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Saturday evening: Not long ago, I read a news piece about a recurring subject of 'men being 'in trouble/left behind''. One thing the contributor tried to communicate was 'When you start blaming others for your problems, that's when you've 'lost the script''. However, he lost points with me for tangentially suggesting a requirement that each person (man) be able to justify their existence. I've started off now too sincerely, so the angry tool in my toolbox was glowing up at me - anyway, as an addict might do, I did want to espouse one benefit of the re-release of the childhood game of mine that I'm still giving time over to, and say that it enabled reflection and analysis, enough that I started questioning things and people around me. This is significant because I found myself momentarily in front of my mother, in some deep yet casual conversation. I don't remember what I was saying, but I distinctly remember her asking me back, "You mean, I should stop thinking that the world revolves around me?" I was 19 or 20, yet I was horrified at this, after the months of online reading into the NPD that I supposedly had/was branded with by my ex. Aside from all of the nonsense my Dad spouted over the years, I thought inwardly, 'These people/this person was trusted to raise me into a societally responsible being?' Thus, the finger(s) of blame. ___________ Two other people that I've never met, who surely would have been at odds with their main respective lines on life, nevertheless shared (somewhat) a view of eternal responsibility - that is, holding ourselves accountable for all deeds since birth, and perhaps even in previous lives. I won't go further into that today. One of these individuals clearly hoped that his relevant work would prompt a dramatic turnaround in many people's lives, by the explanation of a person 'choosing the easy option' their 'entire' life''. He valued intelligence, and intelligence sometimes suggests that saving effort could be a better decision, at times. Anyway, perhaps he simply meant 'from a young age', or the realisation of consciousness that comes anywhere between the ages of 1 and 6, I guess. It probably ties in with learning speech. Me, I don't think that I had many problems until the family relocated overseas. This is a matter of positive or negative choices of reframing, but if I had to play both sides, I'd say that I felt both encouragingly challenged and yet coerced to follow around at the airport. Yes, I remembered such a scene and emotion clearly from anywhere from ages 3 to 7. Again, with the condition(s) I believe I was born with, I might now try to point blame, but I still don't know what good that would do, unless it consolidated what friendships I have within the family somehow, in conversation. ___________ Like I said this week, I rarely feel low/prompted enough to get these things out face to face with people, and maybe I use torturous workouts and gaming sessions, or even abstinence to get myself there. What's important to me is that I know what to work with in the future and what not to. In the meantime, I choose not to repeat mistakes in day/routine-planning, like going out at night with a poor mental state. Alas, it is a Saturday night, but this has been stimulating enough. I had an hour of sleep in the afternoon, so maybe I'll have the same bedtime as most people tonight (9-10pm to 6-7am). It helps for me to feel in sync in some ways at least with many others. The rest of my family, I don't know. Peace guys, ~ Matt

Huh, it really seems odd. I think wrote something different, maybe the forum is bugging out a little or maybe I'm just being stupid. I meant to write it was good advice 😄

