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giblets
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Posts posted by giblets
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Day 43
Been a very challenging week. It feels like that is the opening line on the majority of my journals. Are the days actually normal, but I am just seeing them more and more challenging? A deeper underlying issue? Or am I again trying to do too much?
I am feeling better about the loneliness part, or possibly it might be because I have kept myself so occupied that I haven't sat down and thought about it in detail for a while. I feel a lot better with the big discussion with my friend last week about it, and I feel a lot less like this problem is unique to me because of life choices, and more towards something everybody feels when they are middle aged, balancing family and a career and a personal life. I don't think COVID has had any impact on it because it hasn't changed my routine very much - it did initially when the world was clamping down but it feels like we are back to normal - or whatever the new 'normal' is.
I haven't had great internet connectivity this week which has contributed to my poor streak of journalling. In these situations I need to go back to my previous journal format, so at least I am giving my brain an opportunity to decompress and reflect rather than attempting to go at a million miles an hour all day every day.
Seeing things for what they really are - a waste of time - is coming along nicely in this detox. I still think about endless scrolling or pointless video watching, and heck even start to, but it doesn't last more than a few minutes until I think it is pointless and move on. There are so many distractions in life that it makes me wonder how we achieve anything at all as a society - it takes some serious discipline to stay focused and on the path, and I can only see it getting worse. Definitely something I need to track for my kids.
On 9/19/2020 at 2:10 PM, giblets said:Day 15
Bit of a sluggish start to the day today. Last night was fantastic though, dusted off the pomodoro timer and smashed out quite a lot of study. I managed to go from 77 words to 600 words towards my assignment, which is great progress. I need to get to 2000 words by Monday. I am so far behind on my reading for my study (like 7 weeks or so) because of escapism really... trying to start something is the hardest task I feel like I have. Once I have started something, however, it is easy from there. It blows my mind that we can create so many barriers for ourselves (whether that is distractions, escapism or excuses) that will prevent us from starting stuff, but all that does is make the situation worse! Just get on with it dammit!
Bit of a random scribble today, but it at least brought my motivation back and I should get on with this assignment.
The pomodoro method is such a breakthrough for me. Not only does it help me achieve quite a lot, but it removes all the distractions so you can get into the flow. After being in the flow for a few hours it always feels like I have achieved so much and are much more happier with life.
Seems fitting that I was talking about trying to get an assignment in 4 weeks ago, as I just got the results today. I am happy with the results, could have been better but could have been a lot worse. Noting how much I am limited with the time I can dedicate to it, it is a good outcome. Now onto the next one, the final assignment for the year is due in two weeks. Time to knuckle down and get on with that one. The barriers are here again, and sometimes it takes me being backed into a corner to really get on with something - this should not have to be a thing.
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Peanut Butter is generally not healthy at all. A lot of the mass produced versions (especially in the US) are made with palm oil and are loaded with sugar. You have to be very deliberate on what peanut butter you consume.
The chocolate cups are also high in sugar and palm oil. Thinking peanut butter cups is healthy is like saying that eating jelly/jam is a good way to get your daily intake of fruit.
Here is some further reading: Nutritionist ranking PB , Myths of natural v regular PB , Ranking of healthiest PB
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¡Hola amigo!
¿Tu hablas Español?
Welcome to the forums. You are in the right place with your goals. I recommend starting a journal, don't worry if it is not formatted and is rambling, it helps so much to get your thoughts out, especially during times of weakness when you feel like you are being overcome with cravings.
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Day 38
So I had another down day yesterday. It was made quite difficult through my running not going very well lately (I have swapped shoes to try and solve that), so from the morning I felt a little down, which rolled into my kids being absolutely painful, which rolled into feeling overwhelmed by how much stuff we have in our house, then finished off with trying to build some step things for my kids to help in the kitchen, but I could not get the right angles and I am so not good at that stuff, so I split wood and had screws poking out everywhere and I got so frustrated. So after dinner I just sat on the couch and stared at the wall about a lost day. Time is my only finite resource and I can't afford to waste them - especially when everything is taking away from my study right now, and I have a massive assignment due in a month that is worth half of my grade. So when I was sitting on the couch staring at the wall I just could not bring myself to write in the journal. I am really tempted to ask Penn Juliette on how he forced himself to journal every single day, but I am sure I would get some kind of canned response, as I am sure he gets asked that quite a lot.
