Gaming and Esports has been my life, so far

[Jaspar]

Hello GameQuitters forum. My name is Jaspar better known online as "JasparJam". I've been playing Overwatch almost every day since it launched back in May 2016, and have been playing on and off semi professionally for about 2 years, trying to make a mark on the Australian scene. I have been playing games since about 8 or 9 years old, and discovered a talent for fps games in my early teens. 

The reason I am here on this forum now (and have been procrastinating on making a post for a while) is because I'm confused about my future and know I am addicted to gaming. Overwatch has not been in a place that I enjoy much for a long time now. To many players myself included, it's felt like Blizzard have neglected the game state for far too long, something not needed to be discussed in detail here. Anyhow, the result of that is lost trust with the company that regulates the game and its Esports. The waning lack of enjoyment, money and uncertain future eventually made the pursuit too undesirable to continue, at least at this stage. However, what had happened was I was continuing to play in a sort of limbo state not knowing what to do next, and also being very addicted to the feelings that come from performing well in matches. I had to play more and perform increasingly well to feel something which lead to a numbness, and eventually uninstalling the game. That's still one of the hardest decisions I've made.

It's been more than a month now since I've played Overwatch, and considered it might be best to do a full digital detox for at least 3 or 4 weeks. But I've been playing other games such as csgo as a coping mechanism. Wasting a lot of time on useless internet stuff and PMO too. I read into Dopamine fasting which looks interesting but very hard to do without being fully prepared. I'm currently 20 without a job although searching, and deferring uni atm. At home most of the time. To try and help move on from Overwatch I've been putting together a montage video which is taking a lot of time, but it's also created a bunch of urges to start playing the game again.

I'm basically pretty lost right now, not knowing where to go from here. I've never been as good at something like this before in my life, finding something else seems impossible right now. Many things must fill the void as well, there can't be one solution I feel. Not sure if I should be taking a temporary digital detox/dopamine fast and coming back to Overwatch or a different title like the new COD or if I should be firmly moving away from those things and reassessing my life's trajectory moving forward. Thanks so much for actually reading this and all replies are appreciated. 

[Ikar]

I'd say if you are not sure about quitting games, then do it and see what happens. At first, I was also just curious what would happen. I think all the "quitters" to an extent realize they have 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week and that they want to spend that time better.

Good luck!

[Sabrina]

Overwatch is my problem game as well and I agree it’s in a bad state but it holds your attention because of the updates and releases. When I step back I remember more anger and stress than positive feelings with the game. Over the past few years it has fueled my depression. I’ve deleted it many times and whenever I have it has made me feel better mentally and physically. I think the competitive high stress games can be the most addictive especially if you are good at it. It’s normal to feel anxious when something you were using is no longer dependable. I’d suggest perhaps getting a therapist who is helpful with life transitions. Perhaps you would do well in another sport?

I’m not a professional though, these are just some thoughts.

[Jaspar]

Thanks for the responses. 

Ikar when you put it in that way, it's so simple and yet counting hours makes the gaming and time wasting seem to take up more time. It's really easy to discard all the what ifs of other possible time fillers when you can indefinitely procrastinate on tasks that aren't important or involve someone else. I know it's something that I have to at least give a solid try, very soon. 

Sabrina I think it's hard as well not just because of the addictive nature but it's become a part of my identity, provided fulfilment and almost all my friends are involved with games in some way. It might be useful to talk to someone who is specialised in these transitions. As for other sports, I've enjoyed tennis and ping pong in the past. Most skills don't seem to be transferable from esports but maybe there is something that works well? 

[giblets]

On 9/29/2019 at 4:15 PM, Ikar said:

I'd say if you are not sure about quitting games, then do it and see what happens. At first, I was also just curious what would happen. I think all the "quitters" to an extent realize they have 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week and that they want to spend that time better.

Good luck!

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