@Ikar did you quote my post by mistake? 🙂

Early Saturday morning: Yes, as soon as both of my music and my regular game are on, I am basically shutting out reality - or at least, the reality/gravity of what bothers/moves me. It's also doubly hard when what I type/text thoroughly is almost completely ignored, in the case of my explanations of negative feelings to people I care about. After 80% of my text message to my Dad was done, I said that I hoped he felt better after our failed meet-up as well. It was either the easy option, or scarier still, the natural option, for him to say 'I'm fine, I'm just this way, and thanks'. Aside from the potentially obvious (making sure the next tone set would be all about him, overlooking my description of misunderstandings of the kind being 'exquisitely painful since forever'). I've forgotten how to finish that last sentence re: grammar, but I don't want to choose anger. Perhaps I'm understanding that in the absence of immediate danger, 'reality' just doesn't set in for many people I know, despite claims to being 'usually factually correct', or calm as a cucumber. Big deal, right? 😆 When I read some posts here that help me to see the bigger picture for our society/world, I feel better. I can see outside of myself on a few occasions each day, but maybe just to support a worldview, years ago I started maintaining to myself that the most meaning in life is derived from strong connections to living beings/things, going as far as saying 'the' meaning. It's been mostly healthier than constant conflict, but when I've felt cornered increasingly (which is an unreasonable goal for too many people a situation to impose on others), the available flight response seems a lot less so. More recently, I've been trying to relate better to myself, but that, on the other hand, seems less revolutionary when I learn of most people trying to do the same. Is that the new definition of success, as unhappy world news is more prominent? I would guard against associating contentment with one's self to attempts at measuring success that way. I am sorry, but I had to work at this post as I clicked over a small game scene; otherwise, it would be less honest and more of a show of a shadow of honesty. I used to say it was for everyone's benefit, but perhaps it's been reality-avoidance. On that note, I want to simply make light of the twice-repeated notion that people not paying attention (impossibly) to my father's perceptions of reality and thoughts are in fact, ignoring reality by choosing to wear earphones during travel - if I were seeing through a protective lens of anti-narcissism, as I often am. Again, I am trying for humour instead of anger. Well, that's all. Thanks everyone. ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ Waking up before dawn but feeling like I actually got as much sleep as possible ~ A gym visit yesterday that happened despite a nervous moment, being with a new peer ~ Easy bathroom visits ~ Some living space cleaning

Everyone has hardships. Do not allow this to become your excuse. It's okay not to know how to be independent and lose the phone less. That's why we're all here for. But my advice is not to stop at this. My advice is to not say "I do not know how", but to ask "how may I do that?" Because that is indeed an obstacle to your real goals, the "reality avoiding activities" like gaming, social media, movies, etc. I can relate, perhaps I was in the same position a few years ago. Once I quit my toxic relationship with games, I suddenly noticed all the other toxic relationships I was in. School and family weren't exactly helpful at the time when I was gaming either. You actually already figured out what to do - to find a job. It'll help you gain more independence from your parents, because then you can choose not to be at home with them. Maybe some welfare housing benefits could help out too. Maybe the new job and the new flat will suck, but it will at least give you some perspective and help you realize you don't have to live with your parents forever. Good luck and let us know!

I'm gonna start with the end of the video you posted, almost - where the interviewee/'answer-giver' says that he missed an award to be presented to him, because he didn't know his grades, other than non-failure, and was maybe content with the effort he was putting in. That's where I liked the direction of the interview going after the first hour. Not that you should feel honoured - especially given what forum we're on - but I've stopped short of an in-game goal to give my honest opinion after finishing the video, before I fizzle out/reach basic contentment again. Here are 7 notes I made: 1) Considering factors of perfectionism and distress tolerance in wellbeing. 2) Considering emotional regulation and the acceptance/choice of discomfort as 'skills'. 3) Consider action for habit development, but inaction for habit-breaking. 4) 'Emotions do not cause unhappiness; things associated with emotion cause unhappiness'. 5) 'Technology has led to more activity/desire; boredom is simply the brain trying to calm down'. The last two are personal experiences related to the topic of the video: 6) Some of my past contingency planning involved what was once callously called (and quietly agreed upon) 'the biggest absolution of responsibility' - which simply meant confiding in family with serious problems up-front. The video made me wonder why that was, and more to the point, how those team members managed to make it into mental health, or even why they wanted to. I was actually so happy at the time that I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at anyone, those first 12-18 months of medication-taking. I guess that kind of makes it into the interviewee's time-frame for it. Perhaps I wasn't giving the professionals succinct and satisfying enough answers. 7) I should attest to both my father and I's experience of excelling because we were once content with our educations, not because we knew we were on track to the highest grades. Academia or no academia, I have more hope now for that sort of feeling in the future, however it comes. Thanks for posting, Wilder - I used to watch these kinds of videos with my full attention (I clicked very passively during this one), but was angry with myself, I guess, for desiring the lessons to be learnt quickly/the video to arrive at a point suitable for me immediately. Good luck. ~ Matt

