Starting over on quitting again after a long relapse

[rivers]

So... here I am again. It has been over a year and a half since I did my first 90 day detox. Shortly thereafter I caved and bought a new game that greatly appealed to me the day it came out and have played it almost every day since, which led to playing other games as well. I still haven't achieved all the things I wanted to do in the game. Some of the big achievements I am actually very close to completing but tonight I decided that I'm done.

I don't consider gaming a waste of time because I genuinely enjoy each moment of gaming, and I want to keep playing, but there are other things I desire more. I want to devote as much time as I can to being an artist... I'm not even sure why honestly, but I decided that shouldn't matter. It's what I have wanted to do for a long time in my heart and soul. I have spent a lot of time at it already but I want to commit to it fully. I am tired of telling myself that I will get to it eventually, whenever I finish this or that game. Because the truth is, I will never be satisfied with how many games I have played. We only have a finite amount of time in this life so priorities are of great importance.

I'm not ready to quit, but that's the thing.. I don't think I will ever be ready. There will always be more games I want to play or more things I want to achieve in old games. I'm going to do it anyway though. It might sound weird but one of my biggest resistances to quitting is that I will somehow be less "cool" because I never beat so and so game. I realized that this is pretty ridiculous considering that a) I don't even have any human friends and b) the people I admire aren't people that play a lot of games, they are creators. It's sort of like there are multiple different versions of myself inside of my head and one is trying to impress the others. But I know that my true self wants to be productive more than anything. I'm hoping this realization will help me quit. I have a lot more to say but I think that's more than enough for now. Thanks to anyone for reading my post. Peace.

[championeal]

2 hours ago, rivers said:

I'm not ready to quit, but that's the thing.. I don't think I will ever be ready. There will always be more games I want to play or more things I want to achieve in old games. I'm going to do it anyway though.

It's the leap of faith necessary at any big moment. I don't mean "faith" in terms of religion, but faith in yourself that you will be able to see this through. I think that being "ready" is a lie we've been convinced of as a necessary step before we start. Really though, all we need is to be committed to keep going and take it one step at a time from there.

I wish you the best in pursuing your artistic vocation.