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Jordan2020

New Beginnings

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Well today is officially my first day of my 90 day detox. Last night was a really bad night of sleep though. I dreamed about video games and being in parties talking to people on xbox and one of the people in the party is hanging out and or dating the girl that liked me and then left me the same day she told me she liked me. He was in the party and I kept trying to get ahold of her through him but I couldn't. So I had a dream about the girl that I still can't get over and also the fact that I'm quitting games caused me to dream about video games and both stressors were put together in a dream. My principal at school told me it would be a month and I would be over her but it has been months and I can't get her out of my head and I really want to try to get her back but I feel hopeless. I dream about her every night and I can't turn it off and it is really sucking my energy the next day along with a bad nights worth of sleep. I also try to justify gaming by saying to myself that I don't want to be successful unless I can be in a relationship with her or even some other girl. It's like I don't want to be successful unless I am in a relationship so other than that if I am not in a relationship with someone I have no motivation to get up in the morning and be successful. Other than those issues still going on today I really had to force myself not to procrastinate and just start my day but I did it and now I am doing my daily journal, prayers, then chores and priority list that I created. I hope my mood and energy levels could start to change and that eventually I'll feel less depressed and not motivated just by relationships. The only concerns I still have during this detox is now I have no friends to hang out with so I am just stuck at home and I live in the country and I can't get into town that often to do things there and even if I was in town there is very little to do. So I want friends but I don't know where to find them. Also my energy is so sucky right now that I am hoping that don't cause me to give up and procrastinate. Like I said it was super hard to get up this morning but I am doing it. Anyways time to get started. Wish me luck!

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Jordan,

This isn’t that hard. You said any attractive girl would give you the motivation. This is a good sign: you are clever enough to understand this “attraction” is merely a diversion that has confused you.

I’m sure you will find your second half that will share your values and respect you. 

Heavy programming is at play. You have to reprogram your values and not follow the models popularized by fake cinema. 

Edited by Amphibian220

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