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Granitwelle

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About Granitwelle

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  1. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Fin ~ Chapter 1: Hitting the Road of Life (Day 1-30)

    30 days-The first milestone of the 90-day gaming detox has finally been reached. A month has passed since I have sold everything gaming, manga and anime related. The sole remnant of this period is my avatar here which stems from a series which also strongly reflects the "journey" motif, the "theme" of my journal.
    I decided to take a break, make a brief stop and reflect upon my progress and experiences so far. The previous month was tough, but change never comes easily or without sacrifice. I have socialized a lot more compared to the past, however I still waste too much time in front of the PC. My brief periods of escapism in the form of taking naps decrease and I feel comparatively higher energy levels throughout the day. This was presumably a consequence of my brain rewiring, trying to fill the wealth of time I now have at my disposal. Basic muscles and stamina are coming back as I spend a lot of time on our exercise bike/treadmill. Whereas I do not have built up sufficient muscle for lifting weights extensively, I am really looking forward to it. Moreover, I will also pick up martial arts and I'm really looking forward to the warmer weather. Training outside, learning the basic kata (moves) of kendo (swordsmanship). Meeting new people at the dojo will be exciting. I'm pumped!
    For a strange reason though, I seem to be more emotional compared to the past where I used to be rather stoic and without much external expression. It's like a sea of repressed emotion, built up over a decade, now breaking free as the dam cracks and the torrential flood gushes out (poetic mood again). We're blokes, so we tend to bottle it up - bulldog spirit, stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on, "ganbatte spirit" or whatever you want to call it. I'll have to learn how to deal with this circumstance, it does not go well with my ideal image of becoming a tougher, better version of myself. Presumably a temporary phenomenon.
    Practicing meditation and mindfulness makes my actions with peers significantly more enjoyable and deep. I bought a collection of incense sticks, a Nepalese singing bowl as well as qigong balls (Baoding balls). For the calming effect rather than the esoteric pursuit, I practice a full cycle of chakra meditation on an almost daily basis. People start to notice the change as I try to be more compassionate, listen more and provide advice. Some even jokingly call me a priest. Gaming and succumbing to my primal instincts (PMO) has cultivated anxiety and a negative self-image over the course of time, so I am quite astonished how well I'm received by others recently. Still, I should become less dependent. I started another period of monk mode and pair it with a light version of NoFap (7 day productivity boost).
    We are masters of our own instincts and we can forge our future for we are not slaves to primal needs and drive (gluttony, lust, urge to play games). It definitely feels like the right path.
    Cumulative Progress: Days of journalling: 12  Days without gaming. 30  (Status 25/03/2017)
     
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  2. Granitwelle added a post in a topic The Cave You Fear To Enter Holds the Treasure You Seek   

    Nice title for a journal, I could not agree more. We need to face our demons otherwise others they control us. Or let's reverse the situation: what if we actually sit in the cave and the shadow of the people passing by is our ideal self-image when we free ourselves from the chains of addictions? (reference: Plato's cave allegory).
    Keep up the good work!
     
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  3. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Journal Day #11 // Days without gaming Day 29// Monk-Mode Day 0                                             Friday, 24/03/2017
    Another productive day, presentation went surprisingly well and all assignments were completed. Furthermore, we also had a nice business dinner in the evening. I was way too formal and tense, however it was enjoyable, the food was great and the wine they served as well. I usually don't drink alcohol nowadays, however it's part of business anyway. I socialised a lot and eventually failed monk-mode (back to square 1). Caught a cold as well, no time to waste and tons of deadlines in the next two weeks. Challenge accepted I presume?
     