On 9/15/2020 at 8:32 PM, giblets said:Day 11
Feeling quite horrid today. I woke up in the middle of the night with crazy bowel pains. It kept me up for a few hours. I didn't get on my phone though, which is good, and worked through a chapter and a half of a book on my kindle. This meant I was very sluggish today, didn't get my run in because I wanted to study, but then felt too poor from the nights sleep to even study, so just wasted time. It is quite clear that the mental discipline or defense against our compulsions is at its lowest when I am tired or when I am feeling poor.
I have so many deadlines right now that I am trying really hard to not get overwhelmed. As soon as I get overwhelmed I will feel the urge to drop all of them and not work towards any of them. I need to focus on breaking them down to bite sized chunks and make any progress - no matter how small - towards them.
Ahh I remember that day. That was quite a horrid day. I still don't know what the cause was, I should probably go see the doctor about my bowel problems. I thought the majority of it was gluten related but it quite obviously isn't (or there is something else that I am allergic to as well). I have yet to have a decent run since May and I just had another poor productivity day yesterday. This is why we want to reflect on previous posts, because if there is a repeating theme then something seriously needs to be changed, but here I am not really sure what to change. I have got a pseudo new approach to not get overwhelmed by deadlines, and that is to submit things at least a day early, that seems to be working so far. But as for productivity and health - no changes in this aspect. Maybe a really good long run will make me feel better about life? Just need to jam that in somewhere...
I have been contemplating also bringing old quote from my previous journal as well to start reflecting on those. I just need to decide when to start bringing them in, maybe on the days that I do not have any journal entries in here to reflect on? Or possibly, once I have done 90 days, I could start bringing them in then to see how I am feeling versus going through the original detox, or how I was feeling after it.
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I regularly have those days where I feel so burnt out that I can't do anything. This week I've had two of them. I found it really a big set back to my productivity!
How did you overcome the FOMO with dropping social media? I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, I think mainly because I am so isolated from my family and they don't communicate in any other way, so I find that I am living in the dark so much when I am off it. So many "oh but I put it on Facebook" or "I invited you on Facebook" eventually breaks down my resistance and before you know it I am back on the book.
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Day 36
So I let my discipline slip with getting to bed on time, which means I couldn't motivate myself to run this morning. I am always annoyed with myself on days that I don't run in the morning, because it means I have something in the back of my mind all day that I want to achieve instead of finishing work and doing something with my family straight away (or study). It also means the day is a lot hotter in the afternoon rather than in the morning. The silver lining though is I generally perform better in the afternoon than in the morning and can get a better pace. I just need to get back to being disciplined about my bed time, I have let it slip over the last two weeks because of some personal issues. Time to wrestle that back.
On 9/13/2020 at 9:47 PM, giblets said:Day 9
So facebook is gone, or at least from my phone. Looking forward to one less reason to look at my phone.
Have been spending a lot of time today thinking about how I seem to try and do so many different things at an ok level, rather than only choosing one or two things and doing them at a great level. It has been a trait through my whole life, maybe it's a bit of ADHD, maybe it's a bit of being too scared to commit to something too deeply, maybe it's a part of thinking I am invulnerable and can do everything. Well I really don't feel invulnerable after my 2019-2020, and as a result I seem to not have an area of expertise or hobby/task that I am really good at.
Food for thought. Today went well, I feel more productive than yesterday, and I am hoping to up the ante tomorrow and become even more productive. I don't like going into full 100% productivity mode because it feels like I wear out and become the closest to playing games or wasting time, but at the moment I feel like I don't have any other option with the amount I need to achieve in shorter and shorter timelines.
Bit of a quiet post today, I think I left my journalling far too late so I feel very tired and lack motivation as a result. I will try to aim for an earlier post tomorrow.
Well, Facebook is back on my phone. I think it only lasted a few days not being there. I am trialling it with Digital Wellbeing, which is proving really effective. It makes you ask yourself "is this worth some of my wellbeing time to see/read this?" Generally if I am asking myself that question, the answer already is no. I really need to try and work out a way to lock in the quotas though, as a few times I have adjusted them for my chat apps, and I would like to not let my brain think it could do that for something like the browser or reddit or facebook. Then it will lose its effectiveness.
I don't have an answer still on why I want to always try different/new things rather than stick to one or two things, I think maybe that is a better way to look at it. Rather than being sketchy and not willing to commit to deeply doing a few tasks, I am always on the look out to try new things and expand my horizons. I know a few friends have commented in the past how impressed they are with my willingness to try new things and get out of my comfort zone, I need to capitalise on that.
My productivity is still relatively high, I would like it to be more intense and achieve more, but then I might flame out like I mentioned on day 9. As long as I am not wasting time, and therefore the whole point of this process, then it is a success.
