Hello, I wish to stop playing.

[Lorente]

Hello my name is Lorente and I am 21 years old. I am from Mexico and I'm sure I have a videogame addiction.

Going back in time I think it was at around the age of 9 when my dad bought me a Gameboy Advanced that I started playing compulsively (Advanced Wars, Pokemon Emerald, Mario World, etc.), A few years later (around 11yo) I started playing Tibia and Maplestory, but really fell in love for Maplestory. We used to play it all day all night (me and another friend) grinding items, trading on marketplace, and creating lots of new characters. Looking back I recognize this was the first game I became obsessed about.

This went on for a few years untill unfortunately my parents got divorced and I moved living to another state. I lost contact whit my childhood friend and stop playing videogames until I finished middle school. Then came Highschool, which defined a lot in my life.

In highschool I had the best time of my life at the beggining, and the worst by the ending. I met most of my would be friends for the next 3 years on the first few months and all was great. Since it was a private collage classes were really small, and friend groups were often really varieted. I remember we would all hang. The next 2 years I ended up, learning to play guitar and then playing on the highschool band (mostly Pink floyd and some Metallica hehe), doing crossfit, dating  girls, and of course, I started playing League of Legends.

This wasn't a problem at first, but I have to put some context before explaining my following absolute falldown. 

By this time I had around 16yo, and of course, trying to get every single drop out of life. My goals were the  usual things you think life is when I was a teenager. Friends, Party, being popular, getting laid, etc. I had tried cigarretes before, some weed and liquor, but this wasn't a problem yet. I also lived alone in my own apartment because my dad worked really far in a neighboor city, and came every 2 days or so to stay and check out how things were going, which where ok until...

It was on the last months of my 2nd year on highschool, losing my virginity became a real obsession and I was dating a really beautiful girl. My obsessive - compulsive behaviours were well developed by then and got so frustrated because I couldn't get this girl on third base even when I had done it before in other relationships. She was, no doubt, close to an angel on beauty, shy, and from a good family. But I couldn't wait anymore and ended up cheating on her, which of course ended up as a gossip in our school. It all went downhill from there on... the sad part is that I didn't even lost my virginite then, I just made out whit an older girl from highschool.

Of course, she broke up whit me, and I was left "alone", at least that's how I felt back then. I got into a void of self-pity and shame. My grades went downhill, I stoped excercising, playing guitar, going out whit friends, everything. The only thing I did "right" was to play League of legends and get high. I felt such a loser and eventually became one. I remember by then I would only play League of legends and go to school after all nighters. She became my obsession and we tried getting back several times but it never worked out, I was too fucked up.

Miraclously I passed my second year of highschool and decided to quit it at the age of 17. Of course no-one was happy whit this decision. By then I got really hooked on videogames (League of Legends) and drugs (Weed, Psychedelics, Alcohol and Tabacco). This went the same for around 2 years, until things started getting worse. By then, I had lost contact whit all my highschool friends and my social group was no good.

I've been locked up twice on Rehab centers on the last 2 Years, I'm 21yo now. While I did finish my highschool I'm really struggling whit life right now. Last May I started working on a stripclub for a month and ended up relapsing. I am not working there anymore. The only reason I feel I'm not locked up right now is that I got accepted for University and begin on August 26.

This last 2 months I've been locked inside my house, not going out, only playing league of legends, going to meetings (NA), and studying...The only productive thing I do is go to the stadium exercising and reading, but I play for 6- 8 hours sometimes, it's the same as a drug for me.

I'm clean 1 month 10 days from drugs, 2 weeks from cigarretes, and this is the first day I haven't played videogames. I read some posts on this forum and I absolutely relate, I hope I can quit. Hope to last long this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[RipVideoGamesILY]

You've had bad times brother, but the good this is you've gotten over hurdles. We know you can make it through this one, we gotta count on each other. This is my first day also, it'll be hard but let's do this.

[kwshake]

Congratulations on your successes thus far @Lorente. All those winning streaks are definitely something to be proud of regardless if you have had longer streaks in the past.

Look, I have a terrible addiction to League of Legends as well. And I've had plenty of 6-8 hour sessions of straight League. It's a very alluring and captivating game. But if you're like me, you know that even a win where you carried your team starts to feel hollow. That's because unless you're in the top .1% of players, it is hollow. It's absolutely meaningless, adds no value to your life, and drains your most important resource: time.

So always, always, always, keep that in mind.

And if you're having trouble filling the void, the best thing that's worked for me is focusing on a project with achievable, measurable goals. 

One idea is making your studies your project, and while it doesn't sound fun, I can guarantee you'll feel a million times better when you achieve those A's than you ever did on League.

Keep the hope alive and then begin to transform that "I hope I can quit" to "I know I can quit". We believe in you.

[Neman]

Damn this is tough. Try deleting LOL charaters and game itself or give your account to some stranger. You will be much safer. I used to play WOW and it helped to sell all the epic items and giving away all the gold. It made my characters almost useless and I deleted them. This, in turn, allowed me to delete my account. (I didnt have enough bravery at first, but through the small steps I manage to get rid of WOW)

[Lorente]

On 8/10/2019 at 3:31 AM, RipVideoGamesILY said:

You've had bad times brother, but the good this is you've gotten over hurdles. We know you can make it through this one, we gotta count on each other. This is my first day also, it'll be hard but let's do this.

Yes man, hope to see your journal soon, I'd love following it, my best wishes brother.

On 8/10/2019 at 4:48 PM, kwshake said:

One idea is making your studies your project, and while it doesn't sound fun, I can guarantee you'll feel a million times better when you achieve those A's than you ever did on League.

Thanks Kwshake, I'm actually doing that. Before my last relapse I achieved passing my university exam and it felt awesome to pass that exam even if it felt like shit the 2 months prior I had to study for it haha. Also I'm doing exercise (streetworkout). I need those kind of rewards I have to train myself in order to achieve recovery, I've been reading a lot about addiction and It's just the way it is. I hope you're doing well and my best wishes to you my friend.