Jump to content

Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

Recommended Posts

Never in my life would I expect to find myself on a forum like this but. I guess life truly has no roadmap. I'd normally use an Alias but...seeing as how that usually ends up, I'll keep this personal and use my Real Name only and the names of those if permission if given and I apologize if it's hard to read. I tend awful when writing from the heart at times.


With that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Giancarlo. A Highschool Junior In the Big City who's trying to crawl his way out to freedom after realizing what gaming is doing, I started off on PS2 But slowly transitioned to other platforms and stuck as a multi-platformed gamer. I got into gaming at an early age since I lived in a bad neighborhood and my parents feared the worst. I was autistic and back then was often bullied and targeted...so I was kept in a small safe haven of the Nintendo Gamecube and PlayStation 2. The Nights of NSX and Simpsons Home And Run, happy memories of youth and killing time until My Uncle picked me up to visit my grandmother or playing against my cousins until dinner time! It was a time when gaming was that. A Simple game to kill time and then put down. But that's not where my story takes it dark turn. That happens sometime around middle school. This was when my hobby started to turn into the addiction it once was. It was when I was finally allowed to go online and interact with the world. This was the PS3 Era. When Bo1 and CoD MW2 Were the Games to have and own. I was this pudgy and F A T. Kid Growing up, so I was often bullied and left alone. at the time. My Parents finally decided to put the internet into the house for work purposes and by looking up videos online hooked my PS3 Online and Got a Headset from my cousin and soon I was on a fast track to talking and making friends. It felt...nice. Finally being able to hold an actual conversation with someone outside of my Special Ed Classes. Talking about common interests and having good laughs over the smallest and dumbest things...It helped my escape my brutal life in school.

My Parents were naturally concerned but my father got into tech and supported it...from 5th Grade to 8th. It was Video Games Every Night and Day. Talking to the Same Peeps and finally feeling greatful. Then...I started to make them my priority. After All. It was just a simple algebra assignment. What's one little missing HW. Thing is. They tend to stack when you look at the long term.  Little did I know the first stages were setting in. I became irritable when the internet was down, I stopped leaving the house and just scootering around in the park. I became a couch pillow and liked that way until high school started.


I'll skip 9th and 10th Year as they were much of the same but worse...It nearly costed me to be held back and lose my position within my cohort.


11th Grade Year. I found what I thought was fucking impossible. A Girl who actually liked me...for me. I learned alot about putting up a front but...when I was with her. I didn't want to mask up and shield. I wanted to be a naked mind for her, just as she was for me but...gaming after so many years took its toll, I was socially recluse and often ghosted when we chatted on discord. Usually paying attention to a War Thunder Match or CS:GO Match, I was doing what had been done on to me...and little did I know at the time that I was hurting her. I let my internet persona take the lead and act like this giant Brochado, when she loved my sensitive and intelligent side that came and went in flashes. She eventually left me after I caused her "Stress" but we remain close friends. It wasn't until the last few months that I started to realize that I needed to lose the systems as I had bigger dreams. I found a school I wanted to go to (USNA!) but My grades after years of gaming, hold me back and after a heavy conversation with my Ex. I realized something...

A Decade in my life was coming back to bite me with no punches pulled...My Safezone was really my Gas Chamber.
I was poisoned and living in my own reality instead of being apart of the real world...the world with her, the world where we watched movies, the World where I left and explored New York City. I lived in a Virutal World. Devoid of Life.

I need Help.

I know what I want out of life...and I don't want to cross the Rubicon and become a shell...
I want to fight this and finally be free.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hell yeah man!! You can do it!!

3 hours ago, TimetoWalkAway said:

My Safezone was really my Gas Chamber.

This is an amazing statement. So true, and terrifying. 

There is no easy way out, we all have to break away from this addiction, one day at a time. This is the right place to get help. Set up a Journal, and inspire yourself every single day with Cam's videos or other sources of self improvement and motivation. Never stop improving.

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, that was a real introduction. It's gonna help us help you (I know I suck at writing.)