Quiet post again today four weeks on - I had a big post yesterday and have been so occupied with work and family that I don't really have much to say. I am tired and lack motivation due to not getting to bed on time, so I have not run this morning. Though I have finished my journal instead, so I have that going for me, which is nice.
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What language are you using on Duolingo? There are a lot of gamification apps out there, so you are right you need to be careful, but more importantly you need to be mindful or deliberate on why you use them - they should be making mundane tasks fun, not as a substitute for actual gaming or feed your need to escape.
What is Forest? I have found Android's Digital Wellbeing settings perfect for helping me be deliberate with my screen time, is this similar?
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That is a great thought Little Adam. I think I used to suffer from the same problem, I would be boots and all with one friend that I liked and therefore would become overbearing. I overcame that by getting a life coach or a therapist for a little while. It meant that I could really unload and get out everything that I was building up or wanted to talk to, without the guilt of putting all my problems onto the one person who would then not want to talk to me for a week or two. Instead, I didn't feel guilty because I was paying someone to listen, and they wouldn't feel overburdened because they were trained in this field, and did not have an emotional connection to me. I know there are many discussions about the usefulness of life coaches or therapists, but I found it useful in that aspect.
A substitute for it is longer journal posts, pending how much free time you have.
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Day 35
So I had a really interesting conversation with a mate about the whole loneliness concept, which was very thought provoking. We talked about how I was feeling quite lonely, but it quickly went down the path of a lot of people at our age tend to spend less time with friends or have reduced to 2-3 people that they are really close to. It's the concept of time - the older you get the more you become cognisant of how much time you have, and what you want to achieve with it. When we were younger, we thought we could do everything and had time to spend with everyone, going wherever we liked and not being bound by a strict schedule. But, the older you get, the more responsibilities you have, the more you realise that you don't have those spare few hours to sit at a bar and talk to randoms or just watch the day go by with your mates. So you start to cut those down. You might find you only have one or two spare afternoons outside of work, study, exercise, family, so you can only catch up with people who have a similar schedule. Next thing you know, you have lost touch with those people you considered within your group, but were really fringe players and you didn't prioritise time with them, so they dropped off and did their own thing, the phone calls and texts became fewer and further between.
Of course this may not be accurate for all people. Vanlifers for example, would have a lot less reduced responsibility of trying to clean or maintain a home (though might have the added burden of having to find a new location to stay). It at least seems scarily accurate for me, after all that's why I am back here on this digital detox, because there is too much I want to do and I feel like I am constantly out of time. I think even if I had a bigger friend circle, I wouldn't be able to fit them in, so I would be in the same position that I am in now. It might be an easy comparison to when you give up games and you confuse the feelings of cravings to those of nostalgia. It's fine to have nostalgia, as long as you know what it is and you appreciate it for what it is. Here it is ok that my friends circle is smaller and the contact is often few and far between, as long as when the interaction comes that it is intentional and we are present. Deliberate. Mindful.
On 9/12/2020 at 8:44 AM, giblets said:Day 8
So I missed a few days since I went out camping, but I still really liked my progress, as there was no phone coverage where I was staying. It was great to really spend more time with my family, and I took a "mental health" day by going fishing for half a day as well. It was amazing, I have come back feeling refreshed.
I have also changed a few things which I think has improved my productivity. I have swapped out using my phone late at night and early in the morning to wake up/wind down with my kindle. I have been reading Born to Run which is not something that I usually read (instead I focus on personal development and research essays) but it has been great to fall asleep to and to get my mind kicking first thing in the morning rather than mindlessly scroll. I have been combining it with drinking electrolytes just before bed and as soon as I get up, and I definitely feel a lot less sluggish, though I wonder what it does for my teeth. I had a dentist appointment last year where they pointed out the amount of acidic sports drinks I had been drinking was wearing away the enamel on my teeth. This is a different brand and isn't gels, which has that going for it, but I am sure there would still be somewhat of a similar impact.
I am starting to feel the "productive side" waking up in me much like when I gave up games so long ago. I enjoyed tracking my hours and keeping myself productive back then but it did drop off because it was a bit of work to maintain on a daily basis. I have tried RescueTime but it isn't as seamless as i thought so I don't think it is really helping much at all. One thing I have come to the realisation over the last few weeks is I need to start accepting a "good" solution rather than the "perfect" solution in order to use that extra time for other things. I picked this up from the The Producitivity Show, where they talk about paying for gardeners etc as a solution to free up time for something you value more. For me, I always like to tweak the software on my phone and my computer to make it perfect, but I would spend way too many hours tweaking it and then keeping it tweaked. Now I am going to accept a state where I can do what I need to and spend my time on other projects or my family.
