Phoenixking

This went from millenial to #woke in 2 seconds.

This warms the heart... Also bonus points for the use of 'idiosyncracies'. Lovely word. I do think that people like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet are outliers. They either have well developed instincts or high IQs or some edge that most of us don't. But they're still human. It's hard for me to admit that it's probably not possible to achieve such feats because I believe in a world where you actually can. If you apply yourself, make the right moves and remain steadfast, anything is possible. I've seen and done crazier things than what most tv shows show us. I'll also check in tomorrow again to read what's up with your Hematology results! I'm rooting for ya, bud!

HELL. YES. Congrats!!!

Those people don't function at the top of their game for all their lives, though. Olympic athletes retire very soon. High level managers have no social lives and are often dicks. Everybody is only human and nobody can be like Beyoncé (and even SHE was cheated on, fought on camera with her man, and so on...). There's only 24 hours in a day ? keep that in mind ?

#growth

I understand man. I've learned through relapses that I can't be trusted when I'm having an urge. I had my girl sabotage my gaming account and she's reset the pasword and forgotten it and everything. Making it as hard as possible to relapse can really help. I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and you're in a situation where you're naturally coping with pretty big things. Your mom and everything going on with her is a huge deal. It's naive to think you can wrestle with the monkey on your back AND deal with all of that at the same time without failing somewhere. You're only human, bud. Try and forgive yourself and see it for what it is: a coping mechanism, a way of fleeing from the stress of it all because you're used to this being your method. I had to learn how to deal with stress and pressure in a healthier way. Because that was my last relapse too. And it sucks that your environment isn't more understanding. Gaming addiction is véry real. But it's also rather new. So it's not widely accepted yet, sadly. Yes, you do have a problem buddy. Addiction are hard enemies to fight. But that why there's a forum. You're clearly not the only one struggling with this. Find solace in that. And learn from your relapse, man. Be critical but loving to yourself. Why exactly did you relapse? What could you have done to prevent it? What can you change right now to prevent it, deal with the issues better or make it harder for your to relapse?

27/02/19 – 10 am - Days without games & porn: 10 Omfg, I’m so tired. I’m writing this at work. It’s all boring anyway so I might as well do something actually useful and that I enjoy. I woke up yesterday and forgot that I had taken a day off to go to a storytelling conference. I dashed in and out of the shower, threw together a breakfast shake and ran off to catch a train. I got there, miraculously, only 10 minutes late. It was a very tiring day with lots of cool information, perspectives and viewpoints launched at me. At the same time it was a great networking event. I met a few cool people, mainly producers and writers. I was nervous because I tend to overdo it a little bit. I told myself I wanted to be relaxed, have fun and just give in to my authentic feelings. Which resulted in me entertaining people and showcasing my skills ? I’m still not sure if I went full Jim Carrey/Robin Williams or if I’m just too scared to make a bad impression and very critical of myself; my view is thus a bit askew on these matters. But I did learn, through a podcast, that I shouldn’t squeeze or force any opportunities. Just try and get to know a few people, be cool and chill and have no expectations. Don’t immediately accept opportunities and make sure you keep control of the offer/demand-situation. I met a few producers and I’ll be mailing one of them later on. I also met a girl I used to hang out with a year or 10 ago, she’s a writer now and is graduating soon. She’s already started a small writer’s collective and she asked me to join and see if it’s something I’d like. There’s not much pay involved but they do do workshops and movie nights and those pay properly, I’ve been told. I told her I’d think it over but I do feel it’s a step in the right direction. It might turn out to be a crazy cool company that has solid freelance work for me or it could be just another delusional student that wants to make an impact but has no idea how. I’ll have to take things slowly and assess the situation at each junction. I met one of my improv buddies at the conference too. Throughout last night and today I had been wondering about the conference. Because it seemed like I had nailed it. I connected, was attentive and happy, learned a lot of stuff and met cool people. I feel like it was a personal success. What changed? I used to do this stuff all the time and no opportunities like the writer’s collective popped up then. The improve buddy’s mentality is what made me realize how I have changed in the last few years. I’m happier. I’m more open. He whined about the conference and was very negative and critical. I’m not saying he’s wrong, though. There was not a lot of time to eat, that’s right and there’s no natural light and they’re all small rooms with a LOT of people. Sure. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make the best out of it. He was just so sour… He was tired and risking a lot, sure. But he’s getting married, expecting a baby, he’s got his own company. He must be under a lot of stress on the one hand, so I can empathize. But I still feel like it’s no real reason to be such a Debbie Downer. Yeesh. I’m glad I’m often such a happy chap. The gig was only so so. Because of the conference, I had to time to shower or eat and I was very tired because of the intense day with my switch on “ON” the entire time. Doing a gig after that is hard. I wasn’t focused and fucked up a few things. It’s understandable, sure. But it still sucks a bit. Recent highlight: After a long and tiring day, texting my girl and asking each other how the day was. Joy is to be found in the small stuff J Budget status: I just got paid my salary from the office. Everything seems peachy for now. My one goal for tomorrow: Nail the second improve gig and redeem myself for yesterday. Also use a lot of funny accents, I’m good at those and don’t nearly use them often enough.

