Bugg

Day 5. Just got in from work, I'm in a really weird mood, it's probably stress, major cravings to game and block it all out, or eat and block it all out, or netflix etc. But, I'm staying strong. Made myself a cup of tea and now I'm gonna check off some items on ye ol' todo list and then play a little guitar before cooking some food. I've been invited to go out this evening with friends, but I'm not sure I really want to now. I feel like I should try and at least make myself though, it might turn out to be a good night, and if not, I can always get a taxi home and I'll know I at least gave it a shot. I've made the effort to get back in touch with a particular circle of friends, and spending more time with them during the daytime has been great, I just get anxious when it comes to drinking and socializing. *sigh* Anyways, less typing, more doing :)

This is so true; I've used that a lot when overcoming my issues with food, but have failed to apply it in other area's of my life. As it happens, I did watch TV, and then it was too late to do anything else. Next time I'll go for the productivity first and then the TV if I still have time. Thanks for the advice! :)

Hi, welcome! I'm pretty new here and having little experience with twitch I can't offer much of an answer to your question, other than to do what feels right for you? If you're already considering it then my suggestion would be to try a 90 detox from it and see how you feel. It's obviously bothered you enough to feel the need to seek advice, so I'd assume that perhaps it doesn't play a totally harmless role in your life? I would imagine for a detox to be most effective it would probably be wise to also unfollow the streamers, since the entertainment you get from those could be quite similar to Twitch? I dunno, just my thoughts. Congratulations on how far you've come though!! That's really amazing :) Oh, and hobbies? Learning German and practicing guitar are my goto's, alongside working out and learning calisthenics, and yoga. Tho I try and keep a blog too, and I'm also wanting to learn more about birds. I probably have too many hobbies, haha. Good luck!!

Sorry to hear about the slip up but from your journal it sounds like you were doing really well!! Good luck this time around, like Cam says; Learn from it! :) Your journal is really inspiring though, but I do get the impression you can be a little hard on yourself, which I can relate to - a habit I'm trying to break. Maybe try to be a little more compassionate towards yourself, you're only human and you can only do your best, which in your case is already really good!

Day 4. AM Got work this afternoon til tomorrow, as per. I'm up early, had breakfast, made breakfast for work and in process of making tomorow's work lunch, evening meal for work is done. :) Gonna do a workout this morning, feeling positive about the detox. I keep thinking of my Playstation in the box on my wardrobe and wondering why I haven't sold it yet. If anyone reading had consoles to sell, at one point did you finally do it? Also constantly thinking about what to do with my 3DS and Pokémon games, I know I should just get rid, or get rid of my DS at least and maybe hang on to my GBA and the older games, bah, I dunno. Circular thoughts. Posting so early today as I had a nightmare, and it was horrible, and I think it was almost certainly game inspired, which is weird since I never got nightmares while I was actually playing games o_O But yah, I was with my mum, who often features in apocalypse type dreams, and we were being bombed. We were in a forest and we heard the air raid siren - where I live we have a siren that is tested weekly for nuclear purposes so the sound is now permanently etched into my brain, I thought it was just another test at first. Anyway, the people from my work were there, and as I care for people with learning difficulties I was faced with a moral dilemma. My mother was being unwilling to care about her own life, like she was depressed or apathetic, and I had to decide weather to help my work guys to safety or help my mum. It was horrible. Then we saw the first missiles heading towards us in the sky and I dragged my mum under a car to hide, they hit our area and people died, there was screaming and we ran. I left the people I'm supposed to care for behind - they did have other staff with them, but I'm not sure that's really the point. So, me and my mum saw these machines, like the one's in horizon (only that didn't occur to me til I woke up and had a chance to think about it), the machine-beasts were chasing and ripping people apart all around us, I forced my mum to run to safety and we found some weird safety chamber thing, like, a reinforced box with a door which was very small. I made my mum come inside with me and I had to hold the door shut, and the machines were attacking the box and trying to get in, and the bombs were still being dropped, and then I woke up. Took me ages to get back to sleep. I'm not gonna analyse that or anything, but I wanted to write it down and out of my head. I had another nightmare before that one, but it was totally unrelated and it featured subject matter I don't wanna write about, but yah, a night of nightmares. I hope I sleep better this evening. Update. Had a little dance, did a workout, continued replying to 'penpal' letters. Gonna have lunch, watch one episode of my fav show atm and then -hopefully- play guitar or learn some German, before I have to leave for work. Decided I'd like to spend a little more time actually reading and replying to other people's journals and stuff.. not 'for the sake' of it, but more in an effort to give back, and to have more faith in my own opinions, rather than assuming that I have nothing valuable to add. Goal: drink 1 pint of water each morning.

