My Journal of Hope

[philipjd905]

Day 1: 12/04/20 (3:39pm)

I don't know how I am going to write in this journal. Maybe just write the worksheets I've done, or express how I wanna play games but shouldn't. I don't know why I'm getting help now when I should've gotten it earlier, maybe because of the pandemic. But its okay, better now than never. I wrote my thoughts on my phone, literally anything coming into my mind. My mind was stuck on why is my girlfriend losing love for me, and why can I not get over my gaming addiction. We discussed it so many times, but I continued with it because I thought everything was okay, and it just got worse. And since its an LDR, we don't know if its truly communication or lack of quality time together, maybe both. And I know if I focus on this, I might lose her because I'm working on myself. I just don't know what to do to prevent us from leaving, to gain my confidence and self-love back, to fix my relationships, to go back to my other interests/hobbies that were alongside gaming. So I thought that if I fix one problem, that it may affect my other problems positively instead of going negative when the problem isn't fixed. 

Step 1: Write down the reasons why you play - I play to socialize with friends, to show others my skills online and locally, to relieve boredom/waste time, to complete quests and achievements that were pre-set for me, to win, to avoid doing school work, to avoid being alone.

Step 2: I want to quit playing video games because: I want to have a sense of control, I want to have stable, personal relationships, I lost interests in music and going outside, I eat and drink less than I should - I miss meals unintentionally just because my mind is focused somewhere else, and I fell more tired and bored when I don't play. 

Step 3: Emotions I'm experiencing - Hopeless, scared, heartbroken, bored, self-hatred

[BooksandTrees]

You're in the right place. You wrote a great post. Let this be your identity and compass. Turn to these words you wrote when you have cravings and then write about it until you don't crave anymore. 

Welcome to the forums.