Phoenixking

Detox day 50 "Fuck it, we'll do it live!" 40 more days to go! I feel like I'm on the right track. I dodge triggers and deal with urges. There are still some here and there. But it's like I'm detoxing a bit more consciously nowadays. I just need to keep being mindful of not slipping up! In a few hours we'll do part 1 of our D&D livestream. I'm excited! I just hope technical issues don't fuck up the fun. Part 2 wil be tomorrow evening. I'm having a bit of issues sleeping. I've agreed with my SO so go to bed at 23:00 and get out at the latest at 9:00 for 5 days straight, starting Monday. A bit of structure should help. Also, if we fail, not takeout for a month (we need to mind our budget anyways). If we make it, we splurge on take out next weekend. Well, I say splurge. I mean, we'll just order fries or something... Nothing crazy. I'm having more and more to do. I'm starting to have to plan everything out a bit more. Cleaning stuff around the house, fixing things, writing stuff for my D&D group, ... I think it's healthy I'm able to stay so busy and do things I'm passionate about. I like doing my daily Japanese, I'm starting to win more matches playing chess, I like writing lore, ... Recent highlight: Having a thousand D&D ideas. Even to many to write down! Budget status: Another bill came in. UGH. My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the livestream! Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it. -Make the bed - Fine. -Drink enough water - Had my first bottle already. Should be a good day then! -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to do it. -No daydrinking at home alone - Had a drink last night. -Meditation - I feel like having a moment every morning with a coffee while I watch The Mandalorian, one episode a time instead of binging it, is for now giving me some peace. -Exercise once this week - I keep postponing... I am going to start tracking this weekly, to make sure I do it at least twice a week.

To be honest, it's also kind of my own fault. It hurts because I don't exercise enough. I get caught up in other things that I'm passionate about, working out is less fun if I do it all alone at home. I thrive on competition, that's why I want to take up boxing or something. But I can't really right now, can I? Haha. I learn Japanese via Duolingo and I do it because I've always had a soft spot for both languages and Japan. After I visited about a year ago, I wanted to be able to return and understand more, have conversations, be able to rely a bit less on Google Translate. I also am a big fan of 'Gaki No Tsukai' (a comedic tv show) and anime and slowly letting of of needing subtitles is a great way to feel progress. Lastly it's because I've alway been a gamer and I blame myself for losing time by doing that. I guess learning a new language is somehow atonement, I guess? Any tips for players? Basically just have fun. If you have no idea what you're doing, that's totally normal. Try to work together with your DM to create a well-rounded character that has some backstory of motivation for why they do what they do. Like in a book or a movie, your character has feelings, motivations, thoughts, ... Try to ask yourself what your character would do? Are they a self-centered, brooding edgelord who was traumatized because his parents were killed in front of him (AKA Batman)? Fine, that's a good story to pick if you like that. But somebody like that doesn't play well with others (like Batman) so then you need to make sure there's an absolutely solid reason why they join the party instead of doing things on their own. It's a group thing, a co-op thing. So there needs to be a reason why your character chooses to be a part of that group. It's also a good move to try and mesh your backstory with one of the other characters. You'll start as a bunch of individuals, not as a well oiled machine, not a true team. So the easier you make it for yourself and your character to form bonds, the better. Maybe you're a bounty hunter and you've done jobs with the others? Maybe one of them is a sibling or a former soldier buddy of yours? Also, read the Players' Handbook. It has all the info, all the options, and so on... There's also lots of info on Reddit. A true treasure trove. Some people also like podcasts or watching session by famous people like Critical Role or Acquisitions Inc. And finally, don't be afraid to walk away. There are DM's out there, but it's a position of power. Not everybody is properly equipped to be a good DM. There is truly only one rule: have fun. You can't have fun in a wrong way. So communication is key. There are some red flags. Some bad DMs would use a character themselves, on top of being an DM. Others use D&D to play out their fantasies. They should mainly be an impartial storyteller and their biggest responsibility is making sure the group has fun. If you ever feel like that's not the way things are going, don't be afraid to speak up. I, as a DM, often ask for feedback and mind the players attitudes, try to make sure they're all engaged and learn what pushes their buttons. But not everybody is as maniacal as I am. There are some horror stories out there online. Basically, be a good human and surround yourself with good humans and you should have a blast. Welcome to the multiverse! Cheers, mate! Right back at ya!

I lke it ^^ very melodic!

Detox day 49. "Livestreaming, sauce and sports." Today I'll spend a part of the day writing lore for my campaign. I want to be able to give the characters lore cards that reflect their knowledge of the world. Random facts, stories and legends they heard about some areas while travelling. I want to write about 50 things and set them into my canon world to make it a bit more colorful. We're doing another extra session next week and I'm eager to let them finally go out into the homebrew world I made. I'm also terrified XD Another part of the day will be spent in the kitchen perfecting the Japanese tonkatsu (like a fried pork schnitzel with a sweet sauce) and cleaning up the place. My SO made banana bread and it seems like lately the kitchen is perpetually filthy, but at least everything smells amazing. Fresh sushi, vanilla everywhere, ... We have movie night every night... Believe it or not, we even talked about buying a house or an apartment today. Since markets will be crashing I'd like to put out some feelers to see if it's actually the best moment in the next 10 years or so to buy something or not. That'd be a huge thing and we'd be taking it a step too far. But if that means, in comparison to waiting a few years and then buying something, if the amount we save by striking now when the iron's hot is big enough, I honestly think that'd be worth it. Her parents support the idea of buying over renting and so does my mom. We're not going to do anything just yet, there's enough to handle for now. But I like the idea that we're both cool with that and so are our parents. So I asked them where we should look, what we should do and so on... The lot of them have been around for about 30 years more than us two, so they should have some more knowledge on this, no? Recent highlight: Stuffing our faces with freshly baked banana bread. Holy shit. Yum. Budget status: Well, we're paying our insurance this month. So we'll have less to spend this month. But our freezers and fridge are rather stocked so we should be good. My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the tonkatsu Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished it. -Make the bed - Clean as a whistle. -Drink enough water - Had my first sips already. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Didn't do it yesterday, but I'll do it as in a few minutes. -No daydrinking at home alone - Day 6 of no drinking. I -Meditation - I'm not really sure what to write here. Corona sucks and I want to go outside without worries. -Exercise once this week - My knees hurt last night. I should probably work out, but might postpone it to tomorrow because I had planned other things today that I looked forward to.

