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giblets
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Posts posted by giblets
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Day 19
So yesterday I was in a haze of being overwhelmed, so writing my journal completely slipped my mind. I am very overwhelmed with what is required of me for my studies, and I am not confident on how to tackle it. It has begun impacting my sleep and I can't relax during the day as I can't think of anything other than my assignment. I have booked some tutorials with some people to talk through it and submitted my draft to my instructor, so hopefully that will all help me relax. It primarily is coming from not doing as much of the course content as I should have this semester, so I don't have that technical foundation to draw from for some self-confidence. I will need to complete this assignment early as a result, because when it comes to the day that it is due (Monday), I'll be so frozen from stress about it that I will not achieve anything. I would argue that I am not really achieving much towards it over the last day for the same reason, so I really need to get some traction towards it tonight.
I have discovered the 'Digital Wellbeing' setting on my phone, where I can set maximum time per app per day, which resets at midnight. It's a great concept, so I am very curious of how it implements it and how hard it is to get around its measures. It might do wonders for making me limit the time on my phone.
I really need to be disciplined on keeping running every day. I have reduced and removed a lot of my running to give more time for studying (which has not been effective), but what that has done has taken away my stress coping mechanism. I need to bring it back in, and see it as an investment of time into my mental wellbeing. I need to get more out of the remaining hours of my day, rather than trying to spend more hours on study/tasks.
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Haha definitely not a Victorian, thankfully.
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How are things with your gf? Have you talked to her about what you're thinking and feeling?
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Day 18
Having stress-related dreams again, waking up constantly and dreaming about the issues that are on my mind. This also means that my lack of running lately is really effecting me. I just need to focus on getting through my tasks in small bite-sized chunks rather than looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed. A massive step for this will be getting my assignment in (draft due today), then allowing myself to go for a run outside of that. I think I will be back on track once I have done that, or at least feel a lot better about life.
I might pick up the 5 minute journal app again. I used to have that way back before I studied cyber security and ditched Google Play Services on my phone. Now I have it back because I don't have the time to maintain that aspect of my life, I might pick it up to help keep my mind clear and focused on gratitude. The biggest challenge from that app was forcing myself to find 3 things that I am grateful for. Once you get into the habit of forcing yourself to find positives, you start looking at it from every angle and seeing positivity in every aspect of day to day life.
Well, I really need to get on with today. It's not going to get on with itself!
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G'day Jake! There used to be quite a few of us crawling all over the forums, but lately it feels like I am the last one left.
Not really sure how much catching up is a good idea there in Sicktoria! Happy to talk to you online though. I get the social aspect that you're talking about, ever since I walked away from online gaming I have really struggled to find friends or have friends, but a big element of that for me is that I have also moved around a lot so haven't had a chance to build up a new circle of friends. I had a little bit of a breakdown last week from being so lonely.
What may be happening though is that there is plenty of people around to make new friends with, but you have had your blinkers on by being so focused on gaming. Now that the blinkers are off, the opportunities might start presenting themselves.
Have you started your journal?
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The great thing about this experience is that you learned how to recognise some new triggers and how to manage them (lack of sleep).
Don't beat yourself up too much about relapsing. If you have learned something from it, then it's a great tool to help you progress.
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Day 17
"Discipline hurts in the short term, but regrets last forever."
Found one of the motivation audio files that I used to listen to while I was going through the gaming detox. I am trying to shake up my morning routine again, it seems to be a constant battle (battle maybe is a pessimistic word) trying to find one that works while getting me going for the day faster. Today I am listening to the motivation clip instead of scrolling or reading. Reading is for the end of the day, I need to use the sharpness of my mind in the morning for journalling and studying, or meditating while running (though that is on hold for the moment).
I am learning a lot about introvert personality traits rather than extroverts. I used to think that introvert meant I didn't want to spend time with anyone, that I never wanted to be sociable, but then wonder why I felt lonely, or allow myself to be set up where I am now, where I hardly know anyone outside of work and spend most of my time by myself. Instead, introverts get their energy internally, rather than energy from the people around them. Rather than feeling revitalized from spending a large amount of time with groups of people, I feel drained. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be sociable. I now have the daunting task of trying to create a friends circle from scratch at my ripe old age. But, just like studying, rather than shying away from it, it is time to get on with it and take the first step.
Time to finish off the draft for this assignment. Then free myself to go for a run to clear my head and untangle some mind pretzels, which will get me grounded and more resilient to go forward.
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5 hours ago, Bird By Bird said:
Be careful. Returning to edit a journal more than once is procrastination. Anything you want to include can be added in tomorrow's journal.
