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ThisIsMyRealName

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My name is Kanoa. I am 17 and a freshman in college, and I have been addicted to gaming for around 3 years now. I play games to escape from the world and all my emotions that are brought on mostly because of my declining grades and slow disconnect from friends that I had all my life. I really started getting into gaming in 9th grade as I had become increasingly depressed in high school and climaxed with attempted suicide in 10th grade. I have still never recovered from my depression, and I have regularly considered attempting suicide again ever since. My depression originated from having poor marks in school and not being able to please everyone around me, but I have now recently recognized that it is coming from the constant gaming that I pretend is helping me feel better. I have never been able to talk about this with anyone other than my friends online, but I really want to figure out how to pick my life back up from where I left it. I don't plan on completely removing gaming from my life, but I want to regulate it so that I have other activities taking up most of my time and to play games only in the situations where I know it actually makes me happy rather than just giving me something else to think about. 

Edited by ThisIsMyRealName

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First welcome to the forums. It can be liberating being finally able to talk about the things that you are dealing with. We all are here for the same reason as you, we want to change our life to the better. Have you ever considered searching professional help for your depression? If you are suicidal you need to open up to somebody in real life who can help you. If you dont want to tell friends or family a professional would be good. I have been dealing myself with depression ect since i was 13, so i know how bad things can actually get. It could help you writing a journal here and starting the 90 days detox. This way you can look if and how your life changes to the better if you stop gaming. Its what helped me cause me too didnt want to stop all gaming. So i told myself, after the 90 days you can play again. 90 days can change your whole life. You are still so young. I know this sounds like typical grown up talk. But even if you dont see it now.. there is so much possibility before you you should not waste in front of a screen. You will never get back those years where you are able to decide so many things. Again. If you really feel suicidal please seek help. You are not alone.

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