Day 12 + 13/90: Busy weekend with the kids! Yesterday and today have been going well My son has taken up a strong interest in Minecraft. It's going to be challenging for me to not deprive him of his interests, while also not relapsing myself. But I still feel good about it, and I feel in control. Lots of reading and exercise. Focus feels good. On my TODO list tonight is to read more of Respawn and prepare for a busy week at work.

I wouldn't worry about school. The whole concept of school is tedious. You're not supposed to enjoy it, unless there's something wrong with you, or unless you go to a very particular type of school that meets your expectations. Your teacher is in the wrong place. He should teach people who are passionate about math. The problem is, there would be far too many math teachers around for this real demand. He'd either have to be really good (and be self-employed or at a top institution), or he would work a different job. That's the issue with the education system in general; there's far too many teachers teaching far too many students, who are in turn given far too much useless information (at least for the students' benefit). Stacking up straight As is not how life works anyway. I know this, because I've been teaching 1-to-1 English for a few years now. I can say that for most people, only pulling out their wallet and paying the course themselves makes them focus and get involved with English. They might not even be passionate about English, but they know they need it at work or while traveling. That way, I at least know they want to put in some effort. I'll let somebody be the prison guard of 15 teenagers (even if 2-3 of them would at least show some interest in the subject). Being competitive is an interesting trait to have, but don't expect school to help you work with it. It might help you be a good manager or director one day, while the "straight A nerds" will be your rigorous employees. Who knows? 🙂  P.S. I nearly failed high school math and failed a university. I quit my gaming addiction 5 years ago, managed to finish another university without a serious problem and built myself a job I love. Literally nobody remembers (and cares) I nearly failed HS math 10 years ago and failed uni 8 years ago.

I hate studying, problems, and homework. I don't have bad grades, and I have no problem doing well in school; it's just that school is so tedious. My calculus teacher, in particular, is someone I dislike very much. He keeps ranting about how everyone should be passionate about math instead of only taking a hard class to get into a good college. I disagree with him completely. I think he is outdated and makes the class unnecessarily difficult because he is delusional about today's society and stuck in the past. My math teacher makes his tests many times harder than the AP test and expects half the class to get an A. How am I supposed to enjoy school? There is no way to argue with him because he is autistic and is full of pride and arrogance. I am in a nerd high school because I wanted to challenge myself. Now I think my life is just boring because I am surrounded by nerds who only care about their GPA and test scores. Many of the nerds have no sense of humor at all and I feel like I am one of the few neurotypical and normal people in my class. This is why I like to hang out with the less study-orientated people at my school like my teammates in the swim team and water polo. I enjoy swimming and racing and I love the thrill of competition. I just don't like grinding it out at school. What should I do? Is this normal for me?

Entry 19.1 Day 4: No Useless Videos Day 836: Sticking to Food schedule Day 439: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 9: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small  -75% effort run -Following schedule within 10 minute delay max -Evening routine right after dinner once more 1 Thing I could do  better -Get out of bed when alarm went off. Not 4.5 hours after Gaming count since relapse  Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5  Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 6

Thank you for the honesty regarding the envy, that's a thing that takes courage to say. I think you can do it too, but we will never know if you stop trying. We will only know if you continue trying relentlessly until the rest of your days. And it seems to me you currently stopped trying. That is not something you have to do. You are in control of your body. And the longer you'll go without these habits, the less you'll feel like there's something missing, your body will just learn to get these hormones from other things. The beginning is the most painful though of course. Bottom line: Keep trying, don't allow excuses to take over your mind.     Again, I'll try to simplify. So today you feel that you're more capable to balance games than you were as a child, yet you are regretting that you do it anyway. You are admitting that abstinence let you achieve more, but saying that because you were sad you "had to" play. In my opinion, you don't have to do anything. As I stated above. You are in control of your body. It might be difficult and painful to not play, the same as working out, eating healthy and sleeping on time. But eventually you are the one who physically chooses to do it or not do it for whatever reason. You don't have to do anything. Unless  you have some rare condition where you neurologically don't have control over your body, but then you wouldn't be deciding to neither play or not play anyway.  Again  Bottom line: If you choose to play that is your choice. But don't lie to yourself saying "you can"t do otherwise. I might be wrong in everything i write, those are just my opinions, if you feel I am wrong, feel free to contradict what I wrote 🙂