Hope everyone else is having a cracker weekend!
I have missed a few days again here, so I think it is going to be a much more regular occurrence than I like. I am curious how Penn Juliette maintains his consistency, he either needs to have an ultra portable laptop that he takes everywhere to journal in between his other commitments, or he does it via some other medium, such as a voice recording or a video blog. I have tried all of those, but I continue to find the most effective being writing everything down. I am going to have to get better at accepting that I am not going to achieve a post every day, but also make it a higher and higher priority to make the gaps smaller.
Unfortunately the Kindle trick was relatively short lived and only lasted a few days around the 8 day mark. I do need to bring it back. That's not saying the phone has wrestled its position again in wasting time, which I don't feel it has thanks to Digital Wellbeing, but I think I have reduced the time of winding down or waking up and just try to get straight out of bed in the morning or go straight to sleep at night. It's more of a shift towards "do I really need this extra time to wake up/wind down?" Right now the answer is no, but it may come back in the future, depending my stress levels.
I am still drinking a lot of electrolytes, I like my routine of having one as I wake up and just before I go to bed. I think it is doing wonders for how dehydrated, and therefore how moody, I am. After having a discussion with a dentist, I think one of the main problems I was having with my teeth is that I always drank filtered water rather than water out of the tap which has added fluoride (depends where you live). So I have swapped back to that for now while still maintaining the electrolytes, so will see how that goes.
I do like the "good" solution rather than the "perfect" solution mindset, though I do have to keep practicing it sometimes. I will be using an app or planning something and think "but this is not the perfect solution" and look for the one that would be perfect, but require a considerable extra amount of hours to have it ready. I have to force myself to stop and think about it and remind myself that I need to accept that a good solution will work, and will free up more time to do other things. An example of this is my dream of haveing a converted camping mini van. This is going to take months if not years to get the solution that I want, so I need to settle on a good solution to mean that I can have it finished earlier and take it out to enjoy the fruits of my labour. I have decided on a design anyway, I just need to find a van for it. All the second hand prices seem quite inflated right now due to COVID and the supply chains drying up and/or people having less money for new ones. I just need to be patient.
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18 hours ago, PolarBear said:
- registered for a meetup event tomorrow after work "Couch, Cocktail & Conversation"! I have no couch and no cocktail, so the conversations will have to make up for the other two.
🤣🤣🤣
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Day 30
Two big points to talk about today, one of them is related to why I missed my journalling yesterday.
Turns out I am still allergic to gluten. It's that weird human nature, where we think "I feel amazing, maybe I am not allergic or sick anymore" while still taking the medication or avoiding whatever it is we don't like. And then we 'allow' ourselves to stop taking medication or to taste the food we wanted, and BAM it all comes rushing back. It can be extended to gaming too - we think we are doing great after 90 days and so so many people say to themselves "I've done 90 days, I'll reward myself with some casual gaming". Next thing you know they are back to square one. It's why gaming won't work for us, or at least the 'us' being who are on the forums. Anyway, I ate something on Friday that had gluten in it, either the sushi I had for lunch or the steak for dinner, or at least was cross contaminated with gluten. Boy oh boy did I pay for it. Someone asked me yesterday to try and describe the feeling, and it's hard, it's like having a hangover but way worse. Your body aches, there is no energy, stomach is churning because you have the "I'm hungry but don't want to eat" feeling. I ended up falling asleep, still in my clothes, while laying at the end of my bed talking to my wife. I woke up at about 0130, in the same position, but all the lights off and my family in bed. I regret that, another opportunity with my family wasted. This was the whole reason I gave up gaming and wanted to do a digital detox in the first place.
The second point is I really need to make more friends. This is completely on me, as I never put any energy into making or keeping relationships for the last 30 years, but I am definitely reaping the rewards of that now by only having 2 good friends. It makes it harder because I rely upon them almost solely for my social energy, which makes me come across as overpowering or too much sometimes. I really have no idea where to start for making new ones at my age, several times I have thought about finding people online to write to, as writing like journalling really clears the mind, but I don't think many people do that anymore, or you risk being catfished. I tried writing to a few people on here to help them through their journeys but that goes cold relatively fast (the old group that was here when I joined is long gone). I'll have to do some more thinking about this one, as it is definitely something I need to solve.
