time. I had no problem playing sports, going rock climbing, watching a movie, listening to music, relaxing, etc. It reminds me of how I feel now with studying. The funny thing is if I study for 1-2 hours tops I have no anxiety and don't feel the need to watch porn or escape. I just sit down and study. If the weekend arrives I will tell myself "Oh, I can study for 8 hours each day." Then I will panic and avoid the situation and just go to my old escapism routines. One of the ways I was able to quit video games was to channel my triggers into other things like exercise and socializing. Obviously, I can't do that as much with the virus, but I will say that I need to do the same thing with studying. It presents major anxiety within me and I panic big time. Going forward with studying and creative hobbies that feel like work, I will just do my 1-2 hours tops and if I feel like doing more I'll do it and if I don't then I won't. No big deal. It is ok. Stop setting ultimatums with everything I do. Just live life. I also relapsed with porn because I was lonely. I socialized on Thursday and Friday and it was so wonderful. I am going to apply the strategy of not overwhelming myself with tasks for studying and hobbies as well as going out and socializing when I'm lonely. I'm not alone. I am just lonely. I can apply my friendship with others and overcome this without seeking the "affection" and "intimacy" of fake women on porn sites. I'm 1 month away from my exam finishing. After that I can go back to relaxing. I have feelings for the woman I played tennis with and would like to explore those after the exam ends. I'm not going to bury myself on dating apps. We all know how irate they make me. But I will explore my social network. I have dozens of friends who have dozens of friends. I'm going to naturally meet a woman through common interests and people and feel good about it. No need to panic. I've got this.

Finding a job will help you take your mind off of gaming. Then activities and hobbies will bring more socializing. Be patient but develop a plan.

I think as we quit one addiction we realize there's another one. I gained about 20 lbs my first year from gaming and recently lost 30 lbs this year. Take your time with these things. Over time you'll become the person you're striving to become. Just trust yourself.

I hope your mom is ok. Good luck.

Great job on the progress with quitting. Keep resisting the urges to do bad habits with friends etc. It's not worth it.

Today I'm 100 weeks free from gaming and 102 weeks free from social media. I've finally hit triple digit weeks of each. That's pretty incredible to think about. I wish I could get that far with porn recovery, but I decided to look at my porn recovery as a collective recovery vs a longevity recovery. I've gone multiple weeks without watching porn or masturbating this year and have drastically cut down the amount I've watched porn over the past 2 years. I was watching it at least 15 times per week for years and I probably only watch it 5 or 6 times per week on average now. That is almost a normal amount of watching. I'd still like to get that down to maybe 1 or 2 times per week and eventually 0. But I've really improved so I'm proud of that. I started today off a little slow as I was tired from all the tennis and sports yesterday. I feel really good to be sore again. I feel more alive and full of life. I really missed sports and socializing. It's the ultimate cure for depression and habit addictions. Today I plan to study for 4-8 hours depending on how I feel and replicate that tomorrow. I think I'd be in a really good spot if I did that. I paid my bills today, meal prepped, cleaned a little, listened to music, and some relaxing shows. I'm in a good spot mentally.

Today was really great again. I wasn't as productive at work as I'd have hoped, but I helped people with their problems and got started on stuff for next week. I went out to lunch with my friend today and had a great time. I then played tennis with my friend for a few hours and met her friends. We played doubles together as well. I had a great time. I really missed being around people. I'm hoping to do more soon. I'm going to eat and make sure to study a bit tonight to stay on track.