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Laney

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Everything posted by Laney

  1. How funny that you mention this. The first time I met @Cam Adair, he had a notebook that he carried everywhere with him. He took notes of a few things I said and it felt as if he were paying real attention to my thoughts. Much more personal than taking out your phone while talking to someone. So now after meeting Cam I have since bought my own notebook! It's not that large, can fit in your pocket. I know the phone notebook is useful--and even I use one for lists and thoughts--but for people I always use a physical notebook now. I highly encourage it Sorry to hear about your friends. You'll discover those who understand and encourage you, and those who will tempt you back as well. Some people can't fathom quitting, nor could even I a year ago. It's painful to receive such negative reactions from people you care about, but you are more important and deeper than what they imagine for you.
  2. It truly does help, the people here. I look forward to the changes and progress in your life. Welcome to the forums, Alex
  3. Welcome, Eric You're in for a wild ride that will change your whole life! What are you planning on doing with all this extra time?
  4. I don't think there's any good strategy to "seal the deal". It's not something you can force, and it's something both sides have to want. Relationships are about Timing, Compatibility and Location. If you only have two out of three, it's not going to work out. (Although location can be remedied, it's usually safe to say it's a deal breaker if you don't live near each other especially at the beginning of dating) These are the following things that could get in the way of sealing the deal, that you literally have no control over: Timing Are they focusing on jobs/school/life more than dating? Are they emotionally prepared for commitment? Are you rebound? Are they dating someone else? Compatibility Do they think you two are compatible? Location Do you live too far for them to want a real relationship? If none of these issues exist on either end, then it will happen with time and communication. The only strategy to apply to increase your chances of sealing the deal is the strategy of gaining trust and comfort between the two of you (alternatively named not scaring them away).
  5. Laney

    Forum Layout

    I love this forum! I think it's functionality is great and it's very easy to navigate. But on first view it's bulky and inactive. Not good for new users!! Suggestions: Make the Logo start at the top of the page instead of below the navigation bar for non mobile usersMove threads around so that the most active part of the forum can be seen in eye view without scrolling down. This may be accomplished with Suggestion #1 but we could also move Introductions INTO the Start section as a sub thread, as seen in : Lifestyle ----> Books & Podcasts, Fitness & Nutrition, Art & Music Start Here ----> Introductions
  6. Thank you @Alkan and @Tom My journal entry for today. Day 1, 17 hours. Broke on day 82, yesterday. Don't know how I feel about it. Don't know if I want to keep this up. But I wrote this while alone in the mountains today. Save Game? (Y)es (N)o Get more sun! Go outside more! Go to bed earlier! Real life is great, just get out there! Of course, the world is great, blah blah, Well I've been rejecting that greatness for years. When I do go outside I struggle awkwardly, My efforts left unappreciated. I reject and I ignore life, waiting, As if someone or something will come and save me. Not that my pride would ever let me be saved Here I sit, A princess in a castle of her own making. When I allow myself to experience this greatness, Its power and beauty encompass me so entirely I am bound motionless. Or weeping Suffocating, despite my gain of fictitious magic, through the loss of the real thing. Synthetic joy is not sustainable. I'm left wondering, If there is hope in my life for greatness, I've felt it, I know its possibilities Why do I sit here and lose myself? I'm pathetic. # run google Welcome to Google! What do you want to Search? # how to play INSERTGAMENAME less? Running Google Search V3.1... please wait. List of Search Results: "Are you addicted to video games?" "Support groups for quitting video games - Visit GameQuitters!" "Success stories of living game free" Wow. I'm not alone. Nor am I pathetic. Can I actually do this? # quit Save Game? (Y)es (N)o # n # uninstall INSERTGAMENAME Uninstall? (Y)es (N)o # y
  7. Going to bring up the dream topic again as it's still bothering me passively. So I've quit gluten and video games. Now my dreams are filled with indulging both of these, and closer to waking, guilt in the dream about having relapsed. Lol. It's ridiculous and kind of a downer. I've even had my dreams confused with reality more than once, stopping and facing myself, "Did you really play a game yesterday?" "Why did you eat that food?" I worry about everything. I doubt time will remove these dreams and fears of accidental relapse. My brain is forgetful and I'm constantly worried I'll forget I can't eat gluten or that I've quit video games. Kind of silly to worry about but it's honestly the only way I keep my brain in check, to remind myself with fear.
  8. Day 77 Hi everyone~ I've been MIA on the forums. I've not been avoiding you guys, rather avoiding facing myself and the disappointment I feel in myself. I feel I should be better than I am, but I guess not addressing it is worse than speaking to my journal. I feel overwhelmed. Depressed. Unhappy with my willpower. The beginning of this quarter I was so focused on being 100% everywhere in my life that I ended up being 100% in family, friends, organization, food and errands...at the cost of not having enough time and energy left dedicated to school. Now I'm in survival mode, as always. I wish I could do more than just survive in my schooling. Even though I'm not playing games, I haven't replaced it with better habits. My goal for this week is to start my homework early, and begin interrupting my habit of last minute werk.