Day 3. S'bin a good day. Busy day. I got up early and went for a jog, despite not sleeping very well last night for no apparent reason :s Jogging was great, not only did I get some fresh air, exercise and sunlight but I met an awesome cat along the way. I see the cat quite regularly as he's always hanging around our area looking for attention, then later in the day my housemate came home from work with the very same cat in her arms, he'd followed her home. We chilled with cat for a while and then sent him on his way - he seems healthy and well cared for - we're gonna keep an eye on him though and check he has an owner, no doubt he does and he's just wanting cuddles. So after my jog this morning I traded the last of my ps4 games in, making another £36, woop, and then I went and sat in a park and played on the swings, alone, and it was glorious. I'd forgotten how amazing it feels to swing, and it was awesome to be in the park surrounded by tree's and birds and squirrels. Heaven. Met some friends for lunch, chilled in town for a bit, came home and cooked a meal for some other friends (they loved it :D) and now they've gone home I'm just journalling and getting ready to chill for the night. Part of me wants to read my novel and part of me wants to watch an episode on Netflix. I think I'll read though, I'll most likley sleep better with less screen time. So yeah, 3 days, going alright I guess. Still having cravings of course, I entertained a number of game related conversations today but mostly stayed out of them.

I have your Vlog 2 Dealing with Emotion bookmarked, haha. Also, I got Adam Roa's book for my mum as it's right up her street, but figured I'd read it first as well, really enjoying it :)

Also, for anyone reading who has Respawn, I just posted a query in there, under the section 2 discussion I believe, any help would be very much appreciated. :)

Your screenname made me laugh :P But yah, thanks! :) I designed him tribal and he sits on the outside of my ankle, with mew on the inside. Pokémon was a huge part of my childhood and I still keep up to date with the anime, haha. That's an awesome sentiment! And so true as well, at first I felt shame at his words, but I quickly realised that I actually do value that quality in myself.

Day Two? Day two. It feels longer. :s Woke up at work (I work 24 hour shifts) so came home around 4pm, first thing I did was some jump rope in the back garden, which I'm super proud of as I normally come home tired and veg out, but I decided; not this time! So jump rope: I only did 3 minutes, haha, and my max was 71 jumps without tripping, but as pathetic as that may be I'm happy I motivated myself to do it, and now I have goals to beat. :) Replied to an important letter (I may or may not elaborate at a later date but for now we'll go with, I have a pen pal, and writing can be emotional). Tonight was no exception. This was an emotional letter. I've finished writing it and now I feel drained. I cooked myself a healthy meal as I know I've been really letting myself down recently with the healthy stuff, and now I'm logged on and typing and trying to deal with the crappy things I'm feeling. Normally I'd hop right on playstation or zone out to netflix or youtube in this situation, but I'm trying not to. Made myself a hot chocolate (sugar free) in an effort to somewhat comfort myself. Sugar, that's another thing. Always hit the sugar to feel better. Gonna be really mindful of that during this detox. Pointless replacing one dopamine hit with another right?

@Regular Robert I think I already have a pretty good idea why I game (/gamed) tbh, typical stuff really, low self esteem, real life makes me feel crappy, uneasy, anxious and often depressed. I have an intense fear of being a failure, but the irony being that in trying to avoid those feelings I set myself up for being a failure. Lol. Yah that's how sims started off for me, but then I dunno, it became so much more. Was actually having sims cravings at work today :s Phone situation. When I first got a decent smartphone a few years ago I was totally hooked on phone games, but more recently I hadn't been so bad as I'd rather sit and play 'real' games. But yeah, it's something I'm remaining aware of, especially since an idea I've had is to use the ps4 sale money to get an ipad (obviously not for gaming, but for kindle reader and sketch apps). But the greyscale idea is a good one, tho not sure how that'd complement sketching/painting apps on ipad :P I have had to delete social media applications off my phone tho, I end up scrolling for hours, I realised this was becoming a real issue when I started to get neck pains o.O

Having just asked if anyone else on here has ADHD in an effort to feel less alone, that article was really interesting! Thanks :)

Hey, I'm vegan too, but can totally relate to the slip ups. I guess self control is something that some of us struggle with in many area's of our lives. Good Luck on your journey!!

I absolutely get that, I think I was trying to live my life in sim-land and not accepting the responsibility of living my own life.

I can already sense I'm spending too much time on the forum, lol. But I guess it is still early days. But I had a revelation just now in the shower. In my intro I wrote about how I've never been addicted to any social aspects of gaming, as I don't typically play online (I do/did, but rarely) but then I realised, playing co-op has been a major part of my life! It's always featured prominently in my relationships and friendships, and in fact, I've always generally been attracted to people who I can game with. I can't believe I hadn't considered that before now.