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  4. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Don't see this in a negative light. You still have plenty of time to improve and undo some of the havoc gaming wreaks. I'm a couple of years ahead, yeah, but things don't get better by themselves. I wasted a ton of time and opportunities and everything feels like damage minimisation rather than improvement tbh.
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  5. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Business Administration, quite tough degree indeed. Quite tough paired with the detox lol. Fairing quite well though. You're student as well, right?
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    Journal Day #10 // Days without gaming Day 27// Monk-Mode Day 2                                                Wednesday, 22/03/2017
    Short entry today, yet another productive day. My brain is craving for a dopamine fix but all I have is work and sport at the moment. My stamina is returning and I feel more alive every day. This weekend, I'll add crunches, sit-ups, jumping jacks and squats to the mix. Meditation really keeps me grounded and I realize that testosterone is coming back as well. Still felt some negative repercussions, it's getting tougher.
    Gratitude journal
    - Poets of the Fall; Metal
    - Schweppes Bitter Lemon (lemonade)
    Workout/run: walked 3 kilometers
    Meditation: entire cycle
    Daily affirmation: Only three more days. 30 day mark is in reach!
    Reading:  Nicolo Macchiavelli - Il Principe
    Weekly Goal(s): serious progress on thesis, less complaining,
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today: completed uni assignments
    What went well today: socialization, work
    What I could have done to make my day better: stop caring and over-analyzing everything.
    What I will do differently tomorrow: not much, work like a madman
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  6. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Journal Day #9 // Days without gaming Day 26 // Monk-Mode Day 1                                                                                                             Tuesday, 21/03/2017
    What has been intended to be a significant contribution to a team task was met with criticism as it was to in-depth and detailed. One needs to consider these things nonetheless, however the time pressure of our schedule does not allow for such things. I hate learning things by heart and not having sufficient time to reflect on content. We are not robots, but critical human beings with an intellect of our own, the capacity to understand, derive principles and form both the environment and ourselves to our own will. Yet the Bachelor system forces one to minimize effort and to reproduce bullet points like a broken record. I am so looking forward to a proper job to be honest.
    Complaining will get me nowhere, time to man up and "get shit done" and avoid to "half-ass" betterment attempts, as an international study colleague from Kentucky would always put it. Well then, I start another period of monk mode then.
    Gratitude journal
    - parents
    - professors that challenge you but motivate and help you develop further
    Workout/run: 1 hour on the treadmill. As soon as I recover my stamina, I will start lifting again
    Meditation: entire cycle
    Daily affirmation: Rome was not built in a day. Baby steps were made and I am on the right track now. (JK: Have to walk for myself though, there is no fast-travel option in life)
    Reading:  Nicolo Macchiavelli - Il Principe
    Weekly Goal(s): serious progress on thesis, less complaining,
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today: worked a lot and tried to reduce the workload for a group assignment
    What went well today: productive day
    What I could have done to make my day better: I want to overcome the beta mindset and become the best version of myself that I can become, be less dependent on others, become a jack of all trades who is able to operate on his own but also a pure team player if necessary.
    What I will do differently tomorrow:  work, team work, prep work for assignments, hopefully time to revise concept for thesis
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  7. Granitwelle added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

    @Destoroyah Indeed, you got me I see the journey theme and the zen vibe are in a way inspiration for my journal as well as my current attempt to improve. Fits well with the RL meditation and occasional craving for literature/poetry lol.  It is a good series, there are some lackluster episodes but the majority is really good imho. It is also highly rated on MAL so I'm not  the only dude who claims that^^.
    @Schwing: Indeed, the 90s had some really nice shows. Trigun, Ghost in the Shell, Hellsing, Elfenlied etc.
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  8. Granitwelle added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

    As you seem to meditate, there might be an anime you could like: Mushishi as well as season 2: Mushishi Zoku Shou; Part 1 + Part 2
    It's hard to characterise this series - episodic travel narrative with a buddhist/zen touch to it. Amazing O.S.T. and great artwork. I quit my weeb life mostly due to the fanservice/"moe"-ificiation of many anime. There are, however, some anime I would still watch anytime -> Cowboy Bebop, Mushishi, Ghost in the Shell SAC 1/2, Darker than Black (even though the story still does not make much sense) as well as Black Lagoon (Season 1)
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  9. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Journal Day #8 // Days without gaming: 23                                                                                                                 Saturday, 18/03/2017
    Time sure passes quickly. Just a mere week separates me from the first milestone of 30 days w/o gaming. Conversely, I never perceived my decision as wrong or longed for games. I did not even feel the urge to play. I presume that it was not an addiction in my case then, but rather a filler for the lack of other activities and options to spend my time. I make a lot of progress on several assignments we have received for the next fortnight, however I lack this time for prep work on my thesis (biggest assignment). This will be a stress spike I need to consider for the next couple of months. Still, I cannot convert myself to a pure workaholic as it seems. I need to find meaningful hobbies for the future, however work currently prevents me from doing so. I have been flirting with martial arts for a while, maybe I'll pick up archery (kyudo) or swordsmanship (kendo). One is never too old for these things after all.Gratitude journal
    - my family
    - more rain
    - a very particular type of char that tastes amazing if it is prepared with butter, spice and a slight dash of lemon. Add some potatoes and vegetables and you have a feast!
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today
    - significant progress on assignments, set up collaboration platform for work group, had an amazing conversation with team members
    Workout/run: -nothing-   --> this is bugging me actually. No time for sport
    Meditation: -nothing- --> likewise, no time for meditation. Need to get back into the cycle
    Daily affirmation: Rome was not built in a day. Baby steps were made and I am on the right track now. (JK: Have to walk for myself though, there is no fast-travel option in life)
    Reading:  Nathaniel Branden's book on self-esteem
    Weekly Goal(s): spend less time on the PC, be more proactive  --> doing well, one more day       check, comparatively less time wasted
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    What went well today: another very productive day. so far, so good
    What I could have done to make my day better: make up for lack of meditation and sport
    What I will do differently tomorrow:  work, team work, prep work for assignments, hopefully time to revise concept for thesis
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  10. Granitwelle added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

