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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

Kendall"PurpleBot"Stauffer

Playing Multiplayer Games "Alone"

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Something that has been a big source of addiction yet simultaneously connection is Overwatch. It's a game notoriously team-based unless you just play free-for-all like I have been. However, I've had lots of joyful and/or heart-felt conversations with friends and strangers while moving the payload and such. I won't argue that those same experiences can be found outside the game. In fact, I'm still trying to figure out a straightforward question rather than asking for justification in playing a game based on the fact that it's "with other people."

While it doesn't take much to find people who want to talk in the game, the times where I drone on and seriously don't feel like I'm getting anything out of the game is all too easy. For better or worse, hardly any if any of my real life friends have been available to play games. In addition to queuing with randoms in MOBAs,The growing list of free battle royale games that you can play solo or with a team makes trying to get #1 even lonelier. I haven't done a full 90- day detox yet, still going through the video lessons, but when I am in a good place to be playing games again...

What should I do to make sure I'm engaging with people I play with?

To help add context, let me list some of the excuses I make when I play team games alone or without talking to my team.

  1. My friends don't play: Whether I ask them or not, a lot of my friends from real life are too busy or uninterested.
  2. I can't have good team work with strangers: It's mostly a toss up but I usually assume the people who win the most are people who work together on a regular basis.
  3. Most people don't even talk: Depending on the game, lot of people on MOBAs or battle royales don't have a mic or don't listen to those who do.

If you think playing multiplayer games to interact with other can be worthwhile, let me know what about my mindset could be different.

If you are of the opinion that multiplayer games can be just as unhealthy as solo rpgs or some other opinion between the two, please let me know your reasoning as well. 

Again, haven't gotten far into the respawn for gamers guide so maybe I just need to keep watching, figured it was worth asking anyway.

Thanks,
Kendall "PurpleBot" Stauffer

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Dude if you can regulate it then feel free to play. If you cant just dont play this stupid games. Example: If i start gaming again I will sacrifice all of my time, money and effort to games. 

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I think it'd be helpful to challenge this statement "When i'm in a good place to be playing games again".

Detoxing at it's core is about making the effort on your part to self improve aswell, since quitting/stopping won't change your life automatically. Some people here know full well they want to quit forever. Myself, I don't know if i'll go back and it's too much detail to analyse that fully. I just focus on the now, adjusting and living without gaming. I don't think about if, when, how ect. i'll go back to gaming.

My multiplayer days are far outnumbered with this new generation stuff. I use to play TF2 and quit at the end of 2013 (With a few relapses in 2014, but none since). I switched to singleplayer only and was still just as addicted. That game to me always had the vibe of being alone. Rarely anyone would talk in the chat. I also was big on trading and even then nobody likes to talk or make friendships, it's more straight to business. I had a mentor that got into the top team in my country. We didn't have a meaningful friendship at all. It was just all serious gaming bs. Their team was also very toxic. The only interactions I saw them make outside the team was often shit-talk. I also never found myself a team but was easily one of the best (This was before the ranking systems also). This game was dying and the few online friends I had just left the last message encouraging me to change toanother multiplayer game (overwatch was one of them). A few years after I left, one of my online friends (who also quit around the same time) sent me a link about TF2. Basically they found many players were cheating and using hacks, including a few members in my mentors team. There was one player I wasn't able to beat 1:1 in my country and they turned out to be hacking (Aimbot and walls).

 

Multiplayer isn't everything its cracked up to be. I'm sure a lot of people knew about me ('Rich' player always pubstomping). But they don't know I had no friends and no team. Irl, I was making trouble at school. Detention, suspension, teachers keeping a tight hold, phone calls home, grounded ect. the whole lot. More people would've known about that toxic team. But nobody knows that most of them are cheats.

My opinion is that its all just an illusion when you see gamers w lots of friends, 'best' players ect. We don't know how it is for them on the otherside of the screen. I also believe most ppl play multiplayer for a sense of achievement specifically over other people. To directly prove they're better than others. It is mostly just playing alone. I don't think anything meaningful can come from online gamer friends. Trust is important in friendship. You should personally self reflect and re-evaluate WHY you want to 'make sure you engage with the people you're playing with'.

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I hear everything your saying. I haven't run into a lot of cheating or people bragging about being on big teams (some of the friends I made through Overwatch are genuinely friendly people and I've had some as facebook friends). But, my mindset when I wrote that post was not very wise. I was just thinking about going back to the same old gaming habits and was looking for excuses. Below I quoted what you said about detoxing and It was really impactful. It's hard not to think about what my gaming situation will be like after the 90 detox (which I officially started last week). I like knowing the results before I start something, I like detail. 
One thing that I realize I will definetly change aside from just having healthier habits will be, rather than merely "engaging with the people I play with," I want to almost exclusively "play with the people I engage with." I have friends and brothers who are not addicted to games and have great lives but will still get together online or better yet in-person to play video games. While I often would rather play the dozens of tabletop games my friends and I have collected and hardly used in some cases, there are certain games and experiences that can be friendship building. The challenge is not taking them too seriously or trying to "practice" them on my own time. I think that is what I was trying to get at and I hope that's feasible when I've taken time to clear my head.

But you're right, shouldn't worry about it 😛 

On 2/26/2019 at 8:21 AM, TwoSidedLife said:

Detoxing at it's core is about making the effort on your part to self improve aswell, since quitting/stopping won't change your life automatically. Some people here know full well they want to quit forever. Myself, I don't know if i'll go back and it's too much detail to analyse that fully. I just focus on the now, adjusting and living without gaming. I don't think about if, when, how ect. i'll go back to gaming.

 You should personally self reflect and re-evaluate WHY you want to 'make sure you engage with the people you're playing with'.

 

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@Kendall"PurpleBot"Stauffer

That's a very thoughtful realisation / insight into yourself. You're definitely not alone in wanting to be able to game again with others in a meaningful way. It's also a reason I don't think i'll quit forever, since I have friends and siblings who play very casually from time to time. I've seen some success stories from people who detoxed that were able to play multiplayer games again with their friends in a way that was more meaningful, for social and reacreational purposes ect. If you're not already apart of it, I recommend joining the Discord Server too. Theres usually deep, ongoing discussions about this sort of thing (With all different view points and opinions aswell).

Best of luck on your journey to 90!

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Was my reply deleted? I was saying that 1) the game companies spend a ton of money to make sure that it is unlikely you would regulate gaming; 2) I would feel shameful to engage my friends with gaming because I know it could create damages to their time, their body, and their mind, based on my experience of being damaged so bad in the past. 

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