The Sims 4. I've read a few things on here regarding The Sims, and how many people still play/use it, as they don't see at as so much of a game. I've just deleted my saves and uninstalled it, and I found that really, really difficult. For me, The Sims has definitely been a problem game, one I have very easily been sucked into for days, weeks, months at a time. Logically, I don't really understand the appeal, but then I'm a creative person, and being able to create people, houses and lives.. I guess that really sucked me in. The Sims was one of my first catalysts for knowing I needed to give up games. I remember, I'd just logged out after around 12 hours of simming, time I thoroughly enjoyed I might add, but I sat back and really thought about the time I had just spent. I had sat and watched my sim level up their guitar skill, instead of leveling up my own, watched them working out instead of doing so myself, saw them becoming more charismatic and making friends, whilst I'd isolated myself and given up on real social interaction. I'd watched my sims do all of these things I should have been doing in my own life. The need to quit gaming became very clear. This was a few months ago, and it is only today, day 1, that I am finally doing it.

Day One ..or the start of Day One. Just woke up and had breakfast, the last thing on my mind last night was my playstation, and the first? You guessed it, my playstation. I'm feeling a tremendous sense of loss. I know this is normal. On my TV stand where my console once sat is a dust mark and one solitary fidget cube. I need to dust. So, this morning I plan to do some housework to fill the void, then I'll probably read, and may get respawn. Even if I could do this without the guide, I know it'll make things easier, and besides, I'd rather like to support Cam and the amazing work he's doing. Plus, it costs less that a quarter of what I made selling games yesterday, so yeah, probably a good purchase. I've been awake less than 30 mins and already 3 intrusive thoughts are occurring. 1. This is madness, I can't believe I'm giving up such a source of joy in my life. 2. What the hell are my gamer friends gonna say?? 3. What a great time to complete Pokémon Moon! (yes, really, that one's screaming at me haha.. I definitely won't be playing anytime soon) I have work in 6.5 hours, lots of time to fill. Gotta avoid binge-watching Netflix or Youtube too, which may be easier without my playstation for access; sitting at the laptop to watch stuff isn't nearly as comfy as watching TV. Speaking of which, I have no use for my TV now, and rather than buy a new hdmi to hook my laptop up to it, I think it's quite refreshing to have that eyesore rendered obsolete for now. So my question, to myself, to whoever is reading, is this: do I try and give up netflix too? The final thing I need to remain very mindful of is food, with a tendency to eat when I'm stressed or sad, it's gonna be vital I pay close attention to this. I'm a pretty open person and have no qualms sharing this, but last year I was in therapy for an eating disorder, one where I would binge-eat and then restrict, I never gained any weight - in fact I lost it - but the fact remains that my lifestyle back then was very unhealthy, and was as a result of blocking out emotional turmoil. Without games there's a real danger I'll relapse back into that pattern, and so I am remaining aware and vigilant. 'Let the non-games begin!'

I'm a tad late commenting on this but I find this really interesting having come from a background (and still somewhat in the midst of) food issues. For me it really helps to consider mealtimes as a sort of meditation. Being fully present in the moment without distraction, as Cam mentioned. See the food, notice the differences in colour, texture, how does it smell? When you eat, chew and really taste each mouthful, how does it feel in your mouth? - I find this especially profound when eating fruits or vegetables, unprocessed stuff, cos I really think about the wonder in it, how an apple grows naturally and tastes so damn good... and with processed stuff, it reminds me how full of chemicals and rubbish it is (even tho i still enjoy it more that I care to admit). Also, it can be nice to consider where your food came from, who grew it? How far has it travelled? How many people worked hard for you to eat it? I find that all these things really help to fill up my mind while I'm eating and make mealtimes much more stimulating. And eating something home cooked? That's even better :)

