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Svet

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About Svet

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  • Birthday February 2

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  1. Svet

    A new start!

    Haha! I take it that you've been there, too?
  2. Svet

    A new start!

    (Thank you, Piotr. I like your aura of gentle wisdom.) Update: I haven't touched a game since May 11th. I'm very glad that I took this big step. My September calendar said that my 3-month Second Life subscription would have expired at the beginning of this month, had I never cancelled it. I can not imagine how I would have had space in my heart for Burning Man (yes, this was my first year!), had I not made this effort. I would not have had the presence of heart and mind worthy of a transformative Burning Man experience. I also had some time to think about ways to earn an income, and decided on professional pet caregiving, and reselling clothes and jewelry online (Poshmark, Ebay). (Exciting discovery I made was that what I was seeking in Second Life was to contribute something to the community, get paid in return, and create a following. I just didn't know what it really was that I was looking for. This longing could be perfectly replaced with thrift reselling!) I must share though, that upon returning from BM and experiencing post-BM blues, I saw images of the games I used to play and felt a missing for them. They were just images I observed, without acting on. I was most tempted to log in to a MUD I tried once or twice, but I have not, and this desire is now withering. I still can't figure out what it is inside of me that gives birth to this archaic longing. It must be a childlike part, yearning for her "pacifier". The BM trip was quite rough (which is the ironic beauty of Burning Man), also involving a train accident, though no one was injured. My boyfriend and I came back a bit shaken up. I wish I understood what this inner part wants. I only know that deep inside I came back in a tumultuous emotional state, hurting...
  3. Hey sweet crew, I don't post as frequently as I should, but often think of this community. There's a free online conference starting tomorrow, and it looks terrific. It's all about recovering from addiction, with a wholesome and holistic approach. Sign up here: http://recovery2point0conference.com/ <3
  4. An update on my detox, which started 11th of May (Not sure if I should be posting this in my journal instead?): It's hard to explain in a couple of sentences without going into my history, but I've felt zero desire to play and 100% revulsion. It's just that gaming reached such a level of sickness for me, that there was no way forth but out of it. This time it wasn't just my brain and heart telling me to stop. It was my body too - heart pain and trouble sleeping. I am now free to live and explore other approaches to that which is the driving force behind the addiction (which has simply transferred itself to another addiction: clothes shopping). Overall though, I feel light, free.
  5. Svet

    A new start!

    Thank you so much..... I will reply individually in the morning, but for now I wanted to update the journal and triumphantly write that this act is a great gift I've just given myself. I feel infused with life. There is color in my cheeks. I am not weighed down. So far, I've read a lot yesterday (about Snowden, actually) and listened to wonderful music today, in place of what I'd normally do when I'd reach for a game. And: it felt really good and refreshing. Be back tomorrow.
  6. I have started my 90 day detox today. Onward to LIFE!

  7. Svet

    A new start!

    Okay! Files deleted, and account deletion requested. This time I'm going through with this. Why: Words used to describe how this game makes me feel: Juvenile Regressing Suppression Trapping Suffocating Today I'm going sky diving for the first time in my life (I hope the weather will allow it) with my friends. I wanted this to be a marking point of a new start in my life. In August I am going to Burning Man in Nevada (also for the first time). It will be a very sacred thing for me, and I do NOT want to be weighed down by this here issue.
  8. Svet

    A new start!

    Thank you so much!! I am back. I'm ready to participate in the 90 day detox now. Is there a specific thread dedicated to the 90 day detox somewhere? I saw it on Reddit, but can't see it here. My greatest addiction of 11 years - the virtual world of Second Life. I absolutely have to let go. I've let go of all the other games. This is the last hurdle. Alex, your signature was sorely needed right at this moment. It's holding me back from life. During the past on and off 11 years, I can't think of anything it's given me. Except distraction. I guess I should delete the character too. --- 90 Day Detox, Started 05/08/2016!
  9. Svet

    A new start!

    Ok...Well..... Things are not looking well. I'll come back later today and spill the beans.
  10. Lo and behold, I got super addicted to something as innocent as Solitaire recently, so much that I had to uninstall it in fury. For me, it was both a way to relax and not worry, as well as a major addiction. There is something intensely bothering me every second of every day, and gaming provides (provided?) a relief from that. It's possible something is eating up your father, in response to which he does not have adequate coping skills. Or he may be doing it for a different reason altogether. Best way to know is to ask him?
  11. Svet

    A new start!

