Day #1 Game Avoidance
Yesterday was a bit of a bad day by my own standards (I could guess that too many people have things way worse). In short, I went for a memorised walk at 3pm, after many images and reminiscing of e-play, and by the time I was almost home again, things seemed to stack in favour of a short session - which turned out to be 2 hours. - *Editing, I want to add that by yesterday, after 3 weeks, perhaps due to the time of year, I already felt detoxed. At the gym, I was completely present, but among too many people in earphones and vacant expressions and more uncomfortable music.
The initial steps to sign in, setup the play, and try to find some 'flow' did feel a bit unnatural - but I had felt unnatural throughout the first part of the day, if that can be seen. I trace that feeling back to sleeping in, and forgoing texts to family when I saw them online. Instead, I went straight to gym after some breakfast. It kind of sucked, even though I used the majority of the strength I had.
@Yan , your last advice here was good, and I could recognise that too, with mental distance. However, I really haven't given up feeling a decent sense of community in my neighbourhood - my nearby gym, if given a job there, I had recently begun to see as a worthy challenge. If it were to be a disaster (1/4 odds in my view), afterward might come a decision to move for work (1/2, eventually). I held back my resume for the day, even though I wish I'd told reception of the idea.
Part of what also made yesterday so hard was the 'temporarily closed' online notice for the club I went to twice, before Christmas. I was wondering whether a handful of the nice people I met the Sunday before last would be there last night - I had mentally prepared, as I do. The clincher is that by the time I signed out of yesterday's game, I didn't feel like simply walking down the street and physically checking. Maybe I had other misgivings, but I'm not completely sure.
Finally, something ironic took place as well, yesterday. I texted my Dad, then did some things while I waited for him to reply - he shared his triumph over each of the daily games (that admittedly, I also shared when conversation topics were few), and then, oddly enough said, 'Done!' I could unpack that and get lost in rumination, but basically I didn't enjoy seeing the weight placed upon it as perhaps an unbeatable sum over our conversation-to-be-had for the day. Which is why, although I've largely done the same thing most of this month, I want to post about avoiding giving various games (as well as the one I've played the most, by multiple factors) a certain amount of focus. I seem to realise that for the moment, they're going to come to mind.
For example, my session yesterday did involve chasing some already-surpassed levels over again, and noting that I underestimated twice how quickly they were reached, continuing to 'play'. However, I didn't focus on much other than some uncommon loot, UNTIL I noticed that I appeared to have attracted three or more profiles of the same level, doing the exact same thing, in the same equipment. I puzzled over it - and had there been less of an obvious pattern (I won't go into that), I might have started chatting and played longer.
May pick up from here later - chores. Peace, ~ Matt
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wheatbiscuit ·