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dwalk77

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Everything posted by dwalk77

  1. Thanks for sharing John and welcome. I also recently uninstalled Steam, and am looking forward to a life without games.
  2. Day 5 I went out with some friends last night. That's certainly a change for me. I'm grateful I was open to it this time. I did drink too much though. I'm thinking about giving up alcohol for a period again, which I've done in the past. At a minimum, I need to cut down. Shots are not for me. Just need to make it through today, and tomorrow starts the work week, which should make it easier to keep myself busy and away from games/streams. May watch some films, journal, or read today.
  3. *Deleted my Steam account. Feels kinda good. Here we go
  4. Day 4 Well, to be honest, I did not ditch the laptop yesterday. I got off work, but I did not want to drive the 2 hours required to drop it off, and my Mom wasn't going to be at the house anyways, so it was less incentive to go over there. I feel a bit disappointed, b/c I think it's important for me to get rid of this now, while I feel motivated to do it. That being said, I have still not gamed or watched Twitch. Last night I watched a movie in the living room and had a few chats with my roommates. I will see my Mom Thursday and I will drop the laptop off then. I'm writing this so I'll be held accountable for it. I'm feeling some frustration about my car. Financially, I have heaps of debt from another addiction, and some car issues lately have heaped on more costs than what I get paid. I've had to use my credit card, which adds to the stress and tension I already have about the debt. It's important for me to take it one day at a time, do what I can, and leave the rest up to God. It's a test in patience. I'll be able to pay the debt back over time. This morning, I called and scheduled a time to bring the car to a shop and have it checked out. I don't like waiting around for a few days and not being able to drive, I feel trapped, but it's really the smart thing for me to do, and it's not all that bad, especially if I consider what people in less fortunate areas have to deal with. I've read the beginning of Re-spawn. Ironically, it seems the first part suggests what I'm working on already, which is to make playing games as difficult as possible. There's a guide on how to delete Steam permanently, and I think I will work on doing that today. I've probably at least 100 times uninstalled Steam, thinking I was done with it for good, and then came back later, sometimes within hours, reinstalling it so I can get another fix of a game. Sounds like one of those rat experiments. So, I think deleting the account permanently could break that cycle. It does make me cringe. I've got a handful of games on there that I really like and have dumped hundreds of hours into. And games aren't cheap either. But...I think this is the only way to go man. I've tried it the other way. I've even tried changing my password to something I couldn't remember, but b/c my e-mail was linked to steam, I was still able to access it. Time for me to say goodbye to Steam, permanently.
  5. Thank you Beartic and Cam! Beartic, that's great man, I'm so glad to hear about you ditching your own stuff that could be a trigger. Awesome idea about the terrarium. I've been considering getting an aquarium and a few Bonsai trees to take care of, once I've saved up a bit of money.