Detox day 48. "Fire, Pork and Sushi." There's more of a fire in my belly! I successfully cleaned the entire bedroom yesterday. I took a dust mask and the better part of two hours of cleaning. But it's never been cleaner! And stuff got more organised, my paperwork has more overview, ... I'm still a type that can't get up at 8 and will most likely not set an alarm and will slowly awaken from slumber around 11. But I still get hella shit done! I also got a gig yesterday and mails are slowly coming back in again. There's work to be done! THANK HEAVENS. Yesterday we made so much sushi, it was basically 2 days worth, like 4 meals in total. Crazy. We're getting good at this and it's fun to do and hella tasty. In terms of taste, it's equivalent to take out. Just that take out is faster, takes less time and work and it's prettier. But our stuff tastes just as good, basically. We should make sushi more often and order less. I'm not sure if I'll make it today, but I can prep it. I want to make some Japanese Tonkatsu. Basically a pork cutlet, sliced properly, battered with salt, egg and bread meal and fried. I'm making some sauce too based on worcestershire, oyster sauce, sugar, salt and soy sauce. I fucking love cooking. I'm not sure I'll do it today, though. I bought the meat yesterday and it's going to take an entire night tonigh to rub the salt into it and let it rest. It's well refrigerated so I'm sure it's going to be fine. Recent highlight: Stuffing ourselves with homemade sushi and figuring out how to use The Mandalorian to have some me-time. Instead of binging I take a small moment for myself each morning to watch it in the bedroom with my morning coffee. Peaceful. Budget status: Took a look at our entire month last month. There less money coming in. But we did make a pretty penny in the past few months and seeing as the circumstances are rather crazy, no gigs and economic recession, ... I still need to be paid for one of the gigs, though. A commercial that's airing this month. My one goal for the next 24h: Rub the salt into the pork and set it to rest all night. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just nailed it. It got updated so there's more to learn! Also doing more chess, yay! -Make the bed - Clean as a whistle. -Drink enough water - Filled the bottle again, but need to reset my table area because it's full of crap. I just sit on the sofa so I don't have the habit anymore of sitting down to write with a bottle next to me. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it after I shower in a sec. -No daydrinking at home alone - Day 5 of no drinking. Flying by! -Meditation - Postponing my park time. I'm scared there's going to be shitloads of people. I both don't want to get sick and really crave being alone somewhere. All nature areas nearby are swamped. -Exercise once this week - If I'm not too active today, I'll probably workout tomorrow.

Detox day 47. "Bedroom." Thanks for your insights and responses about the fight. A part of me is still a bit fearful that something similar might happen again in the future, but overall our relationship is one that's based on mutual respect, communication and love so if something really were to push us, I'm sure we'll work out out. At least, if we're not busy being stubborn asses all over each other. I'll probably spend the rest of the day giving the ol' bedroom a once over. It needs some serious spring cleaning and getting rid of the clutter will grant me some extra space to put the books I still want to read and my sensitive paperwork. Just got a call about a gig! How about that! It's for after the summer, but it's given me renewed energy all of a sudden. I need to shift shit into a higher gear. I don't want to binge series anymore, after a while it feels like a compulsion or a habit or reflex. You just don't enjoy the experience as much as you would when you have done your work, have some me-time and sit en truly enjoy the fiction with all of your attention. No scrolling on your phone or anything like that, I want to savor more moments. So I'm going to try and get more shit done, as much as I can, despite my planner getting cleared out and lots of stuff having gotten cancelled. Recent highlight: Watching The Mandalorian while my SO gives me a foot massage. Holy shit. Budget status: Well, the month is up. Despite the first major downpayment on the car, I'm still okay. And our household budget seems to be holding up. Provided we spend the next month eating our supplies instead of buying groceries at our current rate because we'll be having to pay for our insurances. My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the bedroom. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it. -Make the bed - Irrelevant because I'll clean it like a typhoon in a jiffy. -Drink enough water - I should drink way more. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it after I shower after cleaning. -No daydrinking at home alone - Day 4 of no drinking for a week. This seems to be going rather quick. I feel good btw! -Meditation - Too much to do today to go to the park. Though tomorrow might be nice to start the day with? -Exercise once this week - Cleaning should do the trick. I'll see how bad my knees hurt, they seem to slowly do better.