Here goes nothing. It's Day Zero. I've been thinking of quitting gaming for so long, constantly looking back over my life wishing I'd done things differently up to now, so I suppose today marks the start of that journey for positive change. A friend once pointed out that I'm always on a mission of self-improvement, and thinking about it he's right, I absolutely am, but that is definitely not a bad thing. Giving up games is possibly the biggest change I will ever make, they are so fundamentally a part of who I am, anyone who walks into my house is immediately greeted by Pokémon coasters, a Skyrim mug, and my Pokémon and Skyrim t-shirts.. and even my mew and mewtwo tattoo's haha. (No, I don't regret it). I feel like this is gonna be huge. It's an adventure, and I can't wait to see how it unfolds. So last night I finally completed Horizon Zero Dawn, I'm glad I did, I don't think I could have started this journey leaving that chapter unfinished. Today I went and sold the game. I came home and created my introduction on here, that was 4 hours ago. At that time I wasn't even committed to the 90 day detox. I still had The Last of Us to complete, having only just started it, and all 3 games in the Crash Bandicoot remaster. I decided, that in actuality, I wasn't prepared to waste the time necessary to complete The Last of Us, and so I figured I would spend this evening having one last hoorah on Crash instead. An hour into Crash and with frustration building I came to the realisation that I wasn't even relaxed, I was on edge, I kept dying and had no drive to carry on at all. And then I recieved a notification. The final bonus episode of Life is Strange has finally been released and I am downloading it. I absolutely loved the first game, and had been exited to play this final part for months. And here it was. And it was called Farewell. I spent an hour and a half completing this final episode of one of my favourite games, it was emotional, the game and my own farewell, I cried (I can't believe this hits me quite that hard, but there we have it). I said farewell. I turned off my ps4, I unplugged it, I got ready to pack it up for 90 days and possibly forever. But alas, I'd left a disk in the tray! Lol. My farewell wasn't quite perfect, haha, but in the end I got the disk and heard that familiar beep of the system powering down one last time. And then I logged into this forum, created this journal, and I guess, the adventure begins. I shall awake to Day 1, the beginning of the end of gaming? [Note: my 3DS and GBA need to go into hiding too, however once this is over I don't think I'll be getting rid of my Pokémon games, and I just hope they won't ever become a source of addiction or negativity, as up to this point they have been ok, only time will tell.]

Thanks Robert, creating a journal now :) I also have a paper journal I often write in, and a pen pal of sorts, so hopefully I'll be able to sit with and work through my issues without escaping from them any more. Oh and for hobbies; not a problem, I'm already a bit of a jack-of-all-trades, I'm exited to hopefully spend more time doing the things I love. :)

Yeah that's absolutely true! Thanks :)

I couldn't help but notice the poetic nature of some of your words, despite English not being your first language? Have you considered creative writing as an outlet for your emotions? Good luck on your journey! Xx

Hi, thanks for the reply. Yeah I'd actually seen that one, and then it's like my brain deliberately forgot the important lesson, haha. I really should just get rid once and for all. I think I'm gonna try the detox with my ps4 in the cupboard out of the way. I'll have one last hoorah tonight, then unplug it before bed. Starting tomorrow I'll try the detox. What have I got to lose, right?

Not sure if I can technically post here yet as I'm still moving towards a quit rather than having actually stopped gaming :S I'm getting there, I dunno. I'm 27, been gaming over 20 years, never much of a social/online gamer but I've never not had a console. I play way too much. Since finishing uni and starting work, there have been some major stresses in my life, and I'm losing more and more of my days to 12 - 16 hours gaming as an escape. It's just not worth it. There's more to life. I want to stop, I also wanna stop watching so much netflix/youtube to fill the void, which seems to happen whenever I'm not sat with controller in hand. I haven't bought a copy of Respawn yet, but I'm considering it. I took a load of games to the store to trade-in today, made £88! Not bad at all. (Side note but something that really made me think today: when I was trading in my games the guy behind the counter was telling me about a new game he just bought ''only had it 2 weeks and already logged 120 hours'', he was bragging and I just laughed, but inside it really struck a chord. Think of all the cool stuff he could have done with that time, and instead he's proud to have spent it all in a virtual world, and yet to some degree, I'm that person too.) Anyway, I wanna sell my last 2 games and my ps4 too, but somethings still holding me back. I bought my ps4 as a gift to myself for gradating uni, haven't even had it a year yet, it's so hard to give it up already. I keep thinking of just selling it without finishing off the games I have, but that feels like leaving ends untied? I guess I feel like I can't move forwards without actually finishing this chapter of my life, but even considering the time I will need to invest into those games to complete them is causing anxiety too! I've tried talking to my mates about this, but they're all gamers, and so they think I'm just being silly. ''Just game in moderation'' they said. I wish it were so simple. As a girl in male dominated friendship group, gaming has been my way of relating to the guys, it's how I fit in, and it's become what I'm good at. Letting that go. It's just scary. I keep trying to tell myself that being good at games is just an empty achievement, that anyone can get good at anything if they do it enough. I want to get good at something worthwhile. Like guitar, or calisthenics. I guess I should have called this post ''Reasons why I'm procrastinating from quitting games''. *sigh* Well hello, anyway. Hoping this forum can help me build the confidence to finally give up, and soon. [Update: will unplug this evening, start the detox tomorrow. Best hide the 3DS too :s] [Edit: I failed to mention that I have ADHD, diagnosed young and on meds as a kid, I felt that's important to add as I'd be interested to hear from others in the same boat? It can be hard for us to focus on things sometimes, and gaming has offered a way to concentrate on something in a way that most other activities just don't offer, just wondering if any others from this sort of background have any thoughts on this.]