First of all, try to decide if you're going to quit cold turkey or step by step and slowly. Congratulations, you already have a goal(Going to that school of yours). So you want to focus on that goal and ways to achieve it. Start tracking your time; Finding out how you spend those 24 hours will help you a lot.  What do you usually do when you're not playing video games?

If you want to quit cold turkey=> You have to find a way to make it impossible to play. Don't use your willpower. So many people nowadays talk about willpower and stuff but IMO only two things play a rule in our life: Environment and motivation.

So start thinking about how you can deprive yourself of your gaming platforms. Rent them or present them to someone else. Just don't give them to your parents: Parents are kind, they can't control us or help us quit bad habits because they fear they might hurt us.

I don't know how you're going to do that and you'll have to find that on your own. But the best way to quit and start studying for your goal is 1. Making gaming a lot harder or even impossible. 2. Imagining video games are the worst and the most disgusting, gross, awful things on earth. Try to think very low on video games and even gamers. Whenever you start playing tell yourself: "You're pathetic. You're a loser. You can't achieve anything in your life. You look awful when you play video games." Or have your parents say those words to you. (But as I said, they're kind!!!!) Trust me, this will work. 3. Hiding your consule(s) or your platforms whenever you stop playing. 4. Start making new friends and meeting people who have the same goal as you do. Break up with your gamer friends or anyone who is wasting your time 5. Make video games boring. Whenever you start playing, multitask. For instance: Listen to audio books or put your textbooks in front of you. Stick some notes to your monitor or tv about your courses or even curse yourself and write it on those notes and stick them... 

And in the end, hire someone to help you quit. Even if it's someone you know. Like, give someone money to just slap you in the face when you start playing.

Talk to a counselor. That's all I had to say....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, killua145 said:

Imagining video games are the worst and the most disgusting, gross, awful things on earth. Try to think very low on video games and even gamers. Whenever you start playing tell yourself: "You're pathetic. You're a loser. You can't achieve anything in your life. You look awful when you play video games."

I very much disagree with this. Judging oneself as a looser, and other people at the same time is not healthy. Saying such things makes your former self look like a looser, and thus damaging your own self esteem, and making any relapse even worse.

I would say to recognize games as part of your past. You said yourself, you had fun, they were your safe place. Honor that, but don't focus on it, focus on improving yourself. Classify video games as a thing of the past, a fond memory. Nothing more.

And don't be too hard on yourself if you play a game again, its not such a big deal, but get back on track. Don't stay down, get back up, and up. You only lose, if you give up.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, dahankus said:

I very much disagree with this. Judging oneself as a looser, and other people at the same time is not healthy. Saying such things makes your former self look like a looser, and thus damaging your own self esteem, and making any relapse even worse.

I would say to recognize games as part of your past. You said yourself, you had fun, they were your safe place. Honor that, but don't focus on it, focus on improving yourself. Classify video games as a thing of the past, a fond memory. Nothing more.

And don't be too hard on yourself if you play a game again, its not such a big deal, but get back on track. Don't stay down, get back up, and up. You only lose, if you give up.

Likewise. I grew up with a "Don't Throw Stones" outlook on life, I don't want to look back on my years with disgust but acknowledge the good that game from being a gamer in a way. 

The family time I spent when my cousins and I shared them wasn't gaming time...that was family time and it seems a little messed up to shoot myself in the food like that. I'm gonna try and go cold turkey but I'll look back and maybe fire up my heirloom. My Aunt's NES for a bit of nostalgia and remembrance of her. I've always found the multiplayer aspect of Gaming, the most addicting. 

 

4 hours ago, dahankus said:

Hell yeah man!! You can do it!!

This is an amazing statement. So true, and terrifying. 

There is no easy way out, we all have to break away from this addiction, one day at a time. This is the right place to get help. Set up a Journal, and inspire yourself every single day with Cam's videos or other sources of self improvement and motivation. Never stop improving.

Good luck.

2

Thanks. 

I compared it to a gas chamber as I slowly started to lose touch with myself and reality...those moments where I breathed and the real me came out were those gasps for air and I thought it'd be a good visualization.