Detox day 46. "Kiss and make up." So it took us about 24 hours of ignoring each other, but we got through the fight. I guess we love each other more than we annoy each other. I ended up running a D&D-game in the afternoon, while she spent the better part of her day in the bedroom not wanting to get in my way. Apparently she'd even ordered take out last night, in the middle of our fight, for both of us, because she knew I don't eat (like at all!) when I'm angry. How can you stay mad at someone like that? We talked it through and why we were so pissed at each other and how stupid and ridiculous the fight was and how long and stubbornly we kept silent. We were both suffering. I told her how I felt about the bike, she told me how she felt about my tone and how I forget stuff. We vented and aired our grievances, then we cooked together, watched a movie and had sex. We're all good now. Thank you all for your responses! I did feel like I needed to stand my ground and make it clear there are lines you don't cross with me, especially after I'd made a point in the past not to fuck with that. She also expressed some concern about how many hours I spend glued to my computer. For this forum, Reddit, reading the news, social media, ... I'm a bit of an introverted dude, so I'm okay with that and she mostly likes extraverted stuff like going out, seeing friends, doing stuff. But that's not possible, of course. That difference is okay, though. But it did make me realize I should try to live a bit more in the moment and a bit less via screens. I do that when I go to the park, no phone, pc or earbuds, nothing. Just me in nature. I should try and do that a bit more when I'm like cooking or something, when doing things I enjoy. I have a wonderful brain that comes up with funny jokes, silly sketch ideas, stories, ... Whenever I listen or watch something, my brain gets input but has not shot at making output. The best ideas are created in the bathroom or on the toilet, your mind idles and suddenly something just cliques. I'd like to try and to that a bit more. So to be productive, today I'm making proper sushi and cleaning up the bedroom. It's dusty and lots of things need reorganizing. Recent highlight: The moment we kissed after being angry for about 24 hours. Budget status: All good for now. Though I haven't heard anything from both offices I mailed about paychecks. My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the bedroom. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it. -Make the bed - Left it a bit messy since I knew I'd clean the entire room later. -Drink enough water - Didn't drink any yesterday, I think. So a fresh start again today. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it before I go outside. -No daydrinking at home alone - Day 3 of no drinking for a week. -Meditation - Probably going to the park tomorrow. The weather'll be nice and I'll take a book with me to read. -Exercise once this week - Cleaning and groceries shopping today, walking tomorrow. My knees/legs hurt so I don't want to workout just yet. But they do hurt less, so upping my activity level slowly seems to be the key.

Detox day 45. "The invisible fight." Yesterday, my SO threw a bit of a fit over having to go groceries shopping alone. I didn't really have the time to do it and she's got a bike and we only needed bits and bobs. Suggesting she do it alone was met with outrage. She responded rather mopey and childish in my view, but hey, nobody's perfect. She ended up majorly pissing me off by taking my bike instead of hers. My bike is a standard thing, but cost me quite the pretty penny. I don't like it when she uses it. Last time she used it without me asking, she ended up losing the chainlock. How do you even do that? I was rather angry then and we'd agree she'd only use her bike from that point on. It's a new bike, but it's a weird and clunky thing. Big, heavy and we had to assemble it ourselves and by we I mean I had to. Safe to say it's a crude vehicle. She's had it for months though. Lots of opportunities to either have it fixed, buy a new one, try to fix it herself, or whatever. I feel like it's not her fault it's a crappy bike, she was dealt a bad hand. But it ís her responsibility to deal with the situation. And she's had loads of time to do so. But she postpones it. So it infuratiates me if she 'steals' my bike again. After she came home, all hissy, I noticed she'd gone with my bike. I didn't say anything yet as I was cooking some Japanese rice. It takes about 2 hours to do so, we were going to make sushi. But I'd forgotten we'd agreed to takeout and the stuff she'd gotten from the store turned out to be frozen, so sushi would have to wait. So I ended up cooking rice for nothing, since you can't use that kind of sticky rice the day after because it loses it's stickyness. She'd been giving me snappy answers and ignoring me and whenever I wanted to start the conversation, she'd ignore me and mention she was not available because she was videochatting with her friends. Fucking infuriating. We've been fighting for about 24 hours now. Our longest yet. I both hate this, because we love each other and we're better than this. But on the other hand, I feel like I have to make a stand. We had a talk last time, she'd agreed to not use my bike and not at all go behind my back. It's a petty thing of mine, I admit. But it's about the principle of mutually agreeing to things and then whenever she's to lazy to bother, break that promise. That shit doesn't fly with me. And not even at all when being all mopey, bitchy and snappy about it. Fucking infuriating... I slept horribly, obviously. Been eating waaay less. Typical. I'm obviously very upset and emotional. But I still feel like she should apologize to me. I feel wronged. I could notice in bed she's been tossing and turning too. She's down and upset too. But she's not doing anything about it. Scrolling on her phone, sighing, calling her friends and scrolling more... I don't want to budge, I don't want to be the bigger man, I'm too angry to be rational and calm. I've never been this angry at her, it's crazy! It's also very likely the quarantine crazies. We're not made to spend this much time in such a small space together, of course. I hunger for some quality me-time. But I can't have it of course. This fucking sucks. I barely ate or slept. Recent highlight: My D&D-group had a fictional funeral for an NPC that died. That was pretty cool... Budget status: Nothing specific to report. My one goal for the next 24h: Sleep and eat and heal a bit from the last 24h. I'd also like to spend some time at the park. Alone. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - I think I'll skip it this day. I have other things on my mind. -Make the bed - SO woke up after me again. I don't have to go and look to know it's most likely messy. -Drink enough water - Didn't drink any today. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it this morning, automatically. -No daydrinking at home alone - So yesterday went well and so did today. Despite craving it and despite the fight. I could sure use something to blow off some steam. -Meditation - Either tomorrow morning or the day after I could go for a walk. I just have to figure out a clever time. Maybe around noon, so everybody is at home eating but I can enjoy the quiet. -Exercise once this week - I could do with a workout, I feel.