Entry 3.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2771 (80th birthday) Day 169: No Useless Videos Day 1001: Sticking to Food schedule Day 604: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 152: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 4 pomodoros - Morning jog - Decided for good and for worse to stop the SPI subscription, thus saving 200$ which I may use for German, etc. In any case, I think I am already not focused on taking the most advantage of the membership, and 200$ quarterly just for the mastermind is a lot for me =/ 1 Thing I could do better - Reduce the quinoa to a small fire and if it may burn a little, let it be. It's better than staying there and just watching it 15 minutes. Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 169

Everyone has hardships. Do not allow this to become your excuse. It's okay not to know how to be independent and lose the phone less. That's why we're all here for. But my advice is not to stop at this. My advice is to not say "I do not know how", but to ask "how may I do that?" Because that is indeed an obstacle to your real goals, the "reality avoiding activities" like gaming, social media, movies, etc. Let me know if this makes sense. If it doesn't also let me know 🙂

Being off social media for a couple weeks now made me realize I'm not lazy because of it or video games. It also made me realize I'm not even lazy. The reason I spend a lot of time on my phone is because it is my response as I live with my toxic controlling parents. I'm currently trying to get out by applying for jobs but the job market is really bad rn, so it's been hard. My mind truly wants to do random shit and live life outside of a screen, and do whatever I want. But it's hard when I have parents who breathe down my neck and judge me whenever I do something they don't approve of or criticize me for making a mistake. I don't really know what I can do right now to be independent and use my phone less while I'm stuck in this toxic environment for the time being.

Food schedule update 3.7-17.7 (Not including 17.7-Thursday): Everything remains the same except for: 1. Cranberries 15 daily added instead of 15 dates total 100g per week when cooking. 2. Coconut oil on the long run days 65g instead of 60g 3. Almonds to be added 10g daily as i keep increasing my physical activity 4. Day order may be changed, if that happens, the biking day I shall eat like the jogging day + add 30g olive oil if I do 4 hours 5. Any changes may be added if i forgot something until the end of friday

Thursday, July 3 - I suppose Friday is a big day for some of you, I dunno. In case I'm not at my computer then, have a good time! There was a primordial misunderstanding of whereabouts between my Dad and I yesterday, and if I couldn't fathom any better description of the problem that may exist only between the two of us, I'd say that my determination to be calm made him even more flustered for travelling extra on foot and locating me. I, on the other hand, was ready to slowly walk home, meetup or no meetup. Perhaps all of this had already crossed his mind before he crossed the street, spotting me before the reverse - but as I say, I was hardly trying much. All of my usual mental defences/walls went up for the next 24 hours, and in the meantime, I completed a long game quest under circumstances that I hadn't touched in nine years, I was constantly wishing that all of the misunderstanding(s) between us never happened, and that we could be truly good friends. Sometimes in these moments, I think of profound phrases that might support strong clarity and boundaries, but I rarely get a chance/feel low enough to utter them. I just gave one a try as a text message, and since I intend to refuse (as long as I have the capacity to do so) to have text message standoffs on a phone. They just don't work, from what I've seen. So as of today I feel pretty knowledgeable in how the gaming profile - that I've played the most of since January - would be like for future 'quests/grinds'. I will be properly happy if I can steer clear effectively of the choice of anger for the longer-term, spanning most of my daily experiences. Over the last day, I simply gave hurtful feelings no breathing room, and planted a resolute smile on my face. It sucked, but it worked for awhile. As a closer look, I'll share one repeated inner statement - 'I will not accept any further challenges from you.' Obviously, that was just for this morning, in practice - but I could simply add 'right now' for the future. I've thought ahead to tomorrow morning regarding gaming, and should now try to put effort into remembering other various concerns over my next few hot drinks. That's all for now. Cheers. ~ Matt Gratitude: ~ Stopping and thinking clearly a few times at gameplay, and making the journey slow and smooth ~ Mike Oldfield music in the background, and music favourites whilst out walking ~ A good tone set with my would-be boss, though the kitchen found a full-time candidate before my part-time ~ Earphones worked underneath beanie