Thank you! It's a very, very tiring path that I'm walking right now. It's rigorous, honestly. But it's like that maddening tiredness that takes over your body the next day after a big gym session. You know WHY you're tired and you feel accomplished and fulfilled and happy. I honestly don't know how I feel about that. I think I like the anonymity. It makes it easier to divulge so much information. It feels like a safe space. On the other hand, I acknowledge the impact of hanging out with like minded individuals. I'll have to think this over, buddy, no offense. And for the record, I'm not from The Netherlands but somewhere nearby. ?

Thanks bro. Nah, you don't sound rude, more like well meaning or concerned. I do try and make sure that I listen enough to her, that I ask about how she feels and try and take care of her. Like she's been feeling a bit under the weather as of late, so I try and stick by her side and lessen her load a bit. Make sure she eats and keeps warm, small stuff like that, but it's those things that make her aware that I'm there for her, big stuff or small. I try to make a point out of it. I don't want to be somebody that 'becomes one' with his partner, but I also don't want us to be detached. Balance is important. When we go out, I try to be aware of how much time I spend with her, or her friends or my own friends. I don't want to favor one party of the other without realizing. Or like this weekend, we've got a staycation planned. I actually cleared my schedule. No gigs, no obligations, ... I don't want to let my work slip into our quality time. ? So no worries ? But i appreciate the caring

25/02/19 - 22pm - Days without games & porn: 8 Today was soooooo boring. I spent an entire day working on 1 excel sheet. And my replacement isn't exactly interesting. I feel like they just tried looking for a sheep or something. She's not exactly somebody that looks like she collects dirt bikes or might be a dominatrix. She seems more like the type of person that gets excited about puzzles or something. Anyway, a horribly boring day. I wanted to get stuff done though. Arrange my participation for an audition next month, mail a dude about my high energy bill and try and reduce it, prepare for the gig tomorrow evening, write and arrange my new contract, ... I know I'm often very demanding of myself, but still... I had an entire night. Eventually I ended up going grocery shopping. It was crowded, annoying, filled with smelly people who seemed sick. It stressed me out like crazy. Then I proceeded to cook and accidentally spill and waste some of the food. By that time, it was 8 pm and I was tired and stressed and burnt out. I had a phone call with my girl and she lined out that I was pressuring my ass too much again. So I chilled out and chipped away, bit by bit at the little tasks. I'm still stressed and frustrated about not writing. It's driving me insane. I've been procrastinating for ages it feels. I'm very much looking forward to the coming months of part-timing and freelancing. So much more peace of mind, less stress and more time. Recent highlight: My girl called me and hit the nail on the head and helped me relax and kept making clear that doing 80% is still a good result. I keep wanting to get 100% but only my best is still good enough. I tend to need a little reminder now and then. Budget status: Nothing specific to note. I've been saving lots of money by shopping smart and spending less on food and cooking more at home. My one goal for tomorrow: Perform like a boss at the improv gig

What happened? ?

