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Ikar

How to help others "internalize"?

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Hey everyone!

I was wondering about this for a while. I'm on day 7 and breaking out of gaming and watching streams was a very liberating experience and freed up nearly 90% of my time that I can shift somewhere else in my life. I think I'll be still running around for a few days like a headless chicken just repairing the structures of goals that I've neglected, but I'm confident none of them will come crashing down.

I'm seeing a little bit of the ancient "fight or flight" reaction in this. Imagine you have a close friend/family member who indulges in gaming, social media, alcohol, you name it, quitting on them would feel horrible and obviously you don't want to lose them.

I feel like the two common "answers" to this issue is either patronizing "Just look at me dumbo, I don't game, so why should you!" or just giving up on doing anything actively, leaving it up to a chance. I think leading by example works nicely, but inspiring an alcoholic by a former gamer might feel too distant to the addict.

How would you help them out? How to help others "internalize"? Feel free to link videos and resources regarding this.

Thanks for all the comments and insights!

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Hey man.

I have an alcoholic father, so i know what you mean. Through the years I have learned one simple truth, you cannot change them. There is no way on earth for you to do that. The only way to affect them positively is to make yourself the best you can be. Then, maybe seeing how you made it, will trigger something inside them. Maybe, hopefully. 

Any way you intervene in their lives, or any way you want to affect their lives positively will end in you disappointed, and them resentful. I am talking about wanting them to stop/control their addiction. This way not only making things worse for them and your relation, but more importantly for you. 

The best way to help others is to make yourself shine. Make yourself better, and maybe, your light will spark a light in those that need it. This has been my experience. Any attempt of encouraging, praising for success and staying close to loved ones, never worked. Even after a year of being sober, and really changing his life, my father started drinking again, and he had everything going for him, every one was praising him, his life had turned for the better. And still, it fell apart. Simply because inside, each one of us, has their own battles, that no one else can fight for us.

Stay strong.

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You cannot help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves. Period.

If someone isn't ready to make a change, the best advice in the world coming from the most respected person in their field will do nothing.

I agree that all you can do is become the best person you can be and that might inspire them to change. You can't really do much else.

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