philipjd905

Thank you Alexanderle and Ceponatia for words of encouragement. I hope I can continue through this process with your support

Day 1: 12/04/20 (3:39pm) I don't know how I am going to write in this journal. Maybe just write the worksheets I've done, or express how I wanna play games but shouldn't. I don't know why I'm getting help now when I should've gotten it earlier, maybe because of the pandemic. But its okay, better now than never. I wrote my thoughts on my phone, literally anything coming into my mind. My mind was stuck on why is my girlfriend losing love for me, and why can I not get over my gaming addiction. We discussed it so many times, but I continued with it because I thought everything was okay, and it just got worse. And since its an LDR, we don't know if its truly communication or lack of quality time together, maybe both. And I know if I focus on this, I might lose her because I'm working on myself. I just don't know what to do to prevent us from leaving, to gain my confidence and self-love back, to fix my relationships, to go back to my other interests/hobbies that were alongside gaming. So I thought that if I fix one problem, that it may affect my other problems positively instead of going negative when the problem isn't fixed. Step 1: Write down the reasons why you play - I play to socialize with friends, to show others my skills online and locally, to relieve boredom/waste time, to complete quests and achievements that were pre-set for me, to win, to avoid doing school work, to avoid being alone. Step 2: I want to quit playing video games because: I want to have a sense of control, I want to have stable, personal relationships, I lost interests in music and going outside, I eat and drink less than I should - I miss meals unintentionally just because my mind is focused somewhere else, and I fell more tired and bored when I don't play. Step 3: Emotions I'm experiencing - Hopeless, scared, heartbroken, bored, self-hatred

Hello everyone: I'm 21, a nursing student from Toronto, Canada. I started playing games when I was 7 when I got my first gamecube, And started playing online games when I was 12. It started from Call of Duty, to League of Legends, and now Overwatch. I just bought a PC recently after playing from a poor performing laptop for 5 years and now I have the urge to try new games. I didn't really care about my gaming addiction, I knew I had something wrong with me, but I ignored it because I was having fun playing. I unintentionally ignored everything and everyone around me because I believed that all was "good", but recently I knew that it was affecting the relationships around me, specifically my girlfriend. I'm in an LDR (long distance relationship), and my girlfriend and I barely physically see each other due to financial and school issues. We call all day, everyday. But when we call, I just play video games, barely any conversation, which is the belief that "everything is good" between us when in reality it isn't. And when I'm done playing with friends, I talk to her at night and fall asleep shortly after because I am tired from gaming. We've talked about this, I said I would change, but I never did. It's gotten worse, and my girlfriend has dealt with it for almost 2 years. We both share the quality of selflessness and she understands that gaming makes me happy, but it feels like this gaming addiction has brought me to almost losing her. My main goal from this is not to just be a better boyfriend, it is to have a sense of control of my addiction, to go back to the hobbies I did alongside gaming (ex. music), and to build the confidence, sense of achievement, and self-love that I lack in the real world. My best friend (girlfriend) was the only one that supported my gaming, but now I am losing my sense of self because of it.