I'll set up a Journal and hopefully walk away. USNA Did always say that Improvement is Key.

 

3 hours ago, killua145 said:

Hi, that was a real introduction. It's gonna help us help you (I know I suck at writing.)

First of all, try to decide if you're going to quit cold turkey or step by step and slowly. Congratulations, you already have a goal(Going to that school of yours). So you want to focus on that goal and ways to achieve it. Start tracking your time; Finding out how you spend those 24 hours will help you a lot.  What do you usually do when you're not playing video games?

If you want to quit cold turkey=> You have to find a way to make it impossible to play. Don't use your willpower. So many people nowadays talk about willpower and stuff but IMO only two things play a rule in our life: Environment and motivation.

So start thinking about how you can deprive yourself of your gaming platforms. Rent them or present them to someone else. Just don't give them to your parents: Parents are kind, they can't control us or help us quit bad habits because they fear they might hurt us.

I don't know how you're going to do that and you'll have to find that on your own. But the best way to quit and start studying for your goal is 1. Making gaming a lot harder or even impossible. 2. Imagining video games are the worst and the most disgusting, gross, awful things on earth. Try to think very low on video games and even gamers. Whenever you start playing tell yourself: "You're pathetic. You're a loser. You can't achieve anything in your life. You look awful when you play video games." Or have your parents say those words to you. (But as I said, they're kind!!!!) Trust me, this will work. 3. Hiding your consule(s) or your platforms whenever you stop playing. 4. Start making new friends and meeting people who have the same goal as you do. Break up with your gamer friends or anyone who is wasting your time 5. Make video games boring. Whenever you start playing, multitask. For instance: Listen to audio books or put your textbooks in front of you. Stick some notes to your monitor or tv about your courses or even curse yourself and write it on those notes and stick them... 

And in the end, hire someone to help you quit. Even if it's someone you know. Like, give someone money to just slap you in the face when you start playing.

Talk to a counselor. That's all I had to say....

I can agree with 1 and 3 and 4. 

I had someone take my plug for my computer away so I can finally gain distance. With no Beefy PC to Play Diablo or Rainbow on. I can finally make the distance a little easier. My Gaming PC is now simply. An Artifact.

I don't want to look down on others or on my years but I see where you're coming from. I think the Acknowledgment is important but also...if I make it. looking back on the improvements, I've made to escape.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, dahankus said:

I very much disagree with this. Judging oneself as a looser, and other people at the same time is not healthy. Saying such things makes your former self look like a looser, and thus damaging your own self esteem, and making any relapse even worse.

 I would say to recognize games as part of your past. You said yourself, you had fun, they were your safe place. Honor that, but don't focus on it, focus on improving yourself. Classify video games as a thing of the past, a fond memory. Nothing more.

 And don't be too hard on yourself if you play a game again, its not such a big deal, but get back on track. Don't stay down, get back up, and up. You only lose, if you give up.

OK don't think bad about yourself. I just wanted 2 things to happen with this action: 1. Thinking bad about video games which makes them less enjoyable and removes the "Reward" part of the habit or at least makes it more subtle. 2.Taking this matter seriously. Most people who are addicted to something don't quit just because they don't take it seriously. They don't want to come out of their comfort zone or take any action. That's why sometimes you have to talk to yourself and make your EGO feel the pain.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, killua145 said:

OK don't think bad about yourself. I just wanted 2 things to happen with this action: 1. Thinking bad about video games which makes them less enjoyable and removes the "Reward" part of the habit or at least makes it more subtle. 2.Taking this matter seriously. Most people who are addicted to something don't quit just because they don't take it seriously. They don't want to come out of their comfort zone or take any action. That's why sometimes you have to talk to yourself and make your EGO feel the pain.

That's the best way of looking at it. My Ego has definitely taken the beating when I looked around and saw the wasteland I had created. 

I'll admit I'm afraid of taking off the mask and walking out of the chamber but It's better to smell the ashes than smell the rose-scented poison. I was happy to learn that I have people willing to walk with me out of the chamber. I just have to do it.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×