I realize I haven't posted here in a while but I have some huge news. In a matter of weeks I will be moving out of my mom's house into an apartment. My dad proposed I move in with my 12 year old sister and look after her while she goes to school here, so that's what's going to happen. I'm a little bit apprehensive about this, but there's not ever going to be a better time to make such a huge change in my life. I'm going to receive all the support I could possibly want or need, so there's no logical reason not to do this. I just have to overcome my anxiety about it and that's that. More importantly, if I don't do this now, when will I ever do this? The timing will never be just right. Opportunity doesn't care if the time is right for you, when it shows up, you just have to decide whether to take it or not, and figure out how to do it later. So that's going to be my approach here. I realize that taking on the responsibility of a young child is a huge deal, but my dad insists that it won't be a problem as my sister is already quite independent. I suppose this will also be an opportunity for me to explore life with a teenager around. Looking forward to good things here!
Alright well, today I got basically nothing done. When I attempted my meditation, I was horribly distracted the whole time. I knew days like this were going to happen, where powerful cravings and urges would pop up and I'm sad to say I gave in to one of them. Afterwards instead of being extremely hard on myself like I normally might have been, I just decided I'll take the rest of the day off. Just for now, I think it was the right call, but I'll expect to get back to it tomorrow.
Hey guys, very simple question requiring a rather complicated answer potentially. Obviously I'll take any advice but am hoping to hear from people who have run into what I'm running into time and again and eventually overcame it. Long story short, how do you overcome major hurdles that you KNOW are coming and could last for a prolonged period of time? One example would be a major hit of nostalgia that could last days or even weeks. How do you prepare yourself to give yourself the best possible chance of overcoming such obstacles?
OK.. post for today. I managed to fall asleep around 4 AM last night, and woke up at 9 AM with a major headache coming on. I felt like doing absolutely nothing, not even getting out of bed. But I remembered from the positivity blog about what to do if you ever felt that way. Think of some positive memories, and ask yourself what you can be grateful for and what small step can you take right now to get yourself going in the right direction. I did that and managed to make a pretty good day out of one that started quite awfully. I feel like this was a major win for me. Nothing really special in a vacuum but considering where I'm at.. well, this was one of those days that would usually have seen me caving in to several temptations just to make me feel better about myself. So yeah.. big win. With that, I managed to finish just about all the daily tasks I set out for myself and added a few new ones. It's a little messy but it looks like this right now: morning: - meditate 10 minutes - watch inspiration video - read top performer agreement out loud - read commitment to change out loud - go through at least 2 positivity emails per day until caught up (and make notes) for tomorrow: figure out all the things I'm being guilty about and list the reasons why <- relates to success triggers course afternoon: - daily walk (at least 10-20 minutes) weekly: - do one chapter of success triggers and apply it - do one week's worth of self esteem course and apply it I also read chapter 3 of Respawn. Not going to lie, reading it through brought up some gaming nostalgia but I want to complete the guide fully, which I actually haven't done yet. One fun exercise I did last night was listing a number of strengths and weaknesses in various areas of my life, and then being challenged to reword the weaknesses using more balanced language. It's interesting because I think if we are to think of anything negative about ourselves, we tend to think of them in as damning a way as possible. It was a bit of a challenge thinking of ways to "sugar coat" those weaknesses and put them in a kinder way, but I think it's a very good way of modifying how we usually think of the attributes of ourselves we aren't so proud of.
Have you actually tried being grateful for little things like that? Or do you just dislike the idea of becoming the type of person that appreciates those types of things? One thing you'll find is that even if you're a hugely optimistic person, there are going to be days where you need to fall back on small things like that in order to keep going. Take today for me, for example. Couldn't fall asleep last night until about 4 AM, woke up at 9 AM with a pretty bad headache and felt really lousy and like doing absolutely nothing. Now, I didn't stop to appreciate my socks or the sun or anything like that, but I did find something small to draw some positivity from and that in turn led to me trying to make the most of the day. One thing I will say for sure: if you go on a journey to become a much more positive person, you're going to see some major changes to the way you think and act. I would strongly encourage you not to immediately resist any of these changes. Acknowledge them, explore them, and once you have the experience of seeing how those changes affect you, you can be justified in either accepting them or denying them as you see fit. If at the end of the day you draw a lot of motivation from negative energy, who are we to say that it's wrong for you? But you certainly won't know one way or the other if you've only experienced one side of it. Also, to hit on one point you've mentioned, even if you begin to accept and appreciate your current life situation, that doesn't mean you have to like it. I have accepted my life situation, but I have also accepted the responsibility that it's now up to me to get to where I want to go. Accepting where you are is not a sign of weakness. It is, in fact, a sign of true strength and courage. It means you've gotten past the stage of denial, of blaming everything except yourself for where you are. This is going to be hard to accept at first, but 90% of the reason you're in the situation that you are in is because you allowed it to happen. However, there is a GREAT amount of comfort in that - because the flip side is also true. It means that it is 90% (and some would say 100%) in your control as to how successful you are in life. Your life is in your hands and you are the only who gets to decide where it goes. And one more note. I was scared at first of what I would become if I went on this journey of self improvement. I was scared of losing my identity, of losing things that I currently value. However, there are two things to remember. One, going on a journey of self improvement is also going on a journey of becoming the best version of you that you can possibly be. I would be shocked if you could find someone that actually turned out worse after a serious journey towards self improvement. Two, I realize that maybe negativity and cynicism and whatever else you hold dear is valuable to you, but remember.. those things are part of the reason you are where you are. They've served a certain purpose in your life, but now you're in the process of challenging whether they are still useful or not. You need to figure that out for yourself, nobody can do that for you. You need to figure out what's still important and will continue to help you and what isn't, and move towards replacing the habits and thought processes that no longer work for you. If I'm reading your situation right, it wasn't all that long ago that I was in the same boat and that time was really hard for me as well. I really feel for you. But I want you to know that as long as you don't give up and keep moving towards that ideal version of you, success is inevitable. And it will be worth it.
