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NEW VIDEO: I Replaced Gaming With Real Life (Nicco Transformation)

karabas

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Everything posted by karabas

  1. Day 0/120 Gahhh I relapsed (with videos, not games) for no good reason. I was literally coming here to post about another successful detox day when I decided to watch some innocuous video on YouTube. It's now 4am and I spent the last 4 hours watching various music videos (mostly from my high school days). That was so stupid. At first I was going to say, "it's ok, I won't count this as relapse as it's just a few videos" but when you're going to sleep at 4am instead of midnight, I think that very well damn counts as a relapse. It clearly highlighted why I can't let myself be lax with videos tho. It always starts with "just one". I have to stay true to the rule that I don't watch anything unless I specifically need to for work or learning. No "interest" videos either. Not for now anyway. Anyway, I'm not feeling super crap about this although I was having a pretty productive day until this happened. But my resolve is still stronger than it's been in months, so I'm just going to pick myself up and restart tomorrow.
  2. Oh sorry, I missed that part. I actually don't find that adding YouTube makes it harder for me in terms of cravings. I can quit games only and still have massive cravings or quit everything and have none. It's weird.
  3. I've had some success using a pomodorro timer. I've also had success with setting up rewards for reaching milestones: for example, do homework for 3 hours a day, after 7 days I go to eat at my favorite restaurant. or eat a bag of chips (because I normally stay away from chips since i'm trying to lose weight). Doesn't have to be food, just has to be something you like and don't normally get and not related to gaming or technology ?
  4. This sounds both like a natural part of the process and a miserable effing time. I think you're getting to the core of the problem with gaming though: it's so much more attractive than the real world because it's so immediate. Real life takes time, whether it's getting good at something competitive or whether it's simply accomplishing life goals (you might find the book "Mastery" interesting). You need deliberate practice, day after day, year after year, to accomplish these things. There are plateaus before you see significant improvement and there are setbacks. Etc. Gaming is fast. Spend a few days learning the game, practicing it a lot and you're already better than a lot of people. Spend a few months practicing, reading up on strategies and techniques, watching pros do it, etc, and you'll be one of the top players. And you don't even need to be at the top. Most games match you up with people of similar "level" so you can start crushing people early on as you learn. And even if you don't play competitive games, single-player games get you hooked in by having you fulfill easy "quests" first and then moving to more and more challenging things as you go on. Games provide fast returns on investment and give you a sense of achievement. Life seems boring by comparison. But the reason we're all on this forum is because we don't want the virtual achievements any more. We want to go and achieve things in the real world. And that takes time and effort, without immediate results. And yeah... that's the hardest part about quitting games.
  5. Day 3/120 Forgot about my detox for a bit today and watched a video or two. Not going to count that because overall I've been clean. Been kinda lazy overall though. Didn't do all that much today... or maybe it just felt like that because I didn't work?
  6. I hear you, @JustTom and that was my original approach back in the day before these forums. But I think I've come to realize that my gaming addiction is really more of a tech-related dopamine dependency than a gaming-specific addiction per se. I noticed that because when I'd get fed up with how much time I was wasting on games, I'd quit games for a time. But as soon as I'd do that, I'd switch over to movies, tv shows, and YouTube and would continue to waste as much time on them. And if I quit both, I'd find fun books to read and would get just as hooked on those. And eventually, I'd just go back to playing games. I even went 2 years without games, but it doesn't mean I was free of my addiction, I just channeled it through something else (videos). If you think of it as a dopamine addiction, it starts to make sense. I'm addicted to dopamine, which I achieve by gaming. If I can't game, I get it through shows and movies. If I can't, I do it through books. So I could be off of games for 2 years but my addiction is still 100% there because I've been getting my dopamine elsewhere. I think that the only way I can quit games for good is to kick the real habit and that means abstaining from all dopamine-related behaviors. And I HAVE noticed that with these rules, I find myself actually bored and not wanting to do anything at all sometimes. This is really weird for me because I don't remember the last time I felt bored. So it almost feels "good" to be bored because it's like my brain is craving dopamine and I'm not giving it any and I'm hoping that eventually it'll just give up and go back to a healthier state. Maybe that's hogwash, but I think it makes sense. And in my last detox, I did last ~60 days without youtube, videos, etc. In fact, I think the road to my relapse started with getting more and more slack with YouTube. So it's definitely a "gateway drug" for me.
  7. Thanks guys, I appreciate your different viewpoints. It's super helpful. I'm not struggling with depression, so a therapist for me boils down to a person who I'm responsible to and who gives me advice and tips on how to deal with my addiction. The former is not that important because I live abroad and my only option for a shrink is online. And it's hard to feel responsible to someone you know only online. The latter is not that useful because most of the stuff is online already. I tried 3 therapists online and one of them seemed to be half-decent, worked with me on my problem and gave some basic suggestions. I didn't end up going through with it because I don't think the price is worth it at this point in my life. If I'm better off financially I might try it again.
