Entry 31.5 (Postyed on 1.6, written on 31.5) Day 136: No Useless Videos Day 968: Sticking to Food schedule Day 571: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 119: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  -4 Concentrated work units -Food and concentrated units separately -30 min reading book of practices 1 Thing I could do better -Next week possibly include double the quinoa instead of lentils to make it more time efficient (but run it through cronometer first if its okay like this and then reversing it), possibly also replace edamame (so 3 times the quinoa or so do a 3 part roatation Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 137

Happy Sunday all, though so many Sundays have been difficult for me. I've been on my 'solo' profile (on an online multiplayer game) this week. It was probably right for me to be told, that, if abstaining from games, 'the high' would be/is over. That high/the high, whichever. It just sucks that so many of my triumphs have felt realest when they have been of little consequence. Yes, I have definitely suffered from that knowledge, but it hasn't stopped me chasing those things, when either boredom or lack of triumphant emotion results in a mental 'stand-still'. I haven't wanted to simply snap to attention and march right off to an aggressive gym session, as I used to do from back in the family home.  I used to think I was super-independent for not complaining much. People might just not have liked that word, and its associations, so I soaked that attitude up and consolidated on it. However, standing up for the needs of individuals and other groups still seems to be virtuous or brave. Certainly, I have wanted to be considered equal to people in my life, not just a side-show in someone else's. It could be that some of my treatment of others has left a similar feeling behind too. I shall continue to try and remember and operate like that. Those few things alone leave me enough to deal with IMO, and it's tough but I may have to confess that I'm not ready for new mountains of knowledge from organised study. Our public/official achievements may be fit for comparison, but I appreciate that the experiences behind them can hold just as much weight. Hoping y'all enjoy the weekend as you best can, ~ Matt

Imagining scenarios you could be in is stupid and a waste of time. That's what social media does it makes you imagine where you could be by looking at influencers and people with all these mansions and money at the beach. They do that so you either feel like shit or you just keep imagining what that would be like without putting in the actual work to get there. Cause work and effort sucks. That's the main message of social media and gaming. We don't want to face the hardships of life so we turn to screens.   i am done with it I am so done with it.  from now on im going to journal weekly with a list of accomplishments i got done based on what my actual goals and aspirations are (which i still have to map out). This way i can steer clear of screens as much as possible.    Fuck gaming, fuck social media

Still treat work as a game have thinking patterns related to winning at games. Looking to talk to people more to keep myself grounded and strong.

Entry 30.5 Day 135: No Useless Videos Day 967: Sticking to Food schedule Day 570: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 118: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  -10 Concentrated work units -1 Hour of practical studies -1 hour of german studies 1 Thing I could do better -Eat and do concentrated units separatly Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 136