Great idea! On Reddit there's this thing called "A machine that makes money"; all about passive incomes and how to get it started or optimize it. Maybe it could be useful?

Detox day 44. "The calm before the storm." Slept horribly. Not only did I drink last night (my SO opened a bottle of sparkling wine and offered me a glass or two, while she kept bringing over delicious snacks and dips when I was videochatting with a group of my friends), I also kept waking up last night and this morning. I really don't understand it. It's like my SO is sleeping more restlessly. She doesn't just turn around in bed, she does so while wildly flailing her arms in an almost cartoonish way. I've been on the receiving end of it twice now, and a third time it's knocked down a bedside LED reading light. She's also unable to move around the bed without dragging the sheets away from me. It's uncanny. I've started laughing about how ludicrous it is at some points. Be it on the couch, in bed or wherever. As soon as we share a blanket of some sorts, the covers wil àlways gravitate towards her. Not on purpose or something. She just moves to the side of the coach, stretches to get something from a table and suddenly, she takes the whole blanket with her. Like it sticks to her legs or something. So at night, especially when I'm about to doze off, I keep getting the blankets pulled away from me. On top of that, there's the breakfast and the sex. She wanted to have sex a few times this week and thus, to make things a bit more playful, we both had to initiate twice in four days. We're over halfway now and she's both done nothing yet and also refused me twice. Like, yeah honey, it's cool that you came up with this idea and wanted to amp things up a bit, but you're actually going to have to do something yourself too! She insists she needs a bit more structure and wants to have breakfast at 10:30 am sharp. I'm always up at that time. She's not... *sigh*. She's been in a videomeeting twice and has stayed in bed past that time. Normally, that wouldn't bother me at all. I'm an awful morning person myself and you can't fully control your work schedule. If you have a meeting, you have a meeting. But she keeps coming up with all these initiatives and ideas and she's the first to not bother with them. It feels so immature. It's probably the quarantine driving me mad a bit. It's normal to get pissed at each other when you're kind of locked in. But it's still not very pleasant. I'm happy I'll be able to focus my attention today on prepping my D&D-session tomorrow. I just hope that it won't get ruined by technical issues... Recent highlight: Doing a group video chat with my friends. Technical issues chimed in so I cut it off, but it was still nice to see and hear them. Budget status: Don't have my phone on my so I can't check. But all should be okay. My one goal for the next 24h: Prep my D&D session. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - 31 days streak and still going strong! -Make the bed - SO woke up after me again, so I assume it's in shambles, haha. -Drink enough water - First bottle has been drunk. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Will do it in a bit, when I shower. -No daydrinking at home alone - Failed day one, haha. So I'll try again today, I guess. -Meditation - The walk was nice, but I really need some quiet time alone... A hard thing to come by these days. -Exercise once this week - Still a bit sore from the walk yesterday. My one leg is longer than the other, so my gait is a bit weird. I wear soles to compensate, but it seems that my one leg is still clearly more sore than the other.

Detox day 43. "Prepping." Today I'll be taking a walk with my SO. I finally contacted several places about money. Paycheck that still need to come in, my unemployment money being almost halved, ... Stuff like that. I'll also start prepping my D&D-session I'll be hosting this Sunday. All online of course. So it's going to take some extra time to compensate for the amount of drama, nuance and tension that might be missing from an otherwise live and in person session. I'm starting to realize I've been given the gift of time and I'd like to try and be more productive. I keep doing household chores and reading the news. But I feel like I could progress stuff in other ways a bit more. I play chess, improve my Japanese and other things. So it's not like I'm lying on the couch all day. But I still feel like I could be doing something more with my time somehow. Recent highlight: Friend sent an audio file, a few actually, using 8D tech. It's amazing. It's like being in the room with the artists. I hope to find some more things like that this afternoon. Budget status: Hopefully my monthly unemployment money won't be slashed. If so, I'm sure I'll figure out something to compensate. My one goal for the next 24h: Prep my D&D session. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - 30 days streak! -Make the bed - SO woke up after me, she left it in tatters a bit. -Drink enough water - Yesterday was swell. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. -No daydrinking at home alone - Starting today, going a week without alchohol to see if my sleep improves. Day one is today. -Meditation - Going out for a relaxing walk today. -Exercise once this week - Going out for a walk today, planned a workout tomorrow.