  9. Hey dude. I have been in the car before with a girl driving insanely high. I was scared out of my mind!!! You're not being abnormal here to want someone to be sober while driving what the fuck. And I am also a fellow earplug wearer at concerts. Screw what others say, you are going to have your ears ten years down the row. I have also noticed after taking the initiative with ear plugs and bringing extra, that there is always someone else, if not the whole group, who is happy I brought them because they care too, and I give them a pair to use. Until people take those steps to secure themselves and be safe, it's seen as "...well no one else is doing it so I wont.." Honestly anxiety has its purpose. It's to keep you alive. The reason adrenaline attacks exist is because they make you react faster to get out of a bad situation. Like your ears being saved from a loud noise, or preventing a deadly car accident. Maybe I'm just reinforcing your anxiety? I apologize if that's the case. I just want you to take action in these situations because You are important and You deserve to take care of yourself. Besides I think it's cool to be preventative because I am also a J and also need plans to relax and feel like I can enjoy the moment sometimes. Why do you think I carried so much stuff with me to the beach? People were grateful and maybe thought I was a bit weird, but we all had towels to sit on. You can't plan for everything, of course. Meditation and breathing has helped me relax in situations where I was unprepared for change or things going wrong. And there will still be nights like last night. But that's okay. honestly I feel like you might have been fine at the concert if the night hadn't started out with the weed. It made things begin on an uncomfortable tone. Just reading your story gave me anxiety as soon as I arrived at that paragraph.
  10. Day 59 (whaat almost two months!) I went gluten free a little over two weeks ago. It has been an intense journey that taxes my mind and body. Today, I forgot to take my vitamins before work and was reminded my body is still experiencing gluten withdrawal. Or that something else is going on in my body I'm not aware of yet. Since this is still a problem, if not worse than last week, I want to get bloodwork and food allergies done. Been listening to Brain Maker on audible, I am now inspired to fix my adhd, brain fog, depression and headaches with my diet. It sounds too good to be true! That my adhd could be reversed, or at least lessened and managed, by a healthy gut biome. I definitely can't attempt this on my own though. Again, I need to seek professional help. Work has been much better though! Brain fog disappeared. Oh and my impulsivity to buy random things has also decreased! So has my depression lessened. These are all good signs, but not sure if it's worth this headache.
  11. Isn't it funny how we and others just accept gaming all day as normal and acceptable, so long as you love it? When we talk to others, we need to keep in mind the big picture view we have over the topic of gaming. Most don't understand addiction or that they are addicted. If you let go of this awareness it's easy to get carried away and say, well why not! Let's game! We have to remind ourselves that it's not what we want. Not who we want to be. There is something bigger and better out there to accomplish. Proud of you! I've been thinking about rearranging my room for a "new" feel, maybe I will soon. Glad it worked for you.
  12. It sucks, women are highly discouraged from being and INTJ. We are "intimidating" "bossy" "uncaring" "rigid". Although I like myself more now that I'm more aware of others feelings and how my actions can affect them, I do wonder what I could have accomplished if I had stayed oblivious and logical. Maybe in a different timeline I'm the new Ada Lovelace of alternate reality or quantum computing. Haha. Although I could still be a pioneer in AR. I will always have a soft spot for INTJ's since I grew up as one
  13. Thank you Alkan! Makes me feel a little warm inside being reminded that men can appreciate more than just my body. Not saying you don't, @Marchosias but you do talk about women more objectively, hence me assuming the hot idiot part, thanks for correcting my assumption Also Alkan I resonate with what you said about intelligence in some concept. So long as someone has passion for something, are higher thinkers in a certain part of their life and can inspire something inside of me, it is very attractive. I know a guy like this too! Ugh! I feel so horrible for being so shallow, he is literally the best guy I know by 200%. Very intelligent, inspires passion, always brightens my day, challenges me to be a better person in my career and to others, but he is short and heavily overweight. :< Ooph, the hangover sounds horrible, I will try to avoid drinking for a while until I level out. I decided to go gluten free after I met a cute gal who wrote a gluten-free article and she told me about more symptoms of celiacs and gluten sensitivity than I had heard of before. (Such as anemia, ADHD and thyroid problems) Then later that week I met Cam who is also gluten free, so I said heck let's try it. Was surprised to find out a few other people at the meetup were also gluten-free or were eating very healthy in general. But my decision to go gluten free kind of backfired with the moodiness, depression, headaches, brain fog and lethargy. I bought vitamins and went to a farmers market right away after I realized I was missing SOMETHING in my diet that was making me this way. I've leveled out more and am back to normal, if not a bit better with the brain fog., but the mood swings are still here. How would you suggest I up my fat intake? I don't even know where to start, most of my fat is from meats and oils. Guess it's time to read some guides?
  14. @Marchosias You're right! That's how I explain it to people. It's essentially bisexual except it lets queers know that I'm completely comfortable with them. If a FtoM meets me, and I tell them I'm pansexual, they can feel comfortable pursuing or befriending me. While if they meet a straight woman, they will always have that gut feeling of "maybe they wont accept me once they find out I don't have a dick". I never once felt I was bisexual, but when I learned about pansexuality I immediately identified with it. Immediately. Bisexuality has never spoken to me like pan has. It accomplishes a lot more than just expressing my sexuality, it also expresses how I view queer people. Hitting two birds with one stone = shortcut that I will most definitely take advantage of.