Post for yesterday. Not much to say, I didn't do a whole lot. I spent a great deal of the day doing research for this hockey all time draft I'm participating in, but I did manage to get most of my daily tasks completed.
From my perspective, it seems like she's using you. I would strongly recommend distancing yourself from her. If she tries to get close to you again after that, you can remind her that when you tried, she pushed you away. I've honestly heard this story so many times and the answer is always the same..
Your situation hits home in so many ways that it hurts. I would think this way as well. "Maybe I'm just always going to be average." "Maybe it's too late for me." "Am I so knee deep in this that it's just impossible to get out?" It's so easy to allow yourself to believe these things and go back to the way things were. What it seems like you're missing is a REASON to quit. Why did you quit? For me, I want to have a family and a career that I love doing. Neither of those things are possible if I continue to game the way I used to. It also seems like you might be suffering from a severe lack of self-esteem. I actually just read a blog post about the types of day you had a while ago on this excellent blog: http://www.positivityblog.com/ Here is the excerpt: The underlying message of that passage is clear to me. If you're stuck in a pit of depression and self loathing, you've got to start finding very small things to be positive about. Over time this will create some momentum for you towards positive thinking and it will start to change the way you think about yourself. Believe me: I used to think I was worthless and deserved no happiness in life at all. If I can change, I believe you can too!!! Good luck!!
Hey Mr. B, welcome to the forums! You'll find that many of the good folks here are in the same boat as you, so you're definitely in the right place. I would recommend starting a journal as that will be the best way for people to help you and encourage you!
This is my post for yesterday. A few of the daily tasks I've committed to and the reasons I do them: - At least 10 minutes of meditation every day. I have a very active imagination and mind and I am meditating in order to reign it in. I actually think my imagination can become a huge strength for me but I'd like to be able to control it instead of getting swept up in it. - I've created something of a manifesto for my life, as follows: I repeat these words to myself, out loud, every single day. The purpose is to reinforce and remind myself why I am doing what I am doing. This really helps to ground me and help me resist temptations that come up throughout the day. - I've bought into the Earn1K program offered by Ramit Sethi and with it comes a "Top Performer's Agreement" which is essentially a bunch of commitments to being a top performer. This is mainly about completing the Earn1K course which is a course to help you make some money on the side. I repeat these commitments out loud every single day for the same reasons I repeat my life manifesto. - I didn't do it today but I also watch a short motivational video every day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26U_seo0a1g&list=PLvHL2NM0-JkJfoKsHw3UkN1MUkDRtbceL&index=7. This video specifically hits on a great deal of points that I feel are quite important to me at this time. The reason I watch it essentially is to fire me up every day. - I read and made notes on two of the e-mails I get from this positivity blog: http://www.positivityblog.com/ I do this in order to help improve my self esteem, as I feel that is one of my major weaknesses at this time. I will be doing two a day until I catch up (nearly 50 of them to catch up on). Then I will be doing them as I get them. The notes will also serve as something great to review every once in a while. Not really sure how I'll go about that, however. There are a bunch of other things I'd like to start doing on a daily basis as well, but unlike previous times, I'm not going to be hard on myself, at least not at first, if I don't get on with them quickly, or even if I miss some of the daily things I've already committed to. Until the foundation I'm laying for my road to success is very solid, I'm going to remain as kind and compassionate to myself as I can possibly be. I feel as if this will also help my self-esteem a lot. Obviously I'm going to need to ramp it up at some point but for now I'm cool with this. As long as I make even small, incremental steps towards success every single day, then it's a positive day. This process cannot be rushed. There is no short cut to the end. I've accepted where I'm at and I'm taking responsibility for what I need to do to get to where I want to be. One last thing I want to mention, and this is largely for myself: I've had times during relapse periods where I wondered how I ever was able to quit games, etc. for any period of time. At that time, it just seemed so preposterous that I could ever be that way. However, I know I can do it, but more importantly, and this is something Alex pointed out to me, I do enjoy life without them and the fantasies. I am putting this here as a reminder to myself in case things ever get to a low point again.