"Be open to all outcomes, but attached to none."

KevinV1990

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Everything posted by KevinV1990

  1. KevinV1990 added a topic in Non-English Language Journals   

    Journal KevinV1990 [NL]
    Dag -5317: Laten we beginnen bij het begin
    Om mijn Nederlandse journal te beginnen, is het slim om bij het begin te beginnen. Voor het gemak pak ik dan 1 september 2012 als de begindatum van mijn gameverslaving, de dag dat de middelbare school voor mij begon. Alles was nieuw. Nieuwe kinderen, nieuwe leraren, maar ook nieuwe omstandigheden waar ik nooit eerder mee te maken had gehad. Net voor de brugklas begon ik last te krijgen van acne, iets wat naarmate de tijd vorderde, ook steeds heviger werd. De middelbare school zou de middelbare school niet zijn, als ik daar niet mee werd gepest. Voor die tijd werd ik nooit gepest. Natuurlijk waren er wel eens ruzietjes, en zo nu en dan een vechtpartijtje, maar met pesten had ik nooit te maken gehad. Het vreemde was echter wel dat vrienden die ik had van de basisschool, de mensen waar je dus eigenlijk een beetje op rekende, mee gingen doen aan dat pesten. Het heeft ervoor gezorgd dat mijn vertrouwen in mensen steeds minder werd, iets waar ik vandaag de dag nog steeds de problemen van ondervind.
    Er was denk ik één iemand die ik echt mijn vriend kon noemen (op de middelbare school), en diegene had ook nog eens een Playstation 1 thuis staan. Zelf had ik de Nintendo 64 en de Sega Mastersystem II thuis staan, en hoewel ik daar graag een spelletje op speelde, deed ik dat niet erg vaak. Wat ik in die tijd al wel vaak deed, was het spelen van Pokémon Gold op de Gameboy Color. Het leuke daaraan was vooral dat heel veel mensen in de buurt de Pokémon games speelden, dus we zaten vaak met een hele groep in het trappenhuis, of bij lekker weer buiten. Dan zaten we met zijn allen Pokémon te spelen. Doordat ik echter games als Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy IX en Dragon Ball Final Bout speelde bij die vriend, wilde ik al snel ook een Playstation hebben. Het heeft nog een tijdje geduurd voordat we er één in huis kregen, maar vanaf die dag begon ik veel meer te gamen. Final Fantasy VIII was de game waar het allemaal om draaide.
    Het was echter aan het eind van 2004 dat ik echt verslaafd begon te raken aan gamen. School ging al niet geweldig, en toen gingen we voor de zomer ook nog eens verhuizen. Hoewel het niet echt ver was van mijn oude buurt, begon ik mijn vrienden toch een beetje uit het oog te verliezen. Ik zonderde me steeds meer af, zeker toen ik voor mijn verjaardag een Playstation 2 kreeg. De Playstation 2 was voor mij echt de console waar het allemaal om draaide, er waren zoveel goede games te krijgen, en tweedehands kon je zelfs pareltjes tegenkomen die echt niemand had. Ik denk dat ik zo'n beetje elke goede game die er in Nederland te krijgen was voor de PS2, op een gegeven moment wel had.
    Uiteindelijk ben ik op school afgezakt van VWO naar VMBO-TL, iets wat niet alleen kwam door mijn gameverslaving (ik heb namelijk een bepaalde mening over het onderwijs in Nederland), maar het had er een groot aandeel in. Op het moment dat ik mijn diploma haalde, hoopte ik op een nieuwe start op mijn nieuwe MBO opleiding, Marketing & Communicatie. Wat kwam ik bedrogen thuis. Er was daadwerkelijk geen verschil tussen de mensen op de middelbare school, en die op het MBO. Bovenal had ik al bijna geen zelfvertrouwen meer, waardoor ik veel moeite had met het uitvoeren van sommige praktijkopdrachten. Ik stopte, en hoewel ik van plan was om via het volwassenonderwijs alsnog mijn HAVO diploma te halen, kwam hier uiteindelijk ook niets van terecht.
    Ondertussen was ik al 18, had geen goede opleiding, geen vrienden, geen werk, maar wel nog steeds een gameverslaving. Het zou nog wel een tijdje duren voor ik daar vanaf zou zijn.
    Wordt Vervolgd...
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  2. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Schwing's Art   

    Hahaha... Nah, withdrawal symptoms I think
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  3. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Schwing's Art   

    I really like the whale shark.
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  4. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic What did you do after quitting gaming?   