    Hello, Journal. I'm sort of in a hurry (to study, yess!) but I need to let you know, that the week prior I uninstalled and removed everything game-related, even Mudlet. I felt ready. My ATITD subscription runs out in three days, and I'm happy. I've said my goodbyes in-game, and did not wait for responses - I just logged out. There was a "final straw" moment for me, which I'll share soon. I now have time to study... I've gotten an A on my first quiz... I don't feel "weighed" down... Most of all, I feel that having taken this action, something in the universe shifted. It saw that I was ready to energetically open my life to more ... more abundance. I will write more soon. Thank you for being here.
  12. ?Hehe, thank you. Why the funny Russian names for the kitties? Mine are all females.
  13. I'm bad at replying in forums. Trying my best
  14. Hi Zala! This is great. I'm also female, non-native speaker, 35. I relate to so much of what you shared. Am also between jobs, so that made it easy to relapse. I made a suggestion in my introduction post about incorporating a ritual into the quitting process. I think women especially might benefit from it. Let me know what you think?
  15. Are other players zombies? Before I introduce myself, I need to understand this. I strive to understand the heart of everything. I've relapsed (learned this word from your videos, Cam! THANKS! ) in a way I haven't for a long time. I came back to an online game which soothed me in times of crisis. The game is non-violent and requires collaboration with other players. It's goal-driven, is centered around crafting and requires a lot of time investment to see results. I asked a player yesterday whether she also had a strange gut feeling that she is paying $12/mo to throw away something even more expensive - time. She replied that she once played for 36 hours straight to pass a test... My jaw almost dropped to the floor. I asked another player whether the former's experience was normal, and he said that yes, such is the norm for much in this game. I found out that one among us is a member of Mensa (the game draws intelligent crowds, I think). I'm thinking to myself, "You're a member of Mensa, and you choose to waste your brain power doing this? How sharp are you to not be able to see through the fog and the matrix?" Why is it that I'm asking these questions, and they are not? Are they not as self-aware as we are? It really scares me... that I may be playing alongside zombies. I guess that I have a "noble" reason for playing the game - I seek to connect and unite the players; maybe build a social support guild or a guild of learning about ancient mysteries. So that we can actually walk away as better, or more enlightened people. But I've a feeling it's a lost cause. ---introduction--- I feel very grateful that there now exists support for game-quitting. I could have used such support a few years back. Now I can have a shoulder to lean on every step of the way. I'm a 35 year old woman... (I saw that another female in her 30s posted an intro here, and it's so insanely encouraging!). My story is embarrassing to me. It goes back to when I was 13. I went through a traumatic experience, due to which I now have PTSD. The only thing available to me at the time was a computer, Super Nintendo, and Sega. All of it calmed my nerves, though I began to walk hand in hand with isolation. At 15 I discovered virtual worlds, and a love affair was born. Virtual worlds, MMORPGs, and MUDs were my friends, my creative outlet, a place to run through fields, woods and mountains, for many turbulent years of all sorts of crises, until I was 29. I left an unhealthy relationship, discovered a great social life and no longer needed the games. For the years since then, a lot happened, but I was able to enter really good therapy for four years. The therapist's constant support and guidance was what prevented me from relapsing or craving the games. Our therapy ended this year, and I found myself in-between much needed support, which I will most likely require all of my life. I've recently lost my job, become isolated again, and without social support I find the world cold and harsh (NYC often feels so), sometimes suffering panic attacks. I started to crave (love that term as well - thanks Cam) the colorful, uplifting and vibrant world of A Tale in the Desert. I wanted to be a part of a greater community and a greater cause; to run through the fields; to contribute to something. I gave in and paid for one month. But the soothing feeling is much too often replaced with a feeling of great disappointment and upset. I don't like people who see nothing wrong with wasting their time on something that doesn't exist. I make friends only with heart-smart, compassionate, awakened ones. I'm accompanied by a sense that something is wrong while I'm playing it. I think that I have a lot going for me right now... a partner who loves me and wants the best for me (he doesn't know that I have this addiction), a course at a local college which will improve my financial outlook (my gaming has taken away from my studying), a nice roommate, a good apartment in a vibrant city, three loving critters, and a future of music and music performance which beckons to me more and more with each day. I think I will start with a Journal here. And I might also go to the Meetup this weekend. ---Question--- I wonder if other female game-quitters might benefit from a slightly different approach to this endeavor? I believe that women are very fond of rituals. I intuit that my Goodbye process would have a stronger foundation if I wrote a goodbye letter to each game that I might crave in the future. I want to write what it is that I loved about it in the past, moments of pleasure it gave me; memorable moments. And then I'd write my intention to say Goodbye, and why - going into each upset and disappointment and concern - not only for myself but also for the other players. I'm pondering what to do with the letter or what kind of a ceremony I would perform. I may even welcome grieving for something that was such a big part of my life - welcoming parting tears or anger that come up. If any other women and men here could brainstorm with me, that would be nice.
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