  8. Day 1-2/120 Much better so far. I deleted Steam and all the game files & saves so that'll probably help keep me off of it for a month or more with no problem. The challenge now is staying away from the other stuff like YouTube/Netflix & phone games. I think something's different this time. Not in that I don't feel cravings - I still do. But I think the relapse did more damage this time around than it did last time. I'm really feeling the financial crunch that's the result of the last two months being totally wasted on gaming & vids. I'm feeling the disappointment of my clients. And worst of all, I'm feeling like I'm so behind on all my goals, work & otherwise. A few months back I remember writing how I wasn't ready to put gaming behind me for good. I think I am now. Maybe this will change 45 days into the detox again, but right now I hate gaming. I know that it's pleasurable, but I hate it and what it's done to me. And I really want to be done with it for good. I'm not there with YT/Netflix yet, but they are what perpetuates my addiction to tech in general. So I have to be super careful. Also I need to finalize my quitting of games. Getting rid of my steam account is a good start. Doing the same with my other game download account is another. I don't remember what that other one is called and I don't have a lot of games on there, but I know myself. If I have cravings and there's some weird way I can get back into it, I will use it. I need to burn all my bridges before I think of turning back. That's in my to-do for the next few days.
  9. Is there anything I can do with Steam aside from just deleting my account? All my computer-based gaming is done with Steam at this point. If I delete it, I'm making it that much more difficult to relapse (I'd feel like a chump for paying for the same games I've paid for before). At the same time, I've got 30+ games and tons of DLCs on there. Probably worth hundreds of dollars, if not over $1K. Is there any way to get value from this? Selling the account, getting refunds, anything?
  10. Still in my first day. I just got an angry email from my favourite client, telling me they're really frustrated with how long I'm taking with the work I'm doing for them. It's totally warranted and it's totally because of gaming. My hours gamed since relapse are now over 100, so no duh I could've put them to better use. On the plus side, this might be the kick in the butt I need to get rid of this habit once and for all. I hate making people feel this way, especially people I care about.
  11. Day 0/120 I relapsed again. Even though I don't end up gaming a lot of hours every day, it's as I predicted: I only have a few hours a day free and I really need to spend them productively. Instead I do stupid crap like Football Manager 2018. It's like I'm playing a game which is a fake version of a game. I'm not sure if you could find a stupider pastime. Gah. I'm restarting this detox (yet again) that has so far failed to materialize. I need to do things differently to make sure it stays that way. It's way late now, so action steps for tomorrow: - Delete steam off of the computer & delete stupid effing bejeweled off of my phone - Develop a craving routine: if I want to game at night, I just go to sleep. Otherwise, I go spend time with family since I have that opportunity right now. - Listen to some Islamic lectures: there's a particular speaker (Hamza Yusuf) whose talks almost always make me more grounded and give me determination and hope. Not because those are the things he talks about. I don't know what it is. - Write out what I'm going to do & how
  12. Day 0/120 The travel messed me up and I relapsed. Been gaming for 2-3 days now. Enough!
  13. Yes, I'm using BetterHelp. This last guy that I got seems to be a lot more straightforward, but he's not as responsive and he admits to not knowing a lot about internet/gaming addiction. But least he's reasonable unlike the other two. I definitely get that accountability is important, but I'm not about to pay $200+/month for that lol. And yeah, this website does this... to an extent.
  14. ❤️ volleyball. glad lack of sleep didn't trigger cravings for you!
  15. Thanks guys, especially @Cam Adair. Love your videos, they've helped me a ton. Days 1-2/120 The first day was tough. Especially at the end of the day: it was a bit early and I really wanted to just play a bit before bed. I literally sat there for a few minutes, just battling myself internally. In the end, I decided that passing another milestone or two in the game isn't going to change a whole lot except make me want to pass more milestones. So I didn't game and in the end went to bed earlier than I've done in a long time! Second day was fine. Still not very productive, but I've been having some health issues + I was packing and making some last-minute plans for my trip (which is tomorrow). Stayed up late, but for good reason, so I'm OK. It looks like I won't be getting into my productive groove for some time, but I'm hoping to start carving out more work time over the next few days. I also paid for a week's worth of online therapy. I'm trying to see if there's any benefit to doing it. So far, I've found none. My first therapist was clueless, suggested I game in moderation, then agreed when I said that it doesn't work. Her advice was limited to that and telling me to have someone I'm accountable to. Great, no duh. I changed therapists (thankfully that's easy to do online), and the second was one was an aggressive monster. Not sure how this lady keeps a job in therapy. She essentially called me a child and told me to man up and just decide to quit games in a very rude manner and twisting my words to suit her own message. Thanks lady. I've been trying to quit for 10 years - I'm sure your brilliant advice is going to keep off of games forever. The crazy thing is, when I replied in a way to show that I wasn't receptive to that kind of message, she just kept bashing me psychologically for not being able to quit. Seemed like proving her point was more important than helping me in any way I changed therapists again. Have some more hope with this one: he actually asked me what I'm looking for from him. The other two didn't ask this even though it seems like a no-brainer question. He also seems to be more solutions-oriented, which is what I'm looking for. I'll see how it goes. If I don't find any benefit, I have until Aug 6th to quit. It's not a huge amount of money, so if there's some benefit, I don't mind forking over the money. Anyway, that's that. Today we're traveling to the biggest city in this country because i'm flying out from the airport there. Should be a fun trip: there's some good food here and apparently the biggest mall on the continent that I haven't seen yet. Will be cool to check out.