Detox day 42. "Cleaning." Today I have more energy. I'm back to my old self again. The self that is bad at sitting down, relaxing and being still. I'm getting fidgety as we speak. I'm eager to do shit. Nothing crazy going on in life for the moment, though. I'll probably just clean the place and maybe watch a movie. My SO is making banana bread and bread pudding. So as soon as I've cleaned the kitchen, she'll most likey make it dirty again XD Cleaning really is a never ending chore... *sigh* Recent highlight: Working out yesterday. I was tired, beat down and empty. But I still persisted. I was doing punching combos and it felt, for a second, like I was at practice. They do these drill at the end where you close your eyes and somebody attacks you, you must respond properly and safeguard yourself and your surroundings and then do a burpee and then close your eyes again. It wears you out almost instantly. After two or three reps you're heaving. But there's 10 more to go. So it really puts you in a simulated position where you're being pushed to your brim, but you still need to be able to keep yourself safe. Budget status: Paying our first car payment today. My one goal for the next 24h: Either clean the kitchen or do the laundry. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - On point. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Trying again today. Bottle next to me. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll probably shower somewhere later today, so I'll do it then. -No daydrinking at home alone - Had one glass of wine. Might quit for a week or so to see what it does to my quality of sleep. -Meditation - I'm slowly starting to crave some true alone time. -Exercise once this week - Sore from yesterday. Have more workouts coming. First one was rough. Second one went better, I was able to finish all of the exercises. Next one should thus improve once again ^^

Oh yeah, I've just started the process of looking for an artist. After some scouring the internet I found somebody near Orléans that might be cut from the right cloth. But if they're popular, you have to take into account you'll wait for the better part of a year to see them. On top of that, it might be multiple sessions and it's a whole day of driving just to reach the place so I'll need a good hotel nearby and thus will most likely combine it all with some sort of holiday nearby. Always did want to see some lavender fields in France. This whole spiel will probably take about 3 years in total starting from now. So take it with a grain of salt. I'm not spending my money right now. Just decided what to do with it ^^ But thanks in any case. Luckily because of some circumstances, gigs or no gigs, I'm doing okay in terms of finances 🙂

Detox day 41. "Ink." I've made up my mind about what I want to do with my extra money. I've been saving quite an amount and I'm thinking of having my tattoos redone. They need a bit of attention since some parts seem faded. A touch up, if you will. I've always like the feeling of being inked. Every tattoo I have is something that holds deep, deep meaning. It's pretty, of course. But it's so much more to me that aesthetics. I've also been thinking of getting a new one. The long and awaited Phoenix King. A phoenix with a royal crown seen rising from its ashes. I'd love to put it on my back, to give the artist a big canvas to add lots of details. But also to cover up my shoulder blade tramp stamp XD Today I've started my day better than yesterday. I feel like I'm revving up my engine again and becoming a bit more productive. Today already I've done the news, learned something about and played some chess, found a new anime, had breakfast with my SO, did all of my social media and it's not even 2 pm yet. I'm to work out today, make some spaghetti sauce and get all of our fresh veggies into that bubbling pot (we don't want to waste anything!). I'll get some paperwork done, insurances and car payment and clean up the kitchen after I'm done with it. Tonight I'm taking out the trash too and by tomorrow, I'll hopefully feel like a new man. It feels good to have time, feel free and happy and still be productive instead of lazy and chill. The latter is also fun, don't get me wrong. But this feels a bit better and I can still lie down and watch anime for an hour if I'd want to. Recent highlight: Watching one of my favorite movies 'Revolver' and seeing my girl perk up and be curious about all of the layers in the film. Budget status: Just finished our monthly budget, right on cue. So that means our financial plan is on point for now. My one goal for the next 24h: Either clean the kitchen or work out. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done, almost on a 30-day-streak -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Goddammit. Thank god I have this diary to remind me. I keep slipping! I drink water daily, though. Thank heavens, but I also keep forgetting to log it in my app. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it yesterday and I'll prolly do it after the workout. -No daydrinking at home alone - Didn't have anything yesterday. -Meditation - I'd like to visit the park. But I'm afraid it'd be super crowded and I like it to be alone time for me. -Exercise once this week - Gonna break a sweat in a sec!

Detox day 40. "Holiday." Honestly, I don't recall ever being this relaxed. Because of everything stopping, stuff shutting down, places closing and events, media and the creative sector drying up, I've got no gigs or prospects. As a result, the amount of pressure I always seem to maintain has melted away. I've never been able to be this lazy and absolutely enjoy every moment of it, OMG. It's like I'm on vacation all of a sudden! I can watch anime, movies, series, fuck around with D&D. Nothing work related, all relaxed and free. I feel amazing. I've also never been so unproductive in years, hahaha. The dishes just lie there. And there's many of them. But that's also because I've been cooking omurice, Japanese curry, etc... I've been cooking a lot of cool stuff and my SO has been treating me to pancakes too. So many tasty things. I've been minding my weight a bit too and how much I drink. I basically drink daily. Something while cooking or something I sip when I watch a movie, lazily spread out across the sofa. My SO keeps an eye on my drinking, though. But I don't feel like it's a real issue right now. I'm just letting off pent up steam. I should probably clean up the place a bit more since we're both stuck here together. I've also realized I should probably not read the world news for 3 hours a day XD I'll keep it down a bit starting with tomorrow. I'd like to start getting a bit more structure now in my life. Normally, I live by my planner. But now that it's been emptied out and everything got cancelled, I guess I should kick things off myself. But I've been postponing this. I will probably not get any more situations like these for years. Not a care on my mind. No upcoming gigs, not stress that I have to come up with a cool new idea, no script to be made. I know I could take the time and work on some project from home. But I still have years to do that and I'm seriously enjoying this downtime. I'll just work on doing some more chores instead of slacking. Recent highlight: Making Omurice myself and finding decent Japanese rice Budget status: Had a talk about her using the joint account for own purposes. Turns out I had to swallow some comments and apologize for being a tad too paranoid. My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the kitchen. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - All good. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Oh shit. Been dropping this one again. Hopefully bringing more structure in my day is going to help this out a bit more. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - All good. -No daydrinking at home alone - Haven't had a drink today yet, but have been drinking for about 4 days or something. Nothing major, one or a few a day. -Meditation - I'm super relaxed. -Exercise once this week - I did the exercises. Holy shit, was I sore afterwards! I got the next set and they're due tomorrow.