    (just my POV) I see where you are coming from. Most people have their own problems and they tend to avoid negative people/thought. Capitalism to certain extent and social media (i.e. stroking the super-ego) cultivates egoism and renders people shallow, but who are we to judge? I've been through the same shit, cut people out of my life, going full lone wolf in an attempt to "make it right". Didn't work out, was perceived as a drama only. People are drawn to positivity, success and greatness, an introvert, gamer/weeb or metalhead does not really go well with this concept (that's how it was for me during school). You are working on yourself and you try to improve your position - this alone is a noble pursuit.
    I try to fix it by focusing on self-improvement and I try to care less about opinions of others - you can't change other people, but you can change yourself!
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  11. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Journal Day #7 // Days without gaming: 22         Friday, 17/03/2017
    University went well today, made a lot of progress but still face a high workload. I socialise a lot but I do not find time for sports, I'll make up for that now.
    It has been raining a lot lately as well. I like the mood actually, on the one hand, it makes me pensive and lost in thought. I get a craving to be creative, to write something or philosophize a bit. A nice mug of coffee, relaxing, somber piano music (/classical music/downtempo/ chillout) and a good book - this is the life If you talk a long, extended walk with your dog, immersed by nature with that fresh scent lingering in the air - sublime. The world is purified and peaceful, as one poet might put it (and especially true if you live in a city).
    I digress, however I wanted to reflect a bit upon this peculiar mood. I'll start working on my assignments now again, no dilly-dallying. I'm not playing games after all anymore, so I'd better quit that mindset. We all have dormant latent potential which must be polished, so I better get started ^^
    Gratitude journal
    - rain for turning me into a wannabe poet-philosopher
    - my dog
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today
    - getting out of my comfort zone, socialising like a boss (no logical need for anxiety as it seems, it goes well if one tries)
    Workout/run: -nothing-
    Meditation: full cycle
    Daily affirmation: Keep calm and carry on! And yes, we have such a poster at our university.
    Reading:  Nathaniel Branden's book on self-esteem
    Weekly Goal(s): spend less time on the PC, be more proactive  --> doing well, one more day
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    What went well today: tough day, but very productive. Did not sleep away my time
    What I could have done to make my day better: Quit complaining and end social anxiety. Would be sweet if there was a quick fix for that
    What I will do differently tomorrow:  Not much, keep on working, travel back to my place of study and (hopefully) ace the upcoming presentations
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  12. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Burnout   

    SMART targets might help as well. Keep your goals within possible reach. Destoroyah's triangle (or a variation thereof) is also frequently mentioned in management literature, I second this!
    S = strategic (it should be a goal that boosts you in any way)
    M = measureable (ability to quantify the goal, to weigh it)
    A = achieveable (possible within all levels of the group)
    R = realistic (can be achieved)
    T = time-bound (manageable within a feasible timeframe
    I manage 60 hrs/week. If you go for 80hrs, you need to slowly train resilience over years, work overtime and find something you truly have passion for. I call the 80hrs "overdrive" as I manage to do it for three weeks/month at max and then I need a "cooldown" period. The question is "is it really worth it?"
    Excessive work often comes with bad habits to make it bearable, i.e. overindulgence of any form - smoking, fatty food, heavy drinking, lack of exercise, you name it. I'm perfectionist in my endeavours, so I tend to put my all into them. I learned the hard way that one needs qualitative recreation (no screen/gaming), otherwise one works like a capacitor (max power - recharge - max power - recharge...). Constant output is better than spikes however, that's why I think it is quite important to take it easy and be more enduring if that makes sense. Marathon runner vs. sprinter. Unfortunately, we don't work like batteries. Don't push yourself too hard!