24/02/19 - 22pm - Days without games & porn: 7 Landlord visited and gave no issues but one. The water bill. Apparently there's an issue and I might have to backpay some stuff. Other than that, everything is okay. I got taught how to teach an improv class rather basically. But in April I'll get to try it live. I hope to exceed expectations and maybe work my way into being one of the new regular teachers next season. It'd pay about 50 bucks cash per class so I totally feel like that's a well spent evening. The gig was amazing. We killed it. We had a particular crazy moment when the other improv team (because it was a battle) challenged us to do a scene with Shakespearean English. They proceeded to do their scene first and kind of used up all of the good Shakespeare jokes and references so we had to get crazy. I jumped up because doing voice work in English is kind of my jam. (I should probably use this more for things but I'm not there yet, voice acting might be my cup of tea though) I set things in modern times! In a milkshake diner where the boss and his wife suddenly received the baby of the prophecy. After some hijinks and language jokes and puns, I took to the scene myself as an angry Scotsman who needed to kill the baby to save the honor of his clan. My two improv colleagues were at that point no longer using proper English, for comedic effect, and I suddenly was ranting in true Scottish. It was a great evening and we blew them all away. My SO was sick though. I took her to see a doctor and she's got an infected stomach ? We went to see her family today and it was great, but it was touch and go there for a second. We've been seeing each other for a while now and things have been so healthy, solid, communicative and warm. We've talked about the future, expectations, money, ... She said she'd known for a while, and then dropped the L-word. I obviously reciprocated. I feel so blessed to have somebody so amazing by my side. Tomorrow my replacement makes her debut. I'm curious. I'm very tired and trying to make a new habit out of reading before going to sleep instead of Netlix. I'm not sure which it'll be when I turn in later. Recent highlight: The gig was amazing and I'm very proud and happy. We're going to rock that tournament in 3 weeks! Budget status: Learning about the water bill sucks. I do plan on contacting the electricity company and ask them about the high bill. Something feels off about those as well. My one goal for tomorrow: After I come home, I'd like to do some work and write.

22/02/19 - 23pm - Days without games & porn: 5 Work flew by. I did spend a lot of time thinking about the world I want my D&D-players to be in. I thought of some cool stuff like a town that's all about lavender and flowers, with city guard dressed in yellow and black and a nearby druid of the spores that went a bit crazy and summons big insects to ruin it all. Or a city, taken over my demons but in secret, so it all looks normal untill you remain there for a while and they try to indoctrinate you, ... Anyway, next Monday the new girl is going to be starting. I cleaned up my desk because we'd be sharing it. I'll be at the office on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. So when I work weekends, I'll be able to take a breather on Mondays. It's certainly going to be a new thing to adapt to. I hope my acting skills and all of the extra time will be the things I need to generate a big enough revenue stream to support me while I educate myself further and enter the world of freelancing. I hung out with another freelancer I met through Instagram. We exchanged ideas and got to know each other. He has a greeting card business which he combines with 2 other jobs. One is tending bar at a shared workspace in the center of town and the other is working at a hipster shop for flowers and plants. It all sounds so cool. His Instagram looks amazing too. He seems like a good connection to have and honestly, he seems like a cool guy. I wonder if we'll stay in touch (because I'm horrible at maintaining connections). My SO is coming over tonight. I gave the whole place a rinse. Now that my spare room is cleaned up, I'll start morphing it into a workspace but that'll need me to get more furniture because it's still filled with boxes of stuff right now. It's going to need a makeover. I'll get a bookcase or something similar to store my stuff in. Or I'd need some wardrobe or a new way to store my other clothes so I free up some space for my stuff. It's going to be one of those long term projects. But I'm rather happy and proud with the progress. I'm scared on the one hand. But I'm also rather happy. This is the beginning of a new chapter. Tomorrow the landlord visits me to see if the place isn't wrecked yet. I know it's weird but contractually he has the right to check up on his property. On top of that, I think the previous tenant was a huuuuuge issue. So they just might want to get some peace of mind and see for themselves that I'm no freak or something that uses this place as a meth lab. I'll also attend a workshop about teaching improv. And there's an improv gig I have in the evening that's meant as a dry run for a Theater Tournament next month. So it's an exciting day tomorrow! I'm not sure I'll be able to write tomorrow. On top of it all, on Sunday I'll be going with my SO to her family's. A busy weekend! Recent highlight: Hung out with this really cool dude, a freelancer I met on Instagram. He's been freelancing for 8 years now and was really motivating me to start my own business as a performer or a blogger or a coach. Budget status: Nothing specific to report. No millions made yet. But also no crippling debt. My one goal for tomorrow: Pull of a killer improv show and dazzle the crowd.

Well, I've been working in a dull office for a while and this is kind of me taking the jump and daring to find a more fulfilling career. I have many things that I'm capable of or passionate about, the main one being talking and speaking to people and helping them grow. But it takes a while for new skills to grow, let alone actually being able to market and sell them and live off them. So starting from the 1st of March, I'll be working part-time at the boring office and I'll have 4 days a week (weekend included) that I'll be filling in as I seem fit. I'll probably worry a lot about money and do stuff like actualy make a home office. But I'll also go to castings and try to audition for stuff and I'll try and figure out along the way what I want to be doing. Short term I'll be making money by acting, doing improv and public speaking. So lots of trying to get gigs and next month I'll already be teaching improv, so I'm trying to get several revenue streams. The months after that, wel... It's a mystery! My girl is a psychologist and thinks that coaching would suit me well. But I have many skills to develop, I feel, before I dare say that I'm ready for that. But I could also try my hand at social media or marketing. I could start a blog about communication or emotions... There's just so much ambition!