Detox day 36. "Annoying." It's annoying to only get to look at the same couple of walls day in, day out. Ugh. I wish this whole thing would get cured already... My mom used to be a nurse and she's so fucking eager to rush to the front lines. But I've seen videos of patients struggling to breathe. I understand her passion for medicine, but I'm kind of happy my country isn't hit that bad yet. We'll have to wait a week or two to be sure of that. In a couple of places they're summoning army reserves, retired doctors, nurses who have yet to finish their finals, ... If we fucked up the past few weeks somehow, it's going to hit us crazily in a week or two and I'm afraid my mom'd get summoned like that. I'd be proud and she'd be happy to make a difference. But her getting sick is not worth that... On the bright side, my phone operator gave everybody in my country unlimited call minutes to spend. So I can call my entire isolated family today and ask how they're doing! Yay! And my friends and I are prepping a D&D-livestream this weekend so I get to make a new character to make people laugh ^^ There's silver linings everywhere! Recent highlight: Whilst playing online D&D last night, my SO kept bringing me beer and food. How is that not a dream come true? Budget status: Still have to send a few messages about checking amounts. I'm almost to 4000 bucks saved! If I reach 5000 I'll have reached a life goal I dreamt up years ago! I'll never have had that much money! 😄 Crazy! My one goal for the next 24h: Call my relatives and see how they're doing Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Bottle is next to me. It's getting less and less hard to do. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'd listen to a podcast later today, so an ideal opportunity to get clean while doing that. -No daydrinking at home alone - Had a couple of beers last night. It's hard not to. I think I drink daily nowadays. -Meditation - For now I seem to be ok. -Exercise once this week - I keep postponing doing the exercises. I've been gaining a bit of weight because of the last week.

Actually, because of how infectious it is (one of the most infectious pandemics in over 120 years), combined with the fact that there's neither cure nor vaccine for it means we're on our own in terms of immunity. Herd immunity doesn't mean that we as a group need to catch it, heal from it and thus get immune to catching it twice. Herd immunity means you as a group or a country remain untainted because you eliminate or prevent any infections before they can hit the entire herd. On top of that there's of course the economic argument. If we all get majorly sick at the same time, it's going to crash our country to the ground. It's a new thing, so we can't really do anything to even the odds of surviving it. These things, historically speaking, come in waves and after you heal from it, you can get it a second time. So herd immunity is no guarantee. On top of that, it's a motherfucker of a bug. People who've recovered and walked away still have issues. Their lung capacity is reduced by up to 30%, some get heart issues because of the strain the bug put on their system. Imagine not being able to breath after breaking out in a brisk walk. You'd be kind of crippled for life if that's you. And after that, imagine getting it a second time... Vaccines are about 18 months away right now. An entire generation in Italy, a well-developed Western country, is dead now. Thousands and thousands of bodies. They die so quickly nowadays, funerals aren't even a thing anymore. It's mass graves. They've called in the army reserves to drive the military trucks filled with caskets. Hospitals have just stopped counting because the numbers on a daily basis are so baffling. I'd say lockdown is pretty waranted. I've been keeping a close eye on lots of news outlets. A friend of mine is in quarantine right now because a colleague of his got infected and tested. Where I am, it's everywhere and lots of people are falling like flies. If a country doesn't at least try to lockdown and use social distancing, I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before it's economy is paralyzed. Let alone the amount of body bags... The darkest thing about this is how invisible a killer it is. It takes a while before there's symptoms and before you legit get sick. But in that week before you go down, how many people do you interact with? Parties, office, supermarkets, religious congregations, ... And if all those people meet a similar amount of people in that week before they get sick? On a day to day basis, it's a slow moving thing if you look at the numbers. But on a week to week basis? It's a fucking landslide. Italy or Iran will never be the same. And I'm pretty sure the UK, Japan and the USA, all of which who are kind of shrugging in terms of quarantining and testing, are going to get hit in about two to three weeks I'd say.

Thought the exact same thing as soon as he mentioned it.

Detox day 35. "Goals." Today I'm feeling way better than yesterday. Maybe I just needed some rest or something. I slept till noon today. Crazy. I'm trying to get some D&D done today as a player, so that I can experience roll20. There's lots of people stuck nowadays and before the internet fails us or providers start prioritizing working from home over Netflix or Facebook I'd like to squeeze some storytelling in. So D&D tonight together with binging as much instructional videos about Roll20 as possible. Yesterday I was able to clean a bit and cook great food. I notice how enthusiastic and happy I get when I'm cooking. I really am like my grandma. I use food to tell people I love them. My SO is basically working non-stop nowadays. The lines are blurred. She can no longer healthily distinguish between what is work time and what is private. Today she finally admitted she wants to quit. It made me so happy. She's not meant to work in a corporate environment like that. She's a psychologist for fuck's sake. She thrives on helping others, not filling in paperwork and attending meetings. She needs to see patients and help them through obstacles. She's taken a step and that's relieving. Now the next thing is to find where she wants to go. She's not eager on quitting instantly because she'd have no income. But it's hard to both do her current job well and also find a new place to work. I'll see where it's all going in the next few weeks I guess. In any case, due to the corona lockdowns, the entire world won't be turning for a while the way we know it. Recent highlight: Dancing and fake singing to Japanese anime music while I cook a pot of Milk Tea. Budget status: My unemployment money was waaaay lower than what I expected. I'm sending them a message to ask about how they calculated it. My one goal for the next 24h: Enjoy D&D tonight and absorb as much tricks and knowledge I can about Roll20. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - First bottle down, second is right next to me. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I should make sure I shower today and brush my teeth. Now that I no longer go outside, I should try to make an effort. -No daydrinking at home alone - I'm trying to cut down. But I notice that I easily try to reduce stress by drinking. -Meditation - Started daydreaming about the park. Maybe I should take the risk... -Exercise once this week - Haven't done the exercises yet.

