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Hi friends,

I started playing at the age of 12 on Commodore plus/4, now I am 39. Back then the computer was a new thing, I've never seen that before, seen the first device in elementary school. It was a Commodore 64, the school soon changed it to IBM PC with Windows 3.1. I asked my family to buy such a computer for me, because it was interesting for me. We learned Windows basic skills in school, and informatics for children, but I immediately got immersed in playing at home.

The first game ever in my life was a text game, without any graphics. I had to answer questions and progress. Like who climbed the Mount Everest for the first time. The device and games were utterly ridiculous, but I remember playing a fighting game for 24 hours without interruption. It was in 1992, not sure about the exact years. Soon later I had IBM PC 20 Mhz and was given a platformer from a friend of mine. That was jump in technology, I still have in on my PC after 28 years.

I soon found myself thinking that getting a super fast computer is the real purpose of my life. 

It was not a very serious issue, I've read books, went to gym and go outside to run every day. I graduated from University in 2005 with a good grade. I found myself in the job market, and it wasn't easy at all. I played sometimes, but I had girlfriend and had a lots of books. In 2010 I decided to stop playing cold turkey. I played a strategic game and disliked it, the next popular game was a lame title and it was too much for me. 

Quitting was very hard, even with a low level of addiction. 

First I deleted Windows and installed Linux on my PC to get rid of all games and it worked perfectly. 

Edit: I deleted this, but it is important. Recalling: I have to save this text right now, because it can disappear anytime by another PC crash. I read @MuMuMelon 's diary and how his long post disappeared by tapping a wrong button. 

I put the computer in the cabinet. It doesn't worked, so I put it in the other room, to "cleanse" my room from games, internet and media. After cleaning my room from the PC,  I went to the other room and continued consuming media there. It was not about the games anymore, historical things, TV.

When I quit playing, it was boring and I had lots of other problems too. I changed my addiction to much worse, alcohol, it almost caused my death.

Especially when I relapsed to games 3 years ago, when I bought my first smartphone. The last two years was a game + drink madness, like never before.

I broke my hand after countless hours of playing, I collapsed, and emergency surgeon fixed my broken fingers immediately. I was in cast for 2 months in 2019, and I played with one right hand and left thumb. I was very lucky not breaking my right hand, and meeting the best surgeon. 

Been to hospital in and out, and actually stopped drinking, after a near fatal accident, hopefully forever. The accident involved  36 hours of playing a multiplayer shooter type game without interruption, I collapsed and suffered a bad injury. I'm happy to survive this case.

This year I get a part time job as a cleaner, way under the level of my professional skills and other real life skills. The games and booze lowered my IQ with about 30 points in two years. It is a rough guess, and I am slowly regaining my common sense. I'm still fighting against this addiction, but not ready to quit now. My life is so hard, I need a place to escape.

I have a therapist and support now, and increasingly find games extremely boring. Not sure what else can I do in my free time, I've almost tried everything to find myself in another dead end street. I was into photography, discovering my city, everything works... for a while.

English is not my first language, I made grammar mistakes for sure, my apologies.

Cheers

a relapsed person

Edited by R. Daneel Olivaw
deleted game titles to prevent triggers and correct spelling, added importance of saving
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Hello @R. Daneel Olivaw,

I hope you can find your way to quitting for good. Alcohol is a tough one for sure. Video games can add fuel to that fire too. I wish I had good advice to give in this situation...all I can say is that it sounds like you need to do something way outside your comfort zone. Try some activities that you've never tried before. Hell, try some stuff that you aren't even interested in trying. You may find that helps to get your mind off of what's bothering you. Also, although it's new to me, I really think you should consider meditation. You might find that it helps focus your mind. 

Hope that helps and all the best!

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19 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

Hello @R. Daneel Olivaw,

I hope you can find your way to quitting for good. Alcohol is a tough one for sure. Video games can add fuel to that fire too. I wish I had good advice to give in this situation...all I can say is that it sounds like you need to do something way outside your comfort zone. Try some activities that you've never tried before. Hell, try some stuff that you aren't even interested in trying. You may find that helps to get your mind off of what's bothering you. Also, although it's new to me, I really think you should consider meditation. You might find that it helps focus your mind. 

Hope that helps and all the best!

Hi @MuMuMelon. I quit alcohol for 7 months, with a minor relapse in March. I started meditating years ago, it become a daily routine and it is beneficial for me. It doesn't seem to work in medical conditions, meaning game addiction. I'm not interested in watching TV, managed to watch one movie recently. It is a good idea for slowing down. I think about walking and shooting photos again, recently applied for a local photo contest. My therapist also requested me to provide photos for him, and I'm happy to browse my gallery again. And reading books again.

Thank you for your ideas!

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Right on. I used to be pretty into photography myself (went to school for it and everything) although I really have nothing to show for it, I'm embarrassed to say. When I was in school we shot mainly on 35mm but we were trained in 2 1/4 and 4x5 as well. I miss shooting on those big old beasts. Interesting, we were shown on of the first digital cameras in our final year. Looked like a pair of binoculars and if I remember correctly shot on 0.3 megapixel sensor. Wow time flies. 

Anyway, hope you're doing well. Have a good one! 

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