    I started to workout more, which is probably the biggest improvement of not touch a game the past weeks. I am also writing stories, doing a creative writing course, reading a lot of books, and I am writing articles for my site.
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  5. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    March 22, 2017 (13 days without gaming)
    Tomorrow I achieve another goal: Two weeks without playing a videogame. Time for another party! I wasn't planning on not playing videogames at all to be honest, wanted to play during the weekends, but I just don't feel like playing. There are other things which I want to do, and which need to be done. So why should I turn on my Playstation 4?I got kind of irritated this morning. A little backstory: When I lost my job when the economic crisis just started (2009), I couldn't pay my health insurance anymore, so I build up a debt. Paid it off today, but because the government agency isn't doing their job right, it isn't over yet. I really want to send them an angry letter again, but I know that it wouldn't help, so I am not going to do that. I just hoped that I could leave that part of my history behind me after today. But no, it will take some more calls to do so.Because I am quite irritated, I decided to make a list about the things, which make this day a good day.
    1. Received my paycheck today, which was higher than I expected.
    2. The weather outside is great.
    3. I went running today, and I just feel my overall condition getting better again.Thinking about what needs to be the biggest priority in my life. I still want to write a book, which is one of the biggest dreams that I have. But I also want to write for my website, I want to create another website, I need to find a better job, and I want to finish my creative writing course. So many things I want and that I need to do, but which one is the biggest priority?
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  6. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Mhyrions journey   

    Maybe it is because of the weather that the cravings get stronger. Stay strong!☺
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  7. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Becoming More Productive   

    Thanks for this post. Some of the tips I already knew, but I will implement the ones that I didn't used, so I will be getting even more productive.
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  8. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    March 20, 2017
    11th day of my gaming detox, and it gets kind of boring, but also confronting to see how easy I cope with it. Maybe I hoped that it would be more of a challenge, because it would have made sense to why I screwed up so much off my life so far. As it isn't very hard for me not to game, I really wonder why the f*** I didn't do this before. Ever since the 10th of March, I have done so many things, and I have made plans for now and for the future. I just hope that it is not too late.Today I finished my homework for the Creative Writing course that I am following, which I wanted/needed to do yesterday. So I will have to come up with some consequences for me not finishing my homework, when I should have done it. If you have an idea, then please let me know .In between the things that I need to do, I am watching a lot of motivational videos recently, as they really help me to get motivated for the important things.Note to myself: I need to buy a schedule book, since I don't seem to pay attention to the app which I've installed on my phone.Watched Skyfall yesterday for the first time. I know... why didn't I watched it before? The answer to that is quite easy to be honest: I hate the theme song, since I don't like Adele. But I have a question: Is there a real Bond girl in this movie? Naomie Harris and Bérénice Marlohe didn't really play a big part in the story, at least not as big as Eva Green and Olga Kurylenko did. But at the end of the movie I came up with another question: Was Judi Dench the real Bond girl/woman in this movie? Let me know what you think about it.
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  9. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic A new comer into, and some tips to fellow quitters   

    Hi! I also think that creating a journal will help a lot with reflecting on your situation, so you can see when the craving increases and decreases.
    I just tell my cravings to get lost .
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  10. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Super Saiyan Journal   

    Keep writing then if it helps, write as long as you need to, until you don't have the cravings to play anymore.
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  11. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Starting Over With A Fresh (Real) Life   