Hahahahaha XD Karma! (Seriously, though, friends are falling like flies over here in Europe. It's a super infectious thing. Stay safe in any case!)

Detox day 34. "Renewed energy." Today I'm pushing the reset button. Or at least I'm trying! I'm wanting to make some progress today. I have on my list: cleaning this place up, updating my socials with the cool shoot I did yesterday, exercise using the Krav Maga stuff I got sent, cook cool Japanese foodstuff to practice for cooking for dinner guests, learn how to use Roll20 to lift people's moods and play free online D&D with them and finally check all of my emails because there's still actual work to be done. Didn't expect the last one, but hey, whatever. I'm super up to date on world news, I read it voraciously every day. I binged an anime the last two days and switched between that and reading the news. I'm now noticing that my super full planner was one of the staples of my productivity. I had meetings to go to so I had to get out of bed on time, I had lots of shit to do outside of the house and deadlines to meet. Now I'm all on my own to get'r'done. I'll start with one thing and just work down the list, I guess. I have some survivalist-podcasts and interviews I want to listen to. I still feel like a crackpot with a tinfoil hat, but all knowledge is good knowledge. And I feel like the survivalist stuff has a smaller chance of being more useful to me in the next few years than how AI gets made or interviews with UFC-fighters. As long as I feel good doing it and as long as I feel healthy, it's all good. Health is a priority. I try to keep an eye on my body and mind all the time. If I'm getting sick (and let's be honest here, there's a pretty good chance I've been exposed), I'd rather it be when I'm at peak physical condition. Not in terms of muscles. But I want to be hydrated, clean, happy, positive and stress-less. A food full of veggies and high calorie food, ... Stuff like that. I'm worried about getting sick, though. And about my SO. If you do get sick and it's bad. It's fucking majorly bad. Hopefully our young bodies are healthy and resilient enough to get away with minor symptoms. If not... We better get sick right now before hospitals nearby start using triage. We might not get care if we get sick in a month instead of today. Even worse, we'd have to stay away from each other too. If you recover from it, you can get sick again afterwards. Immunity is no guarantee and that's not a risk you'd like to take when exposing yourself to your SO. There's just so many factors... All I can do is chug as much info as I can and respond appropriately. My country's now officially on some sort of lockdown. Almost everything is closed except for banks, places you can buy food and workplaces. Can't even cross the borders anymore. With all of the stuff I'm reading, I'm pretty sure life as we know it has been irrevocably changed. We are a part of a major historic event. But that also means we can curb it any way we want to if we work together. And it's also rubbing our noses in where we're vulnerable. Health care systems, financial security, ... Some places or systems are in major need of help, upgrades or changes. I guess that's a silver lining. Recent highlight: The feeling of renewed energy! Budget status: Doing okay. My one goal for the next 24h: I guess if there's one thing, I'd like to clean the apartment. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - About to do it. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - I'm about to fill up a bottle. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll have some home-spa sesh in a bit. -No daydrinking at home alone - Another beer. I've been drinking more and more, it seems. I should slow down. Health is a priority. -Meditation - Not exactly able to go to the park without any risks. -Exercise once this week - Got the Krav Maga exercises. Time for exercise!

Detox day 33. "Car, shoot and lockdown." Lots of sources I know that work with or at the government told me that tomorrow a lockdown will start. You'll no longer be legally allowed to go outside except for getting food or medicine or going to work. But in the case of that latter, you need legit proof from your employer. This is like wartime. So exceptional. So today I had a photographer come shoot me at my home for the cover of a magazine that'll get published next month and my SO and I went to sign some paperwork for our new car. Corona is stalling so many different things... The doomsday prepper in me woke up a bit and I figured if this is the precipice of a major societal change, I might want some stuff nearby. I already know Krav Maga and have stuff to make fire, a Swiss army knife, a machete, ... I picked up some extra stuff from the store and went to visit the drug store around the corner. I had heard stories about how hospitals are now the modern front line fighters. People working overtime and risking their lives for all our health. I'm not somebody who only thinks of himself and I don't like doing nothing. Seeing my local pharmacists overworked, stressed and undermanned... I talked to them and they'd been swamped by aggressive people, screaming about Corona. Madness. Utter insanity. They'd erected Plexiglas protection screens over their counters, had designated areas marked with chalk, twine and tape for people to stand on and only permitted 3 customers in the shop at the same time. I got some alcoholic handgel, painkillers and disinfectant. And after a brief conversation, I had heard they hadn't even eaten anything yet and it was already 3 pm. I went to drop off some bagels and fruit. I guess in a way they were my own personal front line. I can't go to the hospital to bring bagels. But at least I did something today to make a small difference. I am thinking of hosting some sort of online D&D events. A weekly thing to battle the Corona-isolation and sadness. Recent highlight: The photoshoot at my house. I've never been on the cover of anything before I think. Budget status: Yay! Money coming tomorrow! My one goal for the next 24h: This time I'd like to start the day tomorrow with a clean slate. I've gotten the Krav Maga exercises, there's food to cook cool stuff with and loads of time. I feel like all I do all day is follow the news and watch anime. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Ok. -Make the bed - Ok. -Drink enough water - Getting better but not there yet. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Good. -No daydrinking at home alone - Beer. -Meditation - Not really feeling the need yet. -Exercise once this week - Got the Krav Maga exercises. I'll tackle'm tomorrow!

