My second topic, lets discuss

[Wonderer]

Hi, I wrote on this forum before but with another account, forgot the password. Here's the topic if you'd like to read it, https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/8563-let-me-waste-some-of-your-time/&tab=comments#comment-64307

@Hitaru You tried to help me on that one so maybe i could invite you in on that one, no need to tho, feel free to decline.

 

Quickly, who I am, Klemen, 24, Slovenia

 

So since that topic, i've been working on myself, not quitting but trying to get my focus elsewhere, decided to play games which I dont see as addicitive or super fun, Euro truck sim 2, American truck sim and Farming sim 19, i decided that because i have no pressure to play those games and i can listen to music or any other kind of videos on youtube, (London Real, Actualized.org, Eckhart Tolle, Dan Pena, Jordan Peterson, basically mix of psychology, money talk and spiritual talk)... As I started to play only these 3 games, maybe sounds much but for ATS and ETS2 its not like I can sink a lot of time in them anymore, I've seen it all, done it all, I'm just there for the drive, probably i wouldnt even play if I wouldnt get to listen to stuff which I listen to, FS19 is a bit different because it's more about all the vehicles and implements but after 1k hours, without music, i dont think i'd play as much as i do. The point, while playing these three i managed to somewhat fight with depression, started to it what i feel like, lost 6kg, im at 96 right now, aiming for 90 asap and my mental state somehow relaxed, so overall good experience. However now and then i still get very bad depression and that's when i try to escape by playing video games, I took 3 hours today to listen to Cam on youtube, I can relate to him in all aspects and then i can add some too, regarding to why we even started to game. Needless to say that i found myself in some other videos too, I did find the video where he talks about gaming being an escape, a bad one, and I would agree. 

 

Watching all the videos today made me think, I do want more from my life and i realise that gaming is not the way to go, hell i'm not even sure I want to quit, at the same time, do I want to stay, not if i'll play the way I did for last 5 years. I did some maths the other day my current CPU has around 10k hours of gaming on it maybe more, in 7 years, most of it during last 5. I am or was I addicted, videos I watched today made me think that I probably quit all of my jobs so far because I missed gaming, was it escaping, or was it me not being able to relate to other people so i flicked them off? Probably both, and to this day I want to find a job where I could have plenty of time to still play, now this is changing, I dont want to be all over the place anymore, there are many things I am interested IRL and I want to do them so this is changing, my mentality is changing, today I played only for 3 hours, 4 different games, all in one, not good, but right now I have no need to play more today and I wont... I like gaming and it's fun to me, but I was never into games like Runescape or WoW or stuff like that, my "life" started with "King of the Road", went on to BF1942 (boy I miss that game!) then to San Andreas MP (truckmania server) then to BFBC2, BF3, BF4, GTA 5 ETS2. ATS, some League in there somewhere, so not many games but I've put some hours in them, so basically, FPS and sims, just from this sentence you can tell that outside of gaming i'm not much of anything. So again, the videos I watched today made me realise why i even have the depression; addiciton to gaming. Because latelly i've been playing not really stimulating games, I mean cmon 9 out of 10 gamers laugh at guys who play what I play right now plus a suicide of a gamer and real life friend who i've spent countless hours with, it all makes sense, for past 5 months, nearly 6, in my bedroom 10 hours a day alone, playing low stimulation without tallking to anyone, cuz i'm too scared and my sorry ass thinks i've wasted my life, which I havent but I need to get out there, i'm getting a job and into fitness as soon as this virus is over...

So I've lost 6 kg in one month, having one meal a day and gaming all day and well playing the way i was able to forget about depression and that's fine, i'm succesfully working on one goal so that's good and depression got better, but i dnont know what would happen if i'd go for the 90 day detox, just for fun, i did 90 days no fap 2 years ago and I keep on going, kinda, while playing sims I get the my mind in the state where I dont need it and I dont need to eat out of control, so very good state of mind. A year ago I worked at a place for 8 months, 2 hours of gaming per day+ fitness everyday+being around people evey day, best mindset I ever had and honestly with sims i think I can do that again, just need to figure out the right amount, or just quit I dont know i'd like to discuss that, i'm strongly leaning in the direction of sticking to the games but as the last hing I do in a day so I dont even think about it until I got nothing else left to do or just skip one day of gaming or two to do more important things, basically make gaming the least important thing in my life... but then again, 2000€ every 4 years for a new rig, for a thing that is not important, doesnt make sense... or another option i was thinking of, 3 days in a week free of gaming, game 4 days, 3 hours a day or less... It is hard for me to just let it go, i'm a gamer, but if i can get into a state of mind at which i was at year ago, the fully quitting should be really really easy and the games which I'm playing should make that easy too, you know no ranks or stuff like that, no pressure, in my opinion i can do it like that, 90 days detox no fap was easy, no gaming would be... it wouldnt be too hard but I bet my ass i'll end up wishing to go do trucking in real life, did it 3 times, quit it 3 times, probably cuz of gaming, or maybe i'd focus more on school, but i can focus more on school even if I dont do detox... so i'm really not sure, step by step i guess.

Quick summary of my current state, way better then in the first topic I posted but my state of mind is still addicted gamer type of, exactly what other game quitters talk about including Cam, with an addition of my stuttering like mad as co-product, the only reason i'm thinking about detox, I could eliminate 90% of my stuttering, as you can imagine it is making social stuff way more complicated and it often just makes me want to disapear from the face of the earth... 

Your turn guys, opinions, tips, I know where i'm going i'm just not very sure how to get there, I also think I know where I am and i'm not going back where I came from, I wouldnt mind being streamer but you cant earn much playing sims, maybe youtube videos just for fun, but i dont have the motivation for that right now, going to fitness instead of editing of a video seems more productive... 

Not very good english, hope you dont mind and if you do that's your problem ;D