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PureDiscipline

Hi, im Ryan

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My story might be similar to others but its a long one (There will be a TL;DR at the end).

I began gaming at the age of 8 playing duke nuk'em 3d. I am now 23 and iv spent roughly 8 hours a day minimum playing, stretches of 16 hours frequently. Occasional all nighters. All my friends are gamers and its sucked up a lot of hours i could have spent on health, social and working.

So the level of my addiction sort of speaks volumes with my list of gaming accomplishments/accounts/hours spent/money spent.

I've got....

3 steam accounts (with 250+ games on each)

-Have spent close to 3k hours on CS:GO, and have completed every game on every account.

-I have an xbox 360 w/ gamerscore of 60k and a huge library of games which i used to be OCD about getting 100% in things with.

-I have a ps4/ps3/ps2/ps1/Vita which iv collectively poured thousands of hours into as well as thousands of dollars

-I used to grind mmorpg's such as runescape/MU online/Guildwars/Kingdom of loathing (thousands of hours, guildwars 2k hours alone, runescape had level 103 w/ multiple level 90 stats/Kingdom of loathing i was in the top 10 richest in the game for a few months.

I can't even own a cellphone game without losing grip on control...even face-book games become too much...

Part of poker involves the constant search for optimization of life and self-help. So i finally confronted my problems of weed addiction, gaming addiction, no structure in my days, my lack of understanding of socializing and my own emotions and its lead me here.

I've tried quitting before, i even posted about it on a website for poker players about my video game addiction. I did manage to quit for a couple months, but like always the gaming thing would return. I never filled the void, and i am very introverted so the idea of doing things that push my comfort limits does scare me.

Yesterday after spending another $200 on games and counterstrike go skins i decided enough was enough after i saw the ted talk video (and it generally moved me, i struggled with those problems and when the audience laugh it angered me). I decided i will do everything i can.

So i bought the guide, gave away 60 mill on my runescape account and deleted all quest items, messaged support asking for a lifetime ban. Uninstalled steam and any game related stuff on my pc. Now i've got ps4/ps3/ps2/ps1/Vita games/accessories/consoles to get rid of. And an xbox 360 w/ a lot of stuff too and a gamecube/gameboy.

Im thinking of selling these but honestly part of me wants to see them burning...knowing that those consoles can never wreck another persons life. I hate what gaming's done to me and how many times i have failed quitting. I am hoping this community is what i need to make it.

My intention of saying all my wrong doings isn't some way of dick swinging to say i am a bigger addict then X or Y. (i am sure im not that abnormal here, since we all are mutually here for the same reasons). It's to confess them, front up and move on.

It seems most people who get told i have a gaming addiction just feel its not real. The support net is hard to find...

Anyways, over the next comming months i expect myself to be a regular poster here so i am eager to meet the community. Hi guys, im Ryan.

 

TL;DR Im addicted, i am Ryan, i am here for community and help.

 

 

 

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Hey Ryan! Thanks for joining us here, we're really happy you're here with us.

This is a big step for you that you will look back on as a turning point in your life. I tend to be quite introverted too (If I was to guess, over 50% of those who struggle with gaming addiction are more introverted than extroverted), but it's important to remember that being an introvert just means you recharge with alone time, whereas an extrovert recharges by being around other people.

That's a big mindset shift I had that helped me, as an introvert, start stepping out of my comfort zone (baby steps) and to start interacting with other people. It's not that I didn't like interacting, it's more that I just need the right environment (more quiet, 1on1, coffee shop type vibe than night club), and the type of conversation needed to be engaging (this was at least 50% my responsibility in any conversation), so I would focus on putting myself in environments where they would naturally filter out people I normally wouldn't want to interact with. I went to things like The Higher Purpose Project and StartingBloc, where likeminded people focused on personal development and social entrepreneurship would be.

Anyways, I know I relapsed after I quit initially and I don't know any others who haven't experienced relapse either, so don't worry about that too much. Learn from each one and how you can set yourself up for success moving forward. Follow the steps in Respawn, put your energy into having a schedule and being intentional with how you spend your time, and share any struggles you're experiencing here with us. We've got your back.

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Hi Ryan! It's good to have you here!

Cam is right, you should start with Respawn and set up a concrete schedule for yourself, filling it with activities that meet your needs. Reading is very important. Going out and socializing or exercising is great. I too hope that this community will grow and be useful for propelling us toward happiness and success. I'm quite excited about it frankly. I hope that you too can become excited about your life beyond video games.

Make sure to join the 30 day challenge when you're ready! It's great!

If there's anything you want to talk about, message me anytime! Or email me, my email is [email protected] :)

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Hi Ryan,

Good to see you being open about gaming addiction despite having being an introvert. As Cam posted, baby steps is the key :). I too have and still know I'll continue to face moments when I'm going outside my comfort zone but with the support and gradual steps you will be able to make progress eventually. Respawn would be a good place to start. After your at a fairly comfortable to give other activities a try, give them a shot and you might be surprised. Your own progress will motivate you further to make more progress. The fact that you maintained so many game accounts makes me feel you enjoy variety. Try applying your OCD (or rather desire for perfectionism) while working on other hobbies. Since you had high level accounts in so many games I'm sure your very motivated and driven at getting your goals. Don't worry about relapsing, you will always learn something from it. At one point in my life I thought I'd never be able to give up smoking or drinking or many other habits of mine. . But with time, understanding and dedication anything is possible :)

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Hey Ryan! It's awesome that you managed to recognize how much of a problem you had. Speaking of selling your games, how are you gonna do it? Are you gonna sell them on eBay? Craigslist? Kijiji? That could be a business idea & something new you could do with your life :)

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