[ThatFrenchGuy's Field Study]

Day 1 - 6:

So I went in with the assumption that, much like the first time I tried Cam's recommendation for 90 days of abstinence, the start would at least be easy. In other words, last time I tried it, I went 3 weeks without issues. "Relapsed" twice this time around, on the second day and yesterday. Each time redownloading steam and a few games I felt an urge to play (damn you fiber internet). Each time usually triggered by watching a stream of something I'd felt like trying. Each time I ended up losing track of time, and ended up being unproductive and/or ruined work I had to do.

Do you guys even put away subscriptions to gaming channels/streams/etc? I hadn't considered it last time around since I didn't really have a problem with it.

Anyhow, I'm finding it very difficult to keep my day structured and get things done. I'm finding it very difficult to simply drag myself through the day. I usually attribute that to how messed up my biological clock has been due to my irregular and lackluster sleeping hours, yet a part of me wonders if I'm not just building excuses. Regardless, it's a fact though, that not much can be done if one doesn't get proper and regular sleep, it's the nature of human limitations.

And yet that's the eternal struggle for me: I have no energy to be proactive and get things done, so I procrastinate and postpone my sleeping hours and/or miss classes to sleep just to avoid being a physical wreck. Gaming would sugar coat that with istant enjoyment and satisfaction, but now the illusion is gone. It's just me and the issues I need to deal with.

Had a friend over in the first few days, and it was an interesting experience. I was hesitating to turn him down at first and find some excuse to cancel the plan (he was crashing at my flat since his so had family over for some personal stuff). I'm fine with a group of friends I know well, but staying alone with a friend I don't know as well or a larger group of people, and I start panicking. The entire time I was stuck in a loop of "Am I being awkward right now?", "Am I being a bad host?", "What's he thinking now". And yet when we chatted later on, apparently he was having a great time. And that's the usual loop: I'm always on the brink of explosion in these social situations, but usual I come off as a pretty sociable guy.

I'm sure there was other stuff I wanted to put down "on paper", but I can't get my mind around it since I haven't posted regularly. @Cam Adair is right, journaling does feel like pulling a weight off my shoulders. I guess it's simply being honest with ourselves and trying to understand what we feel.

I do find it kind of sad that barely a week in, I'm already thinking about wether I should do 90 total or consective days of abstinence, ha ha.

Anyhow, I'll at least try to set a few commitments, any tips on how to commit to remembering them (alarms? post-its?) are welcome:

• Getting sleep on track: regardless of wether or not better sleep will have a noticeable effect on my motivation and energy, I can't keep missing classes and messing with my physical health. Now I usually sleep late for a reason, as stated above, so I'll implicitly have to work on getting things done too.
• Fixing meal times: can't have a structured day if I don't have proper/healthy (not necessarily talking about the perfect diet here, just not eating biscuits for dinner for instance...) meal at semi-defined hours. Again, also goes with the whole mantra of getting the critical stuff sorted first
• Commit to exploring alternative sources of relaxation: I've had badminton and judo clubs in my sights for months, I need to pull the trigger now. My guitar is also collecting dust, time to get that sorted.

So here's my goals for now, and I need to find a way to stay lucid enough to keep them in mind and commit to them.

Also, @Regular Robert, thanks for the awesome jam in your sig, really liking the beat and lyrics!

[ThatFrenchGuy's Field Study]

I honestly came in here asking myself what the point was. I knew posting on this forum would be at least be mildly interesting, but I was wondering to myself: "What can a block of text do that 2 years of efforts haven't yet been capable of doing." And I have to say I'm astonished at @Regular Robert's post here. I appreciate your insight, and your points are absolutely valid. A lot of what I do (and don't do) comes down to my expectations of what I should be: there are so many things I haven't done because I would be "the new guy" or a beginner, or "not one of us". I'll just say it really hit home, and I really appreciate posts like these.

Edit: going to change the wording regarding challenge in the initial post, because I never really saw it the way you guys described it, and I believe it's just a wording issue at this point

[Looking for help]

Journal started there, for those it might interest:

[ThatFrenchGuy's Field Study]

Cheers @Regular Robert!

Your points definately make sense. To be honest, 90 days challenger is just what came out of my head (probably from seeing Cam's video). Absolutely agree with you on the whole "don't think you should do something, just do it". And to be honest, I realise every once in a while, either myself of through someone letting me know, that I speak quite negatively about myself. I attribute that to my excessive use of self-mockery in social situations to get out of tight spots or uncomfortable positions, and it probably carries through to most things I say.

