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Dmitry_

Hello everybody!

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Hi! My name is Dmitry. 
I am addicted to PC games. I stopped playing about 10 months ago. But my ill-habit still haunts and bothers me. It is the second time, I am quitting gaming.
The first time I quit gaming was when I went to high school, in 2000. I can hardly remember, how I did it. All I remember is fear, that I can not control myself, and feeling of shame. Although all that helped me quit the first time, it affected all my following years. I gave myself a promise not to play games again. But... 
Then, in 2010, my life has dramatically changed. My father got seriously ill. Because of that I and my parents moved from our homeland, Russia, to Germany. The immigration with its challenges was harder than I expected. I confronted with sides of life, I did not prepare myself for. Actually, I never planned to stay in Germany. I wanted to help my parents to settle in a new place and return back. But within my first half a year in Germany everything changed. Because of the move I quit my job. My long-term relationship collapsed (because of long-distance and many other reasons). The break was a gamechanger. I decided to stay in Germany a little bit longer. Exactly this was a moment I got hooked on PC-games again. This time I stuck deeply in it. I gamed like crazy, trying to run away from my current situation, from fading father, from the necessity to start my life all over again in a new land (I graduated from the University as a language teacher, but my papers are invalid in Germany). Deep down I knew, gaming was bringing me down. Literary, as I had nerves breakdowns, depression, and panic attacks. They did not totally disappear, and I am still suffering from them. 
Sometimes, in my dark moments, when I feel myself down, I still want to play. 

I really want to stop struggling and to find my peace. 

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Hi Dmitry! What is the thing we can help you with the most right now? Any questions on top of your mind?

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Hi!

Thanks for sharing your story Dmitry. Life can really seem to take the best of us at times but we will persevere. Your story makes me wonder how I was stuck to gaming so much even though I didn't have any particular, serious reasons to escape anything. You must have some willpower and self-respect, right on!

Wishing you all the best and I hope to see you back in the forums :)

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Thank you very much, JaniP and Cam. It means a lot to me.

Actually, it was Cam's talk on TED, that help me to continue my struggle against gaming. It a certain moment of my life it gave me a necessary resource to help me not to give. Thanks to that community I have a possibility to express my gratitude to Cam for what he is doing, for inspiration he gave me. 

Cam asked me previously, what is on my mind. 
What is on my mind are new trials, other addictions, I am still struggling with and I want to leave in the past. 
It is Netflix, Social Networks, and (I ashamed to admit that) adult movies, which bothers me the most, as it's influence on my life is still strong. I always knew deep inside, it is against my inner-self, it somehow deforms me and my image of a healthy relationship with women. I am using all listed three as another way to escape, look away from my present life and myself. In my experience, all addictions have the similar pattern, which never works. It is directly connected with self-acceptance. I want to find hear and accept myself again, to be on good terms with the only person, who for sure would accompany me through my life, me.

It is one of the reason, why I am here. Another reason - to listen, help and support other people, who faced similar problems in their lives, to help them get through it. 

 
 

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