  6. hey B1ggl3fty , I'm new to the community, I was just reading through some of your posts. I can relate to a lot of what you've said. I was salutorian of my class in high school and was also an athlete, a baseball player, but I was also very shy, and I've struggled dropping gaming and porn for a long time. Lately I've been struggling more with unloading hours watching Twitch more than gaming itself, but it's still something that keeps me holed up in my house. I also live in the Dallas area, feel free to message me if you want to try to connect sometime. Take care brother
  7. Welcome BigOlBeartic! Thanks for sharing some of your story I'm new here as well. Sounds like you've made some good moves lately. I admire that you're volunteering, it's something I'd like to get into more. I've just began counting days as well, shooting for 90. Hopefully we both can get there, one day at a time
  8. Hey Koolman, I can certainly relate what you’re saying about how it’s hard to let go. Sometimes I’ve even thought about memorializing the games I really liked, as in having a sort of gaming section in my house where it was sort of like an art gallery. As if that would give the games meaning and a sort of purpose. Something kept me from doing it though, I think partly b/c I knew it wasn’t real enough, it wasn’t that fulfilling. It sounds like you’re at a bit of a crossroad, and I can totally relate to that. I’m glad you posted here and aired out your thoughts, I think that’s a good thing. Hope to hear back soon what decisions you’ve made
  9. First Post here.. Day 3 of 90 (for gaming de-tox) My counselor has talked of creating "external boundaries" to my addictions. It's not enough alone to overcome addiction, but it is important, 1 of 5 items he recommends for recovery. And I often find it's the easiest place to start when I'm motivated to quit. So today I'm ditching my laptop. I'm not trashing it or selling it, but I'm going to leave it at my Mom's house. I have 2 roommates and a desktop set up in our living area - there's no need for me to have a laptop at our house too. I had brought my laptop home after Christmas break, and since then it's been a disaster. I've spent hours upon hours on my laptop, holed up in my room, watching Twitch, or playing a game I recently discovered. So without the laptop around, I have eliminated the ability to game in my room. I've found also that I feel less comfortable gaming in our living room than I do in my room. I feel self-conscious about it as I'm the only gamer in the house and I'm too old to be playing video games. And I also don't like people watching me do anything, I don't like attention. So that is why it is considered a "boundary" for my only computer to be in the living room as opposed to in my bedroom. I basically have 3 choices now: (1) Use my phone instead to watch videos (2) Do alternate hobbies in my room, such as reading, playing guitar, meditation, prayer, listen to podcasts or (3) Get outside of my room. The hope is ultimately to get out of my room more, but if not that, then at least do more reading. Forecasting: Today is Friday, and the weekend is afoot. Weekends are a trigger for me to game. No work to worry about, which frees up my time and willpower. I've gamed every weekend for the last 3 weekends. My roommate mentioned spending some time playing some disc golf and going to church, but I feel resistance to that. I think it'd be good to reflect on why I feel that resistance. Need to have a "whatever it takes" attitude to stay away from Twitch and gaming at all costs.
  10. Thanks for sharing Moe, appreciate the honesty about going back to it after the detox period. I like hearing those goals, that's great
  11. Welcome French Guy, thanks for sharing I can relate to a lot of what you’ve said. I wouldn’t say academics in high school was easy for me (I certainly put in the time and effort), but I did well, and it was obviously a lot less of a struggle for me than it was for most other kids. I was in classes with kids 2-3 years older than me. But once I got to college, I totally bombed. It was a lack of structure and not having my Mom nearby to support and push me. I struggled to be independent. I knew how to study, but I just didn’t do it. I’d rather isolate and be comfortable, and I skipped many classes and exams for that reason. My social skills were very poor and I felt uncomfortable around other people. Video games provided the perfect escape, where I could be totally comfortable, challenged, and as in academics, have a sense of achievement. I think you’re making one step already by coming here and posting. When you say you have some opportunities, it sounds like you’ve already got a leg up on some people, who aren’t even sure where to start. For example, if you’re good at sports, there’s bound to be something in your area where you can connect and get involved. And in sports, you knock out 2 needs at once – they’re both social and the give you exercise. I have tried to game in doses, but it never worked out for me. Not to say it can’t be done, but from what I’m hearing about your story, it may be better to detox for 90 days and see how you feel then. Good luck brother
  12. Welcome Ben, thanks for sharing a bit of your story