    (I'm not a doc, Taken from a psychology lecture) There is "eustress" (positive stress that motivates) and "distress" (negative stress that impairs, sickens). If you keep up crazy work weeks for prolonged periods, eustress turns to distress and it will often also have negative implications on the body (impact on heart or arteries, irregular sleeping patterns, psychosomatic issues etc.). The body is in fight or flight mode and anticipates danger, therefore produces fibrin. Moreover, it also tends to absorb high-density lipids (HDL), the "bad type of fat" such as cholesterol. This combination is like a time bomb if stress prevails.
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  13. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Thanks for the recommendations, Schwing! You might not like Faun as they are quite unusual (Medieval, Folklore, German vocals), however as I listen to Eluveitie, I deem Faun a rather good complement to Eluveitie's harder stuff.
    Journal Day #6 // Days without gaming: 21         Thursday, 16/03/2017
    Not much happened today. I start to feel some withdrawal effects, slept a lot in the past two days (no lectures). I finished many household chores, however I only digress from the more important things. Next two weeks will be tough. Finished my paper as well, not that it is much of an achievement though (only three pages). I'll start to revise for finals, better than sleeping or partying too much (just another form of escapism). On we go!
    Gratitude journal
    - my parents again, my crazy family
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today
    - did some maintenance work in the household, removed limestone and cleaned the flat for a bit
    Workout/run: -nothing-
    Meditation: full cycle
    Daily affirmation: I managed to hit the third week w/o gaming! Nine more days and the first milestone is achieved!
    Reading:  Nathaniel Branden's book on self-esteem
    Weekly Goal(s): spend less time on the PC, be more proactive
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    What went well today: Well I was semi-productive (improvement over yesterday)
    What I could have done to make my day better: My all time low so far. I seem to look for alternative things such as YouTube/craving for Anime now that I quit gaming. I should not waste more time.
    What I will do differently tomorrow: plan on visiting the library to find some inspiration pertaining to work
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  14. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Thanks for the recommendation, I get a Cowboy Bebop vibe from this piece. The guy's got some talent.
     
    I listen to Katatonia, Killswitch Engage, Insomnium, Black Sun Aeon, Draconian, Eluveitie, Faun, Apocalyptica, Amon Amarth, In Flames, Moonspell, Turisas and sometimes mainstream stuff such as Metallica, BFMV or Trivium. Moreover, I also like Jazz/Jrock/ Traditional Shamisen/Koto music.
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    Day #5 // Days without gaming: 19         Tuesday, 14/03/2017
    This will be a short post, I've been working all day long. Lecture, assignments, coffee break with friends. Nothing exceptional, however I managed to waste less time in front of a PC. Things are improving slowly, but steadily.
    Gratitude journal
    - I am grateful for my parents' support and unconditional love
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today
    - Contributed a lot in a lecture where I did not expect I'd be knowledgeable enough.
    Workout/run: Walked 3 kilometers
    Meditation: Japanese pine incense sticks as well as my singing bowl support my meditation routine. I started to work on my root chakra, need to be grounded after all.
    Daily affirmation: Well done so far, the 30 day milestone is getting into reach
    Reading:  Nathaniel Branden's book on self-esteem
    Weekly Goal(s): spend less time on the PC, be more proactive
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    What went well today: socialised with friends
    What I could have done to make my day better: Negative thought still impairs my performance. I want to fix this
    What I will do differently tomorrow: work hard again
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  15. Granitwelle added a post in a topic Kaizen - The Quest for Neverending Self-Improvement   

    Day #4 // Days without gaming: 18         Monday, 13/03/2017
    Appointment could have been better, I should have argued in a better way. Well, preparation is paramount
    Gratitude journal
    - Nujabes' instrumental pieces, Aimer's angelic voice and heavy metal
    - I'm grateful that I have finally found the guts to get my s*** together
    One amazing thing that happened/I did today
    -nothing in particular
    Workout
    -none
    Meditation
    full cycle chakra meditation
    Daily Affirmation
    The road gets tougher, but men define their worth via opposition. Keep calm and carry on!
    Weekly Goal(s): spend less time on the PC
    Monthly Goal: Survive the first 30 days of gaming detox, get my paper done, study hard for upcoming exams and start working on my thesis
    3 Month Goal: Successfully complete 90 days of non-gaming in order to make my brain rewire. There is no way back as I do not own gaming-related stuff anymore, however withdrawal symptoms might be hard.
    What went well today: socialised more, got my paper done
    What I could have done to make my day better: (never touch video games in the first place) prepare better in advance, be more confident
    What I will do differently tomorrow: another meeting, another chance
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