Reflection
On 9/7/2020 at 8:05 PM, giblets said:Day 3
This detox is going to be a lot harder than I thought! Ok, at least I am on the path and aware that I need to change, but the actual effort to make it change will require more effort than what it felt like to give up games. The difference is I just changed my environment when I got the cravings, but that is not possible with your phone. No matter how great I'll fight some urges when I am paying attention to it, subconsciously I will reach for the phone and waste time, then realise what I am doing and stop. Rinse repeat. Maybe with a different job I could leave my phones behind, but while I need to stay contactable the itch is going to be there as I can feel it in my pocket. I have had great results from leaving them in a central place in the office/house, and then only coming back to it if I get a call or message. I am going to try to use my smartwatch again to read/dismiss notifications, so then I shouldn't need to look at it very much.
RescueTime indicates I had 6.5 hours of screen time today, including working on my laptop. That's not too bad, though most of it was spent on e-mail. I will never forget a quote I heard on a podcast - "your inbox is a to-do list that anyone can write on". I used to only have my inbox open in the mornings so then I could conduct deep work in the afternoon, I think I might have to try doing that again and see if I can see/feel a difference.
Back running today after hurting my ankle. It is still not full recovered, so not confident I can get another marathon in this weekend, but I will at least try to get a half marathon. I hate that my distances are down, but I am juggling so many concurrent activities right now that it is a necessary sacrifice. It is also forcing me to train better in the time that I have rather than phoning it in, which is timely as there is a race coming up that I would really like to do well in, so it is forcing me to pay close attention to my pace.
Don't forget to back up your computers!
So I have dropped RescueTime since this post. I was on the free trial to see if it was what I was after, but I found it not value adding to my life. It was good to see the screen time that I had, but having to log in every time on my computer was annoying, and resulted in me not using it a lot, which distorted the data. If there was a way for it to start automatically then maybe we would have a different story. Never mind, I am using the Digital Wellbeing app on my phone for now, which is really controlling my use of that very effectively (with the exception of texting). I have tried to combat my texting or messaging by not allowing myself to have conversations that way. If I need to respond to a question or ask a very short question that can be responded with one word, then I text. If it requires anything else, I make myself call them. This does a number of things, a) it stops me being on my phone so much, b) stops me being overbearing to the few people I talk to, c) builds the bonds between people that I am trying to work towards, and d) means you can't misinterpret things by not getting the attached tone to conversations. If people can't take your call because they are busy, then they can't give you attention via a message either.
I am back running fully after the ankle roll, that was the last time I have injured it and I am making sure I strap it almost every day (maybe only 1-2 days a week it is not strapped). While I am not back up to huge distances like I want to be, as seen in the day 3 post, I am back out there consistently. Doing a minimum of 10km a week day, and 21km on weekends. I need to ramp it up to doing 3 marathons - I have inadvertently committed to 3 separate ones that I need to complete by november. The race that I am referring to though, I don't think I am going to be able to make it due to work. I am using my watch settings to overcome that, by setting a desired pace on my watch and trying to beat it.
I did back up my computers! I haven't done it yet this month, but don't forget people!
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This is the first step to break the cycle! All the best
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3 hours ago, PolarBear said:
Dilemma: Do I send all of my stuff in WoW to a guild bank and delete my characters, or do I just uninstall the game right now? Sent everything to a friend, deleted my characters, uninstalled WoW, discord, twitch and steam, cancelled my subscription and hugged my cat 🙂
Hmm... What do I do now??? I think I will take a shower, get dressed and go for a walk on a boardwalk! It is nice outside and I haven't done that in ages!
I remember reading about back in Molten Core days that someone from an elite guild didn't get a drop due to DKP rules, so went back to town, disenchanted all his gear, vendored everything he had, and gave the gold to a random low level char near the starting town. I really liked this idea, because it meant even in the future if he gave into the cravings or wanted to come back, there was an added barrier of having put in a large amount of effort to repeat content, which would put him off. It's the same reason in the Respawn modules that Cam recommends deleting your steam accounts, or alternatively giving the password to a family member so you can't access it. It's all about making things just that little bit harder initially so you don't relapse when the cravings are the strongest.
I miss that overwhelming feeling of when you first give up of having so much time! Wondering what to do with all your newfound time! I enjoyed just sitting, just being, enjoy the moment. Then I started to recognise how much needed to be done around the house that I had been neglecting. Cleaning, repairs, improvements. Before you know if you'll wonder how you ever had time to game.
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Welcome :)
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18 hours ago, Jared1of1 said:
Ultimately, when I think about this choice…to stop gaming. To sell my consoles. To cancel my hard fought for preorders. When I realize that I may never game again, I actually feel anxiety and fear. I think this explains everything I need to know about this supposed “hobby.” I can only relate the anxiety to the feeling I expect people feel when they think about stopping smoking or drinking. Should I feel negatively about the idea of quitting gaming? Or do these feelings just prove the depths of dependence I have on this medium in my life?
