Hi! My name is Dmitry.
I am addicted to PC games. I stopped playing about 10 months ago. But my ill-habit still haunts and bothers me. It is the second time, I am quitting gaming.
The first time I quit gaming was when I went to high school, in 2000. I can hardly remember, how I did it. All I remember is fear, that I can not control myself, and feeling of shame. Although all that helped me quit the first time, it affected all my following years. I gave myself a promise not to play games again. But...
Then, in 2010, my life has dramatically changed. My father got seriously ill. Because of that I and my parents moved from our homeland, Russia, to Germany. The immigration with its challenges was harder than I expected. I confronted with sides of life, I did not prepare myself for. Actually, I never planned to stay in Germany. I wanted to help my parents to settle in a new place and return back. But within my first half a year in Germany everything changed. Because of the move I quit my job. My long-term relationship collapsed (because of long-distance and many other reasons). The break was a gamechanger. I decided to stay in Germany a little bit longer. Exactly this was a moment I got hooked on PC-games again. This time I stuck deeply in it. I gamed like crazy, trying to run away from my current situation, from fading father, from the necessity to start my life all over again in a new land (I graduated from the University as a language teacher, but my papers are invalid in Germany). Deep down I knew, gaming was bringing me down. Literary, as I had nerves breakdowns, depression, and panic attacks. They did not totally disappear, and I am still suffering from them.
Sometimes, in my dark moments, when I feel myself down, I still want to play.
I really want to stop struggling and to find my peace.