  16. Good luck! I've found that sleep deprivation is the #1 enemy of the detox overall. I always get more cravings when I'm tired and I have less willpower to resist them. I'd recommend planning to avoid nights of little sleep as much as you can. Obviously, it's unavoidable sometimes. But overall, sacrificing a bit in terms of money/grades/whatever is often worth going to sleep on time. That's from my experience, obviously. Yours may be different ?
  17. Thanks guys. So far it seems to be that a therapist would be helpful in making a person realize they have a problem and maybe some basic techniques for dealing with the problem. They can also serve as an "accountability partner" to whom you'd be reporting regularly about your detox status. But it doesn't seem that there's benefit beyond that. I've known about my problem for a decade now and so far what I learned online, especially on these forums and from Cam, is on par if not better than what therapists have offered. Which I could excuse them for... they deal with all sorts of stuff, but this community deals with gaming addiction specifically.
  18. Nice going so far. Don't feel too bad about semi-relapsing while sick. It's the hardest part of detoxing ? And cool, I'm Russian too ? For freelancing, your English is good enough already. Check out the website called Upwork and freelancetowin.com for advice on how to succeed there. I'm not affiliated with either, but I've been successfully freelancing using those two resources for 2 years now. Freelancetowin has a paid (very expensive) course, but he also has a ton of free content and it's more than enough to get you started.
  19. So I signed up for one of those online therapy websites. So far it's been underwhelming and nothing I didn't already know. That and I get a strong sense they're not really convinced that I'm "addicted" in the full sense of the word. Anyone here find benefit in talking to a therapist about your addiction? I'm not talking about other mental health problems like depression or whatnot. I'm talking about the addiction specifically.
  20. Thanks man. Yeah, I'm really trying to get in the mindset that it's not about quitting games & other addictive tech for good, it's about having as many detox days as possible and keep the relapses as short as possible. I think that helps with the feeling of crapiness that comes when you relapse. Anyway, I started a new journal here: Gonna try to do 120 days this time...
  21. Day 0/120 I'm starting this as I started my last detox, at day 0 and a pretty crappy day it was. I've been gaming for about 2 weeks now, which isn't that much. But it's just an extension of my whole addiction problem: for a good month before that I had a problem with videos and even books. The result is that I haven't been productive since June. I'm traveling to my home country in a few days to help my parents out with some stuff and will be there for a month. It'll be particularly important for me to have the time to work while I'm helping them. So I can't do this nonsense. So I'm restarting my detox, including games and videos, and addictive books (fiction mostly). Last time what caused me to slip was: 1) reminders of my past habits (such as news about games) 2) "excusable" videos: TED talks, random videos I saw that was relevant to my interests, and the damned world cup I've deleted most of my sources for the above (cleared history on youtube, etc). I need to get off of facebook as well. I also need to spend more time away from the computer, so I'm going to try again to get away after every 2 hours and run the pomodorro timer otherwise. I also need to start writing out my day's tasks and hourly breakdown again. I was able to do 90 days last detox, so I'm increasing it to 120 this time. If I can go addiction free for 120 days straight, that's a third of the year. Even if I relapse after, it's a long way without addictive behaviour. I'm kind of in a conundrum: what happens if I break my detox in videos? Videos are definitely not as bad for me as games, but videos lead to games. At the same time, if I break my detox through videos, I'll say "eff it" and will go back to gaming as well. I need to try to do both I guess - that's the only idea I have for now. Even if games aren't in and of themselves that bad for me, they end being really bad as part of my addictive behavior. So, here we go again...
  22. Nice! Half-way through! How are you feeling about the detox? I'd say try to post a bit more about your detox every day. It's a useful habit and it can help get yourself through some tough periods. I personally struggled around day 40 and being able to just write about it on the forums was very helpful.
  23. Hey guys, I've successfully completed a 90-day game detox and overall have found that despite occasional relapses I'm able to control this part of my life. But throughout my life - including during the detox - something I haven't been able to do consistently is go to bed early. When I do go to bed early and wake up early, I know I'm super productive. I have more motivation, less distractions, and I just feel better about myself. But the longest streak I've managed was maybe 3 weeks (I've been trying for over a decade). Sometimes it's watching videos or gaming or even reading that's keeping me up. But sometimes it's literally nothing. I'll just sit there and stare out of space or spend more time in the shower/bathroom when I should be going to bed. It's like I can't make myself move towards the bedroom. Has anyone had this problem? Any tips on how to fix this? I'm finding this more difficult than abstaining from games or videos...
  24. New Detox: 4 (ish)/6 Productive hours: 3:30/8:00 I'm back at watching videos again. Gah.
  25. Lol, no ? You've gone 10+ days in your detox several times (your record is close to 50 days, right?). I'm talking about people who can't even get a good start where losing the streak is a big deal (i.e. people who fail 3-4 days in). So yeah, when you have a streak, losing it is a strong motivator. When you don't have a streak, it can be discouraging.
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