22/02/19 - 1 am - Days without games & porn: 5 My last 'regular' day at work. I'm so happy the replacement is starting this Monday. I've already been thinking a lot about what I'll be wanting to do with my newfound extra time. Auditions, casting tapes, networking, ... My colleague isn't so happy that I'll only be seeing her properly one day a week anymore. But it's time to spread my wings and fly! I spent the better part of the evening clearing out my spare room. It was filled with unclassified paperwork, silly hats and stuff I use for dressing up or sketches, decorations, sports gear, stuff from moving, laundry, ... I organized everything and made some new space. Eventually I'll have to save up some money to buy furniture like a proper desk, some shelves and bookcases and stuff like that to store everything in. Right now it's in boxes on the ground. But my ambition is to turn it into a workspace. The landlord's coming Saturdaymorning. So now that this has been done, I only have to clean up my living room and give the whole place a bit of a scrub'n'rub. My SO will be coming over too. I have an improv show Saturday night and during the day a workshop about how to teach classes of improv. My first class I'll be teaching is in April. I don't really know if it's going to be making me any money, but the experience is more valuable at this point. I need to educate myself more and prove on my resume that I'm capable and experienced. My SO also pointed out that the volunteering she does for a phone center for people in need could be useful for me because I mentioned wanting to help or coach people and because they give great training. I did agree, but nuanced that I might need to look a bit closer. My only actual proven skills are acting, performing and speaking. Those will be my bread and butter for now. I'll have to pick 1 more aspect, only 1 more long term goal to work on this year. Will it be starting a blog? Will it be training to be a coach? Will it be educating myself in social media or copywriting or content creation? I have to be focused because if my spectrum is too wide, results won't come fast enough and I'm not made of money. I think it's good that I take things so seriously, but we'll have to evaluate things every month at a time. I can still feel the nagging sensation in the back of my skull. My brain needing it's fix. I can feel it starving. It wants me to go on social media and lose time there, it wants me to binge on Netflix and YouTube, it wants me to find and watch porn or pornographic stuff. I can feel it being hungry for a quick fix. I've had a slight headache for days now... I hope it slows down soon. I've been having all sorts of cool ideas for my D&D-world. A town that's all about lavender, it's main export product, with a lavender festival and fields surrounding the city, guards with black and yellow outfits. A city far up north, built as a giant mountain fortress, taken over by demons, using people as slaves, a dark city with even darker secrets. A mystery surrounding the continent, something about an ancient druidic prophecy and several circles endeavoring to stop the end of the world as they know it. A whole area of the continent torn by war, so badly that their level of technological advances are slowed down by their thirst for combat. Themes like racism, family, hard choices and learning to embrace new people and daring to be vulnerable. I'm soooooo looking forward to this. I now have 2 groups I DM for and I'll be placing them on separate ends of a continent. They won't know it, but one day they might meet and the adventures of one group will influence the plot of the other and vice versa. I'll also make a huge map, effectively creating my own world in detail. Rivers, villages, hills, ... I fucking love making stories like this and then seeing the effects it has on my players. Recent highlight: The messy spare room got cleaned and is ready to be slowly transformed into my freelance workspace. Budget status: Got paid once more for my writing gig and for a poetry gig I did a while back. There's still one more payment due. I actually am saving money now! There's about 2000 on my savings account, together with the 370 I already have ready for Japan, means that with my next normal paycheck and maybe in combo with either the commercial or the extension of my writing gig, I'll both have enough money to splurge on Japan and not risk being broke when I get back and have a little extra to cover the risks of being a freelancer. I am so fucking relieved. Let's not hope something crazy were to happy like my car exploding or my breaking my leg. My one goal for tomorrow: Finish the cleaning and maybe try to write.