    Congrats on the 30 days! It also is a good things that you have set your goals, since it gives you something to work for.
    I think that working out is probably one of the best ways to help you get rid of your gaming addiction. You will notice yourself getting better at it every day, even though it can hurt sometimes (dealing with that now ). In that way it has much similarities with getting better at gaming, but working out is a healthier thing to do.
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  12. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    March 19, 2017
    Time for another anniversary! Let's have a party everyday. This is my 10th day of not playing videogames. While I had the plan to just play for a bit this weekend, I didn't have the urge to do so. I am way too busy with making other plans, doing other things and starting new projects. It is a good thing that I am seeing that I don't really need games, to have a good time.Yesterday I watched the movie Gantz: O, a movie which has very much elements of role playing games in it. The temptation of playing a game after that movie, should have been big, but I withstood the temptation without any problems. Easy thing to do when you are tired and the only thing you want to do, is going to sleep .I decided to start a Dutch daily journal on this site too, and not because I don't want to write in English. I will keep on doing that, but if me writing in Dutch can help some more people, even if it is only one person, I think it is a good thing to do.I just thought about that I am only allowed to play games in the weekends, so if I am not playing today, I have to wait another five days. 15 days without playing a videogame sounds hard, but hey, I did not have encountered any problems the past ten days, so maybe the next five days will be just as easy.
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  13. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    March 18, 2017
    I really need to learn how to say no to people. Had big plans for today, wanted to write and wanted to work on a new project. I had to help my sister with moving out, but I was just hired to unload the truck and bring the heavy stuff to her appartment. Before I knew it, I had been there for a long time, doing stuff which I didn't have to do. I don't mind to help, but now I couldn't work on the things that I wanted to. Well, atleast I didn't play videogames today.
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  14. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Stercus accidit's Journal - 90 days detox completed :D   

    It doesn't sound stupid, or I should callk myself stupid too, as I am going through the same things. I also need to get out of my comfortzone, and am doing so step by step, but it is a hard thing to do.
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  15. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Does it count if it's not video games?   

    Good job! Remember to take it one day at a time, and I am sure that everything will work out in the future.
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  16. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Top 5 Books   

    Let's revive this topic again . My top 5 books for now are:
    Orphan X by Gregg HurwitzSherlock Holmes - The Sign of Four by Sir Arthur Conan DoyleDe zoon van de verhalenverteller by Pierre Jarawan (Dutch book, don't know if it has been translated to English, but it is originally written in German)The Hundred Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared by Jonas JonassonThe Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen, 83 1/4 Years Old by Hendrik GroenIt is funny to see this list, as Stephen King is my favorite writer, but there are no books of him in my Top 5-list.
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  17. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Time to leave gaming behind me for good?   

    Thanks!
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  18. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Does it count if it's not video games?   

    I think you first need to make your head completely empty. When you are only thinking about the problems that you have, you will not even have time to think about moving forward. When I am in such a mood, that I will only think about the things that are wrong in my life, I go for a walk as it helps me to clear up my mind. Working out even helps better, since you will be focussed (no matter what) on working out, you will not think about anything else than working out. So go for a run, clear up your mind, and when you get home, start to think about what you exactly want to do. Start writing your goals down, and write down what you have to do to achieve them. Do that right after you get home, don't take a shower first or something else(maybe drink some water if you need it), but grab a piece of paper and write everything down. It is easier to take action, when you know exactly what you have to do. And if you don't have the motivation to do anything, than try to listen to some motivational speeches.
    What can be helpful for getting rid of your Youtube addiction, is to install a parent lock on the devices which you watch Youtube on. Ask someone that you trust, and someone who will not give in when you're having a hard time, to setup the password. This way you also can't unlock the parent lock yourself.
    About the problems in your family I can only tell you one thing: If it is about something you can't change, try not to worry about it. It is a very hard thing to do, and I am talking out of experience, but if keep feeling bad about something you can't change, doesn't change the situation. If you have the feeling that you could do something to change the family problems, then don't wait doing it. Time flies.
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  19. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Stercus accidit's Journal - 90 days detox completed :D   