Same. I saw the image before I read the text and was going "Oh, no, not this guy..."

Detox day 32. "Dungeons and Quarantine." My D&D session went swimmingly. I spent the better part of Saturday anxious and stressed because I feared some of the players might cancel. I talked it over with many of them and I was willing to hang out and without pressuring anybody, all but 1 player made it. It went amazing. I was so happy. So many great story moments, epic combat and a giant cliffhanger at the end. I can't wait to do it again. That being said, it may have been quite reckless. I didn't know much about the virus and there were no real rules we were breaking by hanging out. I'd like to squeeze in another session sooner rather than later, but we'll probably just wait for another week before we open that discussion up. I see numbers, infections, deaths and measuring rise and change every day. It seems prudent to hang back and see if any of us are infected and give them time to recover. I'm now following several world news outlets to keep up to date a bit. Horrible stuff, but fascinating to see how humanity responds to it all. Recent highlight: My party facing the bad guy, only to see them get stabbed in the back by some dark mage their all angered earlier, their newfound nemesis, and having to battle a super powerful and pissed off mage on top of the boss battle. They ended up losing an NPC and made a deal with a god to save their lives. Being able to finish the session with the words "Ok, but everything comes with a cost." was the cherry on the cake. Budget status: Nothing specific to report. Other than me having sent a message about not yet receiving my money. My one goal for the next 24h: Honestly, I don't really know. I'm not really feeling today. I might get pissed off of hanging out on my couch all day and just start rage-cleaning. We'll see. Today is rather meh in terms of goals, discipline and ambition. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Shit. Haven't had any yet. I'm to instantly change this. I need to stay hydrated. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I am going to have a bit of a cleaning and grooming sesh in a bit. -No daydrinking at home alone - Had beers with my SO. -Meditation - Might hit up the park again soon. But preferably at a time nobody'll be there. -Exercise once this week - I'll keep an eye on the exercises my Krav Maga group'll post tomorrow.

Detox day 30. "Suit up and bro down." Test driving the car went so smooth. We ended up getting it. We agreed on paying 4000 in advance and the car payments would be about 120 a month. It's going to be 16,500 total and my SO is paying for 1/3 since we'll share it but I'll use it for most of the time instead of her. So we're buying car now. We will soon own a car. Holy crap... I guess it's kind of a signal that we're both confident in our relationship. We wouldn't spend that amount of money on it all if we weren't sure that she and I would last. This is a huge milestone in my life. I have been clean for 30 days now! No porn, no games and no podcasts or Netflix when I try to go to sleep. Some days are harder that others. I'm just happy to be able to say I've been going strong for a month now. I had my new suit on. It fit amazingly. I'm going to go and pick it up next week. I'm over the moon. It'll cost me an arm and a leg. But holy shit do I feel cool and ready to become a super professional coach! I'll plan a photo shoot for the website and marketing when the whole Corona-quarantine stuff blows over. Had dinner last night with friends and drinks with another friend. One last hurrah. My SO and I will be at home for at least 3 weeks now. The bar closed at the strike of midnight. I did end up having a lot of fun with him. I ended up confiding I'm thinking of getting the 5 yen piece I wear around my neck to be refitted and turn it into an engagement ring. The engineer and scientist in him gave me tonnes of ideas. If I can find a place with smelting gear, he can do it for me. I'd get some extra coins to do a trial run, though. And we still have two more hurdles. I want to find some kind of gemstone from Peru, because I'd propose in Japan, the country that I love, but she likes Peru like a lot! So I need to find a gemstone and then figure our the second issue: how to get it to attach to the ring. The metal fitting on the ring is something my engineer friend can't do, but I have a jeweler friend who might have answers... Sadly, due to Corona everything is closed... But we still have about 2 years before we pop the question, so we're good! Recent highlight: Wearing the suit for the first time and looking at the mirror. Budget status: Financially I'm fine. But the car payments and not getting my unemployment money yet, combined with lots of gigs getting cancelled is uneasy. I have learned to immediately get contracts and agreements done asap. If they then cancel, I still get paid because they can't break contract that easily. My one goal for the next 24h: Prep my D&D like a motherfucker. I am so looking forward to tomorrow afternoon. Hi-jinks, combat and shenanigans! Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - All good. -Make the bed - Not really. -Drink enough water - Didn't drink any water yesterday as predicted. Now that I'm home today, I hope to compensate a bit. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - If I go outside today, I'll do this. But I might stay in and ignore this. -No daydrinking at home alone - Only social drinking. -Meditation - Still enjoying the park walk I had in my mind. -Exercise once this week - My Krav Maga group posted some exercises to do at home to keep fit. Ideal!