Without discipline. But that could be said for every task.
Strike while the iron is hot.
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The hard part of putting the distractions in the other room @royal panda is that I need the computer to study! I need more discipline. We can all use more discipline.
Day 16
Had a really great afternoon and evening with the family, but now I am in a hole with this assignment. It is my own fault really for not starting it earlier, so trying not to get anxious about it which will derail my progress on it so far. I essentially need to complete another 1200 words today, so I have jammed the majority of the effort I need to get done into it into one day, so it will be rushed. The silver lining though is that it is for my lecturer to review it, so if I can get it done and to her in this timeframe, then I can relax a little bit and just focus on fine tuning it over the last week, so I shouldn't get anxious about it. Only two assignments are between me and graduating so I really need to buckle down. This year has been hard with studying, both from the sheer amount of work I have been doing, wanting to spend more time with my family and the dreaded time wasting. The only way to go is up from here, so I just need to get on that first rung.
Had a fantastic thunderstorm here last night. I love thunderstorms. I really hope that another one hits during the day so I can go out and sit on my balcony and watch it, or sit out there and do some reading to take it all in.
Only 12 days until I am going to start reflecting on the early entries of this journal, so I really need to increase the quality of my posts. Maybe I can introduce a habit during the day of coming back and editing or adding to them? Will give that a try.
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6 hours ago, Bird By Bird said:
I no longer use Evernote or Evernote-related products because of the many times my documents have disappeared or reverted to a previous state. Their many controversies have driven people to create competing products and open-sourced versions of Evernote. I use HelpNDoc6 for writing, usb as hard storage and Cloudamo for cloud backup. Evernote also takes way too long to open as opposed to grammarly or Notepad++ or a pen and piece of paper for when I want to quick write ideas.
I've lost so much data due to this it makes me really sad. I abandoned cloud software as a result and do everything offline.
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Day 15
Bit of a sluggish start to the day today. Last night was fantastic though, dusted off the pomodoro timer and smashed out quite a lot of study. I managed to go from 77 words to 600 words towards my assignment, which is great progress. I need to get to 2000 words by Monday. I am so far behind on my reading for my study (like 7 weeks or so) because of escapism really... trying to start something is the hardest task I feel like I have. Once I have started something, however, it is easy from there. It blows my mind that we can create so many barriers for ourselves (whether that is distractions, escapism or excuses) that will prevent us from starting stuff, but all that does is make the situation worse! Just get on with it dammit!
Bit of a random scribble today, but it at least brought my motivation back and I should get on with this assignment.
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Pomodoro is fantastic, I think without it I would not achieve very much at all.
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Day 14
I think I am going to abandon RescueTime. I am not really sure what it is doing for me, and it may be targeted towards multiple devices and multiple users, such as an office environment or a managerial position. I picked up a new phone (my old phone was 3 years old, I was aiming for 5 years) as the previous one had a broken camera, and it seems to have some screen time monitoring tool on it, so I am going to give that a go for a little while and see what that is like. Regardless of giving up on this service, I have noticed that with the removal of Facebook and Twitter, my use of the mobile phone has dropped significantly. This is a massive win in itself. I have also bit the bullet and reconnected my watch to the phone, so I can now dismiss notifications on my wrist without picking up the phone, allowing me to leave it somewhere else while I am home rather than carrying it, such as on the bench in the lobby or in the kitchen while I am in the office.
Enjoying the progress! Two weeks down, and it feels like only yesterday I decided to get back into journalling. 10/14 days I have forced myself to have some reflection on the day, which is great progress. I feel like my entries need to be longer, but something is better than nothing. When I get to 28 days, I am going to start reflecting on my thoughts and challenges were a month ago.
Have a great weekend!
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8 hours ago, dhitts said:
Day # 3
Still really freaking avoidant/escapist: minus. I had a block of time at the very end of my workday where I could have turned to paperwork, but played with my daughter and read about childraising instead. While I feel happy to have done these things rather than gaming - I remain concerned about my escapism when it comes to work I don't like.
Be careful with how you label your time with your family. While escapism or anxiety may be causing you to not tackle big or daunting tasks, don't let your brain associate family time with 'escapism' or 'wasting time'. They too need a time investment, and that is exactly what it is, an investment. This is why we're here, is to spend more time with our families and to provide them a higher quality of time. They're the end goal, not the journey.
