Journaling from south of Sweden

[Atari]

Hi, Olá, Privet, Hej and Hallo! 

I'm going to call myself Ace. I plan on using it as my alter ego when my writing gets out there.

I'm 20 years old, I live in Sweden and am addicted to video games. I've never been the one playing for 10+ hours a day (except for the occasional LAN), and for a time being I didn't play video games at all (one or two months last year). Back then I quit because of me starting university, moving and I did it without external help. Then I returned home, quit university and started working a bit. It wasn't because of the gaming, I played only a little bit, like an hour a day max until this fall.

I started playing League of Legends again and the addiction started. Since April this year I've been working on my dream of becoming an Author and put 2-3 hours each day into writing. 

Then I started playing a bit more, a bit more. And eventually my writing time was taking a hit from playing video games. My gaming went up to a 4-5 hours a day. Although those numbers might look small in comparison, I was still addicted. I would tell myself that the next day would be different. I would write until the days goal was reached and then play if I had time over. Well that worked from time to time, but no where near as good as I wanted.

Since the beginning of August I believe I've uninstalled League of Legends 20 times at least, only to install it first thing in the morning and then uninstall it that same night. I blocked off the website where the download was, but kept finding ways to work around it.

I want a better me. Fuck having a better life, I want a better me that inevitably will get myself a better life. I don't want to be rich, I only want to be able to live off my writing as I believe most 'normal' 9-5 jobs would drive me to suicide eventually. I want to be happy and so far gaming has stood in the way of me being truly happy and becoming the good person I can be.

I'm currently on my sixth day without playing video games. That little voice in my head, the one who says thing that sound logical but will fuck you over, that guy is currently telling me to install League, play 1 game, 1 game won't hurt won't it? We all know what that little fcker is saying about that, and although I know that the voice is a lying son of a bitch, I'm struggling to fight it.

I will post here from time to time, if not every day. I have a dream, and I will succeed it. Thanks and praise to you who've read so far! See you on the other side.

Edited January 2, 2019 by Atari
Missclicked

[Catherine17]

Hej, @Atari! Welcome to the forums) Lycka till!

[Atari]

Hej @Catherine17 Thank you very much! Are you from Sweden?? If not, how do you know swedish?

[Catherine17]

@AtariJag pluggar svenska på universitetet, we've just started learning it and I only know basics)

 

[Atari]

Aha. Underbart (wonderful)! All the luck in your Swedish endeavor. I believe you will find some (perhaps many) rules to make little to no sense, but I promise you once you get a feel for them, the rules will sit in the back of your mind.  

[Catherine17]

Tack så mycket!)