19/02/19 - 11 pm - Days without games & porn: 2 I installed a pornblocker and I'm more aware of my cravings and the hows and the whys. It's still a daily battle though. My replacement is starting next week at work. Yay! Finally some changes. I'll start part-time on the first of March, so I'll get two days a week where I can focus on myself, freelancing and trying to do what I love. The feedback on my writing wasn't that bad. I have yet to actually sit down and work, though. I also need to send a message to renew my contract. But I'm a tad swamped at the moment. Starting from the 1st, I'm happy I'll have some more breathing room. I spent the better part of the day prepping a d&d-sesh for tomorrow. One of them is a friend, one is an aquaintance, one is the girlfriend of the last and and the last one is a doozy. He owns a super popular bar in town and is a massive boon to my freelancer network. I feel like this is a great way to get on his good side and connect properly. I'm rather tired so my brain is a bit fuzzy. I'm struggling but also doing fine at the same time. I've been texting my mom more and more, which is nice. And I have a good shot at getting the 1000-bucks-gig! They already asked me to keep a specific date open in my schedule. But that means I'll have to make the office let me go. I do think that if the freelancing picks up and I can risk it all financially, I'll probably be gone within the year. Worst case scenario, I stay for another full year and I get my year-bonus at the office. Best case scenario, I shine like a bright diamond and really apply myself and try to make a living as a freelancer. Maybe I should start a business at some point? Recent highlight: I bought Atomic Habits and a DM's Guide Book for D&D. Budget status: Might land the commercial! My one goal for tomorrow: Try and have a great D&D-session while also minding my health, physical and mental. I have a lot going on, I don't want this hobby to feel like an obligation because I like giving others a good time. I am the DM and in a sense I am the boss. When I say that it's done because I want to get an early night, I should lay it down like that. The last thing that I want is to get behind on important stuff like my work and my writing and my household because I can't say no to my players.

Good luck. It's indeed harder to quit than games. Holy hell.. I've totally underestimated it...

Celtx is sooooooo useful omfg. Good luck! Good move there!

Much respect for being able to commit so hard! ? Watch your energy levels, buddy! Wouldn't want you burning out. But other than that, crazy amounts of balls you got there, you working bee!

17/02/19 - 9 pm - Days without games & porn: 0 I still haven't listened to the feedback on my writing. But I did open up to my mom about it despite our complicated relationship. She's good at lingual stuff. I'm about to listen to it and process the notes on the writing. The acting yesterday was amazing. Incredible. I received a véry warm welcome and some gentle hazing. It was challenging but my director had my back. I learned a lot. I met a boatload of new freelancers. It's crazy. I really feel like this was a good step in the right direction. This kind of stuff is why I was put on this planet, honestly. I had to leave home at 6 am to come back at 11 pm. Rough day in terms of working hours. But it's such a passionate community and such a fun gig, I do that with a smile. Compared to the office, it's a welcome change of pace. Needless to say I crashed into my bed as soon as I came home. But I woke up with a big smile. Today I finished a casting tape for a commercial about a tv-chef. I hope I get the gig, it's a 1000 bucks for wage. That's a pretty big deal. If I could get that tax-free, I'm set for the next couple of months, I feel. I also went out for drinks with my SO (she was my camera buddy for the tape). We were supposed to buy food and not spend too much money but the supermarket was closed so we ended up at a Mexican bar drinking Mezcal and eating tacos. We are completely head over heels with each other that such random amazingly fun nights are possible. Our relationship is only getting deeper. Sadly, I relapsed. I woke up and after an episode on Netflix, I started to feel a little lost. I had had breakfast, I had stuff to do, but it just ... My computer was still at my SO's so I was arranging everything on my phone. I ended up giving into an urge and browsed Reddit for a bit. I acknowledge my addiction to stuff that gives me instant gratification and endorphin rushes. I try not to look at actual porn and attempt to bridge the gap temporarily with pornographic images, as some sort of nicotine patch. But I slipped. I figured that if I'm going to have to reset the timer, I might as well go all out. So I watched porn. I knew I'd feel bad and I knew I had a choice. I could just as well be honest with myself and reset the timer because of the pornographic images but also not go to the porn site I had in mind and be a tad more proud despite the reset and not go through with the urge I was having. But I caved in. Sadly. There's still a long ways to go. Recent highlight: The acting gig was amazing and the date with my SO both had us over the moon. Budget status: It'd be great if I land the commercial. My one goal for tomorrow: I have a date with my SO, we're going to see a movie. My one goal tomorrow is to try and make sure I do something productive, so clean up, dishes, something like that...

That last phrase really made me laught out loud; thanks! I do tend to be rather demanding of myself. I have difficulties with chilling out and just being happy with things. I feel like I've wasted so much time gaming. There's a career to be made here and I'd rather do it while I'm young! Although you are right. Explaining why I'm being hard on myself is one thing but it's no excuse. I feel like being kind and forgiving to myself is one of my big life lessons I've yet to grasp.