So, for the next 90-days, I will not be playing any video games. Whether I ever go back will remain to be decided at this time. In their stead, I plan on working on my fitness. I plan on continuing to read. I plan on trying to learn to golf. I plan on seeing my family and possibly even finding a girlfriend. I plan to respawn…in life.
You're anxious because it is the unknown. It's human nature when we don't know what is going on or what is going to happen, our fight or flight instinct kicks in. We fear the unknown. But do you know what? Sometimes that is a good thing. We developed this tendency so we didn't jump into the den of a tiger or start a battle we couldn't win back in the day. We can use these impulses to our advantage now, as long as we don't let them take control. I think once you have sat down and worked out where you want your life to go, and what you want to achieve, and what you want your new hobbies to be, you will feel a lot more relaxed and ready to tackle the beast.
I would be cautious about the commitment to go back to gaming after 90 days. The fact that we are all here, on this forum, shows we do not have the capability to be able to game in moderation. This is something we need to stick to. The forums and the path are littered with people who just wanted to do the 90 days, get it out of the way, and then go back to "a game here or there", next thing you know they have had a full blown relapse and need to start a new detox. Alcohol, smoking, gaming, these are all ok experiences or hobbies to have, if you can keep them in moderation. Once you can't moderate them anymore, and become an alcoholic etc, then it's not healthy for you and you need to move on. I know gaming isn't healthy for me, I have plenty of friends that still game and dabble in it here and there, and if it works for them I am not going to think any less of them, it's just that they don't work for me. I think you are in the same boat. During the 90 days you will discover new things you like to do and want to spend time on, and once you really embrace those, you will see gaming as detracting from that or delaying your goals. At the end of the day it is a dead activity - you're sitting at a desk staring at a screen for hours on end for absolutely no payoff. You would get more benefit from just sleeping that entire time.
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I don't think accusatory is the right word here, the first step will be recognising you have a problem. It's nigh-impossible to help someone improve or change if they don't have that innate desire themselves or the awareness of the need for change. You were a little on the fence about what title or umbrella to put your current situation under, and Bird is just trying to help.
Take it or leave it really - these forums are full of a community that would like to help. Some people will resonate with you, some will not. As long as you get what you need and go in the right direction then it is a win. Nobody here is an expert (that I am aware of), but they're willing to share their story and their experiences in the hope that it will help.
I wish you all the best on your detox!
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On 9/30/2020 at 1:42 AM, Bird By Bird said:
I'm also interesting in camping and RV living but it became an intellectualization/procrastination research-binge with no end-state or final product in mind until - I booked a campground for a specific date and time and committed to going.
While buying and converting a van is too time consuming to test -
You can easily experiment with boondocking. I think if you set a precise date and place for when you are going to do the deed and commit to it, then your research becomes superfocused. Then, you can decide after that experience if you really like it or not.
Marking a date on the calendar is the benchmark and differentiates between something real or just mental masturbation.
This is a really good point @Bird By Bird , and I could use that as a way to make sure it doesn't turn into wasting time. I think the positive outcome right now is that I saw a design I'm pretty much set on, so now I am not interested in seeing any more van builds. Before I was torn between a design purely for me that is compact as possible, and a design that my wife could also use. I know that the smaller design is one I really wanted but can't justify just making it for me if my wife wanted to come to or I spend so much time on it, only to have to need something else for the both of us. But, by chance I saw a really good design on Reddit, saved it to my phone, and I am pretty much set on that now. I can't really do anything else until I get my hands on a van and know the exact dimensions, and I can't do that until I finish the move at the end of the year. So thankfully it all has clamps on it for now.
Day 28
Pretty happy I am up to day 28 already. I am starting to see a change in how I go about my business and my friends, as I have totally cut down on my texting to them and therefore it has not encouraged them to be in constant contact with me all day. It also encourages phone conversations a lot more, which makes it harder to misinterpret tone and video meetings bring in body language as well. Unfortunately I have not journalled as frequently as I have wanted to, but it has not been because a lack of interest, but more trying to jam in more productivity and not wanting to interrupt my flow. Back when I used a set time and a set length and a set format for my previous journal, it felt like it became a chore, but at least with a bit of flexibility here I am still enthusiastic about it. Plus if Penn Juliette swears by it, who is one of the smartest guys on the planet, then it must be good.