Entry 2.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2771 (80th birthday) Day 168: No Useless Videos Day 1000: Sticking to Food schedule Day 603: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 151: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 1 pomodoros (better than 0 I guess? =/ Day two under 4 pomodoros. No more of those are accepted - Afternoon workout - 5 minutes of Unconscious problem solving to decide whether to leave SPI membership 1 Thing I could do better - After 2 or 4 hours I might have woken up already, the sleepiness afterwards was just an illusion caused by the closed drapes. (I ended up oversleeping 6 hours more than planned) Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 168

I watched a great video yesterday with a conversation that really stuck with me. It's in essence about the feeling of happiness, and how we in modern societies have fabricated happiness into a desire that has to be chased and collected. In reality however it might be the other way around; happiness comes when there is no longer any desire, when we get freed from the chase. And this of course translates to activities such as gaming where we are caught up in a fantasy of always chasing the next big sensation, never feeling fully satisfied. The ultimate question then poses itself: if we teach ourselves to feel happy and content in our most passive state, will we not then gravitate away naturally from these activities that so often comes with a false sense of fulfillment? Video games to me just seem like one piece of the puzzle. It is a sympton of a larger issue, which seems to derive from the constant chase for happiness. Remove games from the equation, without dealing with the root causes, and another desire will most likely only present itsef. We are so caught up in this strive for constant betterment and perfection, where everything is some kind of promise of a better tomorrow. In the process we seem to lose track of the present and the marvelous sensation of just existing, without constanly moving forward.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 27/5/25 - 30/6/25 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period. Books/Reading articles/Learning: L: I didn't finish "The Selfish Gene", as it just didn't interest me enough. I started "Parkinson's laws", a small and funny book. Read on Reddit about finance and English teaching again. T: Finished Parkinson's book and started "Getting to Yes", a book about negotiation rules and techniques. Read on Reddit about finance and English teaching again. Possible direction/goals: (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report. Family: L: As I wrote last time, the kitchen is indeed 95% finished. My plan is to go there with my friend on Saturday and to finish the rests of work. I wrote about the all-family experience above on April 16, but there's one more thing that came to my mind: I've always perceived my father to be extremely independent, micro-managing but competent. I think with age however, he is becoming more irritable, perhaps rash, and less competent. He assembled the car vacuum cleaner for my girlfriend and I, just so we won't do it wrong. OK, fair, but when he was disassembling it again after a while, he loudly asked who pushed the hose so hard into the cleaner. My girlfriend and I chuckled 😄 T: We had two work sessions with my friend this month. I expect one more, but it'll really be the last cleanup session. I'd like to say that I am happy, relieved or in general something positive, but nothing really comes to mind. I'm just numb in this regard. Other than that, I only spent time with my mom during her spa stay. NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family. Possible direction/goals: Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma. Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Business/English: L: So I've successfully completed the lecturer course. Now I only have to use all this knowledge and skills in practice! I definitely have many ideas for the future. I finished the rework of the table for students, now I only need to let them know 😄 The work is still ongoing on some pricing changes, as well as on my website. T: The work is still ongoing on some pricing changes, as well as on my website - pretty much the same. I also have a lot of my students on holidays, but I don't mind, as I can use the time for other projects. I haven't been bored so far and I'm catching up on other things. NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid. Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered. Current projects I'm working on: Website improvement project - since August 2024 lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025 55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates Areas to work on continually: English table update - check every now and then for improvements Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week. Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students. CELTA colleagues calls. Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course. Exercise/Movement/Health: L: I haven't stretched in a while, but I still keep on doing some running and some strength exercises. I even bought weights. My girlfriend and I went to some hiking and cycling trips too. I've been lazy about flossing though. Went to my GP yesterday, showed him the cardiology results and my blood pressure measurements. I also realized I often get headaches 1-2 days after a day of heavy physical activity. I need to be more mindful of relaxing properly afterwards, alongside with drinking and eating well. T: Overall, I managed to exercise in various ways 2x-3x per week this month. I also took part in two running races this month. I'm quite happy with the results, even though I was a bit slower on the 4 km this year 😄 2024: 4 km - 18:40 8 km - 45:17 2025: 4 km - 18:44 8 km - 42:00 NOT: I don't want to become fat. Possible direction/goals: Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes. Social + personal hobbies + free time: L: Attended the book festival, watched some films, talks and conferences with my girlfriend. I also attended some board-game evenings, FIRE meetings. Played table football, billiard and a pub quiz too. Watched the hockey championship. T: Went to a few pub quizzes, went to the VR shooter with my friends, managed my finances well, won a table football tournament, went to the theater. Spent time with my girlfriend shopping, hiking, watching series and going to trips. --- For thought: Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping. No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless. --- Plans for 2025 (check each month and color - red, orange, green): Family: I don't have any specific plans for my family, besides finishing my grandma's kitchen. I also don't have any plans of starting my own, although I've always said I'm ready after finishing the uni. The main thing for the success of that would be to manage time and money correctly. Career: The last year was successful business-wise. I got the confirmation for the new lecturer course running from February to May. The main goal is to get the website finished, so I want to actively cooperate with the other freelancers. I'm not going to set any arbitrary goals, except keeping my lesson work-hours around 20-25, and to managing the other admin stuff (preparation, mails, trainings) in another 10 hours. That makes the total of 30-35 hours worked a week. Friends, community: I am part of more friend groups and communities. I don't have any big plans in mind regarding this area of my life. I expect to naturally drift towards more libertarian, financially educated and entrepreneurial/self-employed communities. I find the most inspiring people there. Relaxation, hobbies, creativity: I intend on continuing the hobbies I currently do, including writing, working out or going to the shooting range. I also want to remain curious about things and keep on traveling to break out of the cycle to unwind completely sometimes. Maybe I'll get around to blogging again. I think the line between work and relaxation is blurry for me. Physical health, fitness: Again working out (and stretching) and flossing. I think my diet is OK. I might start tracking some indicators of body fitness, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Mental health, self-knowledge: Avoid overwork and burnout. Keep hours on roughly 20 lessons + 10 hours of ancillary work a week. Keep on doing things that feel right. Keep on planning/marking down things in my calendar. --- Habits for 2025 (check each month and color - red, orange, green): Habits that define you: family - keep in touch with my family at least once a month girlfriend - make time to talk every day and keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities career - work on my education continually, learning something new every week, even in unstructured ways; sources: CELTA, meeting other English lecturers/teachers, reading on their websites, lecturer course coming up in February, working on the business side of my work friends/community habits - meet with my best friend a few times a month, meet with my friend groups a few times a month too relaxation, hobbies, creativity habits - shooting range, writing, traveling, blogging, reading, being curious fitness habits - stretch every day, work out/run twice a week; floss daily mental health habits - keep my hobbies, work and other activities in balance, try new things every now and then a better tomorrow habits - provide great added value back for the money of my students ---