15/02/19 - 7 pm - Days without games & porn: 7 Another boring day at work. They probably have a replacement for me already but nobody's telling me anything. I got asked when I would go to Japan by one of the bosses. Probably to coordinate with my replacement/new colleague. My current fun colleague, the only one keeping me sane in that place, is probably going to be moved somewhere else. They're breaking us up. It's all rather childish and annoying. They're not telling us anything. We don't know for sure if there's somebody new starting or not. We don't officially know anything. But I can't let my livelyhood depend on something like that. I have gigs to arrange and customers to woo. I'm starting part-time on the first of March, I don't care if they like that or not. I'm so done with this stupid office. I'm nervous for tomorrow my gig at the prison, I'm not going to lie. It's cool to be valued for your capacities as an actor and be giving a big responsibility. But it's also very scary. I could do a lot of things very damaging to the experience. I hope I don't fuck up. But I'm sure it's all just nerves and I'll enjoy myself. I'm also very, very tired. I was going to see a movie but the office drained my dry. My brain is mush. I was going to see a movie with my SO but the both of us are just wiped out. We're going to hang out at her's, have a shower bomb by Lush (look it up, omfg) and do a face scrub with blackcurrant. It's going to be hilarious. Then an early night and she's going to make me breakfast. I swear, this girl is the best. I met another freelancer! I supported a local business that sells cool birthday cards and met the owner in person. We started talking and messaging over Instagram. I love networking. I love freelancing. I really hope next month is going to be such a game changer. Recent highlight: I wired some money to my travel partner, turns out, I already paid her back for everything. That means that everything we've arranged in advance, the flights, hotels, rail pass, museum tickets or tour bookings, ... It's all been paid for now! There's even already about 400 bucks extra! ? So I just need to get paid for my new writing gig and éverything for Japan is paid for. OMFG THIS IS SO COOL Budget status: All advance costs have been covered for Japan. Oof! My one goal for tomorrow: Kick ass at the Prison. Be professional, use your skills and talents, be an amazing actor and give the participants an amazing performance.

I'm happy to see you had such a splendid day ?

14/02/19 - pm - Days without games & porn: 6 So I had a really romantic date with my SO. A tiny Sicillian restaurant, some wine and a candle. It was very intimate and romantic. And of course we had to tell a million hilarious stories and we, at a certain point, admitted to each other what we thought was the most annoying trait of the other. I told her that sometimes her breath smells and she told me that sometimes I smell like farts. We were laughing so loudly, other people were looking at us. I'm not sure if we annoyed them or if they were just happy for us, but we were in stitches. We also had a deep conversation about our future, kids, living together, marriage, ... Not that we want to rush things! Not at all! But it's nice to know if you're on the same page. Work was incredibly dull and boring as usual. But I was happy. Because of the romance with my SO, I was able to finish my writing gig early and it's looking like they might renew my contract. I also started prepping my character for the acting gig I got this weekend. It's this huge prison they transformed into an escape adventure experience. I feel so welcomed by the directors and producers. I spent a whole hour on the phone with one of them last night. All of the cast are freelancers too and the company helps all of us out by networking with us. The photographers take pictures for everybody's portfolios, the marketing people teach the actors how to manage their social media and how to brand themselves, ... It's such an amazing and stimulating community. If I could make that my day-job, I'd be over the moon... I'm good at acting and speaking in public. It's just hard to get a proper stable job with those skills. But I do feel appreciated and capable. Quite the opposite from what I do at that infernal office. But I have to remain vigilant and not take any stupid risks. It's tempting though. The boss is a bit of an asshole, led by his ego. He kept shouting at my colleague. He's such a bad communicator. I am both scared and angry. He reminds me of my dad or some of my more toxic exes. I feel like it'd be very healthy for me to get miles away from him. I spent another night at my SO's. Lots of talking, romance, and since today is Valentine's Day, there's a special improv gig that I'm working at. I just do the register, it's my friends who are on stage. My SO is coming with me and her 2 friends too. I got the feedback on my writing. It's an audiofile of about 10 minutes. I'm a tad too nervous/scared to open it... Maybe later today... Recent highlight: Romantic date with my SO was amazing Budget status: More writing money coming in. I'll be able to live comfortably for a while AND have no worries in Japan if the second contract comes through ^^ huzzah! My one goal for tomorrow: Listen to the feedback.

Omfg, this book is da bomb! I got so much mental peace from this book and the lessons it gave me. Can't recommend enough.