  13. Hello All, My name is Dylan. I recently found this site, and I'm grateful for this forum and the support I see here! A warning, this is going to be a long post, but I figured I’d give a thorough introduction, as its helpful for me to tell my story, and may be helpful to others as well. I was googling "video game addiction", and eventually watched a video of Cam, where he did a wonderful job of sharing his own story and explaining how gaming can have a negative effect, and does more often than many acknowledge. After thinking about it some more and hearing some of the stats he shared, I don't think it's an understatement to say it is an epidemic. For the record, I believe pornography is too, and they both often have an effect of ripping boys, and eventually men, from communities and society. Granted, there are gaming communities, but are they truly fulfilling? I was one of those boys, who got into gaming and pornography at a young age, probably around 12, and it's been a battle to let them go since. When I first got into gaming in middle school, it's hard to say it had a hugely negative impact on me. It was an easy way for me to connect with family members and friends my age and it was fun. I played a lot of N64, games like Goldeneye, Mario Golf, and sports games. When GameCube came out, it was a lot of Smash Brothers, but it almost always involved playing with my friends or brothers. However, the negative effect was there -- often staying up until 2 or 3 a.m. over weekends, sleeping half the day the next day. It was a social crutch. Instead of learning conversation and how to speak with people, when family came over, I went to gaming. I was shy, I didn't know how to talk, didn't want to talk, I'd rather escape into the game. Late high school, I honestly didn't have time for gaming. I was an athlete and was a straight A student, ended up being Salutorian of my class. But...I wasn't done with gaming. To fast forward a bit, I got a PS3 while in college, after struggling with another addiction, online poker. I bought Oblivion, a RPG, and that was the first game I can say that had an immensely negative impact on me. I missed class b/c of it, I totally flipped my sleep schedule around, and I isolated big-time in my little one bedroom apartment. I remember at one point after playing for 16 hours or so in a day and going on 4-5 hours of sleep, I started feeling a sharp pain in one of my eyes, and it looked very, very red. My brain, instead of being sharp, felt like mush. I had made myself a zombie. I put over 500 hours into that game. I've had some ups and downs since then. Fortunately, I did eventually graduate college (although, no doubt, gaming was a factor in the delay there), and I've been working with a mortgage company for about 6 years now, and I’m very grateful to have a steady job now. I don’t have a console anymore, there’s only a select number of PC games I play, and it’s much easier for me to go months without playing a game than it used to be. In some ways I feel I’ve grown out of it. But, still, gaming is a problem.for me. It’s very important for me to recognize and admit that, and that’s why I’m here now. Some of those PC games I’ve loaded a huge amount of time in. I played Civilization 5 for over 1,000 hours. When Civ 6 came out, I decided I wouldn’t buy it. But a few weeks later, there I was, downloading. Seems like in a flash I had put 200 plus hours into that game. I’d play the same game over and over even though the original luster was long gone. Several times I would uninstall Steam and the game, and within a few days re-download Steam and the game. I’ve probably done this 100 times or more This bingeing came with a price. I’ve missed work to game. I’ve lied to family in town and said I was sick so I could spend more time playing the games. I missed opportunities to hang out with friends or meet new ones, or even opportunities to date and be with someone special. I’ve been to some very dark places in my mind. I’ve contemplated suicide. And gaming was usually somewhere in the picture. It was a way to lose myself. What I may struggle with more than anything now is Twitch. Cam has a video on whether watching streams is a good idea or not, and I agree 100%. It’s not. True, watching streamers fills a hole, and I find it relaxing and not as intense as the gaming.. It entertains me for hours, it fills my time.. I have certain streamers I enjoy, and the list has got progressively longer. But I’ve come to realize watching streamers is not much better than the gaming. It’s hindering my growth. It’s also an escape. And often the language and jokes are crude, morbid, and vulgar. In many streams/games/gaming communities, there’s a real death-like culture, and also the way women are talked about and treated irritates me. So, it’s time to move on. I want to live a more fulfilled life. No more Twitch, no more Steam, no more games. I want to give more and be more present to others. I want something more real. I want to be better at talking and connecting. Not quite sure how exactly I’m going to do that, but I have some ideas. Coming here was one of them. It’s not going to happen overnight. I purchased Re-Spawn, I plan on going through that. 90 days, no games, no Twitch. Yesterday qualified as day 1. I’ll also say – if you’re a boy in middle school or early high school – I’m glad you’re here. On one hand, you have a lot more thrown at you than I did when I was your age (I’m 32 now), in terms of technology, games, porn, etc. But, the bright side is, you have forums like this that you can connect to and get educated with. Welp, that’s my long post, thanks for letting me share. See you guys around, Dylan