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reza's journal


Reza
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From Saturday  until today Thursday / Day 48 :

a summery of what i did in this 4 days :

- first of all most of my days now almost have the  same routine so at maximum i can write 4-5 line in my journal . so sometimes i combine couple of days and write them all .

- i almost fixed my sleeping schedule .i still sleep kinda let ( around 2 pm) but i wake up at 6 or max 8 and i take 1-2 hour nap during the day . wake up early morning feels so good since i don't like nights i have more time in my hand and i can use it more efficient

- it's been a long time i want to study English in advanced level . i finally started it today and i am happy about it

- i make sure to spend a good amount of time on practice programming ( 1 hour educational video + couple of hours practice )and it's going so well so far . but i need to speed up it a little bit

- at this point i can say i have absolutely no interests in league of legends . it took me a while , from cold turkey then moderation and now , even tho i have it in my laptop i barely play it , maybe one game in 2 days . i am not sure if i have to quit it for ever .because the addiction is gone . do you think one normal game can causes addiction again? should i delete it completely ?

- i am noticing some changes in my own behavior witch i always wanted to make . i talk way less now and focus on my work more . when i made a decision i used to tell it to everyone . but now i just do my own thing in the silence 😄 .

- i started reading books again . once i started reading couple of months ago that really helped me so i started doing it again .

-  and last one , i am starting learning new language too ( Norwegian) and i am excited . i love learning new languages 

 

PS : when i look back at my journal it is ups and downs . it's nearly 2 months that i started my journal . beside my fails and gains i am happy to at least wrote it once in a while . at least writing it and being honest in my writings makes me want to do the right thing 

 

Thanks for reading . peace!

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Day 49 and 50 :

- first of all , moderation is turning into addiction again . i found myself playing 5 hours and raging all day after idk how long . before it's getting to late i delete that game again . moderation does not work at all , at least for me 

- i have several tasks to do at day :  English - Norwegian - programming - reading . need to divide my time for each . so far i guess i am doing good . i do them all daily for a reasonable amount , but i got to remember i have a goal that takes more work than this 

- because i have migraine i need to control my time using laptop and tablet since i have to spend a huge time for programming anyway

- my sleep routine is at an edge . i sleep around 2 and wake up around 9 . not perfect but totally better than my old routine ( 5am - 1 pm) 

i guess that it for the last two days !

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Day 51 and 52 :

- i didn't delete league of legends yet but i haven't played since then . i don't know why but i don't want to delete it although i am haven't played for 2 days . 

- Day 51 was really really good . i did all of my tasks , went out couple of times and overall a calm day

- but today i have a huge massive argue with my mom and my sisters , i was literally shaking because how i talked loud , an argue really fucks my day i just gave myself a rest . it's 11 PM and we are still arguing over what happened in the morning . and it's not even my fault . they assume they can force me to do whatever they want but that shit just doesn't work 

-i admit i got a bit distance from my goals although i am doing almost good . but it's impossible to get along with people in this house . i really feel lost here . i need something like a recovery or vent but there is nothing i can do . i guess this is one of the reasons i overused league of legends again that day . 

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day 53 - 58 :

- i am here after 5-6 days . i made some good progresses 

- first , i got rid of league of legends again and i will not ever install this game again . moderation does not work for me at all so it's for the best if i just leave it for ever .

- i used multiple social media platforms i got rid of most of them and deleted and blocked people who had negative impact on me . and i only stayed in touch with one friend who actually motivates me to move on

- i made some bad and wrong decisions because i was angry , mad or sad . one day thought alot and chose another path for myself .   i registered for private school and i am reading for state school , if i get in well that's great and if i don't i enter private so i guess it's kinda win win but i try my best for state .

- although i love programming but that does not work for me . i made a good progress but because of my migraine  situation i can't spend that much time on laptop . my eyes got a little week and i had constant headaches .i am trying to make my way into state university and be more with books than laptop . 

Edited by Reza
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