What might help is break down what you need to do into smaller achievable 30minute tasks. For example, when I get given a new project at university, my first reaction is to freak out and to think it is too big a task or overwhelming. But, I pause, take a deep breath and start breaking it down into smaller sections. A to do list app or time management program will help a lot here. For example, if the assignment is write a 2000 word essay, I break that down into
- Read weekly notes to see if there is any ideas/inspiration
- Find 10 references
- Determine my argument
- Write a summary
- Decide on 3 different parts to talk about
- Write a conclusion
- Choose highlighter colours
- Start reading references
It feels much easier looking at this, and within 2-3 hours, I will have at least crossed off 3 tasks, giving me positive feedback on my progress.
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How are you going @dhitts? Have you started working on your journal? It will help you deal with all the emotions and urges that you're going to have in this process.
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Day 13
So I think I missed a day here somewhere, I think Day 11 should of been Day 12, and I had another gap at Day 11. So I have almost reached two weeks with only missing two days, that is a good outcome. Hey, it's no 100%, but it's not 0% either, so it's progress.
I think the main reason I missed a day is I have lost track of time right now from sulking a little. I am quite busy at work, but I have noticed I feel lonely and without a good colleague or peer that I can connect with and talk to. Without an outlet, I tend to withdraw and have far too much on my mind and I sulk a little. Last night at dinner I kept trailing off into my own thoughts even with my family about, as I had not sorted out my "mind pretzels". Now there is a term I have not used in a long time.
I am not really sure what the solution is this time around. I feel reluctant to connect to people at work, a lot of the social groups have shut down because of the pandemic, and my attempts to get a penpal or similar online have come up empty. I am hoping it is because of this situation is so unique rather than it going to be my situation going forward. Maybe getting rid of Facebook was the wrong idea, and made this worse or drew my attention to it. I am not saying that Facebook made me more connected or less lonely at all, but it did mask it. Not the ideal outcome, but at least I wasn't focused on it so much. Maybe I need to do some work on being ok with being alone again, to work on my self esteem and/or self confidence that I don't need to have so much external interaction.
I hope everyone else is going well out there.
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Day 11
Feeling quite horrid today. I woke up in the middle of the night with crazy bowel pains. It kept me up for a few hours. I didn't get on my phone though, which is good, and worked through a chapter and a half of a book on my kindle. This meant I was very sluggish today, didn't get my run in because I wanted to study, but then felt too poor from the nights sleep to even study, so just wasted time. It is quite clear that the mental discipline or defense against our compulsions is at its lowest when I am tired or when I am feeling poor.
I have so many deadlines right now that I am trying really hard to not get overwhelmed. As soon as I get overwhelmed I will feel the urge to drop all of them and not work towards any of them. I need to focus on breaking them down to bite sized chunks and make any progress - no matter how small - towards them.
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I am speechless. Your story is almost identical to mine. It is resonating hard! I don't think we are that old though 😉 You're only as old as you feel, right?
When I get worried about the wasted time, or the wasted money spent on games (or online subscriptions), there was a great quote that I saw on the forums here a long time ago -
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is now.
There is no value in wondering what could of been or what you should have done. You can't change that now, no matter how much you want to. All you can focus on is right now, and how to make things better from right now.
Going cold turkey is bullshit hard. But it's the only way it's going to work. We're here to help you. If you feel the urges, change your environment, get some fresh air, or talk to someone about it. I'll be following you mate and looking forward to your journey!
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Wow, that's an intense story. Glad you're here mate, you're on the right path to productivity.
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Day 10
What a massive weight from my shoulders getting rid of Facebook turned out to be. I really underestimated this. This time around (I have a traditional love-hate on-again off-again relationship with Facebook) I didn't delete my account, I just got rid of it off my phone. That way the theory is I shouldn't feel FOMO as I can access it whenever I want, but it just requires a little bit more effort by logging onto my computer. Introducing just one extra step worked well for getting rid of games, so I am optimistic that it will do well here too.
I also saw that the Pine Phone is getting momentum. I had been interested in a similar phone like this for years (even registering for the UbuntuTOUCH I think it was called years ago) but the price has always been prohibitive. This one looks like it will be around $150-200 US, which is half the price of a Lightphone. Plus you can turn it into a full fledged computer if you need to, I am excited. If they get some kind of layer to run open-source Android apps like AntennaPod, I am in boots and all. Sold out right now though but I can wait and learn some patience!
Really enjoying this productivity kick. I am now actively seeking out chores and tasks that I can do in five minute blocks rather than just mindless scrolling.
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I absolutely feel you mate. When my kids first arrived, I used to get so frustrated with the time that I spent with them or allowing them to "distract" me from what I "needed" to do. It took some with @Cam Adair to help me reshape what I saw as free time and what I saw as being productive. I needed to stop looking at time I spent with family or relaxing as a waste of time and distracting me from my goals, and I started to move my family higher and higher on the priority list.