    I think it will stay tough to keep the gaming addiction behind you, even though you've finished the 90-days detox. Atleast you are getting more things done, which you should also see as a victory.
    For me it was a long way to go from gaming addiction, to gaming in moderation. That also went good for quite some time, but the last few weeks, I was affraid of relapsing. So I just decided not to game for atleast a week. Try that, maybe it will get you on the right track again. And don't feel bad about relapsing, it is hard to get rid of an addiction, not even mentioning how hard it is to make it stay away. It is a good thing that you start writing in your journal again, see it as a first step.
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  20. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    March 17, 2017
    I am kinda annoyed right now. I know exactly what I have to do today and what needs to be done, but I just can't get myself to work on these things. That is the story of past few months to be honest. One day I am full of motivation and good ideas, and really want to get them done, but then the other day all the motivation seems to be gone. Well... atleast I don't have the urge to play videogames yet, so that is a good thing I guess. I just really want to find the motivation to work on my site and my creative writing course, since they both really would help me to keep moving forward. When I have these kind of days, I really am tempted to turn on my Playstation 4 again, still not doing what has to be done, but atleast I will have fun.
    I decided that I am allowed to play videogames in the weekends, but I also made a commitment to myself that I first need to get my other things done, before being allowed to turn on the PS4 again. I'm probably going to workout in a few minutes, maybe I will have some more motivation after doing that.
     
    Thanks!
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  21. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic What makes you happy?   

    ExercisingWriting
    - Finishing an article or a storySpending time with familySunny weatherWalking around in the park and have not to worry about a thingGoing beyond my comfort zoneGoing out for dinnerGetting a day offMaking a great photo with my cameraCreating a logo,banner or background with PhotoshopEating sushi
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  22. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    March 16, 2017
    Today is my one week anniversary of not gaming. I've decided not to stop completely with gaming, but I want to limit myself by only playing during the weekends. If my gaming habit will get worse again, I will stop again for atleast a week. Call it a kind of detox. I only don't think that it will get worse again, because I am started to like my other hobbies way more now. We'll see how it will turn out .Another decision which I made to not relapse, is that I am not alowed to buy videogames for the next few months. This will be a hard thing to do for me, but I have to get through that buying habit, to take the next step in getting rid of my old gaming addiction.Cam also really inspired me to try helping other people to get rid of their addiction. So I will start to write about my story on my Dutch site, and will offer my help to those who need it.Nothing more to write right now. The weather is great today, so I am outside enjoying the weather.
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  23. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic My journal: Gaming in moderation   

    Thanks! Rearranging the shelf also was a good way to keep me busy.
    Besides reading, I also really like to write, to do fitness, and watch movies.
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  24. KevinV1990 added a post in a topic Time to leave gaming behind me for good?   

    Thanks! I already started a journal :), and updated it multiple times already.
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  25. KevinV1990 added a topic in Daily Journals   

    My journal: Gaming in moderation
    March 15, 2017
    Today it is my sixth day of not playing videogames, and I have to say that it is easier than I thought. It al started with just challenging myself not to play videogames for one day, and look where I am now. Maybe weird to say, but I am kinda proud of myself. Had a busy day at work yesterday and when I got home, I was tempted to start playing again. Instead of starting up my Playstation 4, I decided to grab a book and started to read. After a short time the temptation was gone. I also decided to write about my addiction on my own website, and didn't only want to do that for myself, but also to help others with their videogame addiction.It is my mom's birthday, and while I already bought here a present, I still needed to buy her a nice birthday card, so I went to the mall. To my big surprise a new food stall with Turkish food had been opened, and since I didn't have breakfast yet, I decided to grab a bite. On my way back, I went to the bookstore, and got myself a new book, as if I didn't have enough books already.I am also still wondering if I should sell my whole Playstation collection. It is not even that I don't want to sell it, I just want to sell it for a good price. To do that it would probably be best if I would sell it to another person, since they will pay more for my stuff than gameshops will do. But selling it to people does also take more time, which will make the chance of relapsing bigger every day.EDIT: So I decided to rearrange my shelves, so I won't see my game collection anymore, as soon as I wake up. Now I look at a bookshelf full of books (see the attached picture).EDIT2: I decided that I won't give up gaming completely. I'd rather game with moderation, and I know that I'm able to do that. I am going to limit the amount of games that I'm allowed to buy though, and maybe also going to limit myself to only play in the weekends.
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