note - I just entered a gaming website and got blocked by my adblocker which i pre-set. A warning sign here

Entry 1.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2771 (80th birthday) Day 167: No Useless Videos Day 999: Sticking to Food schedule Day 602: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 150: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 3 pomodoros (better than 0 I guess? =/ - 75 % effort run - Having fixed my bike break and got a spare tube, which I've been longing to do for a long while 1 Thing I could do better - Write summary of the lesson to Veronica Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 167

Nice to meet you! I really identify with your story. I also grew up playing Diablo 2 and as an adult Diablo 3, Diablo 4, HOTS. I give you SO much credit for deciding to step away from gaming, and it's really impressive you were able to do so for 6-7 years! Do you mind if I ask what sorts of changes/improvements you noticed in yourself? Do you have any personal advice for a fledgling GameQuitter?

Hi there! My name is Travis and I'm 38 years old from Pittsburgh, PA. My main reason for coming to GameQuitters (and Respawn) is that I've always felt there is a better (or more productive) way to be spending my free time. Historically, I've been a big Final Fantasy and Pokemon fan and have put WAY too much time into both of these games. I've also had a bit of an unhealthy attachment to Pokemon GO - however I'm a bit nervous to lose this hobby as I play with my boyfriend and several other good friends. I think ultimately my goal would be to spend more time working on personal and professional development, finances, and growing a YouTube channel as a side hustle. I'm looking forward to journaling on here and getting to know you all!

It has been a few years since I was on this forum. I have been doing a lot of mindless browsing and playing videogames these past few years. This time, I am serious about quitting videogames and I am going to stop spending so much time on Reddit and Youtube. The pandemic, my mum's health and some financial worries have made my gaming and browsing habits much worse. My mum has gotten better, but has clearly some anxiety issues which will need to be helped with. I have been thinking of going back to my social club, which I haven't been to for 5 years. I am going to do drawing again, I did a lot of that during the pandemic, but stopped after the pandemic ended. I am also learning about history and currently reading about the Russian Revolution.

If it's any consolation, I can't read fiction either. I need something packed with useful or at least interesting information, that I could use in reality 😄 It's OK to not have that ONE thing to hyperfocus on. In fact, it's the normal state of affairs for most people. They have their work, family, friends, girlfriends, hobbies... I think "investing" time into a few "tried and proven" areas common for everybody, plus a few personal hobbies/work, is best. That said, driving is indeed nice. It gives you a lot of independence. I wasn't even 18 when I started practicing driving, just to get the license at the time I turned 18. It can give you something to focus on daily for an hour or two, either by direct practice or doing the theoretical tests and preparation 🙂 Sounds good! It's important to manage expectations from both sides. I'm happy you managed to talk it over with your boss in a reasonable way afterwards.

17 June - 30 June: These are the activities I did in no particular order: reading "Getting to Yes", finishing Black Mirror with my girlfriend, taking the car to the mechanic, exercising and going for a running race last weekend, visiting my girlfriend's family and mine, going for a trip to the mountains, cycling, working on my grandma's kitchen with my friend (finished), playing (and winning) our local table football tournament with the same friend, working on the new website. - I've been a bit stressed the past few days, mainly due to the work around the kitchen, the problems around our car and some misunderstandings. I feel better today though. The summer season also means I will have more time for myself and my personal projects.

DAY 36: I've been super busy these past few weeks so I haven't journaled much. I did end up implementing a schedule in google calendar along with goals in Notion so I have measurable targets to work towards. It has been helpful to help myself stay focused throughout the day and to actual take action towards completing these things I want to do. I've made good progress in the coding book I'm working on and I am even onto the third game, the first two were a log cutting game and a clone of pong. At first it was kind of tough to stay focused on the book and I felt like I always would rather just skip it and go watch you tube or play games, but now that I have a schedule it is a lot easier to stay focused on my work. While I haven't fully cut out games yet, I have made good progress in limiting them to only for social occasions when friends are on, and only in the evenings after I have made what I feel is good progress for goals I set this summer. This has helped me from falling down the rabbit hole of spending full days just grinding on a game solo, or even worse, getting sucked into a competitive multiplayer game like league of legends. I now limit myself to 2hrs a day max, and some days I find that I don't even really feel like playing. Since I've started this journey, my average hours played on my steam account has gone down from 45+ every two weeks to just 15 hours these past two weeks, so less that two hours a day. This has made it so that the gaming is less of a problem that is taking away from my productive time, and now it is more of a hobby that I can use socially at the end of the day to wind down, without feeling the urge to play competitive games for hours straight. I want to continue making progress at limiting my gaming and hopefully fully limit my time spent on it altogether. I am hoping that I can find a job sometime soon, but the market is so difficult right now in Canada and just finding simple part time jobs to get a little bit of money is so difficult. so that's a bit depressing, but I am just trying to power through and keep applying. It sucks that I am slowly burning through my money, but since I live at home and have all my expenses paid, I am really just burning all my money on entertainment (drinks, going out, getting food, etc) so I want to also look to actively limit that. In terms of school, I was able to register to all my uni courses and this was the first time I was on top of the selection process and got all the time slots and electives I wanted, so it felt good to have that in order. But it also made me worry because some of the courses sound really hard and I find that I doubt myself and my skills a lot since I havent done well historically with any of the math courses and one of the courses I am taking is data science next term. My parents told me to stop thinking about the future but it still makes me really nervous and I have a hard time sometimes trying to stay calm about it. Anyways, this was another long post. Will hopefully remember to check in tomorrow too.