Back out running longer distances again too. I had cut down my running for a few months as I got over some injuries and was balancing quite a lot of other tasks I was trying to complete, but once you have run as much as I do, I feel like I have cabin fever all the time if I am not out there running. So that feeling has gone for now and I have the usual fatigued legs and an increased level of relaxation. I am hoping I can get a marathon in this weekend, I have accidentally committed myself to 3 marathons over the next two months, so I need to try and get out there and get one back under my belt. I don't think I have done one for about 4 months. Will depend on how much study I can get done and if this travel I want to go on gets approved.
So today is the first day of reflection! Let's see what I was up to four weeks ago -
On 9/5/2020 at 6:00 PM, giblets said:Day 1
Guess who is back, back again. I've been lurking on the forums for the better portion of the last two years, commenting now and again when I thought I had value to add to other people's process, but it's time to make another journal. My previous journal was such a success to give up games, and really gave my personal development a huge boost. Now though, I want to go for a significant digital detox (DD) on myself (127.0.0.1). I am becoming very self conscious about the amount of time I spend on my phone around my kids, and I don't want to set that example for them. I was going to buy a LightPhone or a feature phone to swap to instead of a smartphone to help limit my usage, but neither of them are an option. So, I need to be held accountable. So here we are. It's a bit ironic that I am doing a digital detox journal on my computer, but I find it much quicker to type, and by making smaller shorter entries when I feel urges to mindlessly surf the web or excessively check the news or send people random texts, then I will post here instead. Listening to Penn Julliette's podcast (Penn's Sunday School), he mentioned he has journalled every single day with about 4-5 missed days for over 10 years. I always feel sharper and more relaxed (read: less anxiety) when I journal, but it continues to fail to be part of my daily routine. I think it has been about 70 days since I have journalled properly. I figured this should help keep me accountable, and help me stay grounded by reading how everyone else is going.
I have ordered a new phone as my current one is starting to show issues (it is 3 years old - I was going for 5 years), but when it arrives the first app I want to install is one of those screen monitoring apps to give me alerts or restrictions from spending too much time on it.
The other thing as mentioned briefly above is I want to text people less. I suffer huge anxiety spells when people don't respond to my texts. I can't control what they do when they get my texts or how they respond to it, but I can control how many texts I send out, to make them more powerful or worth while, or force myself to call people to discuss things instead, that way I can't misinterpret tone or language.
So here we go!
So I haven't had many anxiety issues since this post, which is a bonus. I am much better in recognising when anxiety hits and how to manage it rather than fight with it, which is a massive improvement to my quality of life compared to 3-4 years ago. I have come to the conclusion that the majority of people in the world suffer anxiety but are either not aware of it or not willing to admit to it. You can see it if you know what you are looking for.
The new phone has been fantastic, it was a big upgrade from my previous one, and only cost $277. Always happy when I get a bargain. I have not found a screen monitoring app, but I have been using the digital wellbeing settings on it to show alerts and monitor my use. It has been really effective for things such as YouTube and internet browsing, but not so much with texting apps. Initially it did help me cut down on the amount of time on texting and reading texts from other people, but what I realised is how much I actually use them for work, so it came near the end of the working day and the apps would be paused, which was quite inconvenient. I have extended the timings on those apps to allow me to use them more, but I need to find a comfortable medium that I feel ok with, rather than picking an arbitrary number or giving it unlimited time. Might be easier during days off (which are not many right now)
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Day 25
Wow, how quickly one day becomes 5 days. I have had an incredibly productive period though, finishing up an assignment, doing a lot of work, and getting back out running. I took yesterday off from study to celebrate the assignment being finished, and ended up working remotely until midnight. Not ideal but at least I got a lot of work completed. I had to skip the run this morning though because I thought I was going to be too tired - but in hindsight I should have tried anyway.
I have been spending a lot of time reading/researching about van dwelling, due to watching a few YouTubers that live in their vans that they converted themselves. I really love the idea of this, particularly boondocking, and so it seems to have become my new hobby. I need to be careful thought that it is not the new time waster in my life and therefore not achieving anything with this digital detox. The digital wellbeing settings are going great on my phone, though I have had to amend the time permitted for my texting app so many times now because I use it heavily for work sometimes. I need to either work out a way to lock out me changing the time permitted in the app or work out another way that I can control the use of this.
Only 3 more days until I start reflecting on the start of this journal. Wow it does not feel like I just started. The great thing is I have filled this time with productive tasks (mostly), which is the whole point of it. I just need to be careful of what topics I choose as 'productive' and not as time wasting. There are naturally going to be some empty days that I will not be able to reflect on (like the last 5 days for example), but there should be plenty of other ones that will still make it worthwhile.