  15. There will always be exceptions. Women who only want a career, people who are close to the middle of the gender spectrum and just want to do their own thing, those with atypical sexual orientations, etc. But these are all minorities. That said, I'm still not sure if I should even reproduce considering my leanings towards things like depression and addiction. But it just takes one look to how a common man thinks to realize I very likely should. Thank you for answering! Also tagging takes a while, you have to type in @Laney and click on the popup window(may not load right away) to fully tag. As a pansexual female, I'd rather not date a person who follows this view of male vs female in relationships. I am not denying it isn't accurate--but since I'm one of the minorities you mentioned, it's not very useful for me and I find it rather droll. Same as I don't care for a dominant man anymore (or submissive). Which brings me to a thought about The Goat, or Who is Sylvia? A play about a man who falls in love with a goat during an equal marriage with his rl partner. He feels demasculated and is unsatisfied in his relationship with his wife, not because he doesn't love her, but subconsciously he feels like he doesn't have that much worth since they don't have the dominant/submissive husband/wife relationship. But an equal one. Not that there is any real correlation between this play and relationships irl, I wonder how possible it is for me to have a fulfilling longterm relationship with a man who isn't queer. Back to your post, intelligent men dating the hot idiots used to make me extremely uncomfortable. Growing up I was an INTJ--highly logical/analytical for a girl, only about 0.5% of the female population overall. I was entirely about practicality and intelligence, who cares about the people who can't follow my thoughts. It was a struggle to understand the male desire for only the body and not the mind. Reading your journal does recall some of those uncomfortable feelings from back then, which is why I wanted a more in depth explanation from you. This feeling I would describe as jealousy and insecurity. Even though I am in my prime SMV, and know how to dress myself provocatively, I am not one of the normal women, and won't ever be. But I think that's okay. I am not sure I properly understood the root of the jealousy I felt towards hot women objectified by men until now. Note: I've since developed my empath and feeling sides and am now an ENFJ (Although the last three are about half and half, so more like EXXX) About two weeks ago I went gluten free, and after reading about ketosis, I'm pretty sure I went into a ketogenic state these past few weeks. Hrm. But anyway! Food can still be fun! Try to focus on what you can eat instead of what you can't. You'll have more fun with it. Although it is more expensive Wew! Yes! Everyone is a fantastic character.
  16. I forgot I took pictures! These three were walking together and I snuck a photo. @kortheo @Cam Adair The second is our view of the ocean, the third our blanket towel situation where we all sat! The day was perfect for being at the beach.
  17. Anything like this, @Cam Adair ? https://www.youtube.com/embed/Wq4U02qOKEc annnd https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irb4xeklQFU
  18. Attraction alone doesn't answer my question, unless you're only dating for sex. You don't care about the mental? The stability of a job in a partner? The lower chance to have a drastic change in persona/life goals. That's the only relevant data in my mind to someone dating significantly younger for more than just sex.
  19. This meet was a huge deal. Not many people understand game quitting, and having that barrier gone allowed for meaningful connections and understanding about where we're at and why we're doing it. I resonate with your analogy that we're trying to free ourselves from it, that's how it feels for me. You were fantastic at it! I was so stoked you had one with you. Perfect perfect time <3 across the universe will have a warm feeling behind it now.
  20. @Marchosias I don't quite follow your second paragraph, so I'll reply to the first portion. That's a good thing you're not too worried about dating. Is there a reason you are looking for girls ten years younger than you? I mean. I've dated men more than ten years my senior before, but I'm curious to hear about it from the other side. Are older women not as attractive? Will you be okay with your partner when she's older and not a young qt anymore?
  21. This is how I've been feeling as well. I've always been focused on dating, now that I've started this challenge it's the first time in my life I'm 100% dedicated to me. It's a bit exhilarating! Good to hear your updates. Also very entertaining. It's not a choice for me though. After you've been poor for two years, it becomes obvious at a first sight. All I can afford right now is a bus ride to the center of the town where I can then look like someone who's been poor for two years. The first question girls ask you is "what do you do". I don't have a cool answer to that. Ah but see, you followed that quote up there with a very opposite statement earlier. You have more important things to do! Goals to achieve! It's all about how we perceive our situation. I don't have the money to support a relationship, nor a cool job. I feel very insecure advertising myself off to potentialI partners, most of them won't understand a thing about me, where I'm going or where I aim to be. And I don't have the self confidence to back that up either. But that's ok with me right now. I'm finding it freeing instead of sad. I get to focus on me instead of them. We're not in the best place for dating but that doesn't mean we're in a bad place overall.
  22. This is how I've been feeling as well. I've always been focused on dating, now that I've started this challenge it's the first time in my life I'm 100% dedicated to me. It's a bit exhilarating! Good to hear your updates. Also very entertaining.
  23. Shout out to @kortheo and @MmmWatermelon for the harmonica jam sesh after the meet. Everyone was good company, look forward to seeing more of you all!
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