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I’ve run out of steam, barely sustaining work. I will try doing memorization for my next exam, but i dont know if i will have the necessary strength to pass it . In the past passing was a matter of putting in the time, but now i am balancing health, work and education.  I am grateful for this journal, but I would want members on this forum to run to my help and give me a hand or hug me, but that is impossible because they aren’t here. They all have their jobs and families to look after. @Cam Adair I look like a very tired guy trying to improve career prospects. Interviewers seem to be shaking their heads when they see me. skills that I learned two years ago have devalued. I had to invest money and time in new skills and I haven’t done that.

Yes, as long as it's within our circle of control, I do think we can achieve anything. Except the games that are zero-sum and either/or with a lot of competition (e.g. being the top company for lawnmowers in Colorado or becoming the president). But everybody can work on their health, friendships and the quality of their work 🙂 

Sounds like you’ve been through a lot lately — finishing your degree, health issues, and a major schedule shift. Totally understandable that gaming crept back in. The fact that you’re reflecting on it and planning ahead shows real growth. Starting the detox with your internship sounds like a solid idea — structure can really help. Whatever you decide, just keep showing up here. You’re on the right path.

Great job on making it to Day 6!  It’s awesome that you recognized your triggers and took action before a relapse. Joining the forums and being part of a more supportive space is a big step, and it’s great that journaling is helping you process everything. Keep going, one day at a time, you're doing better than you think!

Monday night: I let an easy process take place tonight.  I won't post screenshots, but I'll say that what I thought, was that I treated my Dad like a friend in text, and eventually he reverted to treating me like a child. I went for a second, neutral walking circuit, and came back to eventually make full use of my computer (and the game), as I was stuck in my head with old anger (yes, I remember my forum signature very well, still). Unlike my process, which was a 90-minute 'fishing' session on my ex-favourite, problem game, in my view it should not have been so easy for Wheatbiscuit Senior (WS) to 'thought-spam' (my term for excessive extraverted thinking) me, and then offer a partial and then eventual complete solutions to a word puzzle we used to tackle together quite often. -> Alright, an accurate example would be one of the protagonists from the movie 'Hancock' attempting to sound out the words, 'Good job', in order to prompt Hancock to repeat them. It was high-comedy in the movie, but insulting to yours truly.  Had I done the same to him, I'd have faced outright and open dismissal, I am certain. I've had it on mostly-good authority that since long ago now, WS has intended to aim for friendship with me, instead of blessed fatherhood, after certain changes in relationships. But boundaries and distinctions are a joke to him, it seems. I've re-deleted the functional gaming files (big, sarcastic whoop), but my mind in its worst state, amidst the pondering of such aforementioned problems, frequently conjures up scenarios of a physical, bellowing beat-down as the only way to get through to him. Not acceptable. There is someone who might stand by my side in more civil, imagined situations than above, but I already feel bad for them and still wish the wider world well (obviously). If I can't talk to them tomorrow, I'll raise the issue with WS.  Thanks for reading, and my apologies for the ex-gaming demotivation.  Peace, ~ Matt