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@Cam Adair is right - it gets better with practice. Jocko Willink talks about it too - discipline is a muscle or a trait just like any other task or activity. The more you practice constraint or abstinence, the easier it gets. Next thing you know, it is second nature and you do it subconsciously. By the end of doing it for 90 days, it has been proven in many academic journals that you essentially have reset your brain or have allowed your new practices or discipline to set in and take hold. That's why it's important not to get upset if you have set backs, rather just focus on what you have learned and if you are more cognisant of what your triggers are.
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Discipline is a skill or muscle that needs practice. You haven't exercised it with games before, so now you need to start working on it so you can build it to the point where you don't want to play video games.
I agree with @MuMuMelon, what will help greatly (and stopped me after my relapse) was to make it harder to play games. Swap computers. Install linux. Remove your consoles from your room/house. Block websites that you would read strategy on etc. When I get the urges, it is immediately followed by "but yeah, to play that I will need to set up that other computer again or work out how to get windows back, or I don't have a console anymore". My interest wanes almost instantly.
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I did nothing initially. And it actually felt really good, instead of my brain going flat-out all the time.
Then, after about a day, I started to be aware of other tasks or things I was interested in. For example, I became aware of always having dishes in the sink or the floor needed cleaning, instead of usually staring at my phone. So I did those. Then I noticed more and more things.
I didn't have excuses to not go running, and I had the energy because I was sleeping properly again. So I slowly started running more.
I recommend just being in the moment for a day or two. Take the time to appreciate the weather. Take the time to just be you. From that, not only will you feel more centered and focused, you'll know what you want to do next. Once you've got momentum, soon you'll always be on the move and will wonder how you ever found time for games.
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It will require a lot of discipline. If you give up so much at once, you're basically rewriting your whole outlook on life at once, which is really hard. Rather, maybe do some reading or watching about "intentional consumption". It's a term I picked up from The Minimalists, where rather than cut yourself off entirely from something, instead focus upon being purposeful about consuming content. For example, rather than cutting off youtube entirely, only go to youtube when you need to for work and study, and remember while you're there. Once you've done what you need to, close it all down and go back to your other tasks.
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Try to find a new social group that is based upon another hobby or work or your personal/spiritual interests. That will satisfy your social desires.
Also don't underestimate the power of telling the gamer group what you are doing. I was so embarrassed about this being an addiction that I did not tell anyone for ages. But then finally someone asked me why I hadn't logged onto a game for so long and after being one of the main guild leaders. I just blurted it all out to them, and told them that I want to give up gaming because it is getting in the way of what I want to achieve in life. I was worried about his response, but it turns out he was thinking of doing the same thing but didn't know how to make the first step. Three or four years later (I can't remember), neither of us have ever logged back in, and we're as good mates as ever.
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4 hours ago, YasnoSolnishko said:
The day before yesterday, I opened the Play Market to install one application, and I was attracted by one game. The games often attract me on mobile due to their easy accessibility. Usually, I think: "I will install, play for a couple of minutes, and after that, uninstall." Hours later, founding myself disappointed and uninstalling the game. I struggled for a couple of minutes but then decided not to install it. Baby steps)
Discipline is like any other muscle or skill - it takes practice. We need to build it up so we can rely upon it, and this is going to take practice.
You just exercised the discipline muscle. You are stronger because of it. Feel accomplished!
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Lampshade Journal
in Daily Journals
Posted
Hey bud, welcome to the forums eh.
Anxiety is a big issue for a lot of us - and using games to escape is the easy solution or the path of least resistance. If we use games to escape from how we deal with anxiety (or real life problems as you describe it), then they are never going to get better, at best they are going to stay the same. I had similar challenges to you, and was a heavy WoW player, and I realised (most likely with the help of my son) that I was not getting better at dealing with my anxiety or dealing with life because we weren't practicing it, we were avoiding it by raiding or farming mats. We might not be good at dealing with anxiety or as good in life as we would like to be, but the fact we are progressing towards improving is the most important part of all.
How are things with your wife now? I worry that I don't spend much time with my wife, amongst the kids, work, running, and studying myself. It has caused me to want to be more deliberate with my days, and has spurred my second serious detox, this time of anything that does not contribute to my goals. It sounds like you might want to do something similar.
I am curious how your phD goes! I really want to do one but am having a hard time nailing down an idea or aspect to look into. Depending how the next year works out, it may be something I look into full time late 2022 or early 2023.