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Oak lee

Escape to reality day two hundred something

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So I bought a ps4 and now a vr head set it was nice to have a little escape...I guess but it only made me feel a little more hollow and reminded me of why I started this. Playing rdr2 seeing the landscape and the characters in detail I had never before seen made me feel horrible almost to the point of tears. Sitting at a table with the closest thing I have had to a night with friends in over a year made me realize just how much I deeply desired human interaction even if I didn't want to admit it. Looking at the landscape offered no less misery.

Its taking me over 6 months to complete mechanical work that should only take 3 weeks. I bought the ps4 to escape and fill my need for adventure and time in the wilderness. I got the gear s8 vr headset to replicate intimacy. To just look into someone's eyes. 

I have about 1200 between my savings, the value of my tv and ps4 and incoming pay from my job. I'm miserable lonely and have lost my drive. I just want to leave and finish the car, I wouldnt have to go through virtual forest if I could run on a trail. I wouldn't have to rely on discord friends and literal NPC's if I could go out and make real ones. The only reason I haven't left this job to finish that car is because of the opinion of others, they're worried I'll fall apart If I leave what they don't know is that I'm already falling apart. 

I'm eating horribly I've spent over 500 on junk food these past few months, I'm diving deep into video games and pornography to replicate friendships, intimacy and "adventure". I've gained probably 20 pounds and my skin literally turned green last week around my mouth. 

I know how things could fall apart, I know how they could go wrong. But others do not know how badly I have already become and will continue to degrade if I stay like this. 

 

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