Entry 30.6 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2771 (80th birthday) What comes top of mind this week of my life that I made progress on Talking with Gareth Popkins regarding studies to progress German learning Doing tasks for Veronica Increasing my weekly runs Finishing Gain and loss statement Day 166: No Useless Videos Day 998: Sticking to Food schedule Day 601: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 149: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small - 4 pomodoros - evening workout - finishing my tasks for veronica ( Watch clutch videos and exams ) 1 Thing I could do better - Tell Alejandro to let go of this and accept whatever will be, if I'll want to know how to stay in spain I'll ask him ( I guess, this is no obligation, just a thought) Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 166

Week 1, Monday: There were a couple of choices open to me by late-morning, and I chose the short-term satieties. But I felt discouraged from not reaching my father in the moment - he has a partner (not my mother, if y'all could tell) who may have made it easier to be offline and more or less unreachable today. I don't blame anyone except the (even bigger) man upstairs, or rather, my own imagination. I'm not even angry or disappointed, just weary. I'll probably have to remind the hiring staff to register my proposed shifts before the days actually arrive, and Dad even pointed that out, but all I read/heard in his meagre text was 'I guessed the day and your meaning wrong, and you should be punished for my mistake' (old trauma). I did what was necessary, but I'm always going to know that the offline world is worth more. I just need to understand and be understood. See you tomorrow, as it's already darkening up for a few days of rain - and I'm tired from my own expenditures. Don't black out could be today's advice to anyone self-punishing. Don't worry as I do; it's unhealthy. Peace, ~ Matt

Week 1, Monday: So of course, I slept well because the plan not to sign into games this week was front of mind. Then, I made several small conscious decisions, like keeping the lights off until I was naturally awake. Fine, but then some sounds, and remembering my dad's recent solution to a skewed toilet seat being 'push it back', simply set me off into a rumination trip. I almost can't help it, that it's so natural for me to rapidly thought-hop as I go about my (morning and other) routines. Online gaming was 'enforced focus' from day 1 of discovery, and it somewhat addressed that - I'd include my original gameboy games, but they were gifts from my parents that I happened to get hooked on (Pokemon), plus back then I was a bit more forceful with objects and would shut those games off sharply when I thought I had to. I discovered my truly addictive game in a moment of boredom when its music emitted from my brother's room, and it was almost 'game over' for real world pursuits at that point. But I didn't want to come on here just to complain a load about the past, only because of a few facts of today's matters: -> Mindfulness (win), rumination (forfeit, or loss), the outdoor world (neutral as of yet). I may update my posts, but during my detox I often didn't unless I was already considering gameplay, and felt that things just didn't matter enough while away from them. Also, edits don't bump - is it foolish to suggest partial bumps in forum mechanics? I'm just after some momentum that won't land me in water that is too hot. Gratitude ~ This is really difficult right now, but I guess I progressed in the form of both new and old book-reading for a few hours yesterday ~ Some heavy metal played during the final fix of my game ~ Partial understanding of when people have had 'proper' moments of livelihood (like letting doors shut in a certain fashion but footsteps casual) ~ Actually gazing at my unwashed dishes and positive regard for them Peace, ~ Matt