I look forward to seeing you progress!
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Day 9
So facebook is gone, or at least from my phone. Looking forward to one less reason to look at my phone.
Have been spending a lot of time today thinking about how I seem to try and do so many different things at an ok level, rather than only choosing one or two things and doing them at a great level. It has been a trait through my whole life, maybe it's a bit of ADHD, maybe it's a bit of being too scared to commit to something too deeply, maybe it's a part of thinking I am invulnerable and can do everything. Well I really don't feel invulnerable after my 2019-2020, and as a result I seem to not have an area of expertise or hobby/task that I am really good at.
Food for thought. Today went well, I feel more productive than yesterday, and I am hoping to up the ante tomorrow and become even more productive. I don't like going into full 100% productivity mode because it feels like I wear out and become the closest to playing games or wasting time, but at the moment I feel like I don't have any other option with the amount I need to achieve in shorter and shorter timelines.
Bit of a quiet post today, I think I left my journalling far too late so I feel very tired and lack motivation as a result. I will try to aim for an earlier post tomorrow.
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On 9/8/2020 at 11:21 PM, Zarvic said:
Hey, just read through your journal here, can you narrow down what sites you spend most of your time on? Maybe you could use parental controls to limit what you have access to? Maybe you could also turn off you phones data and internet, this will create enough of a barrier that when you go to turn it on again you can catch yourself and think "is it really necessary that I turn on my data right now?" Also, we put too much reliance on email I believe, schedule yourself a very limited time to check your email each day, if something is so important people should be calling or texting you, email is more of a "when you have a chance," and to ensure people understand this put in your signature line what days and times you check your email. Even have an auto reply saying "Thank you for emailing me, if this is urgent please call as I will not be checking my email until x."
Just a couple suggestions, I know some places use internet to make their calls and texts but not where I am from so turning internet and data off on my device is plausible.
No sites specifically. If anything, it would be the genre of "news" or "information" by searching for or reading things I don't need to just to pass the time. I am going to go back to getting my news via podcasts to keep me from looking at screens.
I have looked into those parental controls in the past but being a concern about privacy I don't feel comfortable installing something that would track me online. I have tried to take a step towards not being so nervous about this with RescueTime, but I haven't been impressed with the data so far.
Day 8
So I missed a few days since I went out camping, but I still really liked my progress, as there was no phone coverage where I was staying. It was great to really spend more time with my family, and I took a "mental health" day by going fishing for half a day as well. It was amazing, I have come back feeling refreshed.
I have also changed a few things which I think has improved my productivity. I have swapped out using my phone late at night and early in the morning to wake up/wind down with my kindle. I have been reading Born to Run which is not something that I usually read (instead I focus on personal development and research essays) but it has been great to fall asleep to and to get my mind kicking first thing in the morning rather than mindlessly scroll. I have been combining it with drinking electrolytes just before bed and as soon as I get up, and I definitely feel a lot less sluggish, though I wonder what it does for my teeth. I had a dentist appointment last year where they pointed out the amount of acidic sports drinks I had been drinking was wearing away the enamel on my teeth. This is a different brand and isn't gels, which has that going for it, but I am sure there would still be somewhat of a similar impact.
I am starting to feel the "productive side" waking up in me much like when I gave up games so long ago. I enjoyed tracking my hours and keeping myself productive back then but it did drop off because it was a bit of work to maintain on a daily basis. I have tried RescueTime but it isn't as seamless as i thought so I don't think it is really helping much at all. One thing I have come to the realisation over the last few weeks is I need to start accepting a "good" solution rather than the "perfect" solution in order to use that extra time for other things. I picked this up from the The Producitivity Show, where they talk about paying for gardeners etc as a solution to free up time for something you value more. For me, I always like to tweak the software on my phone and my computer to make it perfect, but I would spend way too many hours tweaking it and then keeping it tweaked. Now I am going to accept a state where I can do what I need to and spend my time on other projects or my family.
Hope everyone else is having a cracker weekend!
dhitts daily journal
in Daily Journals
Posted
Why not a different approach to work - forcing yourself to get better at the areas that you don't like? You'll naturally become really good at things that you like or that you enjoy, so people will choose the path of least resistance and focus more on these areas. However, what I have experienced, is that it generates very lop-sided leaders who are incredibly good at specific areas but not very well rounded.
Rather, focus on the areas that you're not good at or don't enjoy, and the more time you spend with it, the better you will get at those areas, and therefore you won't find them so daunting or less enjoyable.