The Red Journal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Neman]

Foreword
It's 1 month I'm being sober now. Almost started to play couple of times but managed to hold myself up. Proubably because of prayer. Almost started smoking again (After 4 years brake). No alcohol also (no problem with that). Tried to work but got so bored that I started to fall asleep face to keybord. Everyday I am watching news and entertainment content, especially game walkthroughs. So after quitting games I filled the emptiness with the next thing I know – mindless browsing. Suddenly even though I am not playing another month is lost. I guess I really need to focus on something but I cant decide -- what exactly is the best thing to focus on. What do I like? What should I do if had spent half of my life and dont have much time left for wrong choices? So some journal is better then nothing, and some focus is better then nothing, lets do it. Hope it gets better, brain rewires itself, self awareness helps to keep track on progress. English is my second language. 

DAY #38
Wake up 09:00 // went to bed 01:00 
Physical task: none
Book: none
Project: nope

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 
-- Spent some time with the wife and son
-- Bought the food for upcoming week
-- Vaccinated the youngest son finally. He didnt like it.

What I am grateful for today:
-- Son got better in the evening.
-- Talked to wife about life and death and fear
-- Found and watched with fife the new Big Bang Theory season!

Notes:
The kid was crying after vaccination and fell asleep soon after. In the evening he was crying all the time and temperature went up, got really worried for him and carried him around in my arms like a wounded dog, sang to him, got much more peaceful. Thought about my internet argument with smb about protests in Moscow. One second you are a vigilant dog of the regime ready to bite with sarcasm, the other second your son gets sick and you are a much calmer and tolerant person. Life is so fragile, our disagreements might not be worth it. Son got better in the evening, thank God. Did not have much time for craving. Need to stop browsing mindlessly, but I can’t help it. I tried. Need to find something to focus on.   

[Neman]

DAY #39
Wake up 09:00 // went to bed 01:20 
Physical task: none
Book: none
Project: nope

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 
-- Started a journal, yay.
-- Havent watched any youtube, especially game replays.
-- Havent smoked
-- Managed to sustain the urge to go and browse the net and had read something usefull on anatomy instead

What I am grateful for today:
-- Had an opportunity to drink a bottle of beer and watch "big bang" with the wife.
-- We were presented with a hammock to chill out under the palm trees.

Notes:
Still spent most of the day staring in the phone, arguing about politics in facebook or watching crowd gettind disperced and reading meaningless news. Failed to stay out of the net and restrict news consumption to one dose a week.
 

[Lorente]

Hey, first I wish you luck with your recovery and wish to read more from you.

I stopped smoking 3 weeks ago and gaming just a few days ago. Researching about it It's kinda funny but I realized I'm addict to videogames, streams, watching replays and all of that. I'm almost 2 months without drugs and realized that also I have to quit my videogame obsession because I'm addict to it, the same thing that happened with cigarretes and drugs on me, also happens with videogames... a little bit is never enough as much I try to convince myself. And substuting that with healthy habits like reading and exercising is kinda therapeutic as is this hehe. So I wish you good luck, thank you.  

[Neman]

DAY #40-41
Wake up ~09:00 // went to bed 02:20 
Physical task: none
Book: none
Job: friday market salesman

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 
-- Sold a lot of stuff on friday street market, my most succesfull day so far. (Wife cooks and I sell cakes and pies)
-- Cleaned the fridge
-- Filled house bottles with 100 litres of drinking water. (A truck came with a tube and filled my bottles, water is not perfect)

What I am grateful for for 2 days:
-- neighbour held out a party with whole ram and egyptian food -- it was delicious
-- Played dixit with fellow dive instructor and wife

Notes:
On  friday I was working all day long as a seller on the friday market, and after that was socialising at the neighbour's party. Didnt have much time to do anything else. Still spent all the little free time I had on mindlessly browsing to get some dophamine.

Still spent most of the saturday on the coach with the phone in hands. Browsed the net. At least I stopped watching replays. It gets less and less satysfying.

Had a few cravings to play at least something, some mindles browser clicker game. It got quite easier. Still procrastinating journalist tasks and business tasks but at least completed some other minor tasks instead.