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Game Over: My Way Out of Video Games Forever

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I'm trying something new this time. I'm not going to fail this time. This time it's different. I've invested in quitting, I'm invested in getting on with my life. I'm not going to sit around and play video games while the world passes me by. I've already let so much time be wasted on gaming. Thousands upon thousands of hours into something that will never be productive or truly rewarding. 

It's time to move on from this shit. And today is the day. July 21st, 2019. 

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24+ hours down. I feel good. Still too early to tell how hard it's going to be though.

I've quit for longer periods before but never felt this good about quitting which is both scary and exhilarating.

Riot games pissed me off today; so I'm going to use that fuel to remind me of the reality of what video games are. 

Anyways, that's enough for tonight; it's late and I have work tomorrow. Here's to making it 48 hours!

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Day 3

Today was a rollercoaster to say the least.

I got to work about 8:30. Got a good amount of work done throughout the day, and had some very interesting talks on the stopgamer discord. I was feeling pretty great, and I had my mission on my mind; I was ready to come home and get some serious work done on my side project.

Well, seems fate knew I was having a good day and decided to throw a wrench into it.

On my way home from work, my car started losing acceleration - on the interstate mind you, in the far left lane. I'm only 2 miles from the exit; is this seriously happening right now?!, I thought to myself.

Thankfully, I was able to safely coast across 5 lanes to the divided highway exit and into the emergency lane. I was sitting there, trying to get it to restart, when I realized I'm out of gas. 

Now I know what you're thinking... how could you not know you were about to run out?

I'll tell you why: my gas gauge is fucked. Not like totally dead fucked, more like engaged in assorted fuckery. When the tank is full, the car says it's empty. And now I know: when it thinks it has 21 miles left, it is empty.

Anyway, so I get to spend the next 30 minutes walking down the ramp and dodging cars as I attempt to cross an eight-lane street to the nearest gas station.

Buuuuut, Fate wasn't finished. Oh no, not today. The gas station was out of canisters. My luck, right?

So I got take my very unhappy ass to the next gas station another half mile way. Did I mention it was nearly 90° outside?

Anyway, I get to the second station and begrudgingly pay EIGHTEEN DOLLARS for a plastic jug. I fill 'er up, and start heading back. At least I can finally get home, get some air conditioning and relax, I'm thinking as I climb the ramp with cars flying by in the opposite direction. 

I get to my car, fill the tank (I've never been so thankful my gas tank was on the passenger side), and go to put the can in the trunk. 

I open the trunk and laugh to myself. Yup. There's already a gas can in there. With gas. And no, I'm not fucking kidding you.

I slam the truck, jump into the passenger seat, and crawl across to the driver's side as cars whiz by to the left.

I start her up. 

"Thank God", I say audibly.

Finally, there's a break in the action and I'm able to get off the ramp lane, and back on my usual route home.

I pulled into the gas station by home and filled her all the way. Needless to say but very necessary to me, I also bought a couple beers. And while I'm not super happy that was my choice of action, I think they are well deserved because normally that stress would have driven me to play video games until 2 or 3am. But today, I just decided to buy a couple beers and write out my feelings.

I'm bummed that I didn't have an awesomely productive evening; but I'm even happier that I didn't have a relapse.

One battle at a time.

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I've been in very similar situations, though for me it's cause I think of doing things spontaneously and then later finding out that I bought some food that I already had in pantry and it's sorta embarrassing! xD Not only did you not game after that situation, but you also didn't get hit by a car or drop down from the heat! Highways are dangerous. Stay vigilant! We all cope with some other habit at first so don't judge yourself for the beers, there is plenty of time ahead to adjust more of these "settings" as you level up in RL once you're through the few weeks long "tutorial run"!

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Thanks @fawn_xoxo. Sometimes, I worry I will start trading one for the other, and I've seen what alcoholism can do to someone, but then weekends like this past one remind me why I only drink once a month.

 

So, It's been a few days since my last entry and for mostly good reasons.

This past weekend my best friend, Joe, came into town and spent the weekend with me. He's old college roommate of mine so you already know what the plan was: drinking and general fuckery. Now we were supposed to have a relatively sober Friday night because of pool plans all-day Saturday, but... it didn't happen that way.

Joe and I crush two Whiteclaws before my girlfriend drives us to the restaurant. Our other college roommate - who lives in my city - and his girlfriend join the three of us at Guy Fieri's downtown.

45 minute wait, "Alright, let's go grab a beer."

We go the neighboring Hard Rock and order a round. As soon as he pours all five beers, Flavortown (Guy Fieri's, heh) texts us our table is ready. Alright, great, we chug our beers and leave (which honestly I was happy to do because the bar smelled straight-up like shit water).

We get to Guy's, sit down at our table, and wait 30 minutes before getting drinks and appetizers. Then they tell us the special burger we came for sold out 10 minutes prior.

Cool. Fuck you.

We get our checks and go to our third scene of the evening, a local microbrewery and restaurant. The three roommates order liter mugs of beer, and we all finally enjoy a lively, albeit longer, dinner.

As I said (wrote?) before, I don't drink often so being 8 beers deep in 2-3 hours was doing a number on me, and the night looked like it was only getting started. Thankfully, reason prevailed and we went home after dinner; But little did I know, I had just set myself up for near disaster.

So once we got back home, my girlfriend went to bed while Joe and I stayed up to watch the animated Spiderman movie on Netflix (It's actually pretty good). I watch the movie as Joe nods off, and as the credits roll...

I get an URGE 

I walk into my office, sit down at my desk, and wake the computer.

I pin my way in and check the Downloads folder (I always used to have a League install there). Nothing there. I open Chrome, and realize... I'm going to have to disable the website blocker. For the first time, I glance at my other monitor and see the source code for my business- an inkling of resilience grows in me and fights back the craving.

I close Chrome. I sleep my computer and I go to bed.

*double finger guns*

WOOO! REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF Y'ALL

 

But anyway, we had a great Saturday by the pool, and then me and the lady had a hangover day Sunday after Joe left. So I didn't really have any cravings to play the rest of the weekend.

This week, I've busied myself with getting my business off the ground, which also feels amazing.

11 Days. 11 Wins.

Let's keep this train rolling.

 

 

 

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Good stuff, man! Those initial League urges are rough. That's really impressive you stopped yourself halfway through that.

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