The big problem I have moving forwards, is that I've already gathered a lot of what I need to improve over the years, but I'm simply not lucid enough to keep track of all of it to get long-term change (i.e. healthy sleeping hours, committing to work on something regularly, doing the dishes after eating, etc...). For a lot of things, I try to "just do it", and usually that works. There are obviously things that I don't want to do and end up not doing, but as long as that doesn't become a doctrine, I consider it normal human behaviour; can't be happy all the time. The problem is that I can't "just do it" if I don't even remember or manage to keep track of everything I want to change. I've tried alarms, post-its, etc and nothing really just gets me doing something different long enough to make it a permanent change.

So I guess this is why I'm posting here, and why I'm making kind of a big deal out of it, I suppose it's a way for me to keep track of where I've been, where I'm headed, and if it can help other people out, even better!

Let's be real by the way, we'd notice if tips were somehow rude! I honestly appreciate criticism. And as much as I hate to admit it, it's good for me to take criticism; I'm regularly warned by my mother, and notice myself sometimes that I let my ego get the hang of me.

[ThatFrenchGuy's Field Study]

Hello guys,

Just joined the forum a few days ago, and I'll be making a journal at least over the course of the next 90 days as I attempt to stop gaming over that period, and develop a healthier lifestyle (Failed the first time).

Just an FYI before I start rambling, it's hard for me to commit to sit down and write something, but usually when I do, I usually write (a bit) too much. So I'll try and make TL:DRs and keep things short (or I might not, who knows what's going to happen in the next 90 days).

Things to expect from this journal if I don't procrastinate:

• Probably a critical/analytical viewpoint on my situation, think of it as a self study. I have a scientific background, did bioengineering for a while, seen way more psychologists/psychiatrists than I'd care to admit, so I've developped a taste for introspection and human psychology (I have no academic background in psychology, but am willing to learn)
• A larger emphasis on procrastination. I will probably end up talking a lot on non-gaming related aspects, but I believe that they are important and relevant here because my main issue is procrastination, and gaming has been the main vessel for this in my case. Some other things might replace gaming as my "procrastination tool" and I feel they could be worth mentioning.
• Insight into social relationships and possibly sexual life. While the former is relevant for obvious reasons, I still believe the latter is striongly linked to my relationship with gaming and is worth mentioning if it's relevant and I feel comfortable sharing it. @Hitaru's nofap challenge (not really looking into that kind of commitment... yet) essential made me think of the role that aspect could play.
• Life structure and personal health: Again biological science nerve kicking in here. I believe gaming has had a significant impact on.

Things I expect to hurt:

• Loneliness: I am bound to lose my friendship with mid to long-term friends I've had online. I've had restricted social circles (usually only unviersity friends) and until I can build up and extend real-life circles, a single group of a few friends emanating only from my "work" circle will not be able to satisfy my social needs. 9It hasn't the last time I tried the 90 day challenge).
• Boredom: Gaming has always been the easiest time-killer, dopamine producer, and relaxation tool for me. Finding equally satisfying alternatives will be a challenge, and committing to them will be just as hard. The hardest (and most important part, I believe) is resetting bodily expectations of excitement. I think the biggest consequence of gaming has been the fact that I always need to be entertained, excited or intellectually involved and that boredom is simply not acceptable. This is also due to the specific psychology behind the whole "gifted children" phenomenon.
• Self-confidence: Not because I expect it to drop, but because I'll be having to actually face myself rather than shy away from my issues.

So there it is, I guess. I'm looking forwards to contributing to forums, and beyond simply being an archive for myself, I hope this can help someone in some way, and I wholeheartedly agree that journals should be a social endeavour, not simply a personal logsheet. I've gone ahead and follow a few journals myself, and I'll try and force myself to be active there.

Here it goes!

 

Also do you have to enable something to have your flag show up to show where you're from? I litterally just find it cute, and it's always fun to see the variety of orgins people have. (-rep if you didn't figure out where I come from with my username he he).

Also, signatures under posts, how does that work? Cheers

[Looking for help]

Thanks for the warm welcome guys!

As with many things, I've procrastinated answering in the forums (although I haven't been much of a forum dweller/redditor to begin with).

As @KevinV1990 stated, I do plan on making a journal, to keep a history of what's happened, help structure my day, and potentially help others.

I must say that I've quite enjoyed and been inspired by @MPieterse in his journal's regularity. I think taking a moment each day to sit down and do something is a nice way to slowly learn to structure you day and maintain commitments, and hopefully that will spill over to other things.

And @Hitaru, I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other in this forum again then! I've believed most of my life that my parents put no pressure on me (as compared to other parents) and a a year or two ago I would have disagreed with your guess. But nowadays, I would say that while indirect, parental pressure is definately there, and has simply been been nuanced by my perfectionist nature. Realising I was unhealthily perfectionist (I highly recommend having a psychiatrist/person you feel comfortable talking to as a way to open up and discover things about yourself), allowed me to understand I was pushing unhealthy expectations in many areas.

I'll probably bump this thread one more time when I get the journal started with a link to it.

[Looking for help]

Hello guys! My name is Corentin, 19-year-old student currently studying political science. I’ve had quite an ambiguous relationship with gaming in general. My first encounter was around the age of 11 or 12 (can’t quite remember) where my parents had bought a second hand PS2.

At that time, I also got into flash games with my parents’ PC. I must mention that up to and a few years after that point, I had been quite an outgoing child, doing a lot of sports and often pushed into summer camps by my parents. This was done with my best interests in mind, as I was (unbeknownst to me at that time) what I guess translates as a “gifted” child (high IQ, but social difficulties and other issues thrown in the mix). They wanted me to be able to learn to socialize well from an early age.

Anyhow, I naturally aced everything up to the last two years of high school, without so much as lifting a finger. Then things got difficult, there were lessons where I couldn’t get away with simply using my “brain power” so to speak, coupled with my strong attention in class to carry exams without revising. I had no experience focusing on work and that’s where I began procrastinating.

Back to the gaming aspects however. My relationship with my parents degraded severely at that point, and coupled with the fact that I built myself a desktop - with both legitimate and shady sources of income - , I would frequently lock myself into whatever room the computer was in (they prohibited having any electronics in my room). I would often game a lot and took a liking to game development as a means of killing time and anger, and justifying my absence from the family life.

This clash escalated to the point where I was sent to a boarding school in Paris (I was living in China at the time, so I was literally sent across the world). Ironically there, the boarding house supervisor severely limited my usage of my computer, and even though my grades did not exactly rise, I did spend what is arguably one of the best years of my life: I got a girlfriend (which naturally led to the exploration of sexual aspects at 16), had a very comforting and stable social circle, and had a generally healthy way of life.

I graduated high school the way I did anything school related now: very decent grades which could have top of the line had an ounce of effort been put into preparing the exams. Due to an administrative mess, I ended up studying biotechnology at Sherbrooke University in Canada.

This is where gaming started destroying my life.

I was unprepared for the age gap (I was 17 in a class where the average was 22 and the oldest was 27), and the difficulty of university life. I would often hole down in my room and play Battlefield 4, to the point where I failed my semester in a spectacular nervous breakdown, refusing to attend the exams. Gaming has consumed so much of my time that it affected my sleep/hygiene/social and sexual life.

I was pulled back home in France, and was stuck in the family home for a semester to wait for a new scholarly year to begin anew. There my tensions with my parents escalated (often around computer/gaming related issues) to the point where the police got involved and dragged me to the local hospital – twice. Luckily my parents did not decide to press charges against me.

Both angered and ashamed, I was determined not to let gaming push me into desperate corners anymore, I got into a faculty of political science, where I aced the first semester (both my parents and I refusing to bring the computer to my apartment). Then complacency set in and I finally got my desktop back, and I fell into the same issues again: going to sleep anywhere from 4am to 8am (sometimes, not at all), destroyed social life (constantly making excuses for missed calls, events, responsibilities), and ruined my academic performance.

Like in Canada, I did not attend the second semester’s exam’s because of how crippled the stress made me. They did allow me to pass the backup exams (based upon my excellent academic performance in the first semester), which I passed as before: decent grades which could have been better had there been effort.

And now here I am, second semester of second year, having detox and relapse moments with gaming, trying to get my life under control.

Now that this monolith of a piece of history is over, and please move this post if it isn’t in the right spot, I’m looking for advice.

On one hand, I have so many opportunities to grasp for with very little effort (my academics require only that I work regularly and in a focused manner; I’m good at plenty of sports which would allow me to get fit again – and allow me to relax in a healthy manner; I’m well seen by my friends/colleagues but often procrastinate in nourishing my relationships; all previous relationships with the ladies I’ve had were from them coming to me – I was always to shy to “hunt” on my own).

On the other is gaming, in which I find profound enjoyment and relaxation. It is an escape (for better or worse) from the stress of my daily life. It is my first axis of procrastination. I always viewed game development as an escape, always wondering “Have I gone the wrong way, academically?”.

I have good friends on there with whom I share excellent times. These often nudge me into gaming, and I have attempted the 90-day gaming detox (with little success), which has severely deteriorated my relationship with some of them, and made me feel alone.

I’m therefore stuck in between what makes me feel safe and happy, and what is healthy, right, and good for me in the long run. I guess I’m here looking for arguments in favor of the latter and against the former, and ways in which to get my gaming-fueled procrastination under control. I wish (I think) I could find a compromise where I could game only for healthy amounts, but that just doesnt seem possible. I keep switching "ideologically" between abstinence and addiction, leading me nowhere.

 

Hoping